Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Svelteness, Skinny Shoulders, Silicon Stock, and Sad Sighs

Holy Hindu Meat, I'm tired. I already had my cup of morning coffee as I sat in Founder's Cafe on campus, and so I should be alright. But dangit, I feel like I got bit by the afternoon nap bug. Wiggety wiggety woo!

Today I sat down for a bit with Jim while selling tickets for the Spring was the last day to purchase 'em. I got my two...don't know who I'm going with, though. I'll figure it out soon enough. If not, I'll go solo, and it'll be all good. I'll just make sure to be looking my svelte self ;)

I think I have one more day of class...oh boy...then finals. Yesterday, I sat in Dr. Orrick's Great Books class. Their reading for this part of the semester? The Lord of the Rings. That, my friends, is some taaaaasty reading. When I walked in to the class, Cleve had me sit next to him, seeing as how we're probably the two biggest Tolkien Geeks we know of. I mean, greeting one another in Elvish is simply the entry-level prerequisite into Tolkien Geekdom, and we don't really see or hear of a whole lot of others doing it ;) Anyway, Dr. Orrick asked us who the Eldar are (elves who obeyed the call of Orome the Vala to go journey to Valinor), which Cleve and I discussed rather chattily for a few moments while the rest of the class looked on in disbelief. Dr. Orrick, however, was eating it up. He asked us which one would be considered more knowledgeable in Tolkien lore; neither of us really cares, I think. Dr. O brought up the subject of "markings" or "Elvish writing" somewhere on our persons, perhaps in the form of a tattoo. Of course, he knew full well I'm a marked man, and so I showed the class my rather skinny arm with the Elvish tat near the shoulder. Aaaaahhh...the pleasures of Tolkien's influence! The class went pretty well...I'm going to sit in on their "final" as well; they'll only be going over The Return of the King and eating food. Woohoo!

Of note is Google's filing for their 2.7 billion-dollar IPO. The Boys in Silicon Valley have put together the required document in doing so, which is an interesting read. Wired's reaction to it actually has me interested in the Wall Street goings-on, which is pretty amazing; I'm horribly oblivious to business doings in most cases, yet this has me intrigued. *Shrug*.

The school year is coming to an end. It's been a quick semester, and I must say that I'm sad to see it go. *Sigh*...I think what makes it harder is that I won't be going home any time soon, and the only real opportunity to go home is one I may have to turn down. At the present time, at least, I don't plan on being home for another year at least, if that.

A year ago...*sigh*...a year ago, I was flying home. Yep...a year ago, I was probably somewhere near LAX, either boarding, waiting on the plane, or up in the air and on my way over the Pacific. I was thinking about how I'd surprise Boss, how long it'd take for my tan to get back to normal (not long), and how the flight attendants from Aloha Airlines (I think it was Aloha...either them or Hawaiian, but I think Aloha) all had me tempted to call them "Aunty." *Sigh* I sad? A little. But you know what? There's no looking back, no regrets, no "what if's." God's too good for that.

I think I need coffee...

posted by Bolo | 3:43 PM
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This week is Francisco Preaching Week on campus. What that translates into is that for the two Seminary Chapel services, we have two graduating Seminary students who have been selected who man the pulpit and deliver to us the Word. Traditionally, the messages are quite excellent. Today, I am blessed to say, was no exception. Jason Allen preached on preaching, using 1 Thessalonians 2:1 - 4. Oh convicting! One part in particular is very humbling. He related to us something that James Pettigru Boyce once said of John A. Broadus, when Broadus was nearing the end of his life and Boyce was a student in the last New Testament English course that Broadus would ever teach.

"Young gentlemen, if this were the last time I should ever be permitted to address you, I would feel amply repaid for consuming the whole hour in endeavoring to impress upon you these two things: true piety and, like Apollos, to be men 'Mighty in the Scriptures.'" Then pausing, he stood for a moment with his piercing eye fixed upon us, and repeated over and over again in that slow but wonderfully impressive style peculiar to himself, "Mighty in the Scriptures," "Mighty in the Scriptures," until the whole class seemed to be lifted through him into a sacred nearness to the Master. That picture of him as he stood there at that moment can never be obliterated from my mind.

Wow. Mighty in the Scriptures. As I sat and listened to Jason preach and plead with us, I thought one thing: there's no way I could ever be "mighty in the Scriptures." Nay, if truth be told, it is by the will of the Father, the love of Christ, and the work of the Holy Spirit that God would be gracious, and that He would then make the Scriptures mighty in me. This is, I believe, the essence of what Broadus meant. Yes, for when I sat in Alumni Chapel, I thought back to how the Lord has made it abundantly clear over and over again in recent weeks that I am utterly incapable of, on my own, making myself mighty in the Scriptures. It's almost as if I picture the Holy Spirit reaching down, opening my heart, and placing the Word within it. He plants it, He waters it, and He cares for it, that it might not return to Him void. It is He who increases the might of the Scriptures within me, He who speaks and whispers and convicts, He who daily restores me and unfolds His word, that I become ever more captured by the might of His infinitely powerful Word. me...I do not read Your Word as I ought...You know my going out, and you know my sin is ever before Your grace, grant to me that there would be a might of the Scriptures within me...illumine my heart with Your precious Word...let it burn, let it consume me, but let it be mighty!

posted by Bolo | 1:09 PM
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The Goose has...

An Ugly Duckling? Nope, but he told me to pass this along: he (Mr. Brandon Saigusa) and the wife (that would be Mrs. Saigusa) are expecting. Pregnant. The whole 9 months. Hapai. Going and populating the earth. You know...gonna have a baby! So Lee, Goose said to spread the word. I told him you read this crazy bit of a blog, and he said to go spread it with his blessing. Dat cheap guy...he jus no like call everybody.

posted by Bolo | 9:49 PM
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According to Cleve:

One of his brothers said that he has a humanities class, and toward the close of the semester, the students were to share something they'd learned during the course of their studies. One rather ambitious student shared something that went like this...

I learned that during the Hundred Years War, what won the war for the English was the innovation and integration of the English Longbow. Well, the French became so utterly frustrated with this that every time they captured an Englishman, they would cut off his middle finger with the hopes of derailing the effective and proper use of the Longbow. Well, according to historians, the Englishmen who still had their middle fingers, after witnessing some of their brethren being subject to such horrid psychological warfare and physiological abuse, would in the midst of warfare after shooting their longbows, raise a fist heavenward and thrust from their clenched hands an extended middle finger and yell, "pluck you!" in an exaltation of their freedom to pluck their acclaimed bows. Well, the English language being as prone to evolution as it is...

Right about there, the professor cut in with "all right, we get the point!"

Keep in mind that Cleve's username for his email account is ThePuritan777. Hmmm...I did tell him that I'd succeed in corrupting him ;) (Note: Cleve just admitted that I am indeed corrupting him!)

posted by Bolo | 8:39 PM
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An opportunity I must refuse

Last week, Jim told me that if he planted a Sovereign Grace church, he would give me a call, so I could help plant it with him. That possibility had me excited. Still more, he told me that he would seriously consider, if they allowed him to, planting a church in Hawai'i. That possibility I had to remove from my head, lest I get ahead of myself. For someone who'll be a fourth semester freshman this upcoming Fall, I gotta make sure I graduate first ;)

This past weekend was crazy. I think I had about 9 hours of sleep, total. I worked about 23 hours, many of them spent talking to people. Some of those conversations...oh boy. I found out that I may be faced with a situation I didn't think possible: someone...someone very dear to willing to buy me a round-trip ticket home.

And there's no way I'll ever take that ticket.

Is it that I'm too proud to take it? Heck no. I'd take a freebie from the Mormon church if they offered me a day to spend at home. Is it that my schedule simply won't allow it? Nope...I could make the schedule work. It comes down to this: I can't condone the situation that would be bringing me home. If that sounds vague, it's because it must, for the sake of confidence. But my heart aches so deeply for those involved, because I didn't think I'd see this day come. *Sigh*...but you know what? Humans are humans, and humans are sinful.

When I was talking to Boss, I told him that I'd utterly failed at something last week. It's something that all guys know about, but we rarely feel that we have the freedom to speak openly about it. I failed at battling lust. It was a horrible thing for me to have to admit. When I called Scott last Thursday, I told him that I hate how quickly and easily I can fall. The thing is, I can go strong for months, and then all of a sudden, I'll lose that battle. Boom. I'm knocked down, I'm dragged around, and I'm too ashamed to even want to stand up again.

But you know what Scott prayed? He prayed this: that we would not be ashamed to be ashamed. I can't be ashamed to proclaim how ashamed of my sinful nature I am, how horrible it is. I thought of how much I'll clothe myself with a smile and an "I'm ok," rather than humility, with a sober recognition of my fleshly folly. *Sigh*...I can't be ashamed of being, sir.

Andrew called me Saturday night, at roughly 8 at night. The problem with that? I'd had about 1 hour of sleep after working all night and helping out with Boyce's Bandfest that afternoon, and I was 1 hour into my 3 hour nap before my work shift that night. I later told Uchida that if he had proposed marriage to me, I probably would've told him yes. Fortunately, we were able to hook up again last night, and talked for about 3 hours. Craziness abounds in his life and mine, but God is good to us both, and I think we've been able to walk in peace despite potential turmoil.

Mom told me Kason behaved much better this past week, but he's been a little...well...clingy. He's started pre-school, and that's probably the source of it. She said that he's been saying he misses his mom and dad a lot, and he even talked about sending his little baby doo-doo to find the mommy doo-doo when he flushes the toilet, a-la Finding Nemo. Alrighty then!

One last thing: Boss...remember...two minutes...two minutes, buddy :)

posted by Bolo | 5:18 PM
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Today I found out that I've been selected to be one of Boyce College's Student Ambassador's for the '04 - '05 school year. I don't know how many they needed to select this year, but I'm grateful for the opportunity. I'm excited about it...though I'm a little wary about how I'll have to get jiggy with the Southern Seminary Look. Bleh. I'll end up looking all Southern Baptist and stuff :/ I do, however, get a thousand dollars for the year for doing this, in addition to a meal with prospective students each week. I'll get to do some travelling, too, so I'm stoked about that. A recruiting trip to Hawai'i? That'd be sweet :) Like Boss said...The Ambassador of Aloha!

posted by Bolo | 3:15 PM
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Yesterday, I got myself a Gmail account. Yep...1000 megabytes (not a true Gig, but big deal...I'll argue semantics later) of free email storage :) How, you ask? You're looking at the reason. Yep, right now. As you read this. Here's what it told me when I logged in to Blogger's website:

As an active Blogger user, we would like to invite you to be one of the first to try out Google's new email service, Gmail.

Would you like to give it a whirl? YES/NO

Would I? Is God sovereign? Woohoo! For those of you who know me, you know how I was geekily excited about Gmail from the getgo. So to be chosen...aahhh, the pleasures of being one of the elect! Sorry, I'm getting a wee bit carried away there. Aaaanyywaaaaaay...

Drop me a line on the new account, if you so desire.

posted by Bolo | 7:41 AM
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Little Boys

There's about ten billion thoughts running through my mind after this past weekend. Where to start? Whatever comes to mind first, I suppose.

For the first time in a really long time, I took a walk last night. When I was back at home, one of my favorite things to do was to just go...Pu'unui Park, Aiea Loop Trail, Kaka'ako Park, the wall at Kewalo's, Blaisdell Park, the graveyard below Natsunoya Tea House (near the old Skyline house), and even Malaekahana, when I could get out there...all those spots were well known to me during times when I needed to get away and be with God. But I've not done that lately. Part of it is, it's not part of my routine here. Part of it is, I just haven't done it. Wow...I didn't see how badly I needed it. As I walked through the neighborhood last night, there was a sense of rightness within my soul, a peace I hadn't felt in a while. As I spoke to the Lord and poured out my heart, I realized what made walking with Him like that so right: it was to be with Him...simple as that.

Yes, I know, it sounds absurdly simple. But really, when I think about it, I must admit that I can't say the same of any other desire that I satiate throughout the day. To be with God? To sit, to wait on Him? To listen to and speak to Him, and Him alone? Hardly. I'll read my bible to learn and be a good bible college student. Pray? I'll do it to check it off my list, more often than not. Confess to others my sins? Ditto. What about service? Oh, to look good and appear righteous...duh. But to take a walk, when no one else is looking? To talk to the Lord, in the dark of the night, when no one else is looking? There's something...honest about it. I can't fake that; at least, I find that it's a time when I'm less prone to be fake, when it's like I'm staring God in the face a little more than usual. Yeah...that's real.

What makes you real with God?

Blessings. The more and more I think about them, the more and more I realize I don't understand them. God's blessings upon my life are many...and like Him, they're sometimes hard to recognize. I struggle with so many things, and it's easy for me to forget God's blessings in the midst of the struggles. They're there, and if I'd only stop and open my eyes, I might see them better.

Keith O'Neal. Scott's little brother just turned six years old. Scott told us (there were a least 60 of us sitting on Brooke's tarpaulin [new word for the day...I just rememberd what "tarp" was short for...] from Boyce and beyond) not to use the "F-word" (fireworks) since Keith knew what that word meant, and the fireworks show for Thunder was a surprise for Keith. Instead, we were to use the word "pyrotechnics," which the little guy did not know. At 9:30 pm EST, when the first shots went off from the 2nd Street Bridge, Keith's jaw dropped open a good four inches, and stayed that way for the better part of the first minute of the show. I think watching Keith watch Thunder was enough of a treat for me. I kept thinking to myself, "I wish Kason could see this...he would love it."

Speaking of Kason, Mom told me that he was really naughty when she watched him last week. When she sent him to timeout, he would sit there and cry, going "I'm sorry Jesus...I'm sorry Jesus...I'm sorry Jesus." Unfortunately, he would continually misbehave, even after telling her that he would not repeat his naughty doings. At one point, when in the midst of getting scolded he pointed to a picture of me and said, "that's Uncle Johnny," Mom told him, "yes, and would you like me to call him and tell him how naughty you are?" Kason responded by saying, "go...he's not here anyway."

I had the image of a tiny three and a half year old body being launched off of my hand and flying all the way across my Mom's living room firmly imprinted upon my mind at that point.

Still, the little dude redeemed himself. After a long day of repeated disobedience, he was talking to my Mom, and he seemed genuinely sorry. How did she know this? Well, she asked him what he would tell his Mommy when she (my sister Mary) asked him if he was a good boy, since Mary was going to be picking him up soon. Kason could only look down for a while...then, slowly, very, very, slowly, he said, "I have to tell the truth."

Wow. Talk about conviction.

posted by Bolo | 6:30 PM
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He's kidding. Really. Pinky-swear!

posted by Bolo | 5:38 PM
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Aaahhh...Heath, bless his merry soul, bought me breakfast this morning from the school cafeteria. Waffles and'll be good fuel for two-man volleyball in a couple hours :)

The word for the day is desperate. Mind you, when I say desperate, I mean it in a good sense. Often, with single male students at Boyce, desperate is a word that is used to describe their social status. That kind of desperate definitely does not fall within the scope of my usage this morning.

J.I. Packer said this of the Puritans: "They sought to expose the sinfulness that underlies sins, and convince men of their own utter corruption and inability to improve themselves in God's sight. This, they held, was a vital part of the work of a gospel preacher; for the index of the soundness of a man's faith in Christ is the genuineness of the self-despair from which it springs." (italics mine)

Being desperate, or the state of being moved by despair, is precisely what I wish I could say of myself this morning. I get so caught up in life that I do not look at God with awe, and I hate that. I think back to OneDay...or to New Attitude...or to various times of intense focus upon God's nature. When I think back, I see how reverentially I looked upon the Lord at those times, and I wonder where the reverence has gone...I wonder where the despair has gone. Is God allowing me to go through times where it's not easy to be in awe of Him? Is He showing me how easily I fall into pride and foolishness? Is He making me realize how utterly weak I am, and how prone I am to forget that? Perhaps...yes, perhaps He's doing that.

Actually, come to think of it, breakfast with Heath was Second Breakfast...I already had some fruit at home this morning :)

posted by Bolo | 11:30 AM
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Hmmm. stuff.

I could use a third one myself ;)

He kinda looks like Josh Harris...I wonder if he kissed dating goodbye?

Check it out...Thunder is one of the coolest reasons I don't mind being in the Louisville area. This Saturday, the river will be rocking!

posted by Bolo | 9:40 AM
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U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you UGLY...

Do you see what I have to put up with?'s's was SNOWING.

posted by Bolo | 8:51 PM
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God...where are You? You're still here, I know, but I can't hear You right now. Am I not listening? Am I not waiting on You? I hate this. My soul is dry, my life is hollowing out, and I don't know why. Is this "the desert?" Is this Your way of telling me to slow down and listen? Help me...I can't get it right, no matter what I me.

Sometimes, my prayers go very much like that. As of late, they've often gone very much like that. I think the time in "the desert" is a's just hard for me to see it when I'm in the midst of it. I get frustrated with the way I handle the things that God teaches me, since I'm unable to keep from doing things in a way that isn't tainted by selfish motives. If and when God does use me in such a way that my heart is pure, it seems that I'm hardly aware of the way He uses me. It's like I'm so spent, so broken by my sinful nature, I don't even care to use the gifts He gives me; I'm far too disgusted with myself to care about personal glory. At that point, He feels I'm ready, and my heart's in the right least, that's how it sometimes seems to go.

That's the path my journey takes...over and over and over. I get cocky, then I get numb, then I get broken, then I get poured out for Him. *Sigh*...foolish me. Don't get me wrong; it's not like God isn't using me the entire time, or growing me through it all. I'm just describing the states my heart seems to go through (at least, that I'm aware of) while God takes my life and makes it more and more His.

Recently, I heard someone talk about that verse in Philippians (2:7), where Paul speaks of Christ emptying Himself. He emptied Himself. I can't fathom that. He was God...and He emptied Himself. I think of that verse, though, and I think of what my life is like in Christ. God empties me of myself, it seems...He pours me out, makes me nothing, over and over and over again. Like Christ.

posted by Bolo | 8:43 PM
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Honest to goodness

I'm tired today. Physically, yes. But more so spiritually. I feel strong...but for the wrong reasons. I hear God's whispers to sit, to wait on Him, but I'm strong enough to ignore Him. I feel weak...and I try to cover it. *Sigh*...why does life wear me down like this?

All of a sudden, I look around and I see it: I've fallen prey to the very things I try to guard against. Complacency? Check. Comfort? Yep. Pride? It's there with knowledge. Laziness? How can I count the ways? But I won't...I'm too lazy to do that. Bleh.

It's a hard thing to admit, but I must. I'd rather not, but I'd be lying if I weren't. I feel drained. In need of...something...but I'm not sure what it is. Well, yes I do; I need to sit and listen to Him, wait on Him. But will I? Why don't I? Waiting on God takes too long, for one thing. Am I too afraid of what He'll say? Maybe. Am I too weary to let Him in and clean house? Perhaps. What have I got to lose? Nothing, really, except my comfortable complacency. It's illogical, really. But that's just like sin, isn't it? It's preys upon me, it makes me love the illogical desires my mind clings to. Gah! Leeman's statement on appearing to do good comes to mind..."When I try to appear to do good, that's the point at which I cease to do good." Yeah, guilty there, too. I've wondered about that in recent am I doing good? How is my faith showing itself to be real? Are my silly, superficial desires grieving the Spirit? No doubt. Are they quenching God's work within me? To be honest, I'd rather not think about that just's too comfortable for me not to. But you know what? I will. I think God won't let me not think about it...besides, it'll only make me more tired to fake a smile and tell everyone I'm alright.

posted by Bolo | 6:08 PM
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Conceptually Speaking

Crazy hours aside, this weekend wasn't all that bad. I did manage to speak to several people while at work. One bit of my conversation with Matthew made me go, "oh, that should be a Seinfeld episode!" For whatever reason, I told him it'd be disturbing if a girl was breaking up with him and said, "it's not you, it's me. No, really! It's like this...I don't think of you as Matt anymore, I think of you as more of a concept. To my mind, you're not identified as 'my boyfriend Matt,' you're just the guy that fulfills the role of 'my boyfriend.' So you see, in my mind you've been relegated to this existence that takes form as a mere concept, and I don't know if I can deal with that right now. This change that's come over's far too much for me."

Well, it was funny when we were talking about it. And yes, we're seeking counsel :)

posted by Bolo | 3:41 PM
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"Sup, G!"

6 am to 2 pm. 7 pm to 7 am. 7 pm to 7 am. 3 pm to 10 pm. That was what my work schedule for this weekend (Friday through Sunday) looked like until yesterday; someone else wanted some hours, so I gave up that last 3 pm to 10 pm slot. One full eight hour, and two twelve hour shifts...that'll help pay the bills, which is great. It's good study time, too, which is good; I've got a mid-term and a short paper coming up for Monday.

The question is, how much will I actually study? Hehe ;)

Last night I was excited, 'cause it was my turn to lead. Mon, Dave, Jon, and I gathered in the living room somewhere around 9:30ish. We started out by praying, then reading a passage from Joel 2, asking the Lord to rend our hearts. We then read through passages in Hosea, then the crucifixion story, and then partook of the Lord's Supper together. (Mon made unleavened Communion Bread, but I thought it looked like a big cookie.) It was great to sit there and meditate on the Cross, just the four of us, a unique mix of four people that equate into a family of sorts.

I think this Easter is by far the most meaningful one in my life, to this point. It's not because I'm away from home or anything, either; rather, I think feel a much keener awareness of the Cross. (If I sound like I've already played this tune over and over again, get used to it...the Cross isn't going away, and I'm not going to close my eyes to it.) The sheer weight of it has hit me's become so much bigger and harder for me to grasp, yet I think I feel grasped by it all the is, in a very paradoxical way, simpler as well. That's a good thing, and I praise God for it.

One last note. Cleve just gave me the reason Gmail will rock: "G for grand!" I love Cleve...we greet one another in elvish :)

posted by Bolo | 4:34 PM
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Check out It's got a section on 9/11 that's...well...informative. Oh...and in honor of March Madness, here's one more pick for you.

How far is too far? This is close.

posted by Bolo | 4:04 PM
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Chip told me I could wear "whatever I wanted." Being that the interview for the Boyce Student Ambassador position would be in front of a panel of four, three of whom I knew fairly decently, I decided I'd be a nice Pseudo-Southern Baptist boy and wear a suit. With a lime green shirt. A lime green aloha shirt, that is :) I figured there was no use in conforming to the supposed norms of this institution, 'cause everyone and their monkey wears a suit and tie for interviews, and everyone and their monkeys all like everyone else and their monkeys wearing suits and ties.

The interview went well, by the way :)

It's sunny outside today...somewhere around 70-something, and beautiful enough to make me long for home even more. I don't know why, but home has been on my mind a lot lately. I told someone today (in email) that words don't suffice when it comes to conveying how deeply I ache to be at home...I think only my tears even begin to do it justice. A lot of people have asked me either I'd gone home over Spring Reading Days, or if I'm going to go home at all during the summer. (Dr. Draper just told me he'll be there for part of May and June...I'm happy for him!) It's not a question that makes me at all bitter, but it is one that conjures up longing...deep, passionate longing.

I think of all the people I'd give my left you-know-what to see. My family...I'd hug my dad, ask my mom for food, play catch with Kyle, pepper a volleyball with Mary or Kawika, hold down Kason and threaten to lick his eyeball, or go eat with Leo. Friends...Andrew and Brian...Matt, Dean, KC, and the rest of the Starbucks crew...*sigh*...too many to mention, really. All the places I remember in my mind make me smile...I think of the countless times I've been to those places, never really thinking that one day I'd be sitting several thousand miles away, just wishing for a chance to be back. Pu'unui Park, Kewalo's, Lanikai, Blowhole, Kapi'olani Park, Kaka'ako, the drive over the H3 or many memories, so far away.

I told the interview panel yesterday that one of the reasons I wanted to become an Ambassador was because Scott Davis (head of the Admissions department) asked me to apply. The main reason, though, was because I realized that I love being here. The thing is, though, it does get on my nerves somewhat that I'm the only person from Hawai'i at Boyce. Sure, there are a few military brats, but no Kama'aina. I hate that, I really do...but not for the reason you might expect.

You see, I think of all the people at home that I think would benefit greatly from being here, and I think of how big a step it would be for them to come. I think of all the things that Boyce has to offer, and I think of all the things that those same people desire (or I desire it for them) what Boyce has offer, but simply don't know it, or won't consider it because both parties seem to be mutually exclusive. In other words, nobody from Hawai'i is coming to Boyce 'cause it's too stinkin' far away to even hear about or consider. Not to mention, it's too easy to stay in Hawai'i and just go on with life.

I told the panel that I do believe in what Boyce stands for, what God is doing here, and the fact that the Ambassadors help promote that. I also told them that it wouldn't matter to me whether or not I had an official capacity, I'd still do all I could to give an open and honest promotion of the school, simply because that's where my heart is at.

Being that tomorrow is Good Friday, it's only fitting that my thoughts turn toward Jesus and the Cross of Christ. I keep thinking about the song, "How Deep the Father's Love" and that line that goes, "How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turns His face away..." The Father turns His face away. I think of someone "turning away" from me...someone dear to me...and think of them not only leaving my life, but pouring out their anger, their hatred, and "turning away." What if my mom hated me? What if Andrew or Brian suddenly decided they could not bear to look at me, because I'd become so wretched to them? What if I saw myself as God saw me before Christ, in all my horrible, sinful nature? Yeah...I wouldn't be able to take it. I can't even fathom such a thought, because it's so far beyond my comprehension. Yet, the Father turned away from the Son.

You know, it's such a humdrum, everyday thought for many of us that God has given His Son to die upon the cross. I'm not a parent, so I can't fully appreciate this, but how would a parent feel if his or her son or daughter were killed? What if they, as the parent, were the one who needed to do the killing? Christians often hear about the parallels between the stories of Abraham and Isaac and the crucifixion, but for us it only gives us a vague idea of the real pain that God has inflicted upon Himself. The God of the universe, who from eternity has existed as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, enjoyed infinite and perfect pleasure in one another, far sweeter and deeper than any earthly parent and child could ever know. Yet God broke that for us. The Father turned His face away.

That's a deep love, indeed.

posted by Bolo | 9:30 AM
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Rich stuff

Hehe...I just finished watching some videos on Rich's webpage...funny stuff :) It reminded me of people I haven't seen in a while...and how I haven't looked in a while...back when I was Stick Boy. The 10 Year Anniversary video, in particular, was like a weird trip down memory lane. A cool trip, but weird. Those images make me think, " looked like that? Oh my goodness, those shorts were actually cool once upon a time? Whoa...I looked like that!?!?" Stick Boy, indeed.

Right now, Juheyurf's praising the odor of my gas. The poor soul...I just had a salad with a bunch of egg and pepper and stuff...absolutely NOT recommended before or during a date.

posted by Bolo | 9:50 PM
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No, not the Pacific Ocean

In the cafeteria yesterday:

Biggz: Alright Toto, so I was thinking about it this weekend, and I figured if I were to do an Ocean's Eleven or Italian Job type of movie, you would definitely be one of my Eleven, hands down.

Me: Heck yeah!

Biggz: You'd be like the computer guy or the little Chinese dude who fits into anything...I'd definitely have to include you.

Me: Just so long as I get to be wearing a Brad Pitt-like wardrobe. That wardrobe from Ocean's Eleven...I still have visions about it. Pure inspiration!

Biggz: Oh, absolutely. You'd HAVE to be wearing that...who else would it be?

Aaahhh, nothing like Biggz for a little ego boost ;)

posted by Bolo | 3:33 PM
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What do Bula'ia and God have in common?

Both are Haaaaawaiian! Click here for proof. Read the first sentence :)

One more link. Click on it. And this one, too. Trust me. (That one won't be there for long!)

Ars is logging the backlash for Gmail, which is upon us due to privacy concerns. Oh well. I'll still sign up, 'cause I could care less if there's a computer scanning the contents of my email to toss up some relevant ads. Maybe I'll find discounts on Puritan books or something :)

posted by Bolo | 4:26 PM
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Spring Reading Days are over, my white friends are mocking my perceived whiteness, and I was *this close* to conversing with Billy Boyd (the actor who played Pippin in The Lord of the Rings films) a couple nights ago when my brother ran into him at the W in Waikiki the other night. Heck, even The Nose has a tan that's darker than mine. Dang.

Now that I'm done expressing the shallow side of my personality, on to deeper matters. I just got off the phone with Ganigan, the only respectable UK fan this side of Lexington. He's back at home, and he just had breakfast with Gary. My first words to Ganigan in...oh...two years...maybe three? "76, 75...76, 75." For the uneducated, the score of UAB's win over UK a couple weeks ago. Muahahahaha!

Hmmm...The Nose just walked past me again...I'll console myself with my superior melanocyte activity.

Now I'm really on to serious matters. Promise. Or, for you Mr. Mikami, Pinky Swear.

Jeff (no, not that Jeff) provided some interesting work-time conversation the other night. (Don't worry, the building was completely safe.) One thing I thought about that's still somewhat fresh: Grace, Righteousness, and the Cross. At one point, he said something that made me pause and think, because I actually disagreed with what he said, which was that God's grace is the major theme of the cross. Now, before proceeding any further, I won't claim to have either a full understanding of the cross, or to have studied it sufficiently (not that such a thing is possible), so know that these thoughts are just...well...very raw thoughts. Anyway, my thoughts on the matter.

I told Jeff that God, after The Fall of Man, had every right to utterly destroy man instead of being gracious toward us as He is. However, that introduced a problem...a BIG problem. Namely, God's righteousness. If God, being a righteous God, allows us to act unrighteously, and does not punish us in accordance with our unrighteousness, then He Himself is acting against His essence, unrighteously. The cross, therefore, solved that problem because God fulfilled His righteous requirements by putting the punishment for our sins upon Christ (that's the "short answer"...if I go in depth, I'll send my mind all screwy, not to mention yours as well).

Now, that's just half of's the other half. I told Jeff that grace is, to my mind at the current time, a sort of "vehicle" by which God delivers His righteousness to us. How so? Think of it this way. God has every right not to be gracious toward us. He did not have to send Christ to the cross to die for us. He has every right as Creator to simply allow us to die and pour out His eternal wrath upon our wretched souls. He'd still be righteous if He did that. But, He decided to deliver His righteousness to us in another manner; namely, He gives us Christ's righteousness, and blots out our sin (justification). Now, I said earlier in the paragraph that grace serves as God's "vehicle" by which He delivers to us righteousness. On one hand, God shows sinners condemned to Hell His righteousness by pouring out His eternal wrath; on the other, God shows those whom He saves His righteousness by freely imputing it to us...the professors on campus call this justification. In a sense, God also justifies His actions toward Man at the cross...but that's another thought.

Now, I'm not saying that God's righteousness was the only reason for the cross...please don't think that. I'm just saying that it was, in essence, a problem that found its solution in the cross, and that grace was a means by which God delivered that righteousness. A clarification of roles, if you will :)

Does that make sense? I hope so.

Now...on to a completely different bit of thinking.

Have you ever noticed how Scripture doesn't really tell you what to do "when you sin"? I thought about that this weekend...I had to deal with my sin, you see, and was needing comfort. This morning, as I pondered that very thing, I came back to the one truth about Scripture that always helps me understand it: God wrote it. I know, I know. That's a wee bit obvious, isn't it? Seriously, though, think about it. If God wrote it, He wrote it that way for a reason. In other words, if God doesn't include a part where He says, "John, when you screw up and lie or look at women in a way you shouldn't or think thoughts you shouldn't, pray five times an hour until you feel your guilt go away." Nope. Nuthin' doin'.

What does God say in His word? Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, having all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf...Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless...Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. That's what His word says. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. It's interesting to me that as I read through scripture, particularly the New Testament, I'm told to look toward Christ. He is the answer for my sin...the only answer. I'm silly and prone to sin, but I still try to comfort myself by looking for ways to appease God. Isn't the Old Testament full of evidence that anything I do to earn God's favor won't be enough? Silly human that I am, why do I not learn? My sinful flesh hasn't yet given up. It thinks it still has a chance in the big scheme of things. But you know what? I have died to sin :)

Dangit. I think my library books are overdue. *Sigh*...

posted by Bolo | 4:22 PM
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The geek shall inherit the earth...

Taken from Google's FAQ page for Gmail:

4. Is Gmail available in other languages?

During this testing period, the Gmail interface is only available in English. However, we're committed to making Gmail available to as many people in as many languages as possible. And Gmail accounts can already be used to read and send email in most languages (even Klingon).

I long for the day when I can read and send email in Quenya. When that happens, I'll be one happy geek :)

posted by Bolo | 2:18 PM
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I've had this nagging impression on my mind. No, check that...not nagging..."nagging" doesn't fit in this case...try lingering. Yeah, lingering works. So. I've had this lingering impression on my mind. It's a good impression to be lingering, especially for a pompous bible college student such as myself. When I talked to Boss last...Saturday? Sunday? Our conversation did a ton of good for my soul. It humbled me, encouraged me, and it's stuck with me. That's a rather stupendous thing, considering that there's so much that doesn't stick, you know?

"But," you ask, "what stuck?" Aaahhh...that's what I was just getting to!

It's like this. God has given me a certain level of talent, a degree of ability that allows me to think and articulate those thoughts in a rather pleasing and effective manner. (I say that, mind you, not to be making a big deal out of myself, but simply to give you a backdrop for my thoughts.) Now in light of that, it's easy to get the idea in my head that I when I speak, people should listen, or should gain something out of what I say.

Why should they?

I have no good reason to expect that of people. Nor, mind you, do I have any good reason to expect God to use me as I think He ought to. Or, for that matter, to use me at all. But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases..."I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion on whom I will show compassion." If God decides to use me, to pour me out for His sake, it's up to Him to decide the means. Furthermore, it's up to Him to decide if and when I see the fruit of the ways He uses me.

It's sobering to think upon those things. I told Jim the other night that all my talents and all my own traits aren't a good reason to expect any "effective ministry." God is in the heavens, and He does whatever He pleases. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and His ways are higher than my ways. If I speak anything other than the Truth, may God be gracious and correct me. If I say anything that bears fruit, may I see it as God's grace upon my words.

One last note. A wise man recently told me, "You will have many godly teachers in your life. I am humbled that I can be one of them. Take the gold, get rid of the dross, and teach others." Yeah...that's a thought worth lingering over.

posted by Bolo | 10:22 AM
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Google Email = Gmail

Star Wars Episode 3 footage? You be the judge...

I live on Gandalf!

Pop Culture?

posted by Bolo | 9:40 AM
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