Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

2.28.2007   Upon Further Review My thoughts on the matter? It was like there were fireworks going off in his pants. Yup. posted by Bolo | 10:11 PM 2 speakage   Long Distance It's not every day that I get serenaded on the phone from someone in another country. Today's that day :) posted by Bolo | 10:07 AM 0 speakage   Bedknobs and Broomsticks posted by Bolo | 6:44 AM 2 speakage   Thoughts I'll never cease to be amazed at how taking pictures seems so much to be a matter of perspective. The brown and slimy creatures I've been coughing up each morning have started to shed their tan and are now a little paler, a little yellower. They're still slimy, though. I suppose that's a good thing, right? I've started to listen to French Pop. Strange? Not as strange as the fact that I actually found myself walking toward Carver yesterday, trying to figure out how to say certain things in Japanese. Out loud. Maybe my newfound linguistic interest is my way of making up for being the class clown in Uehara Sensei's classes. Be quiet, Mon. Speaking of music, I've rediscovered Loggins & Messina. Every time I listen to Your Mama Don't Dance, I think of Leonard. Heh. Every time I listen to Be Free, I wanna grab a sword and spar in the snow. Don't ask. Oh, I'm listening to Newcomers Home again, too. Good stuff. Too bad they're no longer together. iTunes 7.0x stinks. I'm going on the record with that statement. It's a memory-hogging, CPU-bogging, pathetically-performing piece of...well...nothing good. Do I cut the goat, or do I leave it? Not sure how I'm feeling about it just now. It's probably one of those things that I'll do on a whim one morning. I didn't realize it, but Hilliard actually updated his blog. Flippin' amazing. posted by Bolo | 12:45 AM 4 speakage   Word posted by Bolo | 12:03 AM 0 speakage 2.27.2007   Whoa I can't believe I saw what I just saw. Wow. I promised Scott I wouldn't blog about it, so I won't. But I saw it. Wow. posted by Bolo | 3:04 PM 2 speakage   D-What? This was the text message sent to me by Cimato, after she'd already told me that she, Simpson, Sara Sawyer, and Emily were "caught dancing to loud music in Carver" by Dr. Adams: "It made my life cuz everyone else saw him standing there and I just kept dancing until they yelled at me and I caught sight of D-money." posted by Bolo | 1:54 PM 4 speakage   Promotional The "official" on-campus promotion for Na began last night at Dorm Meeting. Unofficially...well...hey, fifty bucks for Southern/Boyce students is a sweet deal :) posted by Bolo | 12:37 PM 0 speakage 2.26.2007   Request Will someone please tell me I'm not the only person in the history of toilets and paper towels to drop an entire roll of paper towels into the toilet? Somebody? Anybody? Please? posted by Bolo | 8:49 PM 5 speakage   Rights of Unclehood It's only torture if he doesn't like it, right? posted by Bolo | 8:44 PM 0 speakage   Shuttering It It's no longer in pieces :) posted by Bolo | 5:23 PM 0 speakage   Word Ephesians 3:21, 22 Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. posted by Bolo | 7:57 AM 0 speakage   Feathered Focus I like this picture...but I'm not sure I know exactly why. posted by Bolo | 12:46 AM 0 speakage   Hilarity I was chatting with Cimato earlier today when she told me that my blog was acting weird again, 'cause it wouldn't let her access any of the most recent posts. I asked her what she meant, and she said that the most recent post my blog was showing her was the one published on the twenty-first of February. I must confess. It was at that point that I started to laugh out loud. I told her that she did not need to worry, as I hadn't posted anything since the twenty-first of February, so she wasn't really missing anything. Shortly after that, I received an email containing the following: "Come back, Johnny! I can't stand another day without a blog update. It's like my day is not complete if I don't know what you're up to." Now, I cannot say with certainty that that email was entirely void of sarcasm, nor that it was utterly sincere in its pathetic begging and pleading, but I can affirm that it made me laugh, almost more than Cimato did. Oh, the things I find humor in... posted by Bolo | 12:22 AM 2 speakage 2.21.2007   Happy Things You know what makes me happy? Finding that Bath & Body has a sale on their Breathe line of body wash. This is an especially happy experience because I was low on body wash, and we all know that being out of body wash is a most unhappy experience. An Italian Sub from Founders', served hot on a croissant, also makes me happy, very happy. A bowl of wun tun min from Shiro's would make me even happier, but we won't go there. Talking to my mommy makes me happy, especially when I can hear Kayla, Kyle, Kason, Kavin, and Koen in the background. Of course, happiness is usually short lived, as she has to halt our conversation to scold them. Walking around in weather that's nearly Spring-like makes me happy, too, especially when I know that it's a portent of even warmer days to come. Mmmm...Spring...now that's a happy thought! posted by Bolo | 10:30 PM 3 speakage   Bleh I think I was awake more today than yesterday. I think. posted by Bolo | 8:27 PM 0 speakage 2.20.2007   Acute Viral Nasopharyngitis Ugh...did nothing but sleep all day, but I still feel exhausted... posted by Bolo | 8:35 PM 0 speakage 2.19.2007   *Groan* Tired...so...tired... posted by Bolo | 3:08 PM 0 speakage   More People posted by Bolo | 1:01 AM 0 speakage 2.18.2007   You Are That Man! I'm not sure if any of you remember, but a couple of weeks ago I said that Ricky and I had been discussing which members of IBC would be able to play the main characters on Seinfeld. If memory serves me correctly, we settled on Kramer and Elaine, but we were still stuck on George, having not even moved on to Jerry. Well, we can move on to Jerry, because I think I've found George: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the man is none other than Richard Double-V Hardison himself, otherwise known as Ricky. He unveiled his Georgeyness tonight while we lounged over at the Kesselring residence, time and time again offering overwhelming evidence that he is as finicky and feisty as the Crazed Costanza himself. He may dispute this, but that would only offer further proof of his true identity. posted by Bolo | 11:52 PM 2 speakage   Contributions In today's sermon, Ryan used an illustration from The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien's beautiful work that describes, amongst other tales, the creation of the earth (Arda), the music and work of the Ainur, and the creation of elves, men, and dwarves. As I sat in my seat, patiently and painstakingly taking notes, my eyes opened wide and my mouth let out sounds I'd rather not repeat, for not only was I thrilled to hear Tolkien's works being conveyed so well from the pulpit, I knew something almost no other present knew: I had contributed to that illustration. You see, I'd had a conversation about The Silmarillion with Ryan a couple of weeks ago. In that conversation, he told me that he wanted to use it to speak about the way God uses all things to His glory, even things that we ourselves may intend for evil. Why do I point this out? It's not to boast about my Tolkien geekiness, I assure you. Rather, it's to let S. David O'Neal know that Ryan Fullerton has his copy of The Silmarillion. Yup :) posted by Bolo | 7:19 PM 4 speakage   Request Fulfilled Since someone wanted pictures, I'm giving pictures. posted by Bolo | 4:12 PM 1 speakage   Coughing is Cute I told Mon that I would post this last video I have, so...well...here it is. posted by Bolo | 12:52 AM 1 speakage 2.17.2007   Putting Out the Fire It's cold as ice cream out side, but inside here, my throat feels like it's on fire. Ugh. Hmmm...ice cream would make it feel better... posted by Bolo | 8:17 PM 1 speakage   Maybe Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite 0° F, and maybe my weather thingy was broken for a few moments and I freaked out. Maybe. That's all irrelevant, 'cause I'm still freezing my little Hawaiian okole off. By the way, Da Pocho declared I looked like a menehune yesterday. Great...I'm my own idol...be quiet, Mon. posted by Bolo | 11:23 AM 0 speakage   Pathetic Pochos Wen talk wit Da Pocho in da weight room yestaday. He said I was losing my tan; I lamented the prolonged pathetic state of my skin right along with him. He said this weather is terrible; I bemoaned winter's wretched wrath, also. And now? I look at my weather thingy, and it's telling me we're at 0° F. Zero. What in the world is a zero, anyway? I feel like it should be accompanied by a heavenly host humming the Imperial March or something, you know? I mean, it sounds so daunting, so final, so...ugh... ...so cold. *Shiver*. I'm not haole! I wasn't born for this! Gah! At least Da Pocho and I can lament together. posted by Bolo | 10:57 AM 0 speakage   Sixty-Third An excerpt from a recent journal entry on Psalm 63: The psalm ends on a note of rejoicing, on a declaration that belief in God brings glory, and that those who speak lies, those who do not believe in the Lord, will be silenced, for they will not be glorying in God. The entire psalm speaks of the way in which God's goodness, lovingkindness, glory, protection, and salvation will be that which sustains the psalmist as well as bring delight to such a degree that he declares it aloud and with his very life. David begins all of this with a declaration of his need for God. He is in the wilderness, and his body is no doubt undergoing some sort of yearning for the most basic physical sustenance: water. He describes the arid landscape as "dry and weary;" the same could surely be said of his body. Yet, in the midst of this, an incredible, insurmountable need for water, he declares a thirst surpassing even that: a need for God Himself. It is ironic, yet fittingly so, that the man after God's own heart should find such perfect expression in this place. The most basic physical need is water, yet the most unrelenting and dire human need is that which man cannot fulfill on his own, namely, God. Sin severs the ability to enjoy Him, and causes an irreparable breach from the Almighty that no seeking can overcome. Nevertheless, David declares that he will seek Him; indeed, he fully expects to find Him. There is no doubt in David's heart that in seeking God he shall find Him, despite the arid state of the human heart. He speaks of God's lovingkindness being better than life, finding joy and protection in the shelter of God's wings, being satisfied in Him, seeing His power and His glory, being upheld by His glory, and being saved from His enemies. This, despite the heinous state of his sinful soul, a soul with no right to seek God and find Him! This, too, adds to the irony, and it makes it wonderful. The Lord is a merciful God, and He grants grace to the praise of His name. This the psalmist knows, and he cannot hold back from making it known. Is this not the nature of knowing God? posted by Bolo | 12:36 AM 0 speakage 2.16.2007   Totally Objective posted by Bolo | 9:36 PM 0 speakage   Touring's Tall Tales Just finished up playing Spoons with some kids from Fort Meyers. They're on the road with their youth pastor to look at Boyce College, as well as a couple of other schools. Interestingly enough, I learned a few things I wasn't quite expecting. One of the guys doesn't like to use a towel more than once, so if he's traveling and doesn't bring more than one towel, well, everyone else suffers. One of the girls has three legs, and that made it quite crowded under the table while we played Spoons. Another girl has really sweaty palms, and yet another drools. A lot. But perhaps the crown jewel of them all is the one who wears diapers. Yup. Didn't make that one up, really I didn't. posted by Bolo | 4:42 PM 6 speakage   Feeling Springy Spring...Spring...Spring...oh, how I want Spring! My weather thingy says the actual temperature is 9° F, but it feels like 0° F. Gross. posted by Bolo | 9:32 AM 0 speakage   Quotable "For what is grace but glory begun? And what is glory but grace perfected? Grace is glory in the bud, and glory is grace at the full." -Thomas Brooks, Heaven on Earth posted by Bolo | 12:31 AM 0 speakage 2.15.2007   Decalogue Just yesterday, I found an old friend from high school on Facebook. When he asked me what I've been up to, I only told him that I'm at a bible college in Kentucky. He replied by telling me, "Hasn't it been 10 years since HS now? Your story skips 6 years." Dangit, it has been ten years, hasn't it? Goshi just had to go and remind me... posted by Bolo | 10:16 PM 2 speakage   People posted by Bolo | 6:06 PM 0 speakage   Camp Us posted by Bolo | 2:08 PM 1 speakage 2.14.2007   Cheap Love My sister is soooo pake. Not that that's a bad thing. Right, Mr. Lau? Anybody got a good set of screwdrivers? posted by Bolo | 11:34 PM 2 speakage   Chit Chat I just conversed with Jon Field. His wife thought I was Andrew. Silly Amy. Man...I miss Jon... Still got camera parts on my floor. posted by Bolo | 11:14 PM 0 speakage   Screwy Been thinking a lot about Psalm 63. More on that later; I've got camera parts all over my floor, and I'm determined to make it all work. Of course, remembering which screws went where would be a wonderful start ;) posted by Bolo | 10:26 PM 1 speakage   Raleigh Ridiculousness Little known facts about Raleigh Sadler: he's been known to pose as an ethnic minority just to improve his hiring odds at various Abercrombie & Fitch locations; he's hosted "face-offs" in his dorm room in Manly, where Seminary Studs have gathered to give their best "Magnum" face; he's claimed, to on one's gullibility, that his glasses were actually worn once by former President Bill Clinton; he's borrowed various infants and toddlers from married friends just to improve his inter-gender relational status. If you believe any of that, then you'd probably believe that I'm Mexican, too. posted by Bolo | 1:09 PM 3 speakage   Singular Solidity Yesterday, I was telling Scott that the current sign of my firm and unwavering singleness is that even though I realized Valentine's Day was coming up and that it was on a Wednesday, it was not until Monday that I actually thought to myself, "Oh, it's this Wednseday." Church, and the fact that I might have to work and miss it, was and is of far greater import. Yeah, baby ;) posted by Bolo | 3:59 AM 0 speakage 2.13.2007   Hah! What? Kyle is touring with G. Love? posted by Bolo | 11:07 PM 0 speakage   I Think I Think I think Scott, Rob, and I have spent more time together today and last Tuesday combined than in the entire year before this. I think I'm going to really really enjoy those sandwiches that Mark Alliett made for me tonight. I think it was great that the Boyce College Bulldogs pulled out a win to end the inaugural season. I think rushing the floor after the clock ran down to zero was one of the most fun things I've done in a while. I think seeing Dr. Mohler watching the game with the students meant a lot to the players and the rest of the student body. I think I'm going to really, really, really enjoy Spring when it finally does arrive. I think going to Maryland and seeing Jim will be fun, but seeing Rev be Rev in Maryland will be even more fun, especially after I teach everyone how to spell his name properly. I think if I ever do get to meet Jack Johnson, I will ask him to make a soundtrack for the Surf Crew. I think if I ever do get to meet Jack Johnson, and I ask him to make a soundtrack for the Surf Crew, he probably won't do it. I think it'd still be cool just to meet Jack Johnson. I think the hair on my chin should be a different color than the hair on the rest of my head. I think purple is a cool color, unlike most guys. I think, despite my affection for purple, that it still should not be the color of the hair on my chin. I think I need to call my mother. I think that many people, when reading my thoughts on my need to call my mother, probably furrowed their brows and pursed their lips in fervent agreement. I think a Facebook group called "Hawaiians at Boyce College" would be ridonculous, since I would be the only one in the group. I think that some people will look at my use of the word ridonculous and think that I've misspelled ridiculous. posted by Bolo | 10:58 PM 2 speakage   Outy? Several observations are in order. First, Boyce College students, upon occasion, have displayed incredible inteptitude when it comes to rhythmic movement. Second, the crop of this semester's incoming students, in all likelihood, will do nothing to change that perception. Third, Buck might have an outy. Proof? Look no further. posted by Bolo | 10:52 AM 0 speakage   What I Know This morning, Dave and I talked about what it looked like to develop and use our gifts for the edification of the church body. When he asked me what I wanted to do with my gifts, I sat in my chair, looked him in the eyes, shifted my weight, took a sip of my coffee, looked out at a passing car, took a deep breath, and then looked back at Dave and said, "I don't really know." Before you chalk that statement up to indecisiveness, take a minute to hear me out. It's not that I don't know what I can do, nor that I don't know what I'd like to do. In fact, that's hardly the case, as I know well what I do enjoy doing, as well as what things I can do with a certain degree of skill. When I told Dave, "I don't really know," I was not expressing doubt in what God has given me. Instead, I was expressing my doubt in my ability to use what God has given me well. Let me explain. I've been reading a fantasy series by Terry Goodkind. In it, the main character, Richard, has weapons and powers at his disposal that go far beyond that of almost anyone else he crosses paths with. Ironically enough, Richard started out as a simple woods guide, and never wanted his life of power, influence, and fame. Those who do cross paths with him are struck by how rare an individual he is, not seeking to use what he is to dictate his actions, but rather, who he is. In essence, he remains the same person: a man of astounding character. Over the past several days and weeks, Scott and I have had a few conversations on what it means to lead others, both personally and generally. Through it all, I keep hearing one thing resurfacing: character leads. If we are to minister to others, it will be our character that will shine through. Do we lean upon the LORD and hope in His promises? Are we humble in serving our fellow man? Do we give of ourselves sacrificially, even joyfully? Are we embracing with faithfulness the thankless toil that so often scars the Christian in the world, yet crowns him in heaven? That's what came up this morning yet again as Dave and I sat and talked, thinking through our cups of coffee. I know the things I'd like to do. They are, for the most part, things that I would embrace, things that would be easy to do. They are also, undoubtedly, things that I'm not ready for. My heart shirks away from humility and thankless toil; it wants to be acknowledged, yearns for attention. Yet, I think that it is there, where the voices of other men and women cannot intrude, that the voice of God speaks words of grace and peace, training the heart to hear and heed His voice. posted by Bolo | 1:21 AM 0 speakage 2.12.2007   Glorious Ice cream. Is. Amazing. posted by Bolo | 9:58 PM 5 speakage   Fear Factor I admit it. I'm afraid. posted by Bolo | 5:59 PM 0 speakage   Oddity's Objects posted by Bolo | 5:14 PM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon