Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

11.30.2006   Little Domerette Mon called me last week to tell me that The Shirts got to Tuscon on time, and that Makana would be wearing hers on gameday. What a cutey :) posted by Bolo | 11:31 AM 0 speakage   Be What You Are If Donald Trump came down from one of his buildings and lived on the streets like a beggar, what would we think? If Shaq were to try his hand at gymnastics, how seriously would he be taken? If a dog were to walk out of a house on two legs, leash in paw, leading its owner by that leash around the block, would we think nothing of it? If a decrepit old man, an invalid for years, were to tell his caretakers that he wanted to climb K2 in several months, would his caretakers let him? If an old woman, joyfully married to her husband for over fifty years, were to wake up one day to hear him say, "I don't love you anymore," how would she feel? F.F. Bruce observes of Paul's epistle to the Ephesians that 4:22 - 24 is an exhortation to "be what you are!" The effectual call of God has made us new, made us holy. Therefore, we are to be holy, we are to live in holiness. Just as we would be shocked to see a dog walking its owner, so it should be shocking to us that we do not live as the holy saints we already are. Just as it would be absurd for an invalid to think that he could climb K2, so it is absurd for the believer to think the he no longer has the right to kneel down at the cross with every other wretched, broken sinner found there. Just as it would crush and grieve a woman to hear her husband tell her of the death of his love for her, so it crushed and grieves our Savior because we did not and still do not always live in accordance with the love with which we are loved. The reason these things are shocking, absurd, crushing, and grievous is not because we fail and cannot please God, but because we have already been saved from our failure, yet fail to accept God's pleasure in us because of Christ. Be what you are! posted by Bolo | 9:11 AM 1 speakage 11.29.2006   Bokuto Finally talked to Boss this morning. It's had to have been somewhere around a month since the last time we hooked it up over the phone...too long, way too long. I think the best part of the conversation was when he told me what he'd recently purchased, which in turn brought to mind one of my nicknames when I was in elementary school. Aisoos! posted by Bolo | 10:20 PM 2 speakage   All the Lights posted by Bolo | 6:55 AM 1 speakage   Thankful Thoughts I know that Thanksgiving was last week, but it's never inappropriate to sit back and give thanks for things we ought to be thankful for. With that thought in mind, here are a few things I'm particularly thankful for tonight. First, for my family. Kason's birthday was yesterday, and even though that little rugrat thinks that his Thomas the Train video outranks talking to Uncle Johnny, I still miss my nieces and nephews more than I miss the surf. Yes, you read correctly. Kavin, quite sage and wise for a little drool machine barely over a year old, was more than happy to talk to his Uncle Johnny for a few moments, unlike his older brother. He muttered a few choice words, then gave me a kiss over the phone. I told his mommy that I think he was trying to quote Frodo's elvish war cry, "Aiya Earendil elenion ancalima!" I still don't get why she was laughing. Second, for Boyce College students. Every so often, when the Lord taps me on the shoulder and points me in the right direction, I'm reminded of days gone by, days when I was in awe of all that surrounded me. Those days of deep thankfulness, I remorsefully must report, come less and less frequently. The first Student Leadership Retreat I'd went on in the Fall of 2004 was one that taught me a very important lesson: those around me, those with whom my life had become so providentially intertwined, were those to whom I could look for love and trust. They were, I observed, people who understood a good deal more about the gospel than many more individuals found in our American churches. Yet, I find that I've grown, so much so that I've grown out of the humble awe that once came easily. I've forgotten what it was to be in my teens, what it was to leave home for the first time. Instead of joy at those around me, I find pride and cynicism...my own. Tonight, however, I was reminded of things I'd forgotten; tonight, I was in awe once more. Third, for God's love. The LORD loves with a faithfulness that will never fail, no matter how prone I am to failure. In all honesty, I still don't get it. In spite of that, I'm glad that God, in His love, will never let go of me. posted by Bolo | 12:32 AM 0 speakage 11.28.2006   Ambassadorial Aerodynamics and Acting Have you ever wondered what those crazy Boyce College Ambassadors are up to when they're not giving tours, hitting the road on recruiting trips, or living the exquisite and exemplary lives that they're so well-known for? Let's take a look, shall we? Today, several of our male Ambassadors tried their hands at interior decorating. Even though we...uhhh...they thought they did a great job, someone took exception to our...uhhh...their taste in decor. I can't imagine why; it's not like the purse that the flyer was taped to was particularly ugly or anything. After trying some interior decorating, the guys decided to invent a little game with refrigerator magnets. The goal? Just get it stuck as close to the end of the board as possible. On the last round, Stretch was a happy Stretch; Rev, not so happy. posted by Bolo | 8:45 PM 3 speakage   Finals Week: Day One The visual splendor that is Boyce College and Southern Seminary during Finals Week is inspiring, to say the least. What precisely, you ask, does it inspire? Does the phrase, "after laughing comes crying" have any meaning to you? posted by Bolo | 7:07 AM 0 speakage   Lyrical These verses come from Matt Redman's You Led Me To the Cross. The song itself takes me back to days gone by, days when faith in and love for Christ seemed simpler, easier, not so confusing and painful. It's a song that has somewhat of a nostalgic twang to it. But as I listened to it the other night, reflecting somewhat forlornly on where I've come from and where I'm going, I was reminded that this journey I'm on hasn't changed one bit in regard to purpose or direction, even if it often seems that way. If I feel I walk this path in darkness, I have to remember that I still walk the path. Why is that important? My every road leads to the cross. You led me to the cross And I saw the face of mercy in that place of love You opened up my eyes To believe Your sweet salvation Where I'd been so blind Now that I'm living in Your all forgiving love My every road leads to the cross Jesus, keep me near the cross I won't forget the love You've shown Savior, teach me of the cross I won't forget the love I won't forget the love You've shown And there's an empty tomb That tells me of Your resurrection and my life in You The stone lies rolled away Nothing but those folded grave clothes Where Your body lay Now that I'm living as a risen child of God My every road leads to the cross posted by Bolo | 2:33 AM 0 speakage 11.27.2006   Happy Birthday, Kason! Hey buddy...you're six years old now...did you know that three plus three is thirty-three? posted by Bolo | 11:58 PM 0 speakage   Headlines The Boyce College Scandalous Press Rumor has it that some Boyce College students, in anticipation of the basketball team's first win of the inaugural season, are attempting to keep Achilles, the official Boyce College Bulldog himself, from "letting loose" and "expressing himself" all over the gym floor, as he is prone to do when nervous. How are these proactive students doing this? Well, the use of duct tape has been mentioned, but failing that, former Servant Towel Award winner Robbie Byrd was seen girding himself with the blue towel itself and following Achilles around, plastic bags in hand and around his waist. Robbie's reasoning? "I'm lower to the ground, and Achilles and I kinda walk alike, so I figure I've got the advantage of being able to sniff out when he's gonna blow." In an effort to aid Jew and those involved in the effort to educate middle schoolers, Brian "Chute-Shooter" Moats was spotted attempting to replicate his now-legendary shoot down the garbage chute in Carver Hall. Mr. Moats even went so far as to calculate when Dr. Draper's Old Testament I class started, and therefore, when our esteemed faculty member should be in class. Unfortunately for Mr. Moats, he neglected to take into consideration that a certain Brown One would Physically Detain our wonderful professor. Speaking of Jew, middle-school students everywhere are sending him Facebook messages concerning the sin of gluttony, exhorting him to exercise moderation and restraint over this holiday season. He is now in the process of putting together another video in response, and is taking applicants for to replace Buck Buchanan as the "after" guy in the footage. Rumored to top the list is Michael Butterworth, as Butterworth the Younger's hair is something Jew has coveted for quite some time. When asked if he would take Butterworth the Older should his bid for Michael fall through, Jew replied with an unequivocal, "No way! People won't be able to see my hair with my nose in the way!" Everyone on campus has heard of a guard dog, but it now seems that Boyce College students have taken it to the next level. Since Achilles has been deemed too nervous to perform under pressure, James Losey was seen attempting to employ a guard duck. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the famed frisbee fanatic has placed himself under the protective wing of a feathered friend to keep at bay the foolish fiends with whom Mr. Losey finds fault. What will he think of next? Only time will tell! posted by Bolo | 5:25 PM 0 speakage   It Begins Finals Week is here. Hehehehehehehe... posted by Bolo | 7:23 AM 0 speakage   Infuriating I find this picture infuriating. God has been doing wonderful things like this to proclaim His glory throughout every moment of history, every corner of His creation. Yet, why should I care? Don't misunderstand me, as I don't mean to say I'm not moved by such beauty; quite the contrary. In fact, I find beauty such as this to be powerful, keeping me up late at night, causing me to rise early in the morning. Yet, this beauty positively pales in comparison with the beauty of God's powerful, tender, indescribable work in the heart of every one of His saints, those to whom He says, "You are Mine!" This scene is one that can elicit a sense of awe from my soul, calling me to silence and even reverence of the God who works such wonders. Does beholding the work of God in the soul of man do the same? In all honesty, it doesn't. And that, dear friends, is what can be so infuriating. posted by Bolo | 12:41 AM 0 speakage 11.26.2006   Thoughts: Turkey Week in Review I'd forgotten how much fun I have playing football, especially throwing the pigskin in tight, perfectly placed spirals to receivers breaking precisely where you think they're going to break. My weather thingy told me the high today was 68° F. Tomorrow, it's supposed to be 67° F. I wonder how many I can convince to join me out on the Jo Bowl for a little afternoon frisbee...hmmm. There's something ridiculously wonderful about reading good, cheesy fiction from time to time. My "window" received an upgrade this week; thanks, Pastor Cavie! Seeing Michael Butterworth score a goal is one thing, but beholding his wildly gesticulating body spasm in ecstatic expression is another. I think John Cabal's cheering at Boyce's soccer games is something that should not be missed. Speaking of games, I have just one trivial word for those of you in pursuit of a most elusive victory last Friday: Mordor. Speaking of Mordor, why did they walk? A free meal at Founders' to anyone who can give me the right answer in one try without looking it up or obtaining any other outside help! posted by Bolo | 6:46 PM 0 speakage   Shiners posted by Bolo | 1:06 PM 0 speakage   Facial Funkiness posted by Bolo | 8:16 AM 0 speakage   ND - USC: I Hate Losing But not as much as I hate losing to USC. We kept it under 31, but four straight losses is a bitter taste not easily washed away. posted by Bolo | 12:14 AM 0 speakage 11.25.2006   ND - USC: At the Half So we're down 21 - 10. I'm fine with the lack of field goal tries, 'cause I'm not convinced we'd make 'em anyway. What I am convinced of is what I've kept thinking all year: Rhema McKnight this year isn't half the receiver that Maurice Stovall was last year, plain and simple. Mo reminded me of Derrick Mays with the way he'd go up and get the ball. Rhema? How does a receiver who's been hyped so much over the past week drop three balls in the biggest game of the season? I don't know that, but I do know that I think Mo wouldn't have dropped those. I also know that if Rhema doesn't drop those, the score isn't 21 - 10 at the half. posted by Bolo | 9:50 PM 0 speakage   Linkage This particular flavor of Linkage probably tastes a little Irish... I kinda like that Green Jersey Game, but I'd rather forget the others. This is probably the coolest male cheerleading ever gets. Stew clears the air for the Irish fans out there, myself included. When all is said and done, it's still a lady's game. posted by Bolo | 5:56 PM 0 speakage   Hehehe The whole no pictures until tonight thing? Yeah...just kidding ;) posted by Bolo | 10:50 AM 0 speakage 11.24.2006   Seeing Stuff Unfortunately for you readers, I'll not be able to post any pictures until at least a full twenty-four hours from now. I know, I know, you're desperately awaiting the next post of a visual nature, and those of you who check this humble blog of mine only for the sake of seeing pictures and video are most certainly gravely disappointed at this news. Rest assured, however, that my time spent at Burkey with the Turkeys has not been in photographic vain, and you shall indeed behold many a wonder with your own eyes in but a short while. Until then, I bid you all a fond farewell from Ohio :) Thanks again, Cavie family! posted by Bolo | 11:25 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts: Turkey Day at Burkey I called my mommy, not the other way around. My daddy can talk...and talk...and talk...ask the O'Neals and Momma Cavie. Kayla is definitely a teenager, but who gave her permission to be a freshman in high school next year? I think I fit into Miss Stephanie's doll house better than she does. Pastor Cavie ran interference by taking his shirt off and boxing while Scott tackled an old lady for a coffee maker this morning. Who woulda thunk that Scott O'Neal would have been up for Black Friday when John Letoto wasn't? Wow. Oh, and I just called Malia, forgetting that it was 4 in the morning. Oops. posted by Bolo | 9:17 AM 0 speakage 11.23.2006   Thanks: Smokin' I'm thankful for smoked turkey. Mmm...and I'm thankful that it'll taste better tomorrow, just like Pastor Cavie says it will :) posted by Bolo | 4:36 PM 0 speakage   Thanks: Phone Tag I'm quite thankful for the fact that I have many, many, many people who will call me today. I've become rather infamous for not answering my phone; despite that, people still call, and they still continue to call even when I'm a terrible son/brother/friend/cousin/nephew and I don't call back in a reasonable amount of time. Today, therefore, I'll try my best to answer. Hopefully, my mouth won't be too stuffed with turkey...while I sit munching on Burkey... posted by Bolo | 2:48 PM 0 speakage   Thanks: Grace I'm thankful for God's grace. Chriyus once told me that when he thought of me, he didn't think "Calvinist" or "reformed." Instead, he thought, "doctrines of grace." Why? He (jokingly, mind you) said that I was so depraved, there's no other way I could possibly be saved but for grace. I heartily agreed then, and I heartily agree now :) Still, though, I forget to run to the cross. I love to turn away from Jesus, and I love to make my supposedly-superior knowledge of the gospel what qualifies me for the cross. I am, after all, a bible college student, right? *Sigh*...it's a good thing there's just one qualification for the cross: sinner, just like our father Adam. And, just like all others who qualify and who heed the call to the cross, it's all by grace. posted by Bolo | 7:42 AM 0 speakage   Boyce on Break posted by Bolo | 12:34 AM 0 speakage 11.22.2006   Thanks: Visitation Rights I'm thankful for friends, not only those that are here, but also those that are far away, and also not so far away. Good friends, though very much a huge blessing, are made doubly so because they're so hard to come by. And yes, you're right, 'Drew, I'll have to visit soon. posted by Bolo | 3:10 PM 1 speakage   Thanks: re:Morse No More I'm thankful for Scott's new phone. Why am I thankful for it, you ask? Simply put, we don't have to communicate in a sort of one-sided Morse Code anymore. As much as I enjoy the game of, "beep once for 'yes,' twice for 'no,'" the fun of the game became used up quite some time ago. Now I can call him, and I'll hear his voice when he answers. Perhaps best of all, he won't have to borrow Em's phone, which means that he won't see that silly picture of me with a peanut can on my head nearly so much. Now for that, I give thanks :) posted by Bolo | 1:31 PM 0 speakage   Thanks: Giving It I have this tendency. It's not one I particularly care for, but nevertheless, it remains. This tendency causes me to forget the things I should be thankful for, the things that ought to make me stop in the middle of a chilly walk from Fuller to Honeycutt, look up at the boundless canopy above me, and say to no one in particular, "Wow." This tendency puts up an absurd wall, one whereby I neglect to look friends in the eye and, with all the sincerity my silly heart can muster, say, "Thank you." Thanksgiving Day is less than a full day away. This means that many are brought face to face with the reality of what they ought to be thankful for. Sadly enough, the closest many of us get to having true thanksgiving take on flesh and bone comes in the consumption of way too much roasted fowl. All of us know, of course, that there's more to it than heavily-laden tables and stomachs, but how many of us really allow our thanks to be expressed in proper fashion? Quite frankly, I know that I don't. What this means, gentle reader, is that for the next two days or so, I'll attempt to give voice and form to the things I'm grateful for. Whatever comes to mind is fair game, so if you're expecting to see something that you do not, have no fear! There may be a particular order, there may not be. There may be a particular structure; then again, maybe not. The point of what I write will be to express thanks. Hopefully, it will be expressed truly, and yea, I even hold out the hopes that it would be expressed fully. I doubt that, though; I've much to give thanks for. posted by Bolo | 2:47 AM 0 speakage   Sweet Mistake This picture was pretty much a mistake. I didn't mean to take it the way I did, but when I checked it, I kind of liked what happened. Sweet :) posted by Bolo | 12:39 AM 1 speakage 11.21.2006   Thoughts: Turkey Break My finger hurts a lot; it's a good indication that I yet live. The coffee from Java is taking a little while longer to kick in today; I may have to go light roast on the next cup. Haven't answered any of Boss' calls for a while, and I'm feeling like a slacker for it. My bad, dude. Speaking of slacking, I just sent off a package to Mon and Dave and Makana that was supposed to have been sent...oh...over a month ago. It's amazing what guilt will do to your spending, 'cause I sent that package Express Mail so that it'll get there by noon tomorrow. Ouch...what a dahmy. Speaking of dahmies, I got a call this morning at about 9:40 from a certain S. David O'Neal, asking for a ride to work. I won't say why he needed a ride, but I will say that his wife took the phone charger with her to Ohio. And yes, it's the very same phone charger that S. David needs for the next couple of days. Oops. My finger still hurts. At least if it starts to hurt on the drive up to the Cavie's, I can stick it out the window to ice it. You know you've been here a while when you see friends move away, move back, and move away again. And you know you've been here a very long while when you see that with a multitude of friends. Gary, right about now is a good time to lie to me again. I'm really diggin' the empty, quiet campus feel. Grumpy old geezers like myself really, really, really look forward to the breaks when all the kiddies go home. Kind of reminds me of Dan Uchida claiming to yell, "Freeeeeeeeeeedom!" whenever the house was empty of all his offspring. That coffee ain't kickin' in like it should, and my finger still hurts. posted by Bolo | 3:52 PM 0 speakage   TJB 2006 So. Turkey Jo Bowl 2006 has come and gone, and the only remnant I have from it is a sprained middle finger on my right hand. Don't worry, it's not so badly sprained that I'll be flipping everyone off inadvertently for the next couple of days, but I will blame a few of my bad throws on it. Aaahhh, nothing like some football in late November! posted by Bolo | 1:01 PM 0 speakage   Review Yes, that's snow on the top of my car. Ugh. And yes, that's Chriyus' booty sticking out of his car. None of his four doors would open any more than what you see pictured, due to the sides of the trailer coming up a little high. It was pretty funny for T.C. and me to realize this, as neither one of us was the one who happened to be stuck inside the car after having driven it onto the trailer. Speaking of funny things in pictures, Mr. Heath Rickmond made a rare appearance outside of his Fuller Hall apartment today. He was even somewhat cordial, believe it or not. posted by Bolo | 1:20 AM 0 speakage 11.20.2006   Pre-Thanksgiving Turkey Okey dokey, you Turkeys from Burkey. With my little promise of "something you'd laugh at," I figure it's only proper to deliver the goods. Special thanks go to Andrew and Sandi, who were more than happy to comply and aid me in this little endeavor of mine :) posted by Bolo | 5:04 PM 0 speakage   Rising in Praise Psalm 113:3 From the rising of the sun to its setting the name of the LORD is to be praised. posted by Bolo | 12:31 PM 0 speakage   Precipitous Unless my eyes deceive me, there's snow outside. Grrr. posted by Bolo | 7:35 AM 1 speakage   Outside & Stuff posted by Bolo | 1:18 AM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon