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A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


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Still...tired...very...weary. I think I've reached the point where I can stay awake or fall asleep at any point during the day, without any need to prep myself for sleep. The familiar low-level burning sensation has been present in my eyeballs all week long, and it seems like there's no point of letting up, at least until sometime tomorrow evening...if that. Still, my 62 hours of work this week will help with that tuition. God is indeed good!

But, all that aside, I'm enjoying work. I've been working the mornings at LG&E this week and last, and I'll continue to do so through next week, when my school schedule will demand otherwise. The ladies in the company keep me well-fed throughout the day, so it's definitely been a rewarding shift to work :) Tricia and Lisa in payroll brought me grapes...Mrs. Whelan offered me some cake...Karla brought me some chili...Deborah got a full breakfast spread this morning (bacon, link sausages, eggs, french toast, and a blueberry muffin)...aaahhhhh, life is good!

Hopefully, I'll be awake for the softball game tonight. I still gotta get some sleep in before our 8:30 start time. Maybe I'll doze right here in the computer's one of the few places on campus I haven't fallen asleep in yet ;)

posted by Bolo | 2:34 PM
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Chowder House

One thing I love about Scott O'Neal: he doesn't compromise.  When we talked the other night, he told me, "you know what I miss about being gone for the summer?  I miss hitting guys in the throat with accountability."  Aaahhh...I miss having that, too :) 


Last night was Messy Games Night at our Wednesday night youth group gathering.  Little John was the guest speaker, which was a cool surprise for me, 'cause I didn't know he was going to be there.  He told the kids the story about when I walked into his apartment one night (about 1 in the morning), and hopped onto their computer.  He walked out with a gun and nearly sent me to Jesus :) 


That wasn't even the best part of the evening, though.  That designation definitely goes to the messy games, which had kids covered (not to mention ingesting) in chocolate syrup, baby food, spaghetti sauce, flour, and water.  Several of them nearly barfed, and one actually did go to the Chowder House...three times!  Niiiiice!

posted by Bolo | 2:56 PM
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You know what?  I'm a fool.  My mom would say, "don't say that!  The words of your mouth..."  She always would say something like that.  But I mean what I said...I'm a fool.  If I were wise, God would shame me, would He not?  Absolutely!  But that's not I'm talking about here.  No, what I speak of is this: Jesus said that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.  The yoke was what they used to work the fields with the oxen; one ox would bear the yoke with another, and not only would the burden be shared between the two, but if one were prone to straying, the other could keep it on track.  In this manner, the fields were tilled.  So it is with us and Jesus.  We are wayward, yet He is the one who bears the burden, and it is He who keeps us on track. 


Yet my foolishness overwhelms me!  I want to live my life under my terms, under my strength, hoping I'll gain Jesus' praise.  Foolishness!  To what end?  *Sigh*...I pull the yoke on my own, toiling endlessly and wearily, hoping that somehow my work will delight the heart of God. 


Life should be really simple, when you get right down to it.  We're to follow Christ in obedience...what He says should go.  But oh, how foolishly I stray from that!  I'll take on various tasks or titles, thinking that they give my life significance.  They add to the weight of the yoke and cause the work to go astray.  I'll pull away from where Christ is leading; soon, I'm not even doing something that holds the appearance of righteousness.  A friend of mine just told me that I "look good," refering to my current attire.  The thought that popped into my mind?  Looks can be deceiving.  I say that not to be cynical, but to check myself.  Am I deceptive?  Am I putting myself under the yoke of Christ?  Am I allowing Him to bear my burdens, to lead me in His way and His time?  *Sigh*...yes, I'm a fool.  But it's a good thing that God loves this fool, you know?

posted by Bolo | 2:36 PM
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Mood Point

Last night at work, I was in a rather melancholy-reflective-not quite moody-uncertain-pensive-eureka phenomena prone sort of mood.  Surprise, surprise, eh?  Yeah right.  Why such a state?  I'm not sure. 


I thought a lot about the males in my family...I realized that out of all the people back home, I miss and worry about them the most.  Pops...Leo...Kawika...Kyle...Kason...and now, Jeff.  How, you ask, did I come to this conclusion?  It was Kason, really.  There's no reason I should miss one nephew more than the other, save for the fact that Kason's age dictates that he grows and changes at a much faster rate than Kyle will, for the time being.  But that's just it.  I think of all those males...and in each of them, I see my weaknesses mirrored, I see them fleshed out...I see possibilities for my futre.  Does that sound strange?  It does to me.  Anyway, back to Kason.  The little guy is at a point where he's most moldable.  And you know what?  I hate the fact that I'm not there.  Does he have a solid spiritual example to look up to, one that he can pattern his life after?  *Sigh*...I'd be lying to myself if I said he does.  In myself, I've seen the effects of that lack.  In my brother, those effects are vivid.  In Kyle, I see them starting to form.  In my father...*sigh*...I wonder if it's too late.  I know I's never too late.  Still, my heart wonders...and hopes...yet it's filled with doubts.  Even more, it doubts itself. 


So that's why I miss them.  I think.  It's one of those things where I see the stages, I see the path they've all taken, and Kason still has most of his path left before him.  They all have hope, really, but it's the little guy that reminds me most of the preciousness of fathering, of discipleship, of walking in holiness.  In myself, I see how my walk is unholy, and I shudder to think of the repurcussions those current failures will have down the line, perhaps even to my own children (double shudderage).  Yet, God's grace is sufficient, and we have a hope beyond this world. 


Whew...I told you my thoughts were melancholy-reflective-not quite moody-uncertain-pensive-eureka phenomena prone-ish.  That post ended up being a lot than I had originally thought it would be.  So be it :) 

posted by Bolo | 5:38 PM
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7.24.2004 blessed

Thoughts as of late have run toward assurance...namely, the assurance of salvation.  The summer's been rough, I'll not deny.  What will often seem to be an ascent out of the muck and mire of my failures and doubts often turns into yet another downward cycle as I say to myself, "oh, what the heck," and dive right back in.  It's been a humbling process, and one I've had to learn to stare in the face.  Thus, the doubts of salvation come as no surprise.  Bear in mind, it's not a doubt that has me utterly forsaking all faith; rather, it's a doubt that leaves the fullness of joy seemingly empty. 

However, God is faithful.  This time of numb despair has produced a meditation on salvation, in particular the preservation that God has for His chosen ones.  It's reminded me of Christ's complete it is, how full of hope it is, and how unashamedly merciful God is through it.  I can't quite capture what that reminder exactly does for my heart and my mind.  Still, I'm glad God is doing what He's doing...I can't quite explain it, 'cause I don't quite grasp it, but maybe when I do, I'll blog it. 

posted by Bolo | 7:46 AM
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7.21.2004 they key of i(z)

iTunes...Wired gives props to Iz.

iPod...Boyce should be doing
this.  Hey, I can dream, can't I?

posted by Bolo | 4:57 PM
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To quote...

"For he loves Thee too little who loves anything together with Thee, which he loves not for Thy sake."


That's what St. Augustine said...oh...a long, long time ago.  It's something I read a long time ago, and read again just a few moments ago, and hopefully, I'll be thinking about it for more than just a few moments more.  Essentially, he was saying that if I love anything but do not love it for God's sake, I do not love God rightly.  The problem I have with his assertion is not whether or not he's right (because he is), but which side of his Augustine's statement I fall on.  Oh, it's inevitable that I'll love things in a manner that does not include the Lord.  But how tender is my heart toward that truth?  How deeply do I desire to love the Lord with all my heart?  The problem I have with his assertion is not its truthfulness, but the manner in which it applies to me. seems like all truth is like that, when you get right down to it. 

posted by Bolo | 4:33 PM
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My Legacy

I'm sitting in the computer lab, listening to Chris Tomlin's live version of Take My's track 10 on Passion's album from OneDay03.  Jim told me that every time Tiffany listens to it, she listens for the scream.  It's a rather piercing scream, one that punches through the stilled silence that accompanies the end of the song.  That scream is my scream.  I mean, it's my scream.  My vocal chords produced that scream.  Jim had told Tiffany that little tidbit when she was here in January for the New Attitude conference, and she still hasn't forgotten it.  I guess it's a legacy of sorts :) 

posted by Bolo | 4:42 PM
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Long Lost Leeman

Leeman and I were sitting in his office on Wednesday...just so many times before.  He asked how I was doing, and I told him that this summer's been rough in some ways, good in others.  Rough because I'd noticed in the past few weeks that a lot of the things I'd been doing were being done just for the sake of doing them.  That doesn't necessarily sound so bad, until I reflected on the very reason I'm here.  Ultimately, I'm here to enjoy seek obey Him and delight in Him.  I told him I didn't think I was really doing that.  At least, I'd forgotten that in doing the "little things" of life.  There have been a lot of distractions, things to take my focus away from the real reason I'm here...the reason for my life.  I thought of the upcoming school year as well, and told Jonathan that somewhere during the summer, my wanting the school year to hurry up and get here wasn't so much because I was looking forward to that new season, but rather, I was looking for a distraction from the pain and frustration of the current one.  Not good.  If I'm not enjoying God here and now, what makes me think I'll enjoy him any more one month from now, when there'll be over a hundred new students at Boyce, in addition to all the returning ones?  In essence, my life has to look the same, no matter the circumstance.  My convictions...they should all be the same, whether or not other people are watching, whether or not I think other people are being affected (they always are).


That was to be my last meeting with Jonathan for a really long time.  He's leaving today...if things are still going as planned, he's driving up to Wisconsin to visit a friend, then down to Dallas to see his parents.  After that, he'll swing through here once more to pack up some stuff, then he'll be on his way to D.C. to do some editing on Dever's latest book.  Will he be back?  He doesn't know yet...I certainly don't.  It's crazy...people come and go, and only when they're on the verge of leaving do you try to find the words to say, only to find words don't work the way you wish they did.  Silly humans :)


My adventure through the book of Hebrews continues.  I was reading earlier this week and once more this morning through the last portion of chapter 12.  Check it out:

25  See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. For if those did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape who turn away from Him who warns from heaven. 26  And His voice shook the earth then, but now He has promised, saying, "YET ONCE MORE I WILL SHAKE NOT ONLY THE EARTH, BUT ALSO THE HEAVEN." 27  This expression, "Yet once more," denotes the removing of those things which can be shaken, as of created things, so that those things which cannot be shaken may remain. 28  Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; 29  for our God is a consuming fire. 
When you look up the source for the Old Testament quotation in verse 26, you're taken to Haggai 2.  The passage is amazing, simply because you see how the fulfilment of what God is saying is far, far beyond what the Israelites would or could have imagined. 

1   On the twenty-first of the seventh month, the word of the LORD came by Haggai the prophet saying, 2   "Speak now to Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and to the remnant of the people saying, 3   'Who is left among you who saw this temple in its former glory? And how do you see it now? Does it not seem to you like nothing in comparison? 4   'But now take courage, Zerubbabel,' declares the LORD, 'take courage also, Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and all you people of the land take courage,' declares the LORD, 'and work; for I am with you,' declares the LORD of hosts. 5   'As for the promise which I made you when you came out of Egypt, My Spirit is abiding in your midst; do not fear!' 6   "For thus says the LORD of hosts, 'Once more in a little while, I am going to shake the heavens and the earth, the sea also and the dry land. 7   'I will shake all the nations; and they will come with the wealth of all nations, and I will fill this house with glory,' says the LORD of hosts. 8   'The silver is Mine and the gold is Mine,' declares the LORD of hosts. 9   'The latter glory of this house will be greater than the former,' says the LORD of hosts, 'and in this place I will give peace,' declares the LORD of hosts."

When God speaks of the "latter glory of this house," He speaks of the glory that Christ brings, which Hebrews 12 reveals.  The entire epistle does that, explicitly shows how what was said in the days of the Fathers and the Prophets are brought to fruition and fulfilment in Christ.  In Haggai 2, God is reminding the Israelites of the glory of the original temple.  Now, in Hebrews, we are shown how there is a much better hope than we or the Israelites would have ever hoped for, and still more, how God intended that from all eternity. 


*Sigh*...we receive a Kingdom which "cannot be shaken."  So often, life is full of shakiness.  It seems so very unstable, and I spend so much time trying to stop the shaking.  I think it's imperative that I remember that the shaking will continue, no matter what I do.  Still more, that shaking is God's discipline...and He disciplines those He loves.  *Sigh*'s hard to remember that, you know?  When I look at all the turmoil, I've got to remember the stability of His Kingdom...the Kingdom He makes mine :)  

posted by Bolo | 1:41 PM
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Q & A

Yesterday...or was it today...I sent off an email to a friend of mine. We hadn't really been in touch in the past year, so we've had a lot to catch up on. Since it was one of those situations of, "where do I start? There's so much that's happened..." With Jenn, we hadn't talked in like...two years? Yeah, it's gotta be near there, since we had breakfast before I left to come here. Oh, but I think she did call me once this past winter, while I was sitting down at dinner for our Winter Formal. Hehe :)

Anyway, I wrote up a list of questions that would help her get her thoughts rolling. They're pretty open-ended, but still specific. I decided to post 'em here, and if any of you so desire to answer them...feel free :)

1. What are the biggest lessons God has taught you through your EXPERIENCES?

2. What are the most memorable lessons God has taught you through SCRIPTURE?

3. What PEOPLE has God used to influence and change you most?

4. What experiences that we've SHARED in as friends did God use to

help you through some trials?

5. What MEMORIES that we've shared in as friends mean the most to you

now? (Stuff that makes you smile, stuff that makes you cry, stuff

that makes you shake your head and go, "God is GOOD!")

6. What do you CHERISH the most about your walk with the Lord now?

7. What FUTURE possibilities make you the most excited?

posted by Bolo | 9:55 PM
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Lights Out

So we were in the gym last night, and we hear the rain start to come down. I mean, it was REALLY coming down...wind, thunder, lightning, the whole nine yards. After about five minutes of this, the lights flickered a little, then went out. I sat there in the dark with Benge, Christian, and Jewel acting silly for about ten seconds until the emergency lights came back on. about fun times ;)

Check this out. Mon is HOOKED on Reality TV. It's hilarious to watch her watching those shows...I told her last week that she's making up for missing out on soap opera's. So when I called Mon to tell her I'd be staying on campus last night instead of coming home, I asked her how her Reality TV shows were going. She sounded quite sad when she said that the electricity was out at the house. Hah! Good thing I wasn't going home :)

posted by Bolo | 8:28 AM
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Grace...and Discipline

I was driving out toward The Summit today, trying to find a decent song to listen to on the radio. I ran across someone singing Amazing Grace..."How sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved...We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we've first begun...How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed..."

I find it very easy not to be amazed by grace...shame on me.

What could I possibly write today that would do justice to God's grace? Nothing, really. I think that's part of the whole point of His grace...nothing we could do would do it justice. If we could, we wouldn't need it, would we? The only thing we can do is to ask for still more, knowing that we don't deserve it, yet rejoicing in the fact that we'll still receive it.

I was reading in Hebrews 12 today about God's discipline. Check out verses 4 - 7:

(4) You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; (5) and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons.

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; (6) For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives."

(7) It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

It struck me as somewhat odd that verse seven says "it is for discipline that you endure," and not the other way around, which would make it "it is for endurance that you are disciplined." The goal of endurance is God's discipline. I'm still not sure what I make of it...I mean, the end of chapter 11 and the surrounding verses in chapter 12 seem to indicate that we are to embrace endurance, in order that we might be disciplined by the Father. So then, I must ask, what is the nature of this discipline? Is it the discipline that a wayward child receives, the reception of which he dreads because he knows he is in the wrong? Or is it the discipline of someone in say, a military boot camp, the type that is embraced by the soldier because he knows it is to his betterment? I think it's both. We are sometimes as children, not knowing that what the Father gives to us is best. At other times, we are as soldiers, knowing the painful discipline He inflicts is best, because we are not yet at a point where we are beyond such discipline. Verse 2 speaks of Christ enduring the cross "for the joy set before Him." Verse 11 says that those who have been trained by discipline "yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness." We endure to embrace the joyful fruit of discipline. Hehe...easier said than done :)

posted by Bolo | 10:08 PM
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Allergic to short & hairy Japanese people?

Do you guys see that little rectangle at the top of the blog? It's the space with a couple of text ads...those ads, in case you didn't notice, always relate to what I've blogged about. Well, I don't know if it's there for you or not, but for me, one of the ads I see is for "Effective Goose Repellent." Hehehehe :) I should send that to Michelle...I'm sure she'll need it at some point :) Hmmm...I wonder if I'll see an ad for a product called Knobby-Knob. In the meantime, though, check this out.

posted by Bolo | 2:34 PM
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No joke

So it's been a while since I've last posted anything.'s been kinda crazy, in a somewhat uneventful sort of way. Does that make sense? Probably not :) Allow me to explain...

The summer has been full of work. On average, somewhere between fifty to sixty hours a week, and I don't think I've gone one single week this summer under forty hours, between my two jobs. Take for instance, last Friday afternoon through Saturday morning. That ended up being a seventeen hour shift. Yiiiiikes.

Thus, after all the hours at work, and all the hours spent trying to avoid the draining monotony of "just work," there hasn't been a lot of time to just sit down at a computer terminal and blog. Bummer. Still, that's not to say that God isn't teaching me and growing me...I just wish I were better at the learning, you know?

I was just telling Jared this morning that I feel lukewarm. Gah. What horrible word! Unless you're talking about bathing a baby, or pulling a practical joke on a sleeping friend, the word lukewarm has such a horrible connotation to it. And you know what? Rightly so. I find myself nibbling at God. I explained it to Jared like this. In the morning, when I go to "meet with Jesus," I'll sit down with him at the table. When we begin our conversation, I'm clearly distracted. I keep glancing up at the clock, I respond to what He's saying with a lot of uh huh's or, yeah...I already knew that's. But you know what? If God is the one teaching me, He knows precisely what I need to hear, and what I must learn. So why don't I listen? Quite simply, I don't really want to. I mean, I'll sit there just enough to check off from my daily list, "met with the Lord," but it's only that. A check on the list. It's like what James said about the whole looking in the mirror thing. I've noticed that when I go through times like this, times when I'm lukewarm, I'll not find myself pondering over the Scriptures I read that day, or that week, or even any Scripture at all. I'll find myself looking back throughout the day, trying to remember whether or not I did my devotions. Lukewarm, indeed.

The passage I read this morning came from Hebrews 10. In particular, verses 29 - 31 hit me hard:

How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY." And again, "THE LORD WILL JUDGE HIS PEOPLE." It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Ouch. Here, the author is not talking about believers, but unbelievers...those who've heard the gospel and have still rejected Christ. Or, as verses 38 and 39 put it, those who "shrink back" from Christ and go to their destruction. Yet, the believer is also being warned, for it would not serve us well not to be mindful of the wrath that awaits those who take lightly the blood of Christ. The question I must ask myself this morning is, "how do I trample upon the Son of God, regard as unclean His sanctifying blood, or insult His gracious Spirit?" The answer to that right now? My lukewarmness.

Last Wednesday, I did something I hadn't done in over four years. I preached. It wasn't something that I had been expecting to happen, especially with my crazy work schedule. Still, Keith asked me to do it for our youth service, and so I said, "uhhh...ok." 2 Samuel 6:1 - 9 was the main text. We took a look at the attempted move of the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem. The focus was on Uzzah, and his irreverence...our irreverence. One of the things I tried to make clear to the kids was this: Uzzah was struck down because he forgot exactly who he was, and who God is. It says that God's anger burned against Uzzah for his irreverence. And all he did was touch the Ark when it was about to fall over!

*Sigh* seems like so very often, I am like Uzzah. I reach out and touch God, forgetting who I am. More importantly, I forget who God is. In my lukewarm laziness, I come into the presence of God with a casual nonchalance that tramples the Son underfoot. You know, it's a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the Living God.

posted by Bolo | 10:36 AM
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