Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

1.29.2004   Oh the weather outside is frightful... We're supposed to get somewhere around two to two and a half inches of snow tonight, with the high tomorrow being only about twenty degrees. *Sigh*... I was just outside a little while ago, garnering my first experience in pushing a stalled car into a parking space in the snow. A little tip for the inexperienced: push any piles of snow out of the way of the tires before you begin to push the car...it makes the entire process SOOOOO much easier. Trust me. I speak from experience :) posted by Bolo | 9:17 PM 0 speakage   35 Today is Monica's birthday...35 years old. I bought her one of those 99 cent "Happy Belated Birthday" cards, just in case I don't see her today. Hehehehe :) This morning, when I opened one of my closet doors, I saw this huge box sitting on the floor. Contained within? A Kitchen Aid 5 quart mixing appliancethingamajigabobberdoohickeydad. My guess? Dave's birthday present to Mon. Was I right? Well, let me put it this way. When I said to Dave, "Soooo...Kitchen Aid 5 quart mixing thingy, eh?" he just smiled and laughed rather mischievously :) posted by Bolo | 2:16 PM 0 speakage 1.28.2004   Burning Tired...eyeballs burning...burning...buurrrrrrnnniiiiiiiiiinnnnnng. Bleh. I'm sitting in U of L's library right now, waiting for Mon to finish work. We won't be leaving here for another hour and a half...I think I'll be sleeping soon. Speaking of which, I crashed at Carver last night in Jeff (actually, he says it more like, "Juheyurf") Johnson's room...I don't think we went to sleep until somewhere around two-ish. I sat there eating chocolate covered granola bars and drinking orange soda (he calls them "cokes"...strange people) while he talked about...hmmm...what did he talk about? :) I found out it was something like 13 degrees outside this morning. At least, that's what Blind Brandon's computer said. I feel like some piece of Holy Hindu Meat being left in the freezer too long...when will I get to defrost?!?!?! Dr. Mohler was walking Baxter last night, and as he often does, he passed through the halls of Carver. Juheyurf asked him about The Passion (the movie), since Digglety Migglety has already seen it. I don't recall the entire conversation, but it seems like his response to the movie has been positive. There's a lot of talk on campus about the movie, some of it centering on the second commandment, some of it upon the evangelistic impact, some on its faithfulness to the Truth. In any case, I find my own reaction rather...well...neutral. It's not that I won't see it or don't care to; in fact, I'll probably see it as soon as it comes out, just like everyone else. I guess you could say my neutrality comes down to spiritual edification; will it help me to get so worked up over the movie now, when it's still a month away? Probably not. Therefore, I'm not all that excited about it...yet. One thing Dr. Mohler did say that got me...well...raising an eyebrow: he'll be having Mel Gibson on his radio show within ten days to talk about the movie. The cool thing? It's broadcast from on campus. Alright...time to find a nice little place to settle down for the next hour or so...did I mention my eyeballs are burning? posted by Bolo | 3:28 PM 0 speakage 1.27.2004   Titles! If you see something different about the blog, you're right, something is different. I've added titles :) To be more precise, I've had titles enabled all along, and have written in titles for most of the entries, but didn't bother to see why they didn't show up. Today, I figured, "why not?" So, I dug around a bit, found that I had to edit the template code a little, did the editing, and woosh! I now have titles! And yet one more thing over which to ponder as I write entries... Snow covered our beloved campus as we had our Convocation Chapel Service. Dr. Mohler got decked out in his funky red and black robes, along with the honkin' hugemongous bomboocha Seminary Seal (think medallion) hanging on his chest. He preached on John 3:1-21, talking about the simplicity of the Gospel, and how we ought not to forget it. In some ways, it reminded me of Chip's message last night from Romans 2:17-23. He had the gall to substitute the words "Jew" and "Law" with "Christian" and "Bible" :) Try reading that passage like that...it'll be somewhat cutting to you, methinks. Anyway, the kinship of those two messages was found in the what Dr. Mohler said about Nicodemus, the man to whom Jesus was speaking in John 3. The big Digglety Migglety said that Nicodemus was a man whose credentials could be compared to a modern-day seminary graduate, yet still was shown to be foolish by Jesus. Chip was talking about living up to what we preach. Different passages, different truths, yet the same result in my heart. I've got a lot of growing to do... posted by Bolo | 1:09 PM 0 speakage 1.26.2004   "Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability..." Classes are cancelled today, due to the nasty ice storm that has left many of the roads and highways looking something akin to bumper-cars at a carnival. It's a bummer for me, since my only two classes are on Mondays. Oh well... Mon's sitting next to me (we're in the computer lab on campus) taking an online quiz for her Theology II class. Her phone just started beeping, and she's talking to it, telling it to "ssshhh!" She gets more and more like Mom every day :) She even sings like Mom...hehehehe! That's ok...they all say I dress like Dad. Which I do NOT. I don't wear polyester Aloha shirts. And I look WAY cooler in my old Aloha shirts (cotton barkcloth or nylon, mind you). At least, that's what I tell myself ;) posted by Bolo | 11:26 AM 0 speakage 1.22.2004   Weather Report The weather report from my soul today? Cloudy, with lots of stormy activity...brainstormy activity, that is. There's a lot that's on my mind, so forgive me if I repeat stuff I've written about recently :) Where to begin? The beginning, I suppose. School started yesterday. Fortunately and unfortunately for me, I didn't have any classes yesterday. I'm sort of bummed that won't be able to take more than six credit hours this semester (possibly six and a half, but I'll get into that in a bit), due to my job and financial constraints. On the flipside of that, it means I'll be able to relax a little and perhaps focus more on serving others, which I'm looking forward to tremendously :) Over the break, I spoke to Jared quite a bit, and we agreed that there's a need on campus for discipleship. A lot of guys at Boyce are younger, and I feel a distinct desire to share with them what God has brought me through, and serve them in that way. The Who's and How's if it all aren't in place yet, but I'm not worried about that...God has a sneaky-cool way of bringing that all together. On to the six/six and a half credits. Last night, I had a talk with David Parks, our youth pastor at Rolling Fields, concerning my status as a youth intern at the church. Here's the deal: I've been working security overnight on weekends, and it's been a very compatible job with my schedule and transportation needs, save that I can be pretty drained come Sunday mornings. I teach Sunday School for the middle school kids before the regular service, and for the most part, I'm not in such bad shape, but being that I was sick as a dog being teased by an ugly cat a couple weeks ago, I was VERY drained that Sunday morning. Also, we had a youth event this past Saturday night, and so I was even more tired this past Sunday morning. That being the case, both Sundays were...well...eventful. I won't post what happened just 'cause it's a little bit embarassing (email me if you really want details), but those happenings brought some realizations to David's mind, thus prompting the chat last night. He's been very understanding and gracious, yet expressed concern that the tension in the situation may be causing some fissures within the youth ministry. *Sigh*...we both don't like what we see, and yet know that we can't go on without making some clarifications and adjustments. Be that as it may, I'm praying for direction on what to do. Do I stay a youth major? If I do, I would need to stay on as an intern at the church. If not, I would still stay on as a volunteer, which I'd love, and that would also make room for another youth intern to come on and help out. On the other hand, what comes to mind is the faithfulness to staying in the situation God has put me in, as the internship is a great opportunity, and it has a built-in level of intensity that volunteering wouldn't bring. Still more is the overarching issue of where God is calling me to. I told David that when I first felt God telling me to come to Kentucky, I felt Him telling me very strongly that my life was and is and never would again be my own. *Sigh*...what to do? I'm not sure; God is. The real issue isn't figuring out what to do, but listening to Him. Oh...the difference between six and six and a half? The half credit is the internship...if I'm not a youth major, I'd switch around the classes I take this Spring. Boss. Although he often doesn't see it, I see God's fingerprints all over his life. He's often questioned his growth (as we all do), but hasn't had the depth of teaching that Andrew and I have had to help comfort us in our journey. That, more than anything else, has made me sad when it comes to our friendship. It's not the struggles we share with each other that make me frown, it's the lack of light to pierce into his darkest trials. But not so now :) For whatever reason, I felt God putting him on my heart while Andrew was here. Andrew will be back at home for this next season, as will Brian, and it's been my hope that they both lean heavily upon each other. They're two of my brothers, but I can't say that they've both seen and savored each other as I'd want them to...and, I think as God would want them to. I talked to Brian last night, and he shared so much that made me smile. I often ask myself after our conversations, "does he see it?" I think so...I think so :) Relationships. Marriage. Gary wrote to Andrew and I and said he didn't know "who in the world would be willing to marry either of you guys." I agree...I don't know, either! God, however, does :) Andrew and I figured out that during our three weeks together, our conversations have centered upon relationships 90% of the time...the other 10% was other stuff, like our friends back home, things we've learned, and who in YFC used to be The Player. The relational stuff covered everything from what the Puritans said (go for the girl with whom you could be best friends for life, not the one with whom you're passionately in love with at the time) to what the Sovereign Grace churches say. In between, we tried to figure out where we fit in this great, God-glorifying mix. We also talked about the difference between "Strategic Planning" and "Stalking"...it was a very amusing topic :) After a while, we could only shake our heads...we're getting old...we're growing up...we're talking about...marriage. We've begun to realize just how long we've come together, and could only smile and look forward to, Lord willing, the journey together still to be unveiled. Whew, this is a bunch of stuff. There's still a lot in my noggin, but that's the brunt of it. Am I confused? Not really. The clouds and the storms of life bring water to the dry land, and they remind me that God's hand is mighty and active in my significantly insignificant life. Excuse me while I go play in the rain :) posted by Bolo | 11:33 AM 0 speakage 1.21.2004   Gone, gone, gone... Yes, that is indeed Andrew who wrote yesterday's posts. He's now gone from Kentucky, on his way to the west coast to visit some friends in Washington state. I'm tired, and pensive, and not quite sure what to make of everything. Then again, when am I ever sure what to make of things? Our time together was amazing. Late night talks that turn to early morning talks at the kitchen table...chillin' with the boys in Carver...going to Steak N Shake again and again and again...and again...I suppose I realize now that we're still the same two guys who met over ten years ago...yet we're very different...God's just changed us in amazing ways. *Sigh*... posted by Bolo | 1:52 PM 0 speakage 1.20.2004   oops... ...i forgot to add "the five-year plan" to my list of things i'll never forget!=) MAHALO's to dave, monica, john, and jon for letting me crash your house. tanks!=) ...andrew posted by Bolo | 11:14 PM 0 speakage   kentucky journey... [o1.2o.o1] aloha! i hope this entry finds you well and cared for by the graciousness of God. just for the record, this is andrew...not john. i just wanted to record a few of my thoughts during my time spent with john in kentucky and indiana. i've been here for 20 days and it has been a good time. a lot of thinking. ...a lot of stillness...and quietness. ...a fair bit of reading. ...a lot of good people. ...and a lot of cold (both temperature and illness=). here are some of the things that i'll remember the most... being able to see my breath while riding in the car... the quiet... chicken katsu curry... good talks.. sweet tea... taking in the haunting, soul-stilling kentucky landscape... a one-on-one snow ball fight with brandon... talking with God... jim winn... chuck e. cheese with the youth of Rolling Field's Baptist Church (never again!=)... the stillness... basketball... jenn the kind and sweet (intimidator of men=)... late night / early morning steak and shake runs... chris davis... talking to john at the kitchen table until 5:00 in the morning... hanging in brandon's room... surfer john... the silence... cranium=)... Kanikapila with some of the boys in carver in an early a.m. session... monica's shoyu chicken!=)... rob... talking about surf details over monica's shoyu chicken, oyako, and tons of rice... watching "band of brothers," with sound that you could feel, while eating choke chinese food!... listening to hawaiian music and looking at monica's pictures of Hawaii sunsets while i was completely surounded by the bitter cold... john's thong... driving by a Bob Evans... ministering with dave and monica at the U of L BSU (you guys are great...the LORD bless you!)... biggs... the 11 left turns and 1 right turn on our way to celebrate chinese new years with gen... that's about all i can recall for now. though it feels like i have been here for a good portion of forever, it also feels like i could spend a life-time here and still be lacking. both are probably true... well, i jump on a plane to head back west in about 8 hours, and this will be a memory. ...but it will be a good one. The LORD has been more than gracious and compassionate to me on this journey. i look forward to what he has in store ahead. soli deo gloria... Seattle...here i come. journey stong...andrew=) posted by Bolo | 10:20 PM 0 speakage 1.16.2004   Bittersweet A friend of mine wrote an email to me recently...one that has me thinking a lot. She was quite frank in her email, and told me about the struggles of being away from friends and family, growing up, and having people react to that. It reminded me of being back at home for the first time after going away. I thought that I'd changed. I thought that I'd be able to just come back home and be the person I knew I really was. The problem? It was hard for people to accept the changes God had worked within me. It was hard for me to accept people's reaction to what God had done. Jesus talked about this, saying that the prophet is not without honor except in his own hometown. Now, I'm not equating myself to a prophet, but I will say that I understand that verse a little more since leaving home. At times I feel like Elijah, ready to take on the false prophets of whatever Ism has come into vogue; at others, I feel more like Jeremiah, prone to weeping and whining to God, or perhaps Jonah, knowing God but not loving His nature. I haven't written the said friend back yet. She's gotten me thinking about my own situation a lot, but even more so, thinking about what she's going through. She's got a lot to deal with, and I feel pity for her. Yet I'm glad she's having to deal with it. My hope is that perhaps, as God has taught me, she'll learn that bitterness toward her hometown isn't the answer. No, I think that when she is able to look past her own pains, she'll see that they want her to help them in their pains. What a sweet joy that realization is...what a sweet joy it is to help them :) posted by Bolo | 6:11 PM 0 speakage 1.14.2004   Table For Two We sat up late, talking about...stuff. Relationships, people, the church, spiritual growth (and lack thereof), ironic situations, and more. Very quickly it seemed to turn from late to early, and before we knew it, the night had passed into morning. We went to bed, tired and worn, but one thing was decided upon: sitting there, at a kitchen table in Jeffersonville, Indiana, neither Andrew nor myself felt that it'd be the last time we'd be doing that. Although he'd be leaving in a week, we had the distinct feeling that...well...perhaps this wouldn't be the last time we sat together like that. We used to sit up late at home, talking. I guess it just goes to show that although the times and places may change, we'll still be sitting up late, talking about...stuff. I wonder what we'll talk about tonight... posted by Bolo | 9:20 PM 0 speakage 1.13.2004   Old hat Being sick as a dog sucks. Being sick as a dog on vacation sucks even more. Being sick as a dog while on vacation to visit a friend and also having your friend sick as a dog...well...yeah...you guessed it. It sucks. Such is life for Andrew and me right now. Other than that, it's not all that bad. School starts up in a little over a week, and I'm getting decent grades in my classes, so things are going well, you could say. Or are they? Life is far too easily encapsulated by how well I'm performing...or supposedly performing, that is. This morning, when I was reading through a few Psalms, I thought again about how quickly God's word becomes old hat. God being "clothed in majesty" or being from "everlasting to everlasting" is so...well...boring to me. But should it be? Hardly! I find it sad that I'm so much more impressed with myself or other people than with God. Every morning, the sun rises (or seems to). When is the last time I made the sun do that? Heck, when's the last time I was up early enough to *see* the sun do that? *Sigh*...God makes the sun to rise, and the stars to twinkle, or the skies to rain...and yet, I'm impressed with how I look in the mirror. Silly human. posted by Bolo | 2:53 PM 0 speakage 1.12.2004   Is He enough? I'm sitting in Blind Brandon's room right now, typing away at this entry. I'm thinking back to Josh's first message at New Attitude...he spoke on Psalm 73, and how that particular Psalm answers the question, "Is He enough?" During things like conferences and camps and good conversations with friends, that question is very easy to answer. It's during the lonely hours of the night, or the doubtful hours of the morning that we don't find the answer as convincing as it once was. In an earlier entry, I touched upon that moment during Bob Kauflin's song. It was like I almost heard God smiling, that's how big He seemed to be smiling. Don't give up! Don't ever give up! I'll often wonder if it's worth it to keep on keeping on. I'll find the smiles less easy to produce, the truth not as sharp and vivid. But that reminder...Don't give up! Don't ever give up!...it's a reminder that not only is He in control, but that He's joyfully watching over every situation, every frustration, every sinful moment, every triumphant smile. And still, He laughingly says, Don't give up! Don't ever give up! Is He enough? Yes, He is. The thing is, is that enough to make me run to Him? Or is He only enough to make me crawl? I think He's enough for both those times...those times when I want to run, and those times when I can only crawl. The beauty of that? In either case, He always reaches down and grabs me, 'cause there's no way I'd ever make it all the way to Him. posted by Bolo | 10:31 PM 0 speakage   One year later January 12, 2003. A year ago today, I was getting on a flight to LAX. It would be the first time I'd leave Hawai'i, ever, and life has never been the same since. I flew into Los Angeles at night, which was rather like seeing a real-life version of TRON unveiled beneath my eyes. Later, I'd watch incredulously as my breath fogged up in Cincinnati, while waiting for my shuttle to take me to my flight in Louisville. Within less than a one day period, life changed...really changed. Home no longer was seen by my opened eyes, but with my eyes closed. How strange...how surreal...how enexpectedly sweet :) posted by Bolo | 3:56 PM 0 speakage 1.08.2004   For Brian You know who you are. You're the one who's tired...weary...longing for a break...and you haven't even woken up. You wonder if anyone cares, if you're the only one who is going to be left behind, or if God even has a plan...for you. You sit, alone in the dark, too heartbroken to count the tears as they fall. You sit, alone in the dark, feeling exactly like that: utterly alone, utterly in the dark. You know who you are. You smile at the passerby, but secretly frown when contemplating what's on the inside. You know exactly where you are, but have no idea where you're going. Strangely, both seem to be the same place: nowhere important. You wonder where the joy went, you wonder why life seems so unfair. You begin to wonder, "when will God show he cares?" I know who you are. You are the one I'll always love...you are the one God has forever loved. You are the one who doubts yourself. You've got it half right, since God wants you to trust only in Him. You are the one I cannot be there for. God is the One who's never left, and who never will. Remember, God knows who you are :) posted by Bolo | 5:24 PM 0 speakage   Service The past couple of days, I've had the flu. Chills...*brrr*. Body aches...*groan*. If I said I was going to call you after the conference but I haven't, my somewhat horrible physical state is to blame. Andrew and I agreed that it's quite ironic...half a year of not seeing each other, and the first time we get to spend by ourselves, we're busy trying to deduce just how to rid ours mouths of TheraFlu's nasty aftertaste. Yet, all that aside, God has been gracious, and He's allowed me to think still more upon what's transpired within the past week or so. Looking back upon my experience at New Attitude, I realized that I did indeed enjoy it more than my experience at OneDay. That's high praise, indeed! Why such esteem? In a sense, I believe it comes down to one thing: service. Often, we're pointed toward Romans 12:1, and told to live our very lives as worship to God. The sweetness of such acts are often lost, however, in the everyday hubbub of human activity. Service to our brothers and sisters, when done with proper "clear-headed passion and warm-hearted compassion" (someone once said that of the Puritans...I forget who, though), truly is worship. I met so many great people at the conference. Although that was what made the experience memorable, serving them (and in doing so, worshiping God) was what made the experience sweet. How good God is! I saw in their faces a glow, one that occurs only when Christ is present in a person's heart. I was truly blessed to have served, truly blessed to be given the opportunity to worship. posted by Bolo | 4:26 PM 0 speakage 1.05.2004   Happy New Year One more thing. Happy New Year! posted by Bolo | 7:00 PM 0 speakage   WOW! (post-New Attitude) Wow. No, wait. That's not right. WOW! That's better. New Attitude (the conference that ran from Thursday through Sunday) is over, and I almost wish it wasn't. It all started out on Wednesday, when a few of us Boyce junkies hung out with the band from the first five N.A. conferences. Blind Brandon, Jared, and I met Eric, Augie, and Ted in the main office at Carver. Little did we know that we were in for treat. Those guys...WOW. (I'm going to use that word a lot in this post - get used to it.) As Eric later put it, we all seemed to be "kindred spirits" from the beginning...even more so when we were "caught" throwing the football around the lawn in Carver Ciricle by Boyce College's Dean, Dr. Jerry Johnson. At one point during the conference, being the facetious little angel I am, I told them that we weren't their groupies, but they were our groupies :) I think it's safe to say the groupiness (be quiet, Andy...it is too a word!) is mutual. If the groupiness we now have with those guys was all I walked away from the conference with, it would have been enough. But no. God didn't want to stop there. Time and time again, I was BLESSED through people. Oh my....what a list...Pat, Edgar, Daniel, Tiffany, Blind Brandon, Oscar, my Family Group (Kari, Jenn, Kristen, Chris, Franz, Matt, Shirley, Meena, and Lauren...I think), the TWU crew (Rob, Bart, Lindsey, Melissa, and Jess), and more that sleep deprivation has driven from memory. Looking into their eyes and seeing God's joy reflected there...WOW. I found myself wanting to keep these formerly complete strangers to myself, if only to soak in the goodness that God has done in their lives. God's blessings are indeed good! If God had stopped with people, it would have been enough. Yet, in His goodness, God didn't stop there. His word became sweeter and more piercing as Josh Harris, Mark Dever, Wayne Grudem, Dr. Mohler (our very own Southern Seminary President), and CJ Mahaney shared with us. I told Dave one caffeine-deprived morning that what I loved most about the preaching was how principles were not simply shared as something that should be done, but were shown to be important because of how they intertwined with God Himself. Such preaching pleaded with us to realize that God is not to be mocked, and when we toss aside His design for our fleshly preferences, we are tossing aside the wonderous ways in which He displays His glory. Further still, we toss aside God Himself. Such stubborn adherences to subtle lies kills the joy we have in Him as we see Him more clearly and deeply. I did learn a lot, yet I don't think I necessarily learned a lot of "new" things. If anything, the things most astounding to me were the things that God had already taught me, but made agonizingly fresh and sweet once more. His grace...how sweet it is to look over the wretched chasm of sin and death and realize that Christ's cross already spans the distance! Service...Romans 12:1 & 2 has never been so satisfyingly real! It was truly a deep and eternal blessing to meet the needs of so many. Fellowship...a meal tastes better when Christians truly are the Salt. The Cross...as Eric put it, let us "sit in the shadow of the cross," never to leave...let us stay, let us linger, let us say, "that's where you'll find me." Sin...I am a horrible, proud, selfish, wretched person, who has been washed clean in the blood of Christ. The depths of my sin is beyond me. It's not beyond God, however, nor beyond His grace. Faith...I told Tiffany that it'd been a tough month. My wretchedness was apparent more than grace, and I'd become weary of the battle. One line of a song that Bob Kauflin wrote after the first day of the conference (a prophetic song) said, "don't give up." I told her that in those words, I could almost hear God talking to me. He wasn't giving me the encouraging pat on the shoulder like people often will when they say, "hang in there...you'll be ok...God is faithful." It was like God was grinning as big a grin as He possibly can (that's a huge grin!), laughing and crying all at once, pleading with me as He said, "don't give up! Don't you EVER give up! I'm not leaving you, and oh my...you don't see what's on the other side, but I have SO MUCH in store!" It was almost like I saw God rejoicing over me as the proud father of his first newborn would be rejoicing. Last, but not least, Andrew arrived last Thursday. It was strange, driving on the I-65 in the van, with him riding shotgun and Steph in the back (she got in earlier that day, too); it was like were going to the beach or something, but the setting was all wrong. Very, very surreal. Seeing him here has been awesome beyond words...being at the conference with him...WOW. He was giving away pineapples that he'd brought up with him, and doing so immediately identified him as being from Hawai'i. If that weren't enough, the vintage Aloha Shirts we wore were more than ample supporting evidence. Hehe...as I type this, he's sitting next to me, typing out emails to some people. How strange...how cool :) Perhaps I'll put in another entry quite soon; I've definitely only generalized what God's done over the past several days, and I know there's so much more that is flowing from inside of me right now. WOW! posted by Bolo | 6:18 PM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. 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Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon