Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Honest to goodness

I'm tired today. Physically, yes. But more so spiritually. I feel strong...but for the wrong reasons. I hear God's whispers to sit, to wait on Him, but I'm strong enough to ignore Him. I feel weak...and I try to cover it. *Sigh*...why does life wear me down like this?

All of a sudden, I look around and I see it: I've fallen prey to the very things I try to guard against. Complacency? Check. Comfort? Yep. Pride? It's there with knowledge. Laziness? How can I count the ways? But I won't...I'm too lazy to do that. Bleh.

It's a hard thing to admit, but I must. I'd rather not, but I'd be lying if I weren't. I feel drained. In need of...something...but I'm not sure what it is. Well, yes I do; I need to sit and listen to Him, wait on Him. But will I? Why don't I? Waiting on God takes too long, for one thing. Am I too afraid of what He'll say? Maybe. Am I too weary to let Him in and clean house? Perhaps. What have I got to lose? Nothing, really, except my comfortable complacency. It's illogical, really. But that's just like sin, isn't it? It's preys upon me, it makes me love the illogical desires my mind clings to. Gah! Leeman's statement on appearing to do good comes to mind..."When I try to appear to do good, that's the point at which I cease to do good." Yeah, guilty there, too. I've wondered about that in recent am I doing good? How is my faith showing itself to be real? Are my silly, superficial desires grieving the Spirit? No doubt. Are they quenching God's work within me? To be honest, I'd rather not think about that just's too comfortable for me not to. But you know what? I will. I think God won't let me not think about it...besides, it'll only make me more tired to fake a smile and tell everyone I'm alright.

posted by Bolo | 6:08 PM
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