Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

8.31.2007   Go Irish! The 2007 college football season ensues tomorrow for the Irish, and until now, I've been quiet on the issue, content to merely gather and read what others are saying. I'm excited about this season, even optimistic. Last year at this time, a lot of the talk seemed just that -- talk -- while there were hushed, almost fearful whispers about several key issues. The offensive line wasn't looking very strong, the team didn't seem very fast, and depth was a concern. All of these hushed whispers turned into loud groans about halfway through the first quarter of the Michigan contest. Fast-forward to the last day of August, and the whispers are no more. Sure, the Irish have lost some of their most celebrated and, statistically-speaking, accomplished players in their storied history. But what of it? The offensive line, while not laden with the "experience" of last year's starting five, are bigger, stronger, deeper, and more talented. The defensive backfield is faster, deeper, and more talented. The running backs? All five of the guys are quality backs, and all of them will see significant playing time, unlike last year. Freshman are going to see the field, but mainly because they're talented, and not just because the upperclassmen are entirely inept. Sure, there are still reasons for skepticism, as the defensive line is lacking a behemoth at nose guard, much less a backup for their starter, and the linebacking corps does not yet have the benefit of two solid recruiting classes at linebacker to provide the talent and depth their new 3-4 defense requires. But you know what? I'm fine with all of that. The pundits aren't expecting much on the field from the Irish this year, as nobody has pegged them as being Top-25 material. Nor, for that matter, should they. Charlie Weis and company haven't proven jack squat on the field this year, and everything that was done in the past two years was done with the help of a guy now donning a jersey for the Cleveland Browns. I don't necessarily expect a whole lot in the W column this season, but I do expect to be pleasantly surprised by the guys whose names aren't known by people who don't follow all things Irish. What's more, I do expect that those names, the names that I've been following for years now, will not only be well-known, but also loved and loathed with the same passion and vehemence that I've come to expect for those who don the golden helmets. Aaahhh...kickoff is just around the corner... ...and I'll be playing the inaugural game as the captain of my frisbee team. Doh! Go Irish! posted by Bolo | 10:27 PM 0 speakage   Nasally Speaking The whole nose-size thing was blown way out of proportion. Literally. Figuratively, too. posted by Bolo | 10:41 AM 1 speakage 8.30.2007   Chaffy posted by Bolo | 3:27 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts If Peter is the New Guy, what are we going to name the new guy? That Ethiopian Sidamo is way, way, way too delicious for my safety or sanity. What happens when I run out? Seriously, Mon, rotate the pics before you upload 'um! Even though Glen Moore was declared a mooch today, what made it noteworthy was that I was the moochee! We lost our league game tonight, but I think that was due to a lack of chemistry on our part, for which I mostly blame the setter. I don't think Andy will ever get Karen lunch. Wait, I'm our setter, aren't I? If the score of the Scrabble game is 164 - 35 after two turns apiece, I guess I don't blame her for not really wanting to play it out. Since Mon finally updated her blog, I've come to a conclusion: cute never gets old or goes out of style. Smythe and I managed to have breakfast together without a single signature Smythe moment. There's no flippin' way Stephen really hit that pen. Ok, maybe he did, but I only believe him 'cause he claimed that Szrama pitched it and Mantooth caught it on the fly, and both of them backed up the story. Bedtime. posted by Bolo | 12:25 PM 1 speakage 8.29.2007   Woops I'm not responsible for what happened to Szrama's truck. No, really, I'm not! posted by Bolo | 6:32 PM 0 speakage   Who's the Mooch? Glen wanted coffee, so Glen sent Sunshine over from the other office to get coffee from me. As I handed the thermos to her, Sunshine declared with negligent distaste, "He's such a mooch!" Did you hear that, ladies and gentlemen? She wasn't talking about me! posted by Bolo | 11:49 AM 0 speakage   *Groan* Ow. I. Am. Sore. And. It. Is. Morning. Ow. posted by Bolo | 8:45 AM 0 speakage 8.28.2007   Peopled posted by Bolo | 10:39 PM 0 speakage   Nomenclature I got back to my desk yesterday afternoon and found that my coworkers had left me a little nameplate for my desk. I think it looks a little tacky, but I won't be picky. The jerks :) posted by Bolo | 8:32 AM 2 speakage 8.27.2007   Genius Three batches of Brazilian coffee, sitting in the pan and cooling. One batch of Honduran sitting in two pans on top of the pan with the Brazilian. They're waiting to be bagged, the Brazilian in one, the Honduran in another. What do I do? Dump the Honduran beans into the pan with the Brazilian beans. Flippin' genius, I tell you. posted by Bolo | 10:49 PM 1 speakage   More Stuff posted by Bolo | 5:14 PM 0 speakage   *Yawn* Ugh. 'Tis morning, and it snuck up on me. posted by Bolo | 8:50 AM 0 speakage 8.26.2007   Questions, Answers I find myself asking a lot of questions these days. To be clear, this is nothing new, but what is new is the frequency with and circumstances in which I am doing the questioning. I suppose another way of looking at this is to say that I'm reevaluating everything. Questions abound, and they do so without granting quarter: Why did I do what I just did? How am I doing what I'm doing? Why did I do it that way? Why am I prone to doing it this way rather than that way? What are my desires in this? Was I being selfish when I thought that, did this? Am I being selfish now? Where in God's Word do I find a mandate for doing this? How close to the gospel is this teaching? I know that Christ is enough, but how is He enough? I suppose it's fair to say that I try to see things from different angles, from unique perspectives. Always have, truth be told. A Floridian Friend of mine once asked if I only saw things through the lens of a camera. While the answer to this is a firm "no," I will grant her that I'm constantly itching for new eyes to see life afresh, for a new heart to understand life's pains and joys. Still, I feel silly for even trying. I once wrote about knowing my Father. Anyone who's been a Christian for a while, if honest, will speak about the pains and struggles of life in very intimate and personal terms. We know we don't deserve grace, and we know we keep screwing up. The questions keep mounting, and strangely enough, God's answers don't change: My grace is sufficient for you. It is not you who lives, but Christ lives in you. The love with which the Father loves the Son is the love with which the Father loves you. Your hope is an anchor for the soul, being one that is sure, steadfast, and enters within the veil. In all my questioning, I keep being driven toward the cross of Christ. The irony in this is that I continually feel, the more and more I live, less and less deserving of God's grace. Yet, perhaps because of this growing awareness, I continually become all the more aware of how tightly gripped I am by that very grace. Wow. posted by Bolo | 11:18 PM 0 speakage   One More Another shot from the other morning...I like to stare at it and think about feeling really, really, really tiny in a world far too big for me to understand. Hmmm...that's far closer to the truth than I realize, isn't it? posted by Bolo | 12:47 AM 2 speakage 8.25.2007   Minty Madness Mrs. O: I forgot all about it, and I was letting the vehicle melt. Doh! posted by Bolo | 8:58 PM 2 speakage   Oops posted by Bolo | 4:25 PM 0 speakage 8.24.2007   Man Night Sweet turkeys, amazing burgers, frog hairs, Zassenhaus mills, 10 or 22, a shirtless Tim, great coffee, a shirted Tim that got catcalled, and some killer ice cream from Graeter's. All in all, a nice evening with the guys. Have fun in Chicago, Tim! posted by Bolo | 11:54 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts I'm glad the Stupid Statement Syndrome remained on the couch last night. Frisbee nerds that said you would sign up, go and sign up...now. Just a thought, but I wonder if I'll see things differently if I listen to music while I shoot. As it is, I feel pretty immersed in the moment when I don't, but the background noise may change things up a bit. Boss has hit the big one, and 'Drew's just around the corner...whoa. I find it humorous that I'm "signed up" to play volleyball this afternoon, even after I clearly said I would not. I should make a list of rules concerning interactions with John Letoto...it might actually be helpful, and not merely humorous. Is sixteen games of Scrabble too many to play at once? I don't think so, personally. posted by Bolo | 10:09 AM 0 speakage 8.23.2007   New Dew This morning, on the way out to the car, this little shot presented itself to me. To really do it justice, click on the image for the full-size file. posted by Bolo | 11:36 PM 2 speakage   Rain, Rain, Ben Goes Away So. It was raining the other morning. This means that Ben's car, which does not quite have all the necessary components for a fully sealed, watertight sunroof, was prone to a little leakage. Thus, he took a precautionary measure and put a little plastic cover over the leaky spot: Unfortunately, that wasn't good enough. So, Ben being Ben, he decided that he would, ever so gracefully, saunter out to his vehicle and cover it up with a bigger piece of plastic. What he didn't count on was the tremendous help his friends wanted to give him :) posted by Bolo | 8:38 AM 1 speakage 8.22.2007   Cheat Sheet Guys are stupid. I'm a guy. Therefore, I'm stupid. Part of our stupidity comes from the fact that we foolishly and repetitiously commit the same verbal errors over and over and over again. Some of these errors come out of sheer naïveté, while others stem from the fact that our stupidity and sensitivity to all things feminine, particularly feminine emotion, are mutually exclusive. The following, therefore, is a cheat sheet for guys everywhere. These statements should not be said, nor, for that matter, should they even be thought. If they are thought, try, try, try to squelch them as soon as they pop up. If they refuse to be squelched, bite your tongue. Hard. If the taste of blood in your mouth does not awaken some sense of sensitivity and sensibility and propriety toward the fairer sex within your conscience, do what all men have done since the days of our fallen father, Adam: run from the situation. 10. "You have very handsome features." 9. "Hey, don't worry, you look great for your size." 8. "You're pretty stout." 7. "No, that doesn't look too bad on you." 6. "Don't worry, you've still got a great personality!" 5. "Huh? Her? No, I wasn't checking her out, I just thought I knew her from somewhere." 4. "No, there's nothing wrong with you, it's me." 3. "He asked you out? No way!" 2. "I like you, but..." 1. "Dude, you're a beast!" posted by Bolo | 10:56 AM 5 speakage 8.21.2007   Thoughts S.D.'s father in-law was reportedly tortured by a certain Hawaiian's mug of delicious and aromatic buzz brew while they were seated just a few spots away from one another the other day...*grin*. Seeing Ben do his rain dances is well worth the effort of getting up out of my chair. Our LUFA league team may be much better than I initially thought. Has Glen's desperation for good coffee really stooped to the level of sending his minions in search of a better brew? I think it has. Speaking of a better brew...I think I need some coffee... posted by Bolo | 5:05 PM 0 speakage   Lyrical The following lyrics come from In the Valley, written by Bob Kauflin: When You lead me to the valley of vision I can see You in the heights And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision It’s here Your glory shines so bright So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown To be low is to be high That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ Let me find Your grace in the valley Let me find Your life in my death Let me find Your joy in my sorrow Your wealth in my need That You’re near with every breath In the valley In the daytime there are stars in the heavens But they only shine at night And the deeper that I go into darkness The more I see their radiant light So let me learn that my losses are my gain To be broken is to heal That the valley’s where Your power is revealed I've had several conversations in the past several days that have made me more aware of how easily man is exposed in weakness and pain. I don't like pain; it's not something I crave. At the same time, I don't necessarily like exposing my pain, especially when it feels shameful to me. Yet, there's a greater glory in all of this, isn't there? posted by Bolo | 8:00 AM 0 speakage 8.20.2007   Brew Buzz Fuzzled This is what I get for laughing. Really, I deserve this. It's a nasty retribution, but it's fitting. I left my grinder at home this morning, rather than bringing it into the office. Not a big deal, since we have one in the office that has served us in a pinch in the past. Well, the problem with this burr grinder is that it has a bunch of old grounds sitting along the grinding and dispensing path, and yours truly neglected to clean it out appropriately before grinding up that aged Sumatra and tossing those grounds into the press. The resulting brew was perhaps the nastiest, most disgusting brew I'd had in a long, long time. Nasty, nasty, nasty. posted by Bolo | 11:00 AM 0 speakage   Brew Buzz You know what I find amusing? Walking into a Starbucks, talking coffee with the employees, and hearing them wax nostalgic about the quality of the coffee at Sunergos. Hahahaha! Ok. I know. I shouldn't be so darned snobby. But...I can't help it...really I can't! posted by Bolo | 12:41 AM 0 speakage   Odd Optics posted by Bolo | 12:11 AM 0 speakage 8.19.2007   What He Longs For Today at lunch, I shared with Joseph what Jim had once told me: "Don't drag your heels; the LORD longs to be merciful to you." I thought about that once more just now, and in doing so, felt astounded by the depth of God's mercy. I realized anew that my concept of God's affection for me is so incredibly tiny in comparison to reality, and furthermore, that the way I live my life reflects that. Jimmy Scroggins preached a message in Dorm Meeting last semester, one that I think I need to revisit. In the message, he gave a wonderful illustration on grace. Thinking back on it now, I remember how clearly God's grace seemed to me that night. I also remember feeling much like that child did, wanting to pay his father back, wanting desperately to make everything right. I also remember listening to Dr. Scroggins convey with incredible clarity something I feel more and more every day: I have no means to fully appreciate the cost of God's glorious grace. Does the LORD scorn me for my inability, for my shortsightedness? No! God's grace is free. It is given joyfully. It is infinite, sufficient, meeting our every need. Just as an earthly father delights in granted his children good gifts, everything from an ice cream cone to a college education, so our Father in heaven delights in granting us everything from our daily bread to our eternal salvation. Nothing is too great or small for Him, for He longs to be merciful toward us. posted by Bolo | 5:34 PM 0 speakage 8.18.2007   Ring Tones Here you go, Popples... posted by Bolo | 6:44 PM 0 speakage   Speakage The remarkable, unbelievable, rare, inexplicable and wonderful has just happened: Andrew and I conversed. It was the first time in...well...a long time. It was excellent, truly excellent to converse with the guy. posted by Bolo | 6:18 PM 0 speakage 8.17.2007   Scratching Felt the itch to shoot something today... posted by Bolo | 10:51 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts Ben just killed a Ben-sized fly, and said Ben-sized fly's carcass is now sitting on Szrama's monitor. I hear that little Zayney is going to have a little visitor today: his cousin, Kavin. Stephen just came in and left again, 'cause Baby Secret is on her way. The Harar in my cup is nice, but I'm still in love with that Kochere District Yirgacheffe. The phone rang in my room last night, and I was there to answer it...three times. Mrs. Ryherd told me that she was trying to hunt me down on campus last night, and kept finding people who'd recently seen me, but did not actually know with certainty where my person was to be found. Bummer. Due to Mr. S.D. O'Neal, Malia asked me one of life's eternal questions: "Do you have a roommate?" Despite what certain people/persons may think, I do require sleep, and I do sound tired upon occasion...after I finish roasting coffee. posted by Bolo | 10:15 AM 0 speakage 8.16.2007   I Brew? Or He Brews? When discussing his Hebrew class with Mr. Jeffrey Cavanaugh, I informed him that I have no Hebrew skills to speak of. He, quite graciously, disagreed. "No, I hear people talking about your coffee all the time: 'He brews...' " posted by Bolo | 10:27 PM 2 speakage   Destructo! Despite the fact that I don't feel incredibly guilty over the fact that I forgot my nephew's birthday, I still miss the little dude. Kavin is now two, and I seriously doubt he remembers me all that much. Oh well. He likes me. I know he does. He has to. I'll lick his eyeball if he doesn't. posted by Bolo | 6:42 PM 0 speakage   R.I.P. In Man vs. Mantis IV, it was Ryan Szrama who took on the office pet, Mr. Mantis. Who won? Well, let's just say that there won't be a monkey mating call heard in here for a long, long time. posted by Bolo | 8:32 AM 0 speakage 8.15.2007   Pondering Possibilities When Jesus spoke of taking up our crosses and following Him, He spoke of dying to the World, of severing our reliance upon and loves for things other than Him. This is, to be honest, difficult. I rely far too much upon myself, and I love the things of this world with a passion that easily cools the fervor I feel for my Lord. Tonight, as I pondered what Paul lays out for those who desire to be elders, I felt with an even keener sense of intensity the difficulty of attaining that standard. In fact, in just thinking of what it is to be a man of God, I felt overwhelmed. How can I be that man? God's call upon me feels so far from reality! 'Drew and I used to talk about living our lives for just one thing, just one passion, one desire. The more and more I live, the more and more I feel the weight of life lived in this world: my sin, the responsibility and freedom to love, the severity and gravity of each moment; all beckon, all weigh on my mind. Thus, it is all the more shocking that Jesus, the same Jesus that would command us to love our fellow man as no other Man ever had commanded before, would call us to forsake all others to follow Him. Why? In looking at the call of Jesus upon the believer's life, I'm struck by two things: the impossibly high standard, and the infinitely precious cost. Often times, I confuse the two. You see, the standard for the Christian is high, extremely high. Yet, the standard by which I must live is not the cost of gaining Christ's love. Why? The cost of His love for me was the cost He paid when He was forsaken by the Father at the cross. The standard, therefore, is not the means by which I gain His love, but rather, it is the means by which I can and do live because of His love. What? Allow me to put it this way: when Jesus tells me to take up my cross and follow Him, He's commanding me to live in such a way as to reflect the fact that I am His, that He has indeed graciously made me into a new creature that now loves that which is most lovely, namely, Him, and is no longer satisfied by earthly things. Does this mean that I do not enjoy life here on earth? Hardly! Rather, life is enjoyed with a much grander view in mind, and with a much deeper appreciation than ever before. Sin becomes more and more distasteful and heinous, and goodness becomes ever more and more savory to the soul. Is this difficult? Yes. Is it impossible? No! In fact, the life that is so effected is the life that God calls us to, and, difficult though it may seem, is indeed possible. posted by Bolo | 11:46 PM 0 speakage   Happy Birthday? So, I think I found out yesterday that I forgot Kavin's second birthday. What gave it away? Well, the email from Lisa entitled, "Kavin's Birthday Pics" sort of provided me with a clue. Oops! posted by Bolo | 8:29 AM 0 speakage 8.14.2007   Thoughts 'Drew, Boss, and Kev all need to update their blogs, and don't even get me started on Brit's. I'm experiencing massive Surf Crew MIA right now. I think we'll need to do an Office Sports Day sometime this Fall. It could even incorporate events Stephen would possibly do well in. That Sumatra we brewed up last night at Ben's? Freakishly good, man, freakishly good, with hints of aromatic spices and a rich, full body. I've got some serious volleyball needs right about now. I need to shoot, too. While I'm speaking of needs, if the wall at Kewalo's was within a few hours of travel time, you'd better believe I'd be there. Hehehe...I know who just got engaged! posted by Bolo | 10:29 AM 0 speakage   Stuff posted by Bolo | 9:44 AM 1 speakage 8.13.2007   Misunderstanding Tonight, as I walked from the gym and back across campus toward my room, I realized something: I don't understand why I feel the way I do. In fact, I don't even understand what I'm feeling at the moment. This sort of feeling is strange. It stirs within me a desires both to ignore and to delve deep and unearth the roots of my emotions. A part of me yearns for answers; another part is afraid of the process, or still more, of what I'll find. I'm brought to reflect upon the famous decree found in Jeremiah 2, that which lays out the two evils God's people have committed against Him: forsaking Him, the fountain of living waters, and hewing for themselves broken cisterns that can hold no water. I see my soul chasing after vapors, the tiniest tendrils of fleeting moisture, when right before me, indeed, springing up from within me, is a well of water that satisfies like no other can or will. I'm reminded of the cry of the psalmists in Psalm 73, "But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works," and of Psalm 17, "As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I awake." Perhaps that stirring within my soul is dissatisfaction. Perhaps it is Christ's Spirit crying out, working to answer His prayers in order that I might be sanctified in the truth of the Word. Hmmm. Perhaps. posted by Bolo | 10:21 PM 0 speakage   *Whew* In Thailand, Mothers' Day does not fall on the same day as Mothers' Day does in the U.S., which meant that just a few minutes ago, yours truly was freaking out that a phone call home did not happen at some point yesterday. Why? Because yesterday, the 12th of August, is when Mothers' Day goes down in Thailand. Scared me so much that my eyes got distinctly un-Asian for a second. That would've been bad, even for me. posted by Bolo | 1:33 PM 1 speakage   Out of Doors posted by Bolo | 12:58 AM 0 speakage 8.12.2007   Stuff From Today posted by Bolo | 1:34 AM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon