Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


5.31.2003  

Random thoughts...(Mr. Murata...be quiet...I know what you're thinking!)



There should be a warning before the preface of a book when the preface ends up giving away the end. Isn't that ironic? That that which comes before the story details the end of the story? Gah! Such was the case when I found out that in The Mysterious Island, Captain Nemo is the one behind all the mysterious happenings. Yes, Captain Nemo of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea fame. And yes, I realize that I just did what I'm venting about. Hehe :)



I had this really strange dream last night about my phone suddenly coming back to life. I was so full of hope, so happy! But then I realized I had to pee. Reality...*shrug*.



This is going to sound horrible, but perhaps one of the most lasting memories from OneDay will be the morning after the strom. We watched people as they tried to navigate through the muddy area strategically located near the porta-potty's, showers, and entrance to the red camping area. One girl slipped twice, right after her shower. Too bad I didn't see it in person. Actually, it's probably a good thing. I've been known to celebrate such happenings with a little too much exuberance ;)



The David Crowder Band is releasing a new album in September. Woohoo! It would be roughly a year and a half from their previous release, if that September date holds true. Yippy skippy!

posted by Bolo | 6:29 PM
4 speakage


5.30.2003  

Brainiac that I am, I managed to leave my phone on the top of the van when I left home to come to work. So yes, now I must wait 'til I garner up enough cash to pay for the replacement that I'll get through the insurance company Sprint goes through. It's much cheaper than if I were to buy one from Sprint directly, though, so it's not like I have to wait too long...just a couple weeks at most, I'm thinking. *Shrug* Until then, I can use Dave or Mon's when I need to. No big deal. The thing that sucks is that I lost the numbers on the phone. Replacing all the numbers isn't going to be the easiest thing, but it won't be too bad, I'm thinking.



I'm still semi-processing the whole OneDay experience. I really want to see the DVD and listen to the CD, which is supposed to come out in late summer. Dave and I both agree that so many of the messages need to be listened to again, 'cause our brains were fried and it's hard to really soak in all that's said. It's almost like waking up from a peculiar dream. If you really think about it, you'll remember the plot (if dreams actually have plots), and perhaps a few key points along the way, but most of it is lost. You're just left with a strange, "did that really happen?" feeling. Weird.

posted by Bolo | 6:29 PM
4 speakage


5.29.2003  

Alrighty, thus begineth the post-OneDay post. The time in Texas was incredible, and not without an everlasting effect, I daresay. As I've processed all that was experienced, two big themes emerge.



The first is that God is worthy. It's a strange thing to come away with, 'cause it sounds like such a very obvious thing to say; I'll admit that trying to explain such an idea is hard. I guess it might be more effective to ask questions such as, "why am I going to worship God? Why am do I want to follow Him? Why am I in school as far away from surf as I could possibly be?" Ultimately, it's not because I love Him, or because I want to learn about Him, or even because He clothed Himself in sinful flesh and took on everything I can't handle about myself. Those things are all true and valid, but they come second to the fact that even were He not my Savior, even had He chosen not to save me, He would still be worthy of being bowed down to. During the night session, there were some people doing some rap poetry...one of the girls said that worship is just God giving props to Himself. I liked that a lot...I'd heard the same truth said in many different ways, but for some reason it hit me pretty hard when she said that.



The second is missions. I had asked God before I left on my trip home to give clarity as to just why I'm here, and provide a little direction as to what to do as far as ministry and school goes while I'm here. There was a little of that provided while at home, but OneDay helped tremendously, I think. The missions field thing is echoing quite a bit in my head right now, and I don't think it'll go away. To ignore it would be stupid; it'd be akin to asking God for food, Him providing, and me not partaking. If He's telling me where to go, it'd be hard not to listen. Well, in the short term, it'd be easy, but I'd never be able to live with myself until I did. I remember at one point during the Gathering, thinking of how huge my desire is to be at home right now. Then the thought struck me that it's ok for that desire to be in my heart, so long as I'm giving all my heart to Him. It's a huge part of me, but He never asks for just easy stuff. Later on that night, I had told God that I promised to go if He would send me, but He'd have to hold on to that promise 'cause I'd probably want to take that back in a few months :)



Those are the two big things I came away with. Am I blown away? I would say yes, although it wasn't as immediate as I thought it'd be. The things that are hitting me are the things that are sitting inside, and God is slowly reminding me of them as I journal it all out. I'll probably write more as the days go by, and gain a little more clarity to the things that are stewing in my mushy noggin. Some other quick thoughts before I go feed...



Kirk Cameron. Wow. When he came out to cheers, he had a semi-confounded look on his face and said that at a holy moment such as this, we shouldn't be cheering for him. If he said nothing but that, he could have gone off the stage and I would have been satisfied and convicted.



Heather Mercer, one of the two girls captured in Afghanistan a year or so ago, related the story of a ten year old girl who had asked her how old someone needed to be in order to be a missionary. When she told Heather how old she was, Heather told her that ten years old is old enough. The little girl's mother later told Heather that ever since she was eight, the girl had been praying to become a missionary. Her reasoning? She saw it very fitting that if Jesus came to die for us, we should be more than willing to die for Him. Wow. It's amazing to think that at eight years old, that girl "got it" more than most of us ever will, more than I do at this moment.



Creation sings God praises. To look around and see the glory of God displayed in all of creation is something I must do far more often...it's there, and yet so deeply ignored.



God's saving grace. It's so easy to forget how far God has brought us in our so-called "wisdom". At one point, while we sang Amazing Grace, I was reminded of the work God has done in my own life, totally undeserved. So often, I claim it as my own, and I need to have it graciously and viciously torn from the grip of my pride. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...wow!



More later...

posted by Bolo | 11:45 AM
4 speakage


5.22.2003  

Whew! I've made it back to the Continent safely, and even though my body is timezoned-out, I'm happy to be back. I'm actually on campus right now, and I'm taking care of the last minute details of our trip down to OneDay03 in Texas. I'm hoping that God blows me away down there...it's so easy to put Him into a little box, and even when I think that box is huge, it's not, 'cause it's still a box, and that puts a limit on God. Silly humans :)



People back at school are looking at me a little funny...they don't quite realize I'm back to my normal skin tone right now :) I'm hoping that somehow the sun will make itself known this summer, and my color will last. *Shrug*...it's probably a losing battle, but one can hope!



I had a great conversation with Kev yesterday. One of the things that popped into my head in the midst of our conversation was how even when we're down, even when we're struggling and feeling so far from God, sometimes the Holy Spirit will move in our dead hearts and cause profound truths to be spoken through us. I told Kev it's kind of like going doo doo and then looking down at that turd floating there, and seeing a diamond peeking out of that brown log. What sprung that thought was a little story I'd heard about Billy Graham about a month ago. He was in a prayer meeting with some of his staff members, and he told them that he believed that some of them would be in for greater rewards in heaven than he himself. Of course, some of them laughed at the thought...it was Dr. Billy Graham! But Dr. Graham was serious, and told them that God rewards faithfulness, not fruitfulness. That's stuck with me since I heard it, and having had a trip home that felt fruitless, I needed the reminder that even when we fail, it's not how we look when we get up that counts, it's that we get up. Kev knew exactly what I was talking about, 'cause we both feel utterly stupid at times...like there's no direction in where we're going, even though we know that God wants us to be exactly where we are. Hmmm...

posted by Bolo | 3:31 PM
4 speakage


5.20.2003  

Alright, alright...it's been nearly a month since the last update. Yeah, I've been home for three weeks and now I'm leaving tomorrow night. Well, in a few minutes, I'll be leaving tonight. I'm not sure if that made sense. *Shrug*...it's late.



It's scary to think that three weeks at home have come and gone, and now I'll be leaving so soon. If I'm honest with myself, I think I'd have to say that it was hard to be home again. It's strange to say that, but it's true I think. I think I'm beginning to realize that I'm not ready to be home yet; it's not the place God wants me at right now. I feel very incapable of handling the distractions that are so prevalent at home, so very vulnerable to all the familiar pitfalls that tend to pull me down. I suppose you could say that I know I'm not "ready" yet, whatever that means. I'm not where I need to be, and realizing that is a humbling experience.



I remember wanting some direction on where to go before I home. When I say "where to go," I'm referring to which school and ministry directions to follow. I'm not entirely sure that it's become any clearer since I've been home. I still love youth ministry, and it's hard for me not to feel its constant pull. The weight of missions also beckons, but I'm not sure what implications that field would have as far as leaving home goes. It's a hard thing to think about, because I'm not sure if I'm ready to give some things up...*sigh*...that's a sobering thought. I think I'd still like to teach at some point, in some capacity. Even pastoring (oh boy) hasn't left my thoughts. Whatever You want, God, whatever You want. In a sense, the question isn't so much where you'll lead, but how I'll respond. Am I so enraptured by You that any direction will bring me joy, or is my heart so selfish and shallow as to be set on certain things? I think the latter, so I'm glad it's all a process.

posted by Bolo | 6:44 AM
4 speakage
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