Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

9.30.2008   Impractical Joking Months ago, I took one of Ben's stinky socks he had left in the office and poured all of his cough drops into it, then I stuffed the sock, cough drops and all, back into the cough drop bag and put it all back into his drawer. Today, with my throat feeling a slight itch, I asked around to see if anyone had anything that might soothe my throat. Ben said he had cough drops and tossed the bag of cough drops my way. I, in my totally grateful and forgetful state, opened the bag. I was slightly grossed out and disgusted for the two seconds it took to remember my prior antics. Yeah. I practical-joked myself. posted by Bolo | 3:37 PM 0 speakage   Cup of the Morning Tanzania Nyatimbo Peaberry. Lots of smooth chocolate on the initial sip, then quickly blooming with subtle fruit. It's not incredibly bright like a typical Kenya, at least not at first, but the fruitiness is definitely what takes over as the cup cools. There's a balanced, even body, not too light but decidedly enough to match up with the fruit and chocolate, if that makes sense. Sublime is the word that comes to mind with this cup...deliciously sublime. posted by Bolo | 8:53 AM 0 speakage   Mourning Morning It's taken me nearly twenty-nine years to come to this conclusion: mornings are pretty, but they're also pretty sucky. posted by Bolo | 8:45 AM 0 speakage 9.29.2008   Linkage: Coffee Captures Think I am obsessive about coffee? Think I am obsessive about capturing things through a lens? Well, I am, but at least I'm not the only one. Remind me about them when I head to NY. I got a little geeked out looking at all the equipment; I imagine others will find different reasons to watch. I know these guys. Love 'em, and not just 'cause they roast and brew some great stuff. posted by Bolo | 10:38 AM 0 speakage 9.28.2008   Thoughts: Mr. Mikami If you ask either one of us why we're friends, it wouldn't be strange to hear one of us say at some point, "Hmmm...I dunno, actually...I guess cuz we is, das why." Some people speak pidgin, but he speaks multiple pidgin dialects. Kev once told me he would be homeless if he could but his family won't let him...true story. The man once made one of the most astute ethnic observations ever recorded: while at the wedding of two Asian friends who both hail from the West Coast but met and married in Hawai'i, he said something to the effect of, "This has to be the most Asians I've ever seen in one place. And you know what? The only way to tell whether they're local or a twinkie is to listen to them talk, 'cause they're all dressed the same." Mikami is one of only three guys I personally know that make three-quarter length cropper pants look cool. His blank looks mean he's either pondering something profound or thinking absolutely nothing. He'll be here on Saturday; the 'Ville will never be the same. posted by Bolo | 7:58 PM 3 speakage 9.27.2008   QotE "I mean, when two home-schoolers try to give each other a high-five it's bound to happen." -Katie Vaughn, on the worst high-five ever posted by Bolo | 8:11 PM 1 speakage   Coffee Characteristics "This cup of coffee is freakin' stellar, by the way. Oh my. Just what every guy really wants, not what he says he wants: warm but still hot enough to almost burn, smooth and pleasant, delicate but with hints of things here and there, yet still definite and decided on what it is." posted by Bolo | 4:25 PM 0 speakage 9.26.2008   Imaged It's nearly 10 at night, and I decided to take a picture of the mug rather than drink its contents. Why, you ask? Well, simply put, I can't really enjoy the fullness of whatever is in that cup with my nose slightly stuffy as it is. I know that there's a drip-filter brew of wet-processed Koratie in there, but you know what? My senses don't do it justice. Sad times. posted by Bolo | 9:51 PM 0 speakage 9.25.2008   Excerpt We long to see Your Son returning for us, Father, and we long to do so in joy. Cause our hearts today to delight in You. Root out sin and help us put to death the sin that so easily entangles...oh, how easily it entangles! Purify our hearts and purify our eyes that we might behold You. Give our souls a thirst for Your Word, a thirst that we discern and heed. Lift our eyes toward Christ who is seated at Your right hand, that we might not fear in our circumstances nor walk in a manner that ignores the gospel of Christ. I pray that You would grant to us the humility to please You in all things, just as Your Son pleased you in all things. That was a part of a prayer that I wrote out recently. It was written as a means of encouragement, written as a plea for saints desperate to see and savor Jesus. As Smythe has written and sung, it takes a sinner to make a saint. posted by Bolo | 9:57 PM 0 speakage 9.24.2008   Conversant Person Single White Female Who Desires Anonymity: "How did we get to dog poo from a perfectly nice cookie conversation?" Me: "We can speak of more pleasant things. How's your love life?" Single White Female Who Desires Anonymity: "I thought we were going to speak of more pleasant things!" posted by Bolo | 11:48 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts Sushi at Maido last night? Da buggah was 'ono! No self-respecting heterosexual male, under any circumstances, is to use the word "fun" when speaking of an outfit's attributes. I saw my pastor give one of our fellow IBC members a wedgie. That couch was heavy...I think my hernias have hernias. Unfortunately, the sushi was also pricey. Happy birthday, Frances! We all figured ND would lose at least a couple this season, even with the most optimistic predictions, so the loss this past weekend is perfectly acceptable in the big scheme of things. Szrama's response to the query, "How does your wife put up with you?" is both amusing and apt: "She goes to bed early." James, aggressive narcissist that he is, may not ever assert that he's the greatest person on the face of the earth, but he unashamedly will point out that no one else is anywhere near as qualified for that exalted position as he. Ooohhhh, Idido Misty Valley, Esmeralda Gesha, and both the wet-process and dry-process Koraties could be in the cup lineup within the month...what a coffee day! Mikami's still on his way...the 'Ville will never be the same. posted by Bolo | 12:54 PM 2 speakage 9.23.2008   Observatory "I find this behavior quite strange, but not totally unexpected." Ivy said that several weeks ago after I'd told him what I was doing that evening; not surprisingly, I found his observation to be noteworthy... ...but not totally unexpected :) posted by Bolo | 11:55 PM 0 speakage 9.22.2008   How I Met...Linkage I think the four of us should pool our cash and put a bid in... This has to be both legendary and awesome! posted by Bolo | 10:51 PM 2 speakage   Cup of the Morning That lovely dry-processed Koratie that I've been all abuzz over has a brother, the wet-processed Koratie. What's the difference? Basically, the same varietal coffee cherries are cultivated and harvested in the same manner, but what makes the two batches so unique is their respective processing. Without going into the details of dry and wet processing, I will note that what makes the dry-processed so wild and rustic and the wet-processed so clean and refined is the careful processing. That said, the delicious cup of wet-processed Koratie was absolutely delightul. Full of delicate floral notes, melon and light citrus fruit, with a clean and light body. Mmm! posted by Bolo | 11:55 AM 0 speakage 9.21.2008   Lended Lens Steak Sauce would recognize this. At least, he would have, once upon a time :) posted by Bolo | 11:33 PM 0 speakage 9.20.2008   Heaven? Ummm...no, it's not heaven, but it is delicious! posted by Bolo | 9:32 PM 0 speakage   What Was Written A while ago, I wrote this in my journal, then later posted it here: Even now, as I sit and try to ponder anew Your gospel, I find affection for You to be lacking. You've been ever so faithful, and evermore shall be so. Yet, what of myself? Do I turn to You for grace? Do I long to sit at the spring of living water and drink deeply? Paul writes in Ephesians of the riches of Your grace; later, he writes of the riches of Your glory; prior to these, he writes of us, the saints, being Christ's inheritance, and the glory of that inheritance; throughout it all, we are made His inheritance that we might praise the glory of Your grace. We have no means, no right by which we might praise You, O Holy One of Israel. What right does man have to praise You? All we ought to expect, as sinners offending our Maker with our very existence, is naught but wrath, even were we to kneel and proclaim, "Lord!" for such a proclamation would be filled with loathing, hatred, and even then, disobedience. Sinners cannot but see You and hate! For You declare sin to be sin, shining light upon that which sinners would keep hidden in darkness, showing and exposing it as it truly is, and not as we would have it appear. This, then, is the glory of Your grace, that we would see our sin truly, and loathe it rather than You, and be shown and led to the cross, there to be saved by the blood of the unblemished Lamb of God, there to be made one with Him and He with us, there to be saved from Your wrath and reconciled with You, the Father who longs to wipe away every tear from our eyes with the same hand that set the stars in the place, there to praise for the very first the praise unto Him that we would praise forevermore. Is this gracious? Indeed, for it was given without merit on our part, for we were still sinners, still enemies, and it was given at the greatest of cost, the precious blood of the Son of God. Is this glorious? Yes, for it was done by a sovereign, free, and infinite God, One whose purpose has never wavered, One whose delight in His glory has never faltered, One who took upon Himself the wrath for which a sinner such as I was destined. By removing us from the covenantal requirements, He places upon Himself the Law, both the responsibility of keeping and the price of failing. Yet, in doing so, He freely grants to us the reward for keeping the Law, and adds an even greater grace: Himself. Paul writes again and again, "in Christ." Would we, by keeping to perfection the Law, gaze upon Him with praise and adoration upon our lips? Would we know the grace of God as gloriously as we do? Would we see it as glorious? In Christ, we are made sons and daughters, the bride of Christ, the temple of the Holy Spirit filled with glory, the body of Christ. Yes, this is glorious; yes, this is praiseworthy. Part of me recognizes the writing as undoubtedly mine, but the other part of me recognizes it as something I wouldn't necessarily write just now. How so? It's simple and somewhat sad, really. I know my writing; it's something I enjoy, and something I take great interest in. Therefore, I can easily recognize my moods when I write: pensiveness, joy, sorrow, anger, guilt...they're all there, sometimes obvious, often hidden or couched in terms that most of my readers won't pick up on. The sadness I feel is that I know what my heart felt as I wrote that: hope. Unbridled, shameless, humble hope. Such hope is hard to come by when life happens and drudgery becomes pride, when God's word says, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God," and your heart responds by saying, "Oh, how impure I feel...will I ever see God again?" I know the tone of my words, and it positively shimmers with the tone of whom I long for: Jesus. When life happens, when sanctification seems hard to come by, when even the well of tears seems to have become a desert that doesn't end, such words can easily seem far off and untrue. It's a good thing I can go back and read such words...it's then that I am reminded of truth, that I find myself desiring and hoping in Christ once more. posted by Bolo | 1:10 PM 0 speakage 9.19.2008   Zinger As the 'Ville goes from 300,000 being without power to under a 100,000, Huffman said it best when her electricity came on less than ten minutes ago: "You could actually hear people in neighboring buildings cheering loudly. Since everyone had their windows open, we all realized about ten seconds too late that we could hear each other ." Aaaahhhh, Red does have quite the perspective on life. posted by Bolo | 6:09 PM 0 speakage 9.18.2008   Fantastic Four? LUFA's Fall League features yours truly as co-captain of one of the teams. After two weeks of play, we're 0 - 2. Yes, no wins and two losses. Not a good record, you say? Well, on paper, sure, but I'm quite happy with our team's play despite some pretty tough odds the first two weeks out there. Week one saw us very shorthanded with only one sub for the guys and none for the girls. We still played a tough game with lots of hustle, even tying it up late before losing by two. Despite the loss, I was very much encouraged by the enthusiasm and talent I foresaw for us after just one week of play. Week two was a much different scenario. We pretty much doubled our turnout, but as our more experienced players realized in the aftermath of another loss, our greater numbers meant that we had to deal with an influx of raw, inexperienced players. While this led to less fluidity on offense and some confusion on defense, that just means we'll have a few key areas to work on as the weeks go by, a few key areas that are easily addressed and improved with more practice and game experience. I hope. posted by Bolo | 11:29 PM 2 speakage   QotA Disclaimer: My pastor sanctioned this post. In honor of tomorrow being International Talk Like a Pirate Day, Karen gleefully said, "Show me the booty!" Moments later, Stephanie declared, "The men's bathroom is officially going to become the poop deck." Ummm...yeah. posted by Bolo | 4:42 PM 0 speakage   QotM "How come no one ever throws me into a car with three attractive guys?" -Catherine Huffman posted by Bolo | 10:31 AM 2 speakage   Cup of the Morning I've already said, "Oh, that's amazing!" seven times, and I'm just a fifth of the way through the cup. Mmmm...if only they could all be so enjoyable... posted by Bolo | 8:57 AM 0 speakage 9.17.2008   Morning Monochrome posted by Bolo | 11:56 PM 0 speakage   Cup of the Morning Hmmm...this second cup is quite rustic...kind of Indonesian, but not really...too bad I can't quite remember what it is... posted by Bolo | 10:13 AM 0 speakage 9.16.2008   Moochin' Mikey Apparently, the Seminary was feeding students that lived on campus and were without electricity. The following is the interaction that recently took place between Mike, a former Boyce College student, and Mrs. Mohler as Mrs. Mohler checked in students waiting in line for their meals and Mike approached the front of that line: Mrs. Mohler: "What's your room number?" Mike: "Uhhhmmmmm, well, I live off-campus." Mrs. Mohler: "Oh, well will you be joining us for more meals?" Mike: "Aaaaaabsoolutely!" Some things are just wrong, aren't they? posted by Bolo | 11:23 PM 0 speakage   All African "Delicious!" I said that to myself on at least ten different occasions today. The reason? Two different presses of dry-processed Koratie, helped along by a Kenya auction lot, a Harar, and a Sidamo. My favorite by far was that DP Koratie...I mean, it's an explosion of berries in my mouth...outstanding! The berries and syrupy fruit flavors only intensify as the cup cools, too. Mmm...can't wait for the morning! posted by Bolo | 10:49 PM 0 speakage 9.15.2008   Great, Great Sorrow "The greatest sorrow and burden you can lay on the Father, the greatest unkindness you can do to Him is not to believe that He loves you." -John Owen posted by Bolo | 9:45 PM 1 speakage 9.14.2008   Thoughts Despite the fact that most of the city is out of power, I'm still up and running here on Oak Street. I shall call him, "Mini-Mazzer"! I missed those two wide open break-side looks yesterday, but still hit Cory on that deep force-side huck...I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think Ruszkiewicz was ready to kick me out after my little leprechaun doll's first iteration of its boisterous, "Go Irish!" Got a cup of DP Koratie pressed from some grounds that were ground much more finely than most would go for a press...the result is a livelier, fuller cup. Trees are broken and blown over just a couple of houses down from where I lie here and type, but it's nothing compared to what happened down south. My hair is long. I miss you, you white-haired fool. I'm listening to Abigail Washburn sing to me in Mandarin; Béla Fleck, Ben Sollee, and Casey Driessen help, too. I gotta do some laundry. Szrama's right, I haven't worn a suit in...well...figuratively forever. Yeah, he's still on his way. posted by Bolo | 9:38 PM 0 speakage 9.13.2008   Thunder is Shakin' Down We win!!! We win!!! And yes, he does look like a blond Chucky doll, but he sure can quarterback :) posted by Bolo | 7:24 PM 0 speakage   Go Irish! Game time. Soon. Heck yeah! posted by Bolo | 3:19 PM 0 speakage 9.12.2008   Cup of the Morning In the trusty Sunergos mug is an Ethiopian Harar roasted a couple of days ago. It's nice and spicy in a fresh ginger sort of way, with mild touches of fruit here and there. The one thing I'm finding but wanting more of is a touch of butter in the cup...amazing! posted by Bolo | 9:03 AM 0 speakage 9.11.2008   No Way! This footage, taken over a month ago, shows a certain Team That Shall Not Be Named taking the disc down the field in a patient, efficient manner. Yes, this did happen, and no, we didn't stage it. Amazing. posted by Bolo | 7:54 AM 0 speakage 9.10.2008   Rising and Blooming While waiting for Ben to pick me up this morning, I snapped this. Nothing fancy, nothing extravagant, just the sun that rose and a flower that bloomed. Wait, what am I saying? I couldn't make a sunrise or a flower in a billion years. posted by Bolo | 10:08 PM 0 speakage 9.09.2008   Thoughts: Godward I think if there's one thing I've learned consistently over the years, it's this: God is more like God than I realized or ever will realize, and I am less like Him than I realized or ever will realize. posted by Bolo | 6:26 PM 2 speakage   Tripping Out He's... ...on... ...his... ...way... ...be alarmed. posted by Bolo | 7:29 AM 4 speakage 9.08.2008   Word Jeremiah 33:4 - 9 "For thus says the LORD God of Israel concerning the houses of this city, and concerning the houses of the kings of Judah which are broken down to make a defense against the siege ramps and against the sword, 'While they are coming to fight with the Chaldeans and to fill them with the corpses of men whom I have slain in My anger and in My wrath, and I have hidden My face from this city because of all their wickedness: Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth. I will restore the fortunes of Judah and the fortunes of Israel and will rebuild them as they were at first. I will cleanse them from all their iniquity by which they have sinned against Me, and I will pardon all their iniquities by which they have sinned against Me and by which they have transgressed against Me. It will be to me a name of joy, praise and glory before all the nations of the earth which will hear of all the good that I do for them, and they will fear and tremble because of all the good and all the peace that I make for it.' " posted by Bolo | 11:51 PM 0 speakage 9.07.2008   En Dee's Dubya All off-season long, I've been pretty quiet about the 2008 Irish. Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of reason for me be chirpy and excited about what's been going on in South Bend, but I figured stating my excitement would do no good until they actually got on the field and played a game. Yesterday, they did just that. Was it frustrating? Yes. Was it agonizingly close? Yes. Was it the type of game I'd like to see played against a team that lost to a far lesser opponent the week before? Absolutely not. Still, I'm fine with that. The reason I was frustrated was because the Irish weren't crushing the Aztecs when they should have been. Allow me, if you're still reading this and not nauseated by my sports-junkie fandom analysis, to list a few concrete observations that made this year's team, even at just one game old, decidedly different from last year's team, no matter who the opponent was. One, Jimmy Clausen was accurate all day, making a variety of throws to a variety of spots on the field. Those two interceptions, by the way, weren't his fault. Two, Jimmy Clausen wasn't watching the result of his throws from his back. Three, they showed the ability to run the ball with some degree of power and explosiveness, even if it was against a lesser-quality SDSU defense. Four, they have talent and speed on an aggresive defense that showed they will fly in to make the tackle, even if that talent and speed is young and was clearly tired on that clock-eating SDSU drive in the middle of the second half. Five, idiotic penalties weren't an issue. Now, those things said, was the game perfect? No, and that's why it was frustrating. Last year, the Irish showed a lack of talent and execution that gave ND fans everywhere little hope that they'd eke out a win. This year, even though it was just one game, the Irish showed they do have the ability to crush an opponent, and that's why a win that was just eked out isn't as nice as it would have been last year. Give 'em some time...I mean, there's plenty of season left to bemoan should wins be more scarce than we're hoping. For now, I say enjoy the win...they were rare enough last year, weren't they? posted by Bolo | 7:33 PM 2 speakage 9.06.2008   Game Day Game Day is here. Get ready! posted by Bolo | 8:16 AM 0 speakage 9.05.2008   Twenty-Seven's Fourth In the fourth verse of the twenty-seventh psalm, the psalmist declares, "One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD and to meditate in His temple." My immediate response to the psalmist's plea is this: I'm not like that...that's just not me. I think, however, that my knee-jerk reaction is simply not true. David, the king of Israel, the man after God's own heart, is declaring His singular passion for the LORD in this psalm. I sometimes find David's declarations to be far too holy for my bruised reed of a soul, far too pure for my weak and wayward desires. Do I long to dwell in nearness to the LORD, in His presence? Do I desire to see the LORD, to look upon Him with intimate joy and reverence? Do I delight to think about Him, to ponder anew His the wonders of His glorious grace? My answers to all of those always seem to begin, "Yes, but..." I love God, I do. But you know what? It's not that I love Him at all that I question; no, it's the degree to which I love God that I find lacking and so daunting. I suppose it's the single-minded, single-hearted cry for God that I find to be so not...me. I sin, I fail, I don't care, I disappoint, I weep over my weakness, I want to give up for lack of joy: that's who I am. Or am I? David was a man that knew failure. He knew victory, yes, but he was also deeply acquainted with failure. In this psalm, David's cry is not one that says he has already reached heaven, but one that speaks of a day to come. Does he love God and love Him truly? Yes. Does he love him so perfectly that he is never daunted by failure, never beaten down by sin? No, for that's clearly not the account of David's life that God gives us in the bible. I find that I have far more in common with David than my instinctive reactions tell me I do. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, when I've pondered everything I've done and all that I still want to do, at the heart of all I want or all I don't want, I hear in my soul a cry that echoes the king of Israel's: One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD and to meditate in His temple. I'm keenly aware that I don't deserve such a lot. Yet, I'm also aware that there is no way such a desire would be within me unless God had put it there first, and as such, it is His delight that I should seek Him. posted by Bolo | 7:08 AM 0 speakage 9.04.2008   Observatory I've come to a conclusion. Well, maybe not so much a conclusion and more of an observation that has been in-progress for quite some time now. Anyhow, here it is: Roasting coffee is much like dating/courting/dorting/FWAPing in that they both have two intrinsic characteristics: a ridiculously difficult learning curve coupled with (pun intended) a massive lure for incredibly delightful results, yet often yield results that are sour or burnt rather than sweet and savory. There. That's it. Take of it and make of it what you will, but it is what it is. posted by Bolo | 11:49 PM 1 speakage 9.02.2008   Cup of the Morning The first brew of the morning is Guatemala Finca San Jose Ocaña. Last year's crop of this bean has made me think of potpourri dipped in coffee. This year's is less on the floral and more on the bright fruit...not quite citrusy, but definitely one to almost make the mouth pucker. After a few days of rest, this roast is pretty smooth. Nice. posted by Bolo | 8:43 AM 0 speakage 9.01.2008   If No Can, No Can Yup...miss you guys, too. posted by Bolo | 12:21 PM 0 speakage   Already? Happy September! posted by Bolo | 12:01 AM 2 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon