Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


An opportunity I must refuse

Last week, Jim told me that if he planted a Sovereign Grace church, he would give me a call, so I could help plant it with him. That possibility had me excited. Still more, he told me that he would seriously consider, if they allowed him to, planting a church in Hawai'i. That possibility I had to remove from my head, lest I get ahead of myself. For someone who'll be a fourth semester freshman this upcoming Fall, I gotta make sure I graduate first ;)

This past weekend was crazy. I think I had about 9 hours of sleep, total. I worked about 23 hours, many of them spent talking to people. Some of those conversations...oh boy. I found out that I may be faced with a situation I didn't think possible: someone...someone very dear to willing to buy me a round-trip ticket home.

And there's no way I'll ever take that ticket.

Is it that I'm too proud to take it? Heck no. I'd take a freebie from the Mormon church if they offered me a day to spend at home. Is it that my schedule simply won't allow it? Nope...I could make the schedule work. It comes down to this: I can't condone the situation that would be bringing me home. If that sounds vague, it's because it must, for the sake of confidence. But my heart aches so deeply for those involved, because I didn't think I'd see this day come. *Sigh*...but you know what? Humans are humans, and humans are sinful.

When I was talking to Boss, I told him that I'd utterly failed at something last week. It's something that all guys know about, but we rarely feel that we have the freedom to speak openly about it. I failed at battling lust. It was a horrible thing for me to have to admit. When I called Scott last Thursday, I told him that I hate how quickly and easily I can fall. The thing is, I can go strong for months, and then all of a sudden, I'll lose that battle. Boom. I'm knocked down, I'm dragged around, and I'm too ashamed to even want to stand up again.

But you know what Scott prayed? He prayed this: that we would not be ashamed to be ashamed. I can't be ashamed to proclaim how ashamed of my sinful nature I am, how horrible it is. I thought of how much I'll clothe myself with a smile and an "I'm ok," rather than humility, with a sober recognition of my fleshly folly. *Sigh*...I can't be ashamed of being, sir.

Andrew called me Saturday night, at roughly 8 at night. The problem with that? I'd had about 1 hour of sleep after working all night and helping out with Boyce's Bandfest that afternoon, and I was 1 hour into my 3 hour nap before my work shift that night. I later told Uchida that if he had proposed marriage to me, I probably would've told him yes. Fortunately, we were able to hook up again last night, and talked for about 3 hours. Craziness abounds in his life and mine, but God is good to us both, and I think we've been able to walk in peace despite potential turmoil.

Mom told me Kason behaved much better this past week, but he's been a little...well...clingy. He's started pre-school, and that's probably the source of it. She said that he's been saying he misses his mom and dad a lot, and he even talked about sending his little baby doo-doo to find the mommy doo-doo when he flushes the toilet, a-la Finding Nemo. Alrighty then!

One last thing: Boss...remember...two minutes...two minutes, buddy :)

posted by Bolo | 5:18 PM
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