Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...
3.26.2009
NYC Coffee: Cafe Grumpy, Explained
Many of you will remember that I took a trip to New York this past December while visiting Andrew and Sandi in Pennsylvania for Christmas. Cafe Grumpy, one of our stops on the delightful NYC Coffee Tour, is explained here by one who does not consider himself a coffee geek...
Quotable
"I always feel like I’m describing a fish, but she is 7 pounds 8 ounces and 19.5 inches."
-Ben Brainard, commenting on his newborn girl
posted by Bolo |
5:18 PM
0 speakage
3.23.2009
Birthdays and Such
Yesterday was my brother's birthday; Leonard turned 36, unless I have finally failed math entirely. My blog, incidentally, also turned 6 yesterday. I suppose that this year may have an asterisk in blog year celebrations, since I'm the only one that knows it's still here, but that's fine with me. Awesome.
posted by Bolo |
11:41 PM
0 speakage
LUFA Spring League '09
Two things. One, we have a name: Team Go. Two, we're shaping up to be pretty decent, I think. More on this later.
posted by Bolo |
8:46 PM
0 speakage
Getting Preachy
For times I find I simply can't preach to myself the way I need to, I do one better: I listen.
posted by Bolo |
4:45 PM
0 speakage
Holy Shirt
According to Lauren Carpenter, my t-shirts don't have holes in them. What, the holes for my arms and head don't count?
posted by Bolo |
1:06 AM
0 speakage
3.14.2009
Note
To self: Korean food absolutely destroys the palate when attempting to taste and detect subtleties in coffee. That is all.
posted by Bolo |
10:53 AM
0 speakage
3.13.2009
Thoughts
VHS Or Beta reminds me of summer. Moon and Butterworth the Younger can duke it out for title of Toto's Biggest Fan...personally, my money's on little Koen to sneak in and win. Speaking of summer, I kind of miss it, I do. Maybe understanding Jesus and the cross is less about feeling like I have an understanding of it and more about feeling like I don't have an understanding of it. Perhaps we'll go ahead and make a little September Sessions of our own; what say ye, gents? Cinnamon ice cream from Homemade Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen is awesome, but it's even better when there's a pint of it, and at its freakin' ridiculous best when there's a quart that Glen Moore paid for with his gift certificate. The Kiddo got what she wanted, and I got to see her get what she wanted; fair trade, I'd say. Sitting on the deck at Aaron's Beard, chillin' with a pipe, partaking of brats and the fine, fine weather...it doesn't get much finer, friends. I miss home. Team 5 split our games this past Saturday, but the good news is that we literally won the one that counted. Patrick was in town this week; spending an evening with him and Glo at the Collins pad was great, especially since MoBap was there for us to laugh at...uh, with. I wanna sit on the wall at Kewalo's with Boss and Kev and 'Drew and Steak Sauce and Brit and just chill for about five years. How's Gizmo, I wonder? I'm not a morning person, but I don't think my alarm clock has realized this yet.
posted by Bolo |
7:33 AM
0 speakage
3.12.2009
Status Update
Michael Butterworth's latest status update for both Twitter and Facebook? The following:
"Michael thinks the similarities between John Letoto and Gandalf are striking...both arrive at unexpected times."
News
The following was written earlier today by none other than the wondrous Sara Kandt of chili fundraiser fame:
Yes, my friends, its true, that John Letoto is absent from facebook. He has also deactivated his blog.
Why, you may ask? I asked the same question.
His profound and detailed reply was, "I felt like it, truth be told." And then, "That sounds sooooo lame, though." (Yes, he did use five Os.)
When pressed about his Scramble and Scrabble activity, he assured me he hadn't played since last week.
He was quite pleased to discover your concern, and amused to find himself the topic of our morning conversation. He would like you to know that if you go to Google and type in "John Leto" it will autocomplete his name. He'd probably like you to try it out, just so you can see for yourself. He finds it particularly neat, and swell.
While Letoto is no longer updating his blog 7 times a day or reporting intimate details of his life on Facebook, you can still catch him on gmail chat during business hours (8-5).
posted by Bolo |
8:33 PM
0 speakage
3.10.2009
Spillage
Oops...totally just tried to stuff way too many Cheetos into my mouth and had to let some spill back out.
posted by Bolo |
10:35 AM
0 speakage
Cup of the Morning
Indonesia Flores Organic Manggarai. I know, I know, I don't like Indonesian coffees. Whatever, man, 'cause I like this one...a lot
posted by Bolo |
9:38 AM
0 speakage
3.09.2009
Cup of the Afternoon
Two Guatemalan beans, roasted separately on the same day a little while ago, but ground and brewed together in the same press. Wow. Just...wow. The two beans are as different as two beans from roughly the same origin can be: one wet-processed, one dry-processed; one floral and fruited and singing with tenor-noted aromas, the other chocolatey and dense and rumbling with bass-noted creaminess. Yeah...wow.
posted by Bolo |
3:38 PM
0 speakage
3.08.2009
Solitary Smoke
Just sat on the back roof outside of my kitchen window while the sun made its way down to the horizon. I had wanted to read a little bit while having a nice solitary smoke with my trusty church warden, and as I did so, I pondered the essence of this thing called "life".
Last night, the Kiddo asked me why my blog was gone. As I've said before, I deleted it on a whim, and I felt really good about that. I feel as though I'd lost track of something, lost sight of where I was headed. Sometimes when hiking, I would get lost in the wonder of the woods I passed through. The smells of the flowers and the crunchy splosh of my footfalls were enough to keep me company on my lonely jaunts. So long as I knew I had a path and a destination, my sojourns through nature were joyful and peaceful even if I didn't always know the path or had ever been to my destination.
Sometimes, though, life starts to get a little dark. We lose sight of the path, and in doing so, the idyllic quiet gives way to a terrifying loneliness. We don't know where we are, we don't know what's around us, and we just want out.
Especially when we feel we can't get out.
I told Rev yesterday that I'm prone to not giving people a fair shake, to thinking they can't handle what I'll give to them. I guess you could say it's pretty preposterous to walk through life alone, especially when so many of us are trying as desperately as we can to live Christ-centered lives on paths that seem to get dark and lonely all too quickly.
Especially when we feel we've forgotten where we're going.
posted by Bolo |
7:58 PM
0 speakage
Stumped
Rev just called. From Stumptown. Absolutely ridiculous. I hate him. Okay, not really. But still...ridiculous!
posted by Bolo |
6:37 PM
0 speakage
3.07.2009
What a Treat
Moisan fell asleep tonight while we were watching the U of L game at the house. Well, Micah decides that Dave has been a really good boy as of late, and as such, deserves a treat.
A doggy treat.
Yeah. Seeing him with it there in his mouth for five minutes was awesome, but then watching him stir and wake up and find it there in his mouth...legendary!
Springing into LUFA
No lie: I'm exhausted. Today was the first day of the season for LUFA's Spring League, and as such, the shaking off of the winter rust was in full swing. My bright and bold new cleats did quite well in their yellow glory, and I feel as though our team played well enough to today for us to feel good about our odds going into this season. Will we dominate? Unlikely. Will we have fun and win some games along the way? Most definitely.
Well, the first is definite, at least ;)
posted by Bolo |
11:31 PM
0 speakage
Owed?
In case you can't understand what was going on, Ashlea experienced a great blow to her English pride when she couldn't figure out how to pronounce a certain word I played on the Scrabble board. Maybe that blow to her pride really...uh..."owed" her.
Thoughts: Godward
Humility is a hard, hard grace. I'm not sure how else to word what I'm trying to convey, but it is.
posted by Bolo |
8:57 AM
0 speakage
3.06.2009
Sharing No More
Some of you have already asked about the blog being gone. It's one of those things I did on a whim in the wee morning hours, but once I did do it, I felt fairly happy about it. I suppose you could say that I had stopped writing for the joy of writing, and slowly and foolishly wrote because I was obligated to write.
I hate that.
In a sense, it feels like a mirror of what one of the themes I've been reading about in Hosea: Israel continually brought before the LORD all of outer forms, the sacrifices, of worship, but missed the point, the heart. My life, in many ways, echoes hollowly with the mere form of worship, and it's not a rich and vibrant sound that resounds with the timbre of Jesus' joy. At least, that's what I feel.
When I first started this thing six years ago, I told myself that I would write for the joy of writing, because I wanted to write and because I wanted to have something that I'd written. That may sound selfish, but I don't think it is; it really is the best way I know of to ensure that I write from my heart. And believe me, I don't want to share any less than that.
I think, you see, that's the biggest part of the problem I've had as of late. My eyes fill with tears now as I think of what my heart holds; Red Mountain Church sings, "Jesus weeps and loves me still." The aptness of those words is piercing, for I cannot put into words how deeply I fear that He has turned away.
I've occasionally been told by friends that others think I'm a jerk. You know what? I don't deny it. If others cannot bear to be near me, I feel much the same, but far more. Sharing a heart that aches is not something I do well.
posted by Bolo |
5:37 PM
0 speakage
Close, But No Clover
When I heard of Clover Sites, I got excited. I mean, a website dedicated to the Clover, right? Well...not really...still good, though...but yeah, not really.
posted by Bolo |
1:41 AM
0 speakage
Chemex
As I type, my very first pot of Chemex-brewed coffee is steeping and filtering. In the pot? One of the Cup of Excellence coffees from El Salvador. Beautiful.
posted by Bolo |
8:40 AM
0 speakage
Ineffable
There's something ineffably wonderful about sitting down over a meal with Scott. In all honesty, I think it's because talking with him always does more for my soul than I expect it will. That's pretty silly of me, considering that conversations with him have been doing that for years. Thanks, bro.
posted by Bolo |
12:18 AM
0 speakage
Sweetness!
The latest order has arrived from Oakland. The contents of these beautiful boxes? Twenty-seven pounds of green coffee, some replacement filters for the large press we sometimes use in the office, and a glass-handled Chemex complete with a box of the awesome Chemex filters. Don't worry, not all of the coffee is mine...just the vast majority of it.
Observation
The sun's positioning in the sky on the ride in to work is far less than ideal for getting in a few more minutes of sleep. That is all.
posted by Bolo |
8:25 AM
0 speakage
Thoughts
It's a really good thing that my left wrist, the non-throwing wrist, is the one that hurts. I swear, Jeesh was positively glowing when I said "home-schooled" to him. Yes, Miss Sara, I am an avoider; did you expect anything less? It's not the first time Mr. Moisan has somehow persuaded one of his friends to do something, and I'm sure it won't be the last. David Mead is a great listen. My hair is hippie-length. I could definitely go back to Intelligentsia soon, especially if Charles hooks up some SO 'spro. When Tom says, "Koratie is cupping really well, and the raised-bed Harar project lots were ranging from really good to fantastic!" I get excited...really excited. I think I need to pick up a new pair of cleats this week. I told Warren that I should be running this week to get myself back into shape to chase plastic; I also told him it's not likely to happen. Thanks for the mugs, Kiddo! Twelve-point word, Edmo...take that!
posted by Bolo |
7:42 AM
0 speakage
3.02.2009
Good Uncle Johnny
I'm rather proud of myself. I remembered Kyle's birthday all by myself, without any reminders from Mary, nor any discussions about him. Not bad at all, I say. Happy birthday, rugrat...here's to hoping for less zits to pop this year!
posted by Bolo |
11:50 PM
0 speakage
Addiction? What Addiction?
The following exchange occurred on the Sweet Maria's email list. I find it quite humorous.
Coffee Nut One: After lurking on this edifying list for months, I don't recall a single instance of posting about caffeine addiction. Surely it must be widespread among enthusiasts. Is it worrisome for any lister? At what point does it become worrisome?
Coffee Nut Two: When there's no more.
posted by Bolo |
6:33 PM
0 speakage
Because of Grace
"Let me ask you this: If you could obey Jesus perfectly and enjoy fellowship with God, and what that would bring, would you be happy? Would you be content? If you wouldn't you're not a believer. If that wouldn't satisfy you, you're not a Christian. Christians can't imagine anything better than His Kingdom come in their life. But if you're a believer, then that's the best thing you heard all week -- unless you heard something really similar earlier!"
-Ryan Fullerton
I posted this almost a year and a half ago, but it bears re-posting. It comes from a sermon that Ryan preached...oh...I'm guessing almost two years ago now.
If you live your days in any fashion similar to mine, you keenly feel the displeasure of your regenerate soul when you sin. Rather than sweet intimacy with God, you feel the sour distance sin brings, and you hate it. Even the numbness that comes with being in a rut of sin is just like that. But what of obedience? What of joy in Him? Sometimes, obedience is that which comes easily, that which makes more sense than the sun rising in the morning. At other times, it seems about as logical or as likely as sprouting wings and taking to the sky. Isn't grace like that, though? Isn't God's grace toward us in Christ that unbelievable, that wonderful?
The ability to obey God is one that comes to us because of grace. The desire we have to obey God is one that comes to us because of grace. The displeasure we feel when we disobey God is one that comes to us because of grace. The pleasure we feel when we obey God is one we feel because of grace. In short, the very relationship we have with the Lord has been fundamentally changed, and as such, we no longer obey Him on the basis of the Law, but on the basis of His grace to us in Christ. That, Christian, ought to make us happy, and it ought to make us praise Him, for it is praise to the glory of His grace.
posted by Bolo |
12:55 PM
1 speakage
Quotacious
"I get free lunch today and it made me think of you."
Cup of the Morning
In the large Sunergos mug this morning is a press from a batch of Ethiopia Idido Misty Valley roasted four days ago. The roast itself is maybe at a dark City+, perhaps a lighter Full City. What makes this cup interesting is that it was allowed to steep for just three minutes instead of four, as I wanted to negate some of the overextraction bound to occur with the tinier particles that gets tossed in with the properly-sized grounds that come out of the grinder. The resulting cup definitely felt less dense, almost cleaner, than is usually the case with this dry-processed bean, but that's not to say that it lacks flavor. Floral and chocolate notes are immediately noticeable, and as it cools, the cherry and strawberry notes pop a little, especially on the sides of the tongue.
posted by Bolo |
10:28 AM
0 speakage
3.01.2009
Over-hyped?
Specialty coffees tend to be a finicky commodity. Subtle and seemingly insignificant changes to any part of the process that brings that coffee to your mug or espresso to your demitasse, a process which includes growing, picking, processing, shipping, storing, roasting, grinding and brewing, can have ginormous consequences -- some good, some bad. Even with the utmost care taken in all facets of that long and tedious operation, that still doesn't mean that John Doe will like what he's drinking, you know? All of which brings me to this interesting discussion, the gist of which I find not surprising.
posted by Bolo |
11:24 PM
0 speakage
I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've
got five nephews and two nieces.
Quotatious
"I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it."
-Ryan Szrama
"I'm trying to be regenerate."
-Ivy Warriner
"Pink is pink. Peach is not pink."
-Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband
"How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today."
-John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate
"I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People
like that don't deserve to win it."
-Michael Butterworth
"I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many
marriages I go through."
-Katie Mohler
"However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told
him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to
you.'"
-Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little
incident which we do not name
"He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth
wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety,
but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get
married for twelve more years?'"
-Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father
"So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka."
-Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming
"Ok, he walks loudly."
-Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs"
"Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas."
-Ryan Szrama
"I have a way with old women."
-Josh Reid
"Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady."
-Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey
"It wasn't sweet, it was creepy."
-Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't
given
"I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain."
-Katie Mohler
"Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped
worrying about updating the score list."
-Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team
"What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?"
-Lori Wanman
"Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is
your job in life."
-Jessica Cimato
"Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?"
-Peter Sieg
"Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests."
-Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months
of pastoring at IBC have been
"If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned
marooned Moon."
-Michael Jenkins
"Can we call you 'Special Dark'?"
-Stephen Mobley
"Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip."
-Me, on how to order water at Starbucks
"It's you to an unsanctified T."
-Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey
"It's like a workout, having a conversation with you."
-Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey
"I shot the French Press..."
-Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff
"Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!"
-Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend
"It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in
4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's
what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it
yet.'"
-Catherine Huffman
"It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since
you took Geometry."
-Peter Sieg, to me
"You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks
totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that
you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John
Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we
both blame your camera."
-Catherine Huffman
"You're going to die soon, anyway."
-Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday
"I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver."
-Stephen Mobley
"It's likely but unlikely."
-Ben Hedrick
"There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto."
-Jessica Vaughn
"The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'"
-Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh
"Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?"
-Ben Hedrick
"It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?"
-Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know
what car she drives?"
"High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!"
-Josh Reid
"Man, she's finer than a frog hair!"
-Josh Reid
"I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'"
-Heather Seagle
"Where's my phone?"
-Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone
"Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I
don't get kicked."
-Me
"Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or
whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd
probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a
close call!"
-Dana W
"I don't want to see this on your blog."
-Ryan Fullerton
"John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle,
here is his frown."
-Ben Hedrick
"Oh shutup, voicemail person!"
-Stephen Mobley
" 'P' as in 'purgatory.' "
-Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call
"You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry."
-Stephen Mobley
"Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than
say, Katie Mohler."
-Johanna Tollefson
"You just called me a chunker!"
-Christin Simpson
"We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in
Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's
food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.'
"
-Peter Sieg
"My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist."
-Christin Simpson
"How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' "
-Christin Simpson
"Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how
he peed in worship, it confused me."
-Katie Mohler
"Yes, I'm precious and all that."
-Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment
"Do you have a numerical number for that?"
-Stephen Mobley
"I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's
buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that."
-Peter Sieg
"That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it."
-Stephen Mobley
"Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other
non-contiguous U.S. states."
-Stephen Mobley
"In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time."
-Christin Simpson
"They never know whether to come out the front or the back."
-Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes
"I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'."
-Andy Lowe
"Could you translate that out of Letototian?"
-Lauren Farmer
"Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles
moments lately."
-Me
"I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking."
-Michael Butterworth
"She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't
big-boned, she was Hispanic."
-Ryan Szrama
"More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster."
-Allison Poplin
"Mmm, Chapstick!"
-Allison Poplin
"It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a
headstand in a ditch."
-Christin Simpson
"The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is
admitting I'm a stupid haole."
-Christine Robertson
"I said 'teached,' man!"
-Christin Simpson
"I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom."
-Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly
"Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!"
-Thomas Amos
"Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple
years older.' "
-Anonymous
"He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!"
-Me
"Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear."
-Dr. Mohler
"I've got fans all over."
-Lauren Farmer
"I'm having my own personal hot flash right now."
-Bobby House
"Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is
actually with a woman!"
-Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog
"Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the
Servant Towel award by taking me or something?"
-Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet
"I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all."
-Christin Simpson
"The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate."
-Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream
"Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!"
-Amanda Ledbetter
"I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier
to understand."
-Dr. Joslin, on women
"One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active
social life, or she's just fat."
-Richard B. Hardison
"You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly.
Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that
turns out."
-Jon "Jew" Borofsky
"Are you dressing Katie Mohler?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?"
-Andrew
"I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches."
-Michael Butterworth
"I really like the smell of gasoline."
-Katie Mohler
"You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out
and take the elevator."
-Bobby House
"But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you."
-Nick Crouse
"Gomez, you're Hispanic?"
-Matt Svoboda
"'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?"
-Lauren Farmer
"You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke."
-Moon Pie Godfrey
"It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!"
-Lauren Farmer
"I've had the passion, I just need the purity."
-Emily Dick
"I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right?
Letoto's going to be there!'"
-Warren Kesselring
"I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put
on lots of flannel."
-Ricky Hardison
"You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?"
-Sarah Cress
"So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones."
-Christin Simpson
"I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without
asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks."
-Emily O'Neal
"I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time."
-Taryn Walker
"You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to
bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College."
-Michael Butterworth
"Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white."
-Cole Harper
"I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'"
-Emily Dick
"I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have
boyish charm."
-Jeff Pearson
"If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart,
it's a bad idea."
-David Borreson
"Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!"
-Chriyus Davis
"When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to
myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' "
-Chriyus Davis
"What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here."
-Lauren Farmer
"I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?"
-Andrew, talking about his father's birthday.
"What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?"
-Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she
went to look up what he meant
"Stop flashing everyone!"
-Carla
"I didn't know I was going to see everything!"
-Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth
"Which would suck!"
-Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in
heaven...before his marriage
"Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?"
-Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes
"I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a
good tree to climb by Mullins."
-Michael Butterworth
"You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts."
-Scott O'Neal
"It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or
maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger."
-Andrew
"And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!"
-Emily Dick
"Is Scott the white-haired guy?"
-Brandon Stern
"The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I
really hope I don't fart."
-Kristy White
"Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin."
-Katy Cavaliere
"I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs."
-Andrew "Stretch" Holley
"And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that."
-Scott O'Neal
"I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart."
-Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo
"I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people,
why I wasn't married."
-Christine Robertson
"Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol'
woman with a 'fro."
-Chriyus Davis
"Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think
that's romantic."
-Lauren Farmer
"We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity."
-Lauren Farmer
"Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached
toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense,
you may have hit the skin on the head."
-Me, to Matt Teves
"Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!"
-Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning
"Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake
you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot."
-Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat
"Who's the brown one?"
-Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain
brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus
"A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say
or do is not a world I want to live in."
-Michael Butterworth
"Abby marches to the beat of her own flute."
-Scott O'Neal
"I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I
could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee."
-Jennifer Miller
"What's a 'good game'?"
-Katie Mohler
"Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I
used to give myself french manicures with it."
-R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper
"It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails."
-Trey Fuller
"How do you think that small?"
-Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting
"I like to curl up in the bathroom."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's
not a universal song, it's in a different language."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!"
-A.D.
"I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place."
-Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message
"Sounds like a bladder control problem."
-Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during
dorm meeting
"Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?"
-Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey
Cashell
"So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward."
-R. Lauren Duncan, about...something
"Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!"
-Boss
"When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but
when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a
different matter altogether."
-Scott O'Neal
"That's too much chocolate for you!"
-Bobby House III
"Dude, there's a lot of white people up here."
-Kawika, on being in Indiana
"This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp."
-Sandi, on the sermons at their church
"I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male."
-Heidi Marlene Johnson
"Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he
had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know,
that ninja look."
-Lisa, to me
"You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!"
-A certain manager at a certain store
"He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count.
You're right, he is the only guy we've got."
-A certain coworker at a certain store.
"She's the manliest girl I know."
-Christina Thompson
"Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy
than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're
better looking than most of the guys here."
-Nathan Fulllerton
"Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed
kids together."
-Scott O'Neal
"How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that
Uch is off the market."
-Goose
"It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!"
-Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate
"I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'"
-Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to
take over the airsoft world
"You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get
Government Service out of John."
-Goose
"Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months."
-Goose
"Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!"
-Boss
"How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to
SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes."
-Jeff Cavanaugh
"Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk."
-Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk
"I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke."
-Joel Gasparotto, to me
"No. But several kids."
-Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?"
"I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all
sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..."
-Me
"I think these are unthawed."
-Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken
"You mean frozen?"
-Matt Crawford, in response to Scott
"Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!"
-Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud
out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain
Hawaiian
"He's the closest thing to Black I got here!"
-Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian
was the most ethnically similar person at the camp
"Nice body!"
-Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they
collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball
"I could take you...to a movie."
-Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was
explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students
present
"It's my bladder!"
-Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang
"John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I."
-Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and
impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or
imagined) I have upon them
"At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will
Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding
stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to
watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly
assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that
into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'"
-Me
"Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm
asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books
off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT
asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what
I wrote up there."
-Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger
"Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day."
-Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania
"Did he sound winded?"
-Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night...
"Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!"
-Boss
"I don't do that, that would be too unmanly."
-Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails
"More of an acquired taste than kim chee."
-Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music
"That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed
with Shirley Temples."
-Christin Simpson
"Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are
odd' girl."
-Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her
blossoming reputation
"Hurry, before the smears come out!"
-Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall
"All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait"
-Andrew Strickland, while leading worship
"She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her."
-Lisa
"I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better
bed partner now."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!"
-One of the Brownies from Willow
"I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!"
-Same Brownie
"Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!"
-Drunk Brownie from Willow
"No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher."
-Gary
"It's probably providential."
-Chip Collins
"One more wave."
-Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air
"Well basically..."
-James McCray
"I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground."
-RAM, Jr.
"If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing
her away from all the decent guys."
-Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away
"Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome."
-Dr. Mohler
"Hey! How are you doing?"
-Rob Smythe
"I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand
on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in
the bathroom!"
-Boss
"So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?"
-Aaron Filippone
"The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me."
-Darren Thomas
"Hairy in the face and chest?"
-Me, in response to Darren
"Oh, cuss word!"
-Moon Pie
"If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute
long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize."
-Pablo Butterworth
"These *are* my dress socks. They're clean."
-Goose
"Before the throne of God above..."
-Jonathan Leeman...singing
"I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane."
-Michelle
"Piss on a biscuit!"
-Fritzy
"I saw Toto, and he's black!"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be
laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there."
-Jordan Cole
"Can she have a man?"
-Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie
"I am irresistible to men..."
-Poenie Tree
"Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!"
-AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite
"Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?"
-Tyler Ratliff
"She shook his butt before she shook his hand!"
-Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce
"Would you look at that BUTT?"
-Pablo Butterworth
"It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards."
-Pablo Butterworth
"He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us,
sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you
would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives
or anything.)"
-Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce
"Paul, I think we should mate."
-Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of
Psychiatrist
"You're classic, not metro."
-Elizabeth Foster
"I need ocean."
-Me
"Oh, I have some!"
-R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me
"Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two
completely different things."
-Dr. Draper
"The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!"
-Chris...something
"I hated you when I first met you."
-Scott O'Neal
"Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..."
-Pablo Butterworth
"Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going
to die teaching and I want to be there for it."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out."
-Michael Butterworth
"I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive."
-Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth
"Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How
did you become sexy?' "
-Pablo Butterworth
"Stop vacuuming my crack!"
-Chris Sellers
"That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any
taller..."
-Melissa Hermoso
"You smell like my mom!"
-Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild
"It's Allure for *men*, people!"
-Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild
"Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!"
-Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair
"We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down."
-Michael Butterworth
"I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials."
-Billy Reddick
"You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder."
-Kristina Pelhank, to me
"I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen,
and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it
breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen
floor.' "
-Pablo Butterworth
"You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into
trouble, and yours gets you out of it."
-Aaron Coffey, to me
"The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their
elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing."
-Michael Butterworth
"Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!"
-Sarah El-Masri
"I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone
there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop
together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play
XBox all night long, baby!"
-Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit
"Please stalk me at your earliest convienence."
-Sarah Cress
"There's a two year-old flirting with me!"
-Ashlea Davenport
"I used to have a neck, then something happened."
-Bobby House
"Can I buy three blacks from you?"
-Pablo Butterworth
"Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep."
-Chip Collins
"You're the ugly girl!"
-Candace Boyd
"No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody
does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!"
-Scott O'Neal and me
"I grew up with that but in Spanish."
-Liz Mejia
"One day the three of us will be married!"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a
bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And,
he was BIG!"
-Matty Teves
"Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo."
-Me, to Pablo Butterworth
"And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's
right...............the Holy Spirit."
-Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something
"That's a good length, that's pettable."
-R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head
"There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size."
-Kristy Miller
"Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!"
-Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready
for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just
before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball
"Mr. Herringbone understands."
-Katie Mohler
"Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?"
-Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by
Katie Mohler
"Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type
in, 'butt,' and you come up."
-Me, to Pablo Butterworth
"The chocolate chip in the cookie."
-Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our
family
"I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk."
-Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8
white guys
"I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!"
-Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check
gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere
"So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and
forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking
and it startled me."
-Sarah Cress
"Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"Jane!"
-Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan
"I went sniffing once."
-Katie Mohler
"Can you use that in a definition?"
-Sarah Cress
"Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's
shopping again."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"They had her fork here and I ate it."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"Every outfit you wear is a statement."
-Scott O'Neal
"Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?"
-Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at
Southeast Christian Church
"He likes to sit in my drawers."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate."
-James Losey, about me
"I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!"
-Heidi Marlene Johnson
"I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus."
-Me
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in
that order."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I eat soap for breakfast."
-Sarah Cress
"I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway."
-Rob Smythe
"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."
-Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects
"Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something."
-Janal Prybys
"More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock."
-Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish
"This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl
Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high."
-Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person
"Hold me like you used to."
-Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated
"This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because
pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably
retarded."
-Jessica Cimato
"And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash."
-Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood
"Oh, I love that movie!"
-Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson
"They have male stores?"
-Katie Mohler
"She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook."
-Michael Butterworth
"Yes, it's my purse."
-James Losey
"There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has
been inflicted with The Terror!"
-Kristina Pelhank
"You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk
away, but for some strange reason, I can't."
-Sarah Cress
"John gave me a good wedgie."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I won't say whoooole falsehoods..."
-Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok
"I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet."
-Michael Butterworth
"God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love."
-Michael Butterworth
"This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you."
-Rob Smythe
"Next year you'll be in the zoo."
-Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey
"I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up
undergrad chicks, too."
-Michael Butterworth
"I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those
blue nasty ones."
-R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman,
when speaking of it being blue and nasty
"Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much',
because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to
mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day."
-Jessica Cimato
"'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"I have some ligament in the car."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"I lost it from all the throwing up I did."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"He's a Filipino knockoff!"
-David Brandt, commenting on me
"No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!"
-Chris Sellers
"You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?"
-Sarah El-Masri, to me
"You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about
girls, you're never going to get married."
-Me, to Pablo Butterworth
"I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's
older than you."
-Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer
"She's not the kind of guy you'd go for."
-Me
"I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It
gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow."
-Jessica Cimato, to me
"From this angle, I can see everything!"
-Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt
"Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?"
-R. Lauren Duncan, to me
"If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many
pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer."
-Pablo Butterworth
"You are not going to put that on Facebook!"
-Pablo Butterworth
"I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts."
-Nick Crouse
"They're *macadamia* nuts!"
-Ryan Travis
"Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They
charge you nine dollars an hour!"
-Brian Buck
"Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?"
-Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage
Hall
"Are you ok? I just wet my pants."
-R. Lauren Duncan
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