Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

2.28.2009   Nomenclaturally Speaking Jeesh wants to know: is it Dexican or Mutch? We can cast lots to decide. Or maybe we don't have to be so biblical. We'll just vote when we get up there. posted by Bolo | 12:25 PM 2 speakage   Guat You Want? For the record, I think this is freakin' hilarious. posted by Bolo | 7:22 AM 5 speakage   Chicago: Ride Up posted by Bolo | 12:25 AM 0 speakage 2.27.2009   Tripping Out I realized something very, very scary today: my mother, who now lives in Arizona with Mon and Dave, will be moving to Alabama with Mon and Dave very shortly, which means that she'll likely be coming up here to visit before too much longer. The 'Ville will never be the same. posted by Bolo | 5:34 PM 0 speakage   Don't Tell Me That The following comes from the archives of statements that could be labeled, Things you kind of don't want to hear from a Boyce College student...but will still laugh at: "Have you ever seen Dr. Orrick's truck? I think his truck would be pretty easy to hot-wire." posted by Bolo | 2:41 PM 0 speakage   Roasting Review Six different beans, roasts ranging from City+ to Full City+, and four different regions of origin, all of which account for the seven different roasts last night. posted by Bolo | 8:23 AM 1 speakage 2.26.2009   Sanctifying Sanka? The following conversation is bound to take place when one of your former worship leaders and fellow care-group member at Immanuel moves with his family to Toronto and tries to throw not-so-subtle hints that he would greatly appreciate coffee sent from his Hawaiian buddy: Nathan: I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith and hope and every grace...but alas, He called me to trust Him in the midst of cheap coffee from a red tin. Me: Easy, Newton. Nathan: My bones are wasting away. Me: Aaahh, Fullerton, Fullerton...how I miss thee! posted by Bolo | 8:28 PM 0 speakage   Green Bean Brown Bean: A List The list of coffees has been relatively set for a while now. I'm still not entirely sure how everything is going to flow with this being the first time I'm doing something on this scale, but I'm presuming that a simple and straightforward format will help everyone -- myself included -- get into the spirit of things. With that said, I'm going to be offering up a few coffees I'm very familiar with as well as a couple that may not go in line with the types of coffees I tend to enjoy. A combination of this sort will help me to feel a little bit more confident in identifying and understanding the different nuances some people are pulling out of the coffees I know well, but will also aid in providing a more balanced array of coffees for those whose coffee palates differ significantly from mine. For the record, African, Central American, and Indonesian coffees will all be offered. That's as much as I'll say at this point. posted by Bolo | 5:15 PM 0 speakage   25: 20 I've noticed over the years that I've become notorious for many different things: mooching food; eating constantly; a love for coffee; being ridiculously tanned; being ridiculously pale; bodily functionality; an extensive wardrobe; constant tardiness; and a tendency to not call my mother often enough. With this last one, I submit to you that I have, over the past year, called my mother, on average, at least once a month. I think. posted by Bolo | 9:03 AM 0 speakage 2.25.2009   Chicago: Kenny Kenny does his thing in the latte art competition. He represented Sunergos and the 'Ville very well, I thought. posted by Bolo | 5:16 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts: Godward It's not that I don't believe that God could love me; it's that I have a really hard time believing that He does. For that matter, it's not just that I have a hard time believing that He does love me, it's that I have I have a hard time believing that He loves me in the manner and to the degree He says He does in His Word, with His Word. posted by Bolo | 12:45 PM 1 speakage   Already? It's morning already. My first mad roasting session in preparation for Saturday's shindig went down last night. After having roasted six different batches, I feel a certain tension. Was I happy with the roasts? Yes, to some degree, yet I can't say I'm satisfied with them. I find that that happens more and more often these days; the more I learn, the more I realize I want to do better. Hmmm. posted by Bolo | 8:09 AM 0 speakage 2.24.2009   Chicago: The Cast posted by Bolo | 10:21 PM 1 speakage   Chicago Coffee: Five-Berry Brew PT's. The first time I had heard of them was reading Roast Magazine's praise of them when PT's was selected as the publication's Macro Roaster of the Year. Saturday, while at Coffee Fest, I had my first in-person exposure to their coffee goodness. Fred Polzin and Jeff Taylor, co-founders and owners of PT's, were present at the booth when we made our way over to sample their goods. Let me say this: they did not disappoint in the least. In fact, the Ethiopia Sidamo Special Prep is still haunting my senses! I asked Jeff if he had taken five different berries and squeezed it through the pourover filters they had set up at the booth. I don't think he realized I was only sort of joking. Jeff said that just about all of their roasts are light to medium, and only rarely do they go darker. Music to my ears, I tell you, music to my ears. posted by Bolo | 5:13 PM 0 speakage   Cup of the Morning Three words: Idido Misty Valley. Some of my readership here will already have commenced drooling by the time they finish reading those words. Others may not have made it past there but were instead whisked away to a fond land of dreams and wistful remembrance. For those more coherent yet less familiar with this brew, know that when taken to a Full City roast and brewed in a press, it caresses the senses with layers of dark chocolate over hints of cherries and strawberries. Other fruits emerge and dance as the cup cools, making this an ever-evolving exercise of the senses. posted by Bolo | 9:26 AM 4 speakage   25: 19 I was born with one eye being dark brown and the other being light brown. My parents were a little wigged out by that, but didn't really mind. My siblings, however, used that as evidence when they told me that I was adopted. They were playing, of course, but I didn't know any better. It wasn't until I was six that my eyes sort of evened out and people stopped staring at me with funny looks. The first days of school were a little strange back then, and I do remember them vividly. Okay, okay, just kidding...my eyes have never been funky like that. But you bought it, didn't you? posted by Bolo | 8:07 AM 0 speakage 2.23.2009   Chicago Coffee: A New Friend Kenny and Kane were gracious enough to invite me to come along for their little latte art competition in Chicago, and I, being the coffee geek that I am, was more than happy to take them up on their offer. A small entourage of those of us from the 'Ville took in the sites and sounds of the Windy City this past weekend, but I think it safe to say that Kenny, Kane and I were far more appreciative of -- and geeked-out by -- the coffee aspects of our little jaunt north. Over the next several days, I'll share a few of my thoughts about our coffee experience, starting with this post. When we visited Intelligentsia on Sunday, our last day there, Kenny and I were able to meet and talk with Intelligentsia's Charles Babinski, who turned out to be the Director of Coffee for their Millennium Park location. While at the counter, he asked us if we were in the city for Coffee Fest, and we told him that we were, and that Kenny had competed in Millrock's latte art competition. Later, he came around to our table to chat with us and ask us what we thought of the coffees we had been drinking. That led to a very honest, insightful and enjoyable conversation. I told Charles that I was a little underwhelmed by the Ethiopia Yirgacheffe Kurimi I was sipping down, and that I'd had it the day before at their booth at Coffee Fest and had concluded much the same. Without going into too much detail here, the sentiments I relayed to him were that the Kurimi seemed a little muted for a Yirg, and that it didn't pop out with the lemons and florals I had been expecting. It wasn't a bad cup at all, just not what I would have looked for, and therefore would have thought it more of a Central American coffee if I'd sipped it blindly. Charles told us that the latest lot they've gotten of this coffee seemed somewhat different, and that some of the cup characteristics present in the earlier batches weren't really there. I told Kenny later on that that made me feel better, as I definitely didn't want to be rude, but I also wanted to be forthright and honest. I think, however, that our conversation was quite wonderful and educational. The bottom line? Kenny and I had a great conversation with a very knowledgeable and passionate coffee connoisseur, and I hope that he enjoyed his interaction with us as much as we enjoyed our interaction with him. Much thanks to Charles and Intelligentsia! posted by Bolo | 12:26 PM 0 speakage 2.22.2009   Back *Yawn*...more later... posted by Bolo | 11:05 PM 0 speakage 2.21.2009   Stephen David My little nephew :) posted by Bolo | 7:05 PM 2 speakage   Chi-Town So...we're in the Apple Store here on Michigan Avenue while waiting for Kenny. It's cold outside. More later. posted by Bolo | 7:02 PM 0 speakage 2.20.2009   Thoughts: Godward The path to gospel joy is one I try to make into a shortcut. I was telling Scott yesterday that humility is what I need to walk that path, because it's one thing to desire gospel joy, another thing to know what God requires of us in gospel joy, and another thing entirely to actually walk in such a way as to rejoice in the gospel. Why? Often, the Christian life requires putting sin to death, and this, in and of itself, requires humbling oneself, or as the Puritans said, "humiliation." This word makes me shudder, and it should; humiliation is painful, for it involves the loving discipline of the Father, and such discipline is not pleasant, yet it does yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness in time -- at least, that's what the author of Hebrews says. There's no shortcut when it comes to humiliation, is there? posted by Bolo | 7:50 AM 0 speakage 2.19.2009   Quotable "I'm worse than an egalitarian, you know... ...I don't want to be your equal... ...because I am your superior." -Katie Faye Vaughn posted by Bolo | 10:25 PM 4 speakage   Say, "Uncle" I have a new nephew! Apparently, little Stephen David Merrifield is about a month old...and he weighs 4 lbs...and he looks like a mini-Koen...which makes him a mini-mini-me, I suppose :) posted by Bolo | 6:31 PM 0 speakage   Hymnal The best obedience of my hands Dares not appear before Thy throne But faith can answer Thy demands By pleading what my Lord has done As I listened to the Caedmon's version of this old Isaac Watts hymn tonight, I was brought up a bit short by this verse, thinking, "Okay, fine, I understand that I can't bring my best obedience before God, as only Christ can please Him, but what of my worst obedience? What about the worst manifestations of my indwelling sin? What about that?" The other night, after the members' meeting, a bunch of us sat around and talked like guys talk when guys are gathered around the most primal of all guy things: fire. One of the things that came up in conversation was the ways we, as believers, can feel as though we've become utterly lost in the pits of despair. We spoke of how sin can be crippling to the soul, and how it can absolutely batter and crush the child of God to the point of seeming no return. Derek Webb's voice keeps coming on since the song is on repeat. He sings about the cross, about the boast that was once his -- and mine -- and the death of our glory at the cross. As he sings these things, I freely but hesitatingly admit that these truths that once seemed so near, so real, are much further off than I'd like them to be. I know what it's like to feel crippled, and I know without a doubt what it's like to feel the despair of having tasted of the goodness of Christ's lavish feast only to feel unwelcome and forsaken. posted by Bolo | 1:18 AM 2 speakage 2.18.2009   25: 18 Speaking of favorites, I like hamachi. Well, love hamachi. Don't you dare let it touch heat, either. That's just vile and vulgar. I've gotten free sashimi just from my groans of hamachi-eating-pleasure at the sushi bar. Like 'Drew says, "Your mouth will be broken." posted by Bolo | 11:19 PM 0 speakage 2.17.2009   Day of Coffee This morning, we enjoyed a Kenya Rukira AB roasted to a light City roast. The "AB" designation doesn't refer to bean quality but to bean size, which merely means that this lot is slightly smaller than the "AA" lots. Follow? Good. This particular batch was sweet and slightly tart, but with hints of dried fruit. The body wasn't particularly heavy, which was to be expected. The afternoon brew was a slightly darker roast of the ever-wonderful Ethiopia Idido Misty Valley, the likes of which has reminded me of cherries covered in chocolate...dark chocolate. The dry-aroma from a Full City roast with this bean is, to be blunt, ridiculously amazing. The taste in the mouth? Not disappointing in the least... ...except when you take the last sip. That always sucks. posted by Bolo | 10:44 PM 1 speakage 2.16.2009   25: 17 One of my favorite foods ever is a coco puff...and I'm not talking about cereal. About twelve of 'em, really. Who the heck eats just one? posted by Bolo | 10:34 PM 4 speakage 2.15.2009   25: 16 I have some of the craziest sleeping habits of anyone I know, even though they've chilled out quite a bit recently. At one point several years ago, I had worked a couple of eighty-hour weeks in a row. Scott looked at me one night and told me, "Dude, you look tired." I told him I felt like it. He responded, "No, you don't understand. You could stay up for three weeks straight and you still wouldn't look this tired." I guess I was kinda zonked. posted by Bolo | 11:20 PM 2 speakage 2.14.2009   Eat Mor Chikin Talk about ridiculous. I paid exactly $3.50 for my last two lunches, the combination of which totaled 13 chicken strips, 4 medium waffle fries, 1 large waffle fries, a Dr. Pepper, and a cup of water, all from Chik-Fil-A. The Lord giveth, indeed... posted by Bolo | 3:06 PM 1 speakage   Old Made Fresh Last night, we sat around the fire and smoked a bit. As conversation shifted, Moisan mentioned how he'd just finished reading through the bible, and after we talked about how reading through certain parts of the Old Testament can be pretty rough, Rev mentioned how Daniel is preaching through the Old Testament this year. That brought to mind one of the most convicting and encouraging message I could ever commend for diving into that large body of writing: Ligon Duncan's T4G '06 session on preaching through the Old Testament. I told the guys about how Dr. Duncan went through various passages of Scripture, demonstrating his points and showing the many ways the Old Testament could and needs to be preached in our congregations. I shared my favorite part of that message where Dr. Duncan reads from the list of David's Mighty Men from 2 Samuel. I've already written about it a while back, so I won't detail it here, but I will say that as I read through my thoughts on it again this morning, I felt conviction anew, and was immensely glad for it. I also told the guys that they needed to go and listen to that message, which can be found here. There's a sermon that Dr. Duncan mentions while teaching us about that passage in 2 Samuel, one by Ed Clowney. That sermon can be found here. posted by Bolo | 11:10 AM 0 speakage   I'm Done Oh boy...what a night... posted by Bolo | 1:09 AM 0 speakage 2.13.2009   25:15 I used to catch the Bus to and from school. Usually, I read or slept while riding home, and it's still a small miracle to me that I can still count on one hand the number of times I missed my stop entirely. Of course, it's also been a long time since I rode the Bus, so that may have something to do with it. posted by Bolo | 8:40 AM 0 speakage 2.12.2009   Shots in the Mouth At the 'Gos on my lunch hour, and Kane pulled two stellar single-origin shots from a wet-processed Koratie that he roasted just yesterday. Too little rest? Perhaps, but the shots didn't suffer for it! They were full-bodied, almost creamy, with loads of chocolate and fruit, coating my tongue with an intense citrus rind flavor right at the end. Wow! posted by Bolo | 1:39 PM 0 speakage   Morning After We dodged another power-outage last night. Since September, the 'Ville has been subject to widespread power-outages three times: twice from high and unrelenting winds, and once from ice and snow. Despite the fact that my little house/apartment on Oak Street was shaking and swaying just a little bit at one point, I managed to roast a couple of different batches without a hitch. Opening my kitchen window overlooking Shelby Park this morning, I noted that the crisp, cool air that hit me was not moving in a violent, hurried manner. No, the air was the quiet sort, almost mellow and happy, if you believe it, promising a little more warmth in just a little while. posted by Bolo | 8:22 AM 0 speakage 2.11.2009   25: 14 The tattoo on my leg has been there since May of '99. The elvish lettering on my arm was inked in August of that same year. I still find it amusing that a lot of my friends here have no idea that those have been in my skin for almost a decade now. posted by Bolo | 5:25 PM 0 speakage   Green Bean Brown Bean: An Event On the 28th of February, there's gonna be a little coffee roasting and tasting seminar/party/class/shindig at the Vie. I'm thinking that it's going to be a blast, but I'm more than a little anxious about it, since I'm supposedly going to be the dude who stands there in front of everyone and talks. My goal is that everyone will not only listen and taste and learn about the coffee journey from seed to senses, but that they'll walk away appreciating it and wanting more. Over the next couple of weeks, as the time approaches, I'll put some thoughts up here concerning this little coffee cohort, perhaps just to think out loud, but maybe to toss ideas out and about to see what folks are thinking and wanting to learn. We'll see. posted by Bolo | 10:45 AM 1 speakage   25: 13 My favorite book in the bible is probably Hosea. posted by Bolo | 1:39 AM 0 speakage 2.10.2009   Word 1 John 3:1 - 3 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not yet appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on him purifies himself, just as He is pure. posted by Bolo | 8:37 PM 0 speakage   Cup of the Afternoon In the mug is a last-of-the-batches blend of half dry-processed Guatemala Oriente roasted just into the second crack using a slow-ramping profile, and half Ethiopia Kochere District, which was itself a post-roast blend of two batches, one slightly darker than the other. The Oriente gives this a deep, boomy sort of depth with dark chocolate, anise, a hint of tobacco, and a touch of blueberry. The Kochere offers lime and light, syrupy fruit notes. The combination is astounding! Not a whole lot of body to this cup, but in all honesty, I like it just the way it is; it's perfect. posted by Bolo | 3:38 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts Yes, I wear cuff links, but only because french cuffs require cuff links and to not wear them would be ridiculous of me, not unlike wearing shoes without the laces. There was a card table under that top? Sara Kandt is Scrabble-nerd enough to have watched Scrabble tournaments via satellite TV. One of these days, Ashlea will finish that invitation...maybe. Every so often, when I think something is a crappy job, I immediately hear James McCray's voice, and I smile. Dang, last night was about as close to perfect as it gets: good food, good smoke, good beer, great weather, stellar company, and a little Hold 'Em. Shelby Park was a great spot to throw the disc yesterday. Black Sun! For the record, "Hanging out with Beans" doesn't mean I'm eating chili or any other food containing beans, it means exactly what it says: I'm hanging out with Beans. I'll take sixty-degree weather every day of the week here in the 'Ville. I dig the shots of those three from October; they look quite nice in that little book. Time with the old-haired one last week was like the proverbial water to a thirsty man. Chicago in a week and a half, Texas in about a month, Atlanta a month after that...now I just need to make like a young man and go West. So he didn't win a Grammy; they're still members at Immanuel, and that's still pretty awesome. This Kebado is delicious! If he's a super-ugly version of Moisan, is there a super-pretty version? In one of my more ridiculous moments, I told Dominic I would make a shirt for the party that said, "Toto and Flame: Too Much Hotness!" Miss Sailor's four-letter slip-up at the reception shall remain amusing for a very, very, very long time. posted by Bolo | 12:42 PM 4 speakage 2.09.2009   25: 12 The number of suits I own is greater than the number of pairs of shoes many guys own. A lot of girls, too, for that matter. But that doesn't make me man-pretty! posted by Bolo | 11:04 PM 4 speakage   The Somethings and Whatshisnames In one of my dreams last night, I was talking to someone about Dr. Tom Nettles. Don't know why we were talking about him, we just were. The only thing was, in my dream, I couldn't remember his last name, so I kept referring to him as "Dr. Tom Something." Well, the other person seemed a little clueless as to precisely which SBTS professor I was talking about, and since I could not remember Dr. Tom Something's last name, I explained to this person, "Well, his son's family goes to Immanuel. I know his son's name is Robert, and Robert's wife is Lori, and they named their son Beren, which is freakin' cool. So Dr. Tom Something has a grandson named Beren Something." And this is where it gets awkward. Not like this isn't awkward for you as it is, reading about my wigged-out dream. Anyway. The person with whom I am speaking -- I'll refer to him as Dude from here on out -- says to me, "Oh, I know them...that's Dr. Whatshisname's family!" You see, they were convinced that Robert and Lori and Beren and Violet, Beren's sister, had the last name of Whatshisname, not Something. Follow? So I told Dude, "No way, they're Somethings! I'll prove it to you." And in my hands instantly appears a copy of the latest SBTS directory. We look up Dr. Whatshisname in the directory under Whatshisname, and lo and behold, some old guy I don't recognize is being proclaimed as Dr. Whatshisname, right there under the listings for the Whatshisnames, as well as Robert under Robert Whatshisname. Dang. At this point in my dream, I came to the only logical conclusion possible, which you may have, too, if you've managed to follow: someone had placed a magic spell over Dr. Something, making everyone forget Dr. Something and rewriting history so that Dr. Something seemingly never existed, even going so far as to reroute Dr. Whatshisname's familial ties to Robert, thus making almost everyone, Dude included, believe that Dr. Something -- who really is Dr. Nettles, of course -- never really existed. Except for me, quite naturally, since I remembered that Dr. Nettles really existed, even if I could only remember him as Dr. Something. Isn't that something? posted by Bolo | 12:46 PM 0 speakage 2.08.2009   Sermonizing Ryan has been preaching through Galatians for the past several months. Today, he hit Galatians 3:15 - 18. Now, I know that a small percentage of the links I put up on here are actually clicked on. I count on that, and that's fine. In this, I'm going to go beyond merely putting up the link. I think I'll push beyond asking you to click. Forget urging, even. Let me put it this way: if you're a believer, and you're wanting to see Jesus and savor Him more, know that as I stood there, listening to God's Word being preached, this cold and discouraged heart of mine was inflamed with the joy of knowing that I, a struggling and wayward sinner, was counted and seen and rejoiced over as a victorious and faithful son no less than the victorious and faithful Son Himself. Listen. Please, listen. posted by Bolo | 11:13 PM 0 speakage   25: 11 My favorite color is green. The color I wear most often? Blue. posted by Bolo | 5:59 PM 1 speakage 2.07.2009   25: 10 When I was little, I used to say I had a guardian Angel. No big deal, right? I mean, every good little boy had one, right? Well, mine was named Herbie. Yup. Seriously, ask my mom. I think I scared him off a while back, though. Not sure if he'd be willing to come back around these days...hmmm...maybe he likes coffee... posted by Bolo | 10:28 PM 0 speakage   Wake Up! The alarm clock showed 7:32 when I looked at it. It wasn't blaring, nor was it blinking, nor was it doing anything else that would indicate the need for me to be awake and giving it any sort of attention. The darn thing sometimes reminds me of a two year-old, one that wakes up prior to the sun's rising, faithfully telling me each morning, "Wake up, Uncle Johnny! It's time to wake up! Time to go to work! Hurry, Uncle Johnny!" Ugh. No, if anything, the hunk of black plastic and green LED numbering was eerily quiet, as was the rest of my apartment this Saturday morning in early February. Why, then, was I awake? Beats me, but waking up early to a silent alarm clock is like waking up early and seeing your two year-old niece or nephew standing there staring at you, and when you roll over in bed, open your eyes and see the little nerd, it mouths, "Good morning, Uncle Johnny!" to you. Truth be told, I'm glad I've stumbled upon a few moments to sit and write. This time of day is perfect for that. There's ironing to do, suiting up to be done, and coffee to be brewed. But right now? Nothing that screams for my attention. So I sit, and I write. Okay. I'm done. Off to go get ready for the day. posted by Bolo | 8:02 AM 0 speakage 2.06.2009   25: 9 I'm a closet sports geek. Well, those of you who read this regularly know I really dig Notre Dame football, but I grew up following the San Francisco 49ers, the San Francisco Giants, and the University of Hawai'i baseball team. Lisa always bought me season tickets to the baseball games at Rainbow Stadium, back when my name was on the seat. Literally. Section J, Row 1, Seat 9. While I'm still peeved I never caught a foul ball, my lack of foul byproduct does nothing to discount my sports geekiness; I used to memorize the college football Top 25, follow players through the minor leagues, and read trivia books on players from decades long past. The fact that Derek Jeter is from Kalamazoo, MI, will likely be stuck in my head until I die, the Boston College game in '93 still makes me kinda cry, and I still remember being awed by seeing UCLA's Troy Glaus playing shortstop -- yes, he was a shortstop in college, kids -- against UH in Rainbow Stadium. posted by Bolo | 9:46 PM 1 speakage   Using the John Late last November, Immanuel sent a team of five members -- two of which were pastors -- overseas to Indonesia to visit several IMB missionaries our church had sent there over the past couple of years. They were able to take part in a conference for these missionaries, as well as do a little sight-seeing and touristing. While there, a few members of the team happened to find a great deal of amusement in the Indonesian restrooms. They, being the caring and serving sorts that they are, decided that such humor could not be kept to themselves, but rather, needed to be brought back and shared with the rest of the congregation. Therefore, lest any of you, my dear readership, think of me being vulgar for posting these images, I would have all of you know that these were all shown -- via the overhead projector -- at our Wednesday night prayer meeting two nights ago. Pastors Jeff and Ben gleefully take responsibility. Nerds. posted by Bolo | 6:40 PM 1 speakage   Quotes: SWFWDA Today, we're graced with wise sayings from the ever-sayable Single White Female Who Desires Anonymity (say that five times really quickly after sprinting for a hundred yards...I dare you). She tells us about all sorts of things, not least of which is how user-friendly her iPhone can be. Or not. "Some compliments are obviously untrue, but that doesn't mean they aren't still given out of some form of kindness. I prefer to accept them regardless of the likelihood that they are true. It is never wise to prove a man wrong when he is trying to say something nice about you, however shaky his reasoning for doing so may be. I mean, I have been told I looked pretty when I knew full well that I looked like a train wreck...but nothing good would have come of trying to coax the guy in question into admitting that I actually did look like a train wreck. It was better for both of us for me to pretend I thought he meant it." "Do you think I would need a helmet to go into Garden Ridge to buy Christmas lights?" "If you shake it, it will find restaurants for you. It took me five minutes to learn that...turning it on/off silent took days. Go figure." "My car is quite literally frozen to my driveway, and has been since Tuesday. At this point, I have given genuine consideration to all manner of idiotic things...including an extension cord and a hair dryer. Of course, the part where I'm left standing in a puddle holding an electrical device with a cord stopped me...but just barely. I'm hoping it will melt today. I am ready for my home incarceration to come to an end. If it doesn't melt today, the neighbors can get out their cameras... I will chisel, blow-dry, salt, scald, and scrape the thing loose through any means necessary." "You do realize you can't actually watch me make an idiot of myself from several miles away, right? Who are you? Google Earth?" posted by Bolo | 8:25 AM 0 speakage 2.05.2009   25: 8 Never took a senior portrait in high school. I think I avoided the mug shot for my sophomore and junior years, too. posted by Bolo | 7:15 AM 0 speakage 2.04.2009   25: 7 When I was little, I used to think that the world didn't have color until the 70's or so. That's what growing up watching reruns of Leave it to Beaver and Happy Days did to me. posted by Bolo | 9:46 PM 3 speakage   In a Word Ecstatic. posted by Bolo | 5:51 PM 0 speakage   Desktop Guess what arrived? posted by Bolo | 12:26 PM 3 speakage   Snap I think I've taken less than a quarter gig of footage with my camera over the past month. Ugh. I need to shoot something. posted by Bolo | 1:47 AM 0 speakage 2.03.2009   Good Intentions, Bad Intentions If any one of my readership knows the significance of tomorrow, and why I'll be either ecstatic or gravely disappointed, I'll either be impressed or gravely disturbed. Go ahead...take a wild guess. posted by Bolo | 10:35 PM 0 speakage   25: 6 There's a picture that exists that depicts me wearing high-heels on my feet and toilet paper on my head. That's all I have to say about that. posted by Bolo | 2:44 AM 3 speakage 2.02.2009   25: 5 I have a scar on my face, right next to one of my eyebrows. I always forget which side of my face it's on, even though it's been there for as long as I can remember. No, the scar did not come from my fight with the pavement. I lost to some piece of furniture for that one. The piece of furniture and I are no longer on speaking terms. posted by Bolo | 11:42 AM 2 speakage   Super Manic It's Monday morning, and while I'm not a big fan of Mondays in general, I must say that last night's Bowl was pretty Super. Thanks again go to those crazy Carpenters for hosting a sweet party. posted by Bolo | 7:28 AM 0 speakage 2.01.2009   25: 4 The underside of my left forearm has a line where the pigmentation changes from super-dark to not-dark. It's more obvious when I'm at home and am sporting my normal color. It looks kinda freaky, to be honest with you. posted by Bolo | 1:37 PM 0 speakage   Diversification The roasting session for the evening? Three different African beans, but not one of them hailing from Kenya or Ethiopia. Yeah...I'm definitely branching out ;) posted by Bolo | 1:29 AM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon