Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

12.30.2003   Games Random thoughts of the moment... Last year, I was playing The Two Towers game on the PS2. Today, I got my first taste of The Return of the King on the PS2. Oh my...it is...Precious to me! The game follows the same format as the first's, but improves upon a lot of little things that make it so much more fun! You start out playing as Gandalf. My first instinct was to rush in and start killing everything in sight...MUAHAHAHAHAHA! How fun! Mon left to go back home today. Woohoo! I'm glad she's going...it's been about two and a half years since she's been at home, and she's long over due for a visit. If any of you see her, which I'm sure you will, tell her that she needs to bring back pictures with her :) In a couple of days, the New Attitude conference will be starting up. I'm taking off from work this week to go, so this is something I'm really looking forward to. In all honesty, though, I'm not sure what to expect. I've been praying that God would open me up to Him, but I'm not sure how He'll answer that prayer. Pray for me, that God does some amazing things in my heart. Louisville smacked around Kentucky this past Saturday. I should give Ed Ganigan a call...hehehe :) Go Cards! Then again, the 'Niners aren't in the playoffs, and the Cowboys are. Bleh. Maybe I'll hold off on that phone call. posted by Bolo | 3:25 PM 0 speakage   Disappointed? I think it was Dr. Akin. He was preaching on disappointment in ministry, and he related to us the story of a young man who, when faced with the frustrations of hundreds of ministers turning away from not only ministry, but the God they supposedly loved, wanted to leave his own ministry training at a seminary Dr. Akin was at. Dr. Akin told us that he sat there as the young man related his frustrations, giving example after example of people who should have been living lives "above reproach," but certainly were not. Dr. Akin told us that he sat there for a while, and listened as those cases were laid out. His response? One I forget far too often: people have and will disappoint us, but Jesus has never disappointed, and never will. I'm thinking about that message today because I need to. Disappointment has run wild as of late...in myself, in people, in circumstances...*sigh*. But God has not disappointed. I've not understood all He's done, but that's not disappointment. I told Scott today that this break has been tough. I find myself struggling with both the small and the big. I find myself wondering why I'm here. Am I fit for this school? Am I fit for ministry? Those questions (and more) are pondered daily, and yet I find no answer, save Dr. Akin's: Jesus has never disappointed me. You know what? I find myself feeling like that young man Dr. Akin told us about. I, too, wonder about those who taint people's taste of the God they once loved. I wonder what taste I'm giving to people of Christ: sweet, or bitter? How do you convey God's sweetness when you yourself are still trying to wash away the backwash of bitterness? How do you convey hope, when doubt is the ever-present monkey on your back? And yet, when I look upon myself, I must remember that what I see is not what God sees. Though I may frown with doubt or despair, He smiles with triumphant glory, knowing His grace is sufficient. I sometimes feel a little like Moses, telling God that he's a wuss who can't go back and face Pharaoh. For as much as I may talk the big talk, I feel like my voice is so little, so frail. I suppose that's part of the process, though :) posted by Bolo | 3:03 PM 0 speakage 12.22.2003   Uh-huh! It's Monday morning...nearly Christmas. I talked to my family this past Saturday night, when most of them were at our annual Family Christmas Party. Kayla was particularly amusing...at one point, our conversation went something like this: John: "Uh-huh!" Kayla: "Nuh-uh!" John: "Uh-huh!" Kayla: "Nuh-uh!" John: "Uh-huh!" Kayla: "Nuh-uh!" John: "Uh-huh!" Kayla: "Nuh-UH!" John: "Uh-HUH!" Kayla: "NUH-uh!" John: "Uuuuhhhhh-huh!" Kayla: "STOP IT!" John: *Silence for a few seconds*..."Nuh-uh!" Kayla: "Uh-huh!" John: "Nuh-uh!" Kayla: "Uh-huh!" John: "Nyuh-uh!" Kayla: "Uh-HUUUH!" John: "Nuh-uh!" Kayla: "UNCLE JOHN!" As you can see, my communication skills have exponentially gained in eloquence and gentility since I've enrolled at Boyce. Can you imagine what FOUR WHOLE YEARS will do for me? By the time I'm done, I'll be able to snarl and growl back and forth with cats and dogs! As for somewhat more serious matters, I found out last week that I may be working full-time at Moore (the security gig), at least for the next month or so. After that, I'll be able to work just 4 nights a week. My take on it? If I can manage it, I'll try to work at least the 32 hours during the semester, since it's almost all study time for me. Hopefully, it works out :) The break has been good for me...God's done a lot of "heart surgery" that I'd been sorely in need of. I remember once thinking that part the sanctification process must include God holding up a big holy mirror in front of us while we're naked...spiritually naked, that is. In that mirror, all the spiritual flab sticks out, and God doesn't let us put our clothes back on to hide it; He puts us on the spiritual treadmill and makes us go through the spiritual workout. I just better make sure I've got the spiritual Gatorade handy :) It's not like there's been any huge "spiritual breakthrough's" to write home about, though. Nothing wrong with that...it's just that life has been slow and simple, kind of like watching paint dry. Occasionally, a birdie will fly by and poop on the drying paint. I figure it adds a little...umm...character to the color scheme ;) (I think I should've put a disclaimer on this post before I wrote it...I don't know where the heck all of this funky thinking is coming from. Actually, it's a lack of real human being interactaction that does this to me...*shrug*.) Anyway, here's hoping you look better in the mirror naked than I do! *John raises his bottle of spiritual Gatorade to you* posted by Bolo | 11:00 AM 0 speakage 12.17.2003   At long last Three and a half hours or so of pure bliss. The Return of the King finally came out...and yes, I sat in the theater on Bardstown Road, and watched it in a state of boyish wonder and amazement. What gets to me is that despite the long runtime, the film *still* felt short! I was disappointed in that several scenes that I wanted to see weren't added in...oh well. I don't blame them, you know? The movie never dragged on, and the flow was very fast. I called Matt last night and asked him these questions...I figured I'd post them here, and if you've seen the movie, you can take a stab at 'em, too :) 1. Is the finger that Frodo gets bitten off in the book the same as in the movie? Which is it in the movie? What about the book? 2. Gilraen, a character not introduced in the movies, says what two lines that are repeated by Elrond and Aragorn in their dialogue? Who is Gilraen? Why would that statement be a pun? 3. Which characters that bore the device of a rayed star on their raiment were in the books but not in the movies? 4. One character leaves the Grey Havens on the ship in the movie, but not in the books. Who is this character? I had one more question, but my memory does not serve me very well today...oh well :) posted by Bolo | 4:49 PM 0 speakage   It's been One Week... I've noticed something about myself recently. It's not something I'm entirely proud of, either. In fact, it's something I'm very much ashamed of. I've noticed that I have become very good at putting up a front...not letting people in...living, in essence, in deceit. For some reason, I've let this false notion that I must always be "ok" creep into my soul. I've always though that I've done a pretty good job articulating how I'm doing. Is that really the case? Or am I mistaking my own pride for spiritual maturity? When I was talking with Jeff the other night, he asked me what God taught me about Himself stands out the most from this past semester. At the top of the list, I told him, was God's sovereignty. Why that? It's because He's shown me, through various circumstances and the teachings I've received, that He alone is in control...not me. I've told that to others; but I wonder now, do I live it? Have I become so "close" to God, that I no longer feel awed by Him? No; for when one is truly close to God, one cannot help but be awed by Him. I'm thinking that maybe what God is doing right now is showing me how foolish I've been; the good thing is, when God shows His children what fools they are, He always does so lovingly. posted by Bolo | 4:22 PM 0 speakage 12.10.2003   Child's play It's just past 8:45 am EST. I have until 4:30 pm EST to type out and turn in a 10 page paper on the philosophy of youth ministry. So I guess I'd better get cranking on this blog entry, huh? ;) It's the nearly the end of my first real semester. Yesterday was a doozy...three finals, something like six essays for Theology I, and a slew of "I think I can's". Various thoughts floated through my head at 2:30 this morning, as I tried valiantly to go to sleep. This semester brings so many mixed emotions to the fore. Deep friendships, sleepless nights and sleepy days, doubt and despair, silly smiles and unexplained tears...they've all contributed to make the past few months memorable. Yet, what do those things mean? What have I learned? How have I been changed? You know, there's so much to sift through. Monday nights have become special. After sitting through nearly three hours of New Testament Survey with Dr. Deklavon and his endless rows of corny jokes, you'd think I would be done for the day, ready to turn myself in. You'd be right in such an assessment, as most Mondays I felt forlorn and frustrated, wondering if I was really ready in my heart to go into our Dorm Meeting and worship our Lord. The good thing about that? I realized over and over again, I would never be more worthy than I already was, covered by the blood of Christ, and therefore I could be made ready by the grace of God. I could come hurt, joyful, broken, or confused, so long as I came asking God to take me and make me right before Him. Many was the time I entered a dorm meeting not wanting to go in, yet leaving not wanting to go out. Scott and I would take a walk and talk after those sessions with the rest of the student body. Over time, we've gotten to know each other well...sometimes too well :) Once, when trying to protect me from a situation, he deliberately deceived me. I'll never forget when he said to me, "dude...I was just blowing smoke!" I'll love the boy forever for it :) Much more has transpired this semester...however, being that it's now 4:28 pm EST, and I just turned in my last paper, I'll save writing for a little later...maybe today...maybe tomorrow...life is good, though :) posted by Bolo | 4:28 PM 0 speakage 12.08.2003   Orchestra Reason #92 why Boyce College Rocks: The Orchestra. It was our Winter Formal event, and I actually did go, sans date. I reasoned, however, that if I didn't go with a date, then I'd have to look good enough for two people. Mission accomplished ;) All svelteness on my part aside, we had a blast, and managed to forget about the crazy, zany finals for several hours. On another note... There are lines from an old John Newton hymn that read like this: If justice was my only plea My tears would all be vain How can the Holy welcome me For I the Lord have slain With those lines, Newton conveys the truth that not only has Christ died for us, but because of us. Were I the very soldier pounding the nails through Christ's flesh and into wood, I still would not be any more guilty of His death than I am now. Why am I guilty of His death? 'Tis my sin, vile and malignant, unrelenting in its offense toward God, that has nailed Christ to His horrible and glorious cross. And yet, each morning when I am shocked out of my slumber by my phone's alarm (none too gently, I might add), I do not remember that precious truth. I forget that He died not just for me, but because of me. I forget that His dying on the cross and rising again is *enough*. I forget that no matter how much I may foolishly (and sinfully) try, I cannot add to His grace. Amazing Grace, indeed. posted by Bolo | 10:08 AM 0 speakage 12.04.2003   Today's post is one where I'm going to start typing, and whatever comes out comes out. (Note: This could be offensive, or could possibly get me into trouble. If what I write is particularly amusing, I may get kicked out of school and sent back home!) I've been going through shopping withdrawals. Every once in a while, I'll look at someone wearing something I find particularly interesting, either because of the fabric itself, its texture, or perhaps the style of the garment, and go, "whoa...cool!" I know. I pay way too much attention to what's on my body. Carol Moreno would have gone into an epileptic seizure to read this now. Well, maybe not now...a few years ago she would've :) Scott Davis works in Admissions here on campus. A few weeks ago, he asked me to consider becoming a Student Ambassador at Boyce next year. What they do is recruit for the school, but from the point of view of the student...those of us who actually go through the daily grind, and not simply sit around in an office thinking everything is always hunky-dory. It's a great thing, really, and I'm looking forward to doing it. I'd give tours to prospective students, make phone calls to see how they're doing in the admissions process, and go on one trip a year. Mon used to do it for the Seminary, but she had to stop because the Seminary Ambassadors have to make donor phone calls, which take up waaaay too much time. The only reason I can figure out they want me is I'd fulfill so many of the minority requirements...I'm one of those people who has to check the "Other" box under "Race" on all the forms :) On top of that, I'm one of the few people that can go around campus yelling, "I'm not Baptist!!" The school gets all sorts of non-mainstream perspective with me :) posted by Bolo | 11:29 AM 0 speakage 12.03.2003   Foolishness Finals. There's such a sense of...finality...to that word. Hehe :) A year ago, I was slowly becoming used to the idea that I'd be going to school in Kentucky. Finals were, for the most part, a foreign concept, a vague echo from a past stint in college that never panned out. And yet here I am, about to embark upon my first "real" semester's set of finals. Whoa. I have a friend who has, over the years, taken it upon himself to give me advice. Some has been great. Other bits...not so great. One thing he would often tell me was to go back to school. No offense to him, but I thought he was a fool for saying so. Am I eating my words now? I don't think so. If anything, quite the opposite. Call me idealistic, but I'd always believed that school should be something I enjoyed. So why in the world would I go to school simply because, in effect, I was getting the old, "You should go to school so you can make something of yourself in the eyes of the world and be successful and provide for your family with two point five kids and grow old comfortably and retire with your 401k and start wearing 501 blue jeans again and play with the grandkids and sit around and wait for them to come over and and and..." talk? What a load of...yeah :) So last year, I was at that crossroads, that point where school suddenly became a serious option. Why did I choose it? Or, to be more accurate, why did God push me in that direction? I remember one day reading from my bible. Psalm 27:8 made me tremble..."When You said, 'Seek My face,' my heart said to You, 'Your face, O Lord, I shall seek.' " I couldn't deny it; God wasn't sending me to school, but calling me to an even higher calling: seek Him. What could be sweeter? What could be more incredible? What could be harder? I thought of all the times I'd promised God I'd go anywhere...China...Africa...10/40 window...wherever. But KENTUCKY?!?! "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God." I guess so :) I still wonder why I'm here and not at home. I write about it often...sometimes in my journal, sometimes here on the blog. I think about it all the time. But you know what? I'm glad God is so much wiser than me. Being here has been sweet. It's also been incredible. But oh my...how hard it is! And yet, why would I go home now? Why would I leave this crazy little piece of earth I now smile about? Why is it that when I think about sitting on the wall at Kewalo's (thanks, Boss...I can truly say I heard the surf while I was up here), or driving over the H3 just for the heck of it, or sitting outside the Uchida house late at night talking story with Andrew until we gotta go inside and pee, or the way I used to drive up to Jon and Amy's just to say "hi," or even walking into Ward Starbucks and seeing everybody and their mommies, I can smile and know I'm still in a better place? It's simple, really. It's because I'm exactly where God wants me, and being there and nowhere else truly is sweet, and it truly is incredible, but it truly is hard sometimes. Back to those finals :) posted by Bolo | 9:03 PM 0 speakage 12.01.2003   Remember I'd like to be able to say that a week of rest and relaxation, which was sorely needed, was just that: a week of R & R. The previous week, I was in Atlanta for a conference, sick and tired (literally and figuratively), and in desperately in need of some rest. So you'd think that this past week, with absolutely no school, would be just what I'd want. But it wasn't. The thing is, when the roar of school and the crazy typing I did to oblige my professors (see the entry from last Monday, the 24th) finally quieted down, I didn't get the utter silence of a week off that I'd hoped for. Instead, I heard a lot of little noises. Things that would whisper and wiggle into my head. Lots of things I'd ignored, or perhaps taken for granted. All of a sudden, my quiet week began to get pretty loud. A lot of that realization came just this morning. It's hard to hear God, sometimes, because quite often we are only listening for the things we want to hear. It's always humbling when we realize that the irritating noises aren't being made by all the bad things out in the world, but by God Himself. I'm always amazed at what God says to me to get my attention...I just hope I learn to listen the first time. posted by Bolo | 6:25 PM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon