Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

4.30.2006   Ramshackle Random thoughts of a rambunctious and ramshackle nature abound today. Here, in no particular order, are a few of them. I think, if my memory serves me correctly, it's Mon and Dave's last day in Hawai'i. Hmmm...maybe I should call 'em or something. Maybe. Toto Afternoons are being added to Toto Nights at Scott & Emily's. Such things are quite nice to the perpetually hungry Hawaiian :) That door to the stall in the men's bathroom in Immanuel Baptist Church, the one that doesn't have a bolt or a latch or anything to keep it closed? Yeah...it needs something to keep it closed. Talked to Mr. Field yesterday for a good bit. First time since...oh...last November? December? It's been a while, either way. I should go out to Oregon to see them...wouldn't that be nice :) Speaking of old friends, I was quite blessed to see not just Jim, but other old and dear friends at the conference. As if that weren't enough, I then walked into church this morning and saw Matt and Ginger, with the not-so-little Blake (that kid's got a huge head) in tow. I suppose it's yet another sign that I've been here for a while when I'm one of the ones they recognize when they get back in town. Hmmm. From a chat log with Sarah Cress: SarahCress99 (9:42:34 PM): ok, i think i'm going to go for a walk now. SarahCress99 (9:42:39 PM): are you at work? SarahCress99 (9:42:56 PM): i'm asking you to take a walk with me..... SarahCress99 (9:43:15 PM): i thought i might be nice and drop your books off SarahCress99 (9:43:29 PM): i was making sure someone would be there if i did SarahCress99 (9:43:42 PM): i'm NOT SarahCress99 (9:43:52 PM): NOT asking you to take a walk with me SarahCress99 (9:44:24 PM): OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I just read what i wrote up there. Miss Christine Robertson tried to impress Mr. Ruszkiewicz and me by flaunting her views on doctrine and polity last night, but didn't do so well. At one point in the conversation, she said, "My favorite pastor is John Dever." Two more hours, and it's May. Eight more hours, and it'll be May in Hawai'i. That means it'll be Lei Day. *Sigh*...I miss those. I didn't care much for them when I was in school, save for the fact that Lei Day meant we had some program that we got to cut out of class for, but now...I'd give a lot just to be able to smell the flowers. Oh, and by the way, today is not National Coffee Day. Just thought I'd let all of you know that :) posted by Bolo | 10:00 PM 2 speakage   Word 1 Corinthians 4:7 For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? Galatians 6:14 But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Philippians 2:5 - 11 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. posted by Bolo | 6:03 PM 0 speakage 4.29.2006   Trippin' Earlier this afternoon, this picture was sent to my phone. I suppose that Miss Vaughn and Miss Anderson desired to enlighten me concerning the fruits of their ambassadorial labor. The caption that went with it read, "Ambassador trips are so good! Yeah they are!" Nerds. They didn't even share. posted by Bolo | 9:45 PM 1 speakage   I Grin, They Bear It It comes as no surprise to me that those who've known my most august self longest feel little pity for me in my supposed suffering while in exile from the land of my birth; quite frankly, I expect no less. The other night, Lisa called me. I was kindasortofmaybe in the middle of something, so I told my lovely sister I'd call her back in a little while. When I ended up going to bed without calling, I felt guilty enough to return my eldest sibling's phone call the next afternoon to apologize, use of my anytime minutes notwithstanding. A quick note is in order here: for those of you not familiar with my telephoning habits, please realize that I am worse than normal at returning calls, or even answering them to begin with. This is why Jan chides me in her claim that she is not one of the Elect, her way of saying that she is not one of those individuals whose phone call I will answer. What lies, I tell you! Anyway, back to the main point at hand. Lisa told me that the reason for her original phone call was to tell me that Mon and Mary were, at that very moment, trading John Boy stories, and comparing them with Kyle stories. Translation in non-Letoto family speak? My three older sisters were laughing at my expense, but what's more, they were laughing at the ways in which my 11 year-old nephew is comparable to me. Is this a rare occurrence? Hardly. Is such an event one that is unequivocally deserved, even while I, the party in mockery, was not there to defend myself? Alas, yes, it is. For proof of this, one need look no further than the week that's gone past. Just yesterday alone, Boyce College's Miss Texas suffered insufferable sufferings in my presence. For instance, I had her believing that I didn't know my true birthday, and that the date any and all legal documentation pertaining to my date of birth contained was purely arbitrarily contrived. When I spun my little deception with even greater chicanery and depth, telling her that that was the reason for my lack of birthday celebrations, she felt immensely sorry for me. One can only guess at how long I could have kept up my happy foolery, had not a certain man named David ruined my fun. Another instance involving Miss Texas nearly had her putting her cell phone to her lips with one hand while raising her other hand high in the air, all in order to get a reception on her phone. Why? I made up some blarney about the metallic content in one's skull and teeth acting as a conduit for better cell phone reception. She was buying it until I started laughing quite uproariously :) Her indignant cries of, "You're lying to me!" may still be echoing across Lexington Road. Dr. W would also agree with the spirit of the unmerciful sibling storyswapping my sisters engaged in the other evening, even if he remained ignorant of the particulars. His Systematic Theology II class is one that he looks forward to, I daresay, if only because it grants him the singular opportunity to poke fun at me, his captive in the midst of a classroom audience, for three hours. I do not begrudge him his proverbial jailor's keys, however, for I more than make up for any gentle chiding I may receive in the midst of his instruction. How so? Well, just yesterday Dr. W was making a point about the atonement. I do not remember precisely where he was in his outline, but he employed the use of an illustration wherein he spoke of a man going into a pawn shop to obtain money. The man spoken of by Dr. W took off from his wrist his "rolodex," placed it on the counter, and asked for cash in exchange. To my sharp mind, the error was immediately clear. I asked Dr. W if giving the pawn shop owner a rolodex instead of a Rolex would be so that he could call all of the man's friends and relatives if he did not pay him back. We laughed, had our joke, and were done with it. Or so Dr. W thought. During the break, the whiteboard had a list of items pertaining to the atonement. I stealthily snuck behind him, wrote "rolodex" in the place of one of the latter items yet to have been expounded upon, and patiently awaited my small victory at the jailor's expense. I was not disappointed :) Miss Veronika Little, who has come to Boyce College by way of Panama City, Florida, is undeniably unique. Occasionally, her unique nature grants me opportunity to...oh...laugh long and loud and clear. Proof? This post. Of course, on the campus of Boyce College and Southern Seminary, it is becoming increasingly difficult to know me and not know of my particular knack for acquiring food (and other things). Whence I came upon my attribute of acquisitional affluence, I know not, but I am somewhat intimidated by the fact that I now find myself turning down food, as this speaks of the plethora of provender that has continually come my way. Just this week, Massachusetts native Nick Crouse nearly gained a southern accent when I did not initially accept his offer of a free sandwich. Once my error was corrected, Mr. Crouse's vocal equilibrium was restored, and my metabolic reputation remained intact. I could go on for quite some time, as there are many more tales of derring-do and happy hilarity that have been manufactured by my mischievous mind and hands. If I listed them all, well, I don't want to brag, but... Just kidding! In closing, I'll leave you with one last thought. I do believe that my sisters would agree with me when I claim that Kyle isn't the only little boy I might remind them of. Aaahhh...the pleasures of silly human interaction... posted by Bolo | 8:01 PM 1 speakage   Like Steak...'N Shake The past week or so was...rare. posted by Bolo | 11:57 AM 0 speakage   Verbage Well well well. 'Tis past 1:30 in the morning, and the day that's long since seen its setting sun has been quite unique. I may recount it for you later in greater detail and lesser dementia, but for now, I'll leave you with some verbal reflection of a random rendering. I've been scarred. I won't say why, but I'm scarred. And no matter what they say, I don't blush. Ever. Ok, that last claim wasn't true. I think I blushed once in the seventh grade. Despite the typo and awkward syntax and diction in the post from yesterday (now corrected and revised), I still got a link from Adrian Warnock. I'm not extensively familiar with him or his beliefs, but a quick perusal of his blog has piqued my interest. Good stuff, it seems. Tonight, I nearly scared the pee out of Taryn Walker. Literally. I'm not kidding. Lauren and I were looking for a little...oh...sumthin' sumthin' to do after getting back to campus from Scott and Emily's, so we decided to watch Taryn walk into the Patio Room. When she was in there, we, the clandestine cohort, agreed that it would be quite bad of me to go hide under her car and wait for her to come back so I could grab her leg. As for what actually took place...let's just say that I'm glad Taryn didn't have a full bladder. J. Andrew Wood may look innocent and sweet, but the man is anything but. Yup. Around 8:15 PM, Lauren figured that the streak had been going on for about 7 hours straight. By the time I walked into Fuller 120, that statistic had increased to 12 hours. Scarred, I tell you, scarred. I couldn't remember the title of the movie Gremlins, and the kids in the youth group that I was with had no idea which movie I was talking about. When I called Leo for help, he asked me, "Is that all? Can't you come up with something harder?" Aaaahhhh, nothing like a little love from a brother, eh? "Wendy's." That's all I needed. He knew that's all I would need, too :) Running into Eric and Pat at the conference was very, very cool. I'd not seen those monkeys in over two years, so it was a wonderful thing to be able to chat with them once more. Despite what Mr. Losey thinks, individuals of the male persuasion do indeed call my phone. Did you know that the E.Y. stands for Edgar Young? Yes, ladies, this is referring to your collective domicile. I've seen it all. She keeps spoons in her car. Why? They're "microphones" for her to sing with. Um. Ok. Mmmhhhmm. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. posted by Bolo | 1:39 AM 1 speakage 4.28.2006   T4G: Day 2 In thinking about the conference, I tried to mentally dog-ear some of the things that stuck out or moved me in a particularly special way. I also tried to get a feel for my overall reaction to what was said, how those things were said, and why they were said. I failed. Toward the end of the last panel discussion, I realized that I was quite overwhelmed. This sense came not because of a lack of understanding, but rather from a realization that what was being said is far, far, far more immense than my heart and mind are comfortable with. How so? I suppose the best way to describe this somewhat abstract idea is to look at salvation. I may understand truths about God far better now than when I first tasted of the fruits of salvation, but does that mean that I rejoice in Him to a degree in accordance with the increase of that knowledge? Does my heart yearn and have reverence for our great and holy God in an increase that matches the level of theological training that I've had? In all honesty, no. My heart is wretched. I see it over and over and over again. What's worse is seeing how cold and callous I am toward my salvation; though I'd never say it, I do live as though it's a right I've now earned. I think this is the spirit of what Paul had in mind when he rebuked the Galatians, asking them, "Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?" In my fallen flesh, I'm very much prone to thinking that my status as one to whom some others might look for spiritual guidance or wisdom is the measuring stick for my spiritual worth. Oh, how wrong I am! As we were exhorted today by Dr. Mohler, we have an inner problem that can only be solved by an alien solution. In other words, I am a sinner whose very existence offends a just and holy God, and the only solution to this is one I cannot claim as having originated or sustaining by my own works: the imputed work of Christ. All of this is to say that much like salvation, the things that have been said over the past couple of days have been wonderful and profitable to behold and be held by, even if they seem far too good for the likes of me. I want to run, for surely I do not belong. I want to hide, for surely my sin is too great. I want to shake my head in denial, for surely I must make myself better before I sit and partake of this wondrous feast for my soul. But no, the grip of God's grace is too good, too sure for my silly and wayward heart. The good news? They are indeed for the likes of me :) posted by Bolo | 1:37 AM 1 speakage 4.27.2006   Quotable "Mornings are the best. I wake up and she's right there, and I look at her and she looks so innocent and sweet. Then she wakes up and starts talking and I realize she's not so innocent and sweet." -Chriyus Davis, on marriage "I was going into the elevator in Mullins, and nobody was around me so I farted really loud. Then I realized that there was the sound of someone typing, but right after I farted, the typing just stopped." -V.L. "This isn't fair - Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "Did you or did you not carry a briefcase in high school?" -C.J. Mahaney to Mark Dever "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to an anonymous Boyce College male with a younger brother named Michael and a job in Founders' Cafe "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri posted by Bolo | 1:40 AM 1 speakage 4.26.2006   Sustenance Acquisition It was roughly 6:25 PM. I'd missed Mimbs' call, so I called him back. He asked me if I was going to the conference. I told him I wasn't. He asked if I was able to go, meaning that I wasn't working. I told him I was, and asked him why he asked. He then told me that a friend of his, a pastor from Georgia, wasn't able to make it and so was wondering if I was interested in taking his place. I'll be honest. I didn't even pray about it. I called Gary on my way over. I told him that I'd not only heard R.C. Sproul preach this morning in chapel, but that I was going to the conference for free. He didn't disappoint me one bit in his infamous and strangely affectionate response: "I hate you." After I got off the phone with Gary, I thought about what an amazing opportunity this was. I'd heard about the conference almost as soon as it had gone public. I'd followed the hype, read a little from the blog, and could even claim firsthand experience in conversing with several of those amazing men. Yet, I knew for a long while that I wouldn't be able to afford the conference, despite wanting to go. But what happens? Half an hour before it starts, I found myself on my way to a wonderful gathering of men, brothers in Christ, leaders, teachers, shepherds, those whom we hold in esteem and authority. This definitely beats out any food for my body I could have acquired, for it was food for the soul. posted by Bolo | 9:43 PM 0 speakage 4.25.2006   Despair: The Tender Seed Psalm 93 The LORD reigns, He is clothed with majesty; the LORD has clothed and girded Himself with strength; indeed, the world is firmly established, it will not be moved. Your throne is established from of old; You are everlasting. The floods have lifted up, O LORD, the floods have lifted up their voice, the floods lift up their pounding waves. More than the sounds of many waters, than the mighty breakers of the sea, the LORD on high is mighty. Your testimonies are fully confirmed; holiness befits Your house, O LORD, forevermore. Psalm 8 O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth, who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens! From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength because of Your adversaries, to make the enemy and the revengeful cease. When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained; what is man that You take thought of him, and the son of man that You care for him? Yet You have made him a little lower than God, and You crown him with glory and majesty! You make him to rule over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beast of the field, the birds of the heavens and the fish of the sea, whatever passes through the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth! The past couple of days, the LORD has seen fit to remind me of who He is. Despair is very, very near to me, for I cannot look within myself and see anything good. Though my flesh would love to cling to this seemingly small deceit, the very character of God is spoken against when I live in such a way as to trust in or proclaim my own goodness. Sin still manifests itself in my heart, and I would cling to my own supposed goodness: such is my reaction to His holy character. Why do I shy away from the His sovereign hand? Why do I run from His holy presence? *Sigh*... Yet despair does not win; the beautiful, breathtaking truth of the matter is that God has ordained this, and He has granted me salvation. The very despair that He places within me is the tender seed of humility that calls me back to Him. In His kindness He beckons to me, reminding me that no good thing can come from my sin-stained hands, and that it is only the blood of the Lamb that cleanses me and makes me holy. He points me to the cross, showing me again that my sin has been atoned for, and all His goodness to me is found to flow from that sacred fountain of innocent, sacrificial blood. He pulls me eyes up to see Christ risen and seated at His right hand, majestic and glorious, ever interceding on my behalf, longing for the day when He sees His bride glorified and holy in linens clean and bright. 'Tis a salvation of grace, not of law, for no good thing can come of my own hands. Nay, He Himself is my only good, the very light of hope that casts out the darkness of deepening despair. posted by Bolo | 9:21 PM 0 speakage 4.24.2006   Hero This afternoon I'd just gotten off of work at Banana Republic and was driving down Shelbyville Road, on my way back to campus. My phone rings, and it's James. He's quite hysterical, nearly in tears it seems, and I somehow manage to calm him down sufficiently enough so that he can explain to me that he's locked his keys in his car. When he tells me that he's at E.B. Games, not the one at the mall but the one on Shelbyville Road near Starbucks, I look to my left, and I see in bright red, "E.B. Games". I turn around while still on the phone, pull into the parking lot, and tell him to go outside. The look on his face was priceless. When I pulled out a handkerchief and told him to wipe his tear-streaked face, he muttered, "You're my hero! I call you, and you're right there in under a minute!" posted by Bolo | 7:55 PM 1 speakage   Get Out posted by Bolo | 7:38 PM 1 speakage   Will I've had one thought continually stuck in my head for the past week: "Not my will, but Your will be done." A little over a week ago, as I pondered Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane, I kept coming back to that. This morning, sitting across from Chriyus in Java, I told him that I needed him to preach to me. I asked him to tell me of the gospel. The funny thing is, after a few minutes more of conversation, I unknowingly proceeded to preach unto myself. I told him about the way that I'm blown away by what Jesus prayed in the garden, and how when I look at Philippians 2, I'm taught that Jesus did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, that He emptied Himself, and that He was obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Jesus obviously did not pray in Gethsemane with a heart full of joy and peace. Indeed, He was deeply grieved! Yet the Son, even in His hour of grief, desired to obey the Father. I told Chriyus that Jesus showed it was the Father who had authority, and the Son who was submitting. I won't pretend to comprehend all the implications of Jesus' prayer, but I do freely confess that His plea and subsequent obedience has placed a conviction in my heart I cannot shake. If the Son of God desired to submit to the Father's good and perfect will in spite of His grief, what right have I, a wretched sinner, to do anything but the same? If anything, it is precisely because of the obedience of Christ that I can also obey. posted by Bolo | 1:06 PM 0 speakage 4.23.2006   Mobile Madness So. Remember that party I was at the other night? I neglected to mention what might turn out to be the most memorable part of the evening. The party was set to start at 7, so Lance and I made our way over to the house a little after 8. We were stopped before we could cross over the train tracks by a train, so I got out of his Jeep to snap off a few shots. Once at the house, we didn't stay too long, since we were planning on getting back to Carver so we could watch the movie being shown in Boyce Chapel. Once the movie started, Tweety asked me if I had a watch, since he had to leave early to work at UPS and wanted to monitor the time closely. I patted my pockets in vain, realizing as I did so that my phone was not on me. Figuring it was back at the house, I calmly watched the rest of the movie with everyone else. Had I known that it was sitting out near the train tracks near where Galt and Frankfort intersect for anyone to run over or freely acquire, I might not have watched the movie quite so calmly. Fortunately for me, Job and Emily saw it on their way over to the party and picked it up. He said he was scrolling through the contacts list and realized it belonged to someone from the Seminary when he saw Cam Ly's name in there. When Josh Cornett called his phone from it and saw my name pop up, they officially proclaimed me the luckiest dimwit of the evening. *Whew*. posted by Bolo | 9:10 PM 2 speakage   Bugging the Shutter posted by Bolo | 4:18 PM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon