Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

8.31.2004   Character Character. As defined by Merriam-Webster, it refers to moral excellence and firmness. That very definition could, by today's accepted standards, define someone such as Oprah Winfrey as having character. Jerry Rice, according to a recently published article on ESPN's website, would also qualify. Yet there's got to be more than just being firm and excellent in morals. Now, I'm not going to pick on Oprah or Jerry...after all, Jerry's the Man. If anything, I'm picking on myself today. I bring up character because it's something I've had to think about a lot as of late. Dr. Draper, in his Interpreting Isaiah course, said that our outward moral acts are meaningless until they truly reflect the inward character of the heart. Ouch. We were learning about the setting of the eighth century BC, the time during which Isaiah made his prophecies. That period was not, from a biblical perspective, a time of greatness for Israel. God's people had added many horrid rituals to the system of rituals that God Himself had instituted long ago, and were engaged in a society where the rich got richer and the poor got poorer, with no signs of change on the horizon. Thus, so many of Isaiah's prophecies spoke of impending judgment. In talking to Scott, many of our conversations have centered upon how we are going about living lives that take captive every moment for the Lord. God has seen fit to develop within both of us a desire to live in accordance with His Word, to live lives of character. Yet, that comes with a price. What is that price? It is the pain of being tried by fire, of having the dross purged from the silver. Is it easy? No. But is it worth it? Absolutely! As student leaders, it's often difficult to live under the eye of scrutiny. Incoming students are watching, parents are watching, and faculty and staff are always there to urge us on toward obedience to Christ. But you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. It is hard at times, and it is humbling, yet it is so worthwhile. Scott and I speak of the accountability that's built in with the roles we have here on campus. How are we going to ask guys if they've struggled with looking at pornography if we ourselves aren't living up to our end of the bargain? How will we urge other students on to more meaningful study and discipline if we ourselves do not practice such things? How can we speak of the gospel in glorious and savory terms if we ourselves are not glorying and savoring in the worth of Jesus Christ? It's simple: we aren't, we won't, and we can't. It's a matter of the inward heart matching up to the outward actions. Character...joyful and faithful obedience to God, by His grace, for His glory. posted by Bolo | 8:16 PM 0 speakage   Pablo Paul Butterworth is officially Boyce College's Most Popular Bachelor. How was this mostly scientific conclusion reached? Simple. When he went up to make an announcment at last night's dorm meeting, the crowd went bonkers. What caused such mad hysteria? Could it have been those rather stunning set of ears he sports? His amazingly gangly limbs? Or, better still, perhaps it was the trademarked, utterly unique, and heretofore unheralded walk of his? None of the above, yet all of the above, methinks. Pablo, as we affectionately call him, is quite the studmuffin, and last night proved it. After all, he's more than worth his weight in butter! (Which isn't a whole lot of weight, judging by his body type, but that's beside the expression.) posted by Bolo | 11:20 AM 0 speakage 8.29.2004   Fun with AIM So I'm in Blind Brandon's room (which is once again messy), and someone IM's him on AIM. I start talking to this person, and before long, figure out it's his sister. The only thing is, she thinks it's Brandon she's talking to. It's a good thing Paul chimed in from his computer and let her know of my fun at her expense, 'cause I might have had some explaining to do a little later on :) Hehehehe... posted by Bolo | 2:40 PM 0 speakage 8.24.2004   First things first The first Dorm Meeting of the school year is in the books, and so is the first Scott & John Post-Dorm Meeting Walk & Talk & Pray. As incredible as Dorm Meeting was, I think the Walk & Talk & Pray was even better. Scott and I hadn't been able to do our ritual during the Spring Semester due to his schedule, but now that his schedule is more free, we're back in action. *Sigh*...we were both grinning from ear to ear by the time we were back at Carver, knowing that God has blessed those times in the past, and that He'll continue to do so this year. How sweet it is :) posted by Bolo | 12:21 AM 0 speakage 8.22.2004   Hormones and stuff Have you ever felt extremely...well...vulnerable? I think I'm feeling that way today. I think, actually, that I've felt that way for the past few days. It's the kind of vulnerable that seems to make me want to...well...curl up in the corner and cry. Perhaps it's almost like being very sensitive to even small admonishments, but moreso than usual. I don't know why I'm feeling that way, yet I suspect my silly emotions have their purpose, you know? Maybe it's hormones...maybe it's testosteronepause or something like that...maybe it's gas. Maybe it's 'cause I'm human. posted by Bolo | 3:31 PM 0 speakage 8.18.2004   Post-Orientation So. Classes started for us today, believe it or not. How I managed to get through orientation, I'm not sure, but here I am! I believe a quick review of orientation is in order, so here it is :) Yesterday was absolutely great. I don't think there was any one point where I knew exactly what my duties were, since I had responsibilities to both the Admissions Office (Ambassador stuff) and Student Life (Howdy Group Leader stuff) to fulfill. Still, I had a blast, and I'd do it over again in a heartbeat, no questions asked. The total number of incoming students numbered somewhere around 175, putting Boyce's student body at just under 700. Crazy, isn't it? Just about all of the new students I spoke to had great things to say about their orientation experience. From my perspective, that's extremely encouraging, because that's exactly what we were shooting for. Scott delivered a great "speech" to the new students yesterday afternoon. Essentially, he unpacked Christ-likeness, pumped our systems with it, then packed it up again for us to carry away with us. *Sigh*...it'll be a great school year :) My Howdy Group has been an amazing blessing, and I'm looking forward to meeting with them over the upcoming semester. Bailey's been a great co-leader, and even though I refuse to tell this to her too often, I think highly of her. (If she ever reads this, I'm SO dead...it'll ruin the image, ya know? Hehe...) The blessings have already been many, and I look forward to the many that will continue to pour forth from God's sovereign, loving, merciful, and righteous hand. Oh! I cannot forget Kristin Wicker, our Women's Student Life Coordinator, in all of this. She's been Da Bomb Diggity! I'll go on record by saying that she was near tears yesterday when she gathered us up to to thank us for the work we put in for orientation. But you know what? I think she reacted that way because she really felt this was something that needed to be done well, and therefore had put in far more work than any of us really knew (or ever will know) about. But you know what? We didn't need to know then, and we don't need to know now. We do what we do for the King, not for Kristin, and she knows that. That's why she asked us to help, and that's why we joyfully labor on :) Oh! One more thing about Kristin! Her new name is "Gooser." Why? 'Cause when we were done taking the group picture with the student leaders and staff, she goosed one of the girls. Guess who saw it and told her he would be putting that in his blog? Hehehehehe :) Here's to Gooser! posted by Bolo | 11:12 PM 0 speakage 8.15.2004   Sifting I was reading from Luke 22 today. In verses 31 and 32 Jesus tells Peter, "Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." Jesus is referring to Peter's denial of Him, and the events following. As I looked at those verses, I realized that Jesus never tells tells Peter that He is protecting him from Satan's "sifting." In fact, Christ's words indicate not only that Satan's sifting will indeed take place, but also that Jesus knows the nature of the sifting, and has granted it for Peter's good, and even beyond that, for the good of the brethren. Wow. How good of God! To think that even our failures have their purpose in God's plan is precious indeed! I've often felt like Peter. People talk about their favorite biblical characters often; I've always loved Peter. Why? Because it is overwhelmingly evident in this simple fisherman's life that it is Christ who is shining, not Peter. Peter's foolish, often speaking before he thinks. He's zealous, though, and much as we do, he means well. Still, Jesus takes him and molds him, sometimes at great cost to Peter's pride, yet always at far greater yields than Peter deserves. *Sigh*...yes, how good of God! posted by Bolo | 11:42 PM 0 speakage   Tough Stuff Whew. I. Am. Exhaaaaauuuuuusted. The past several days? Brutal, absolutely brutal. And you know what? I love it :) The majority of the new crop of students are in at Boyce, and it's been a privilege and a pleasure to keep eeking out that extra bit of energy, in hopes that perhaps talking to just oooooonnnnne more student will make the difference that ripples out into big things. Of course, it'll be the semester-long commitment that will really be the test, but one can never tell what little things we do now will be big down the road. A lot of these guys are coming here purely out of obedience to the Lord, with crazy circumstances nearly keeping them from getting here at all. I talked to one guy today who was hindered by Hurricane Charley (he's from the Tampa area). He told me that he was in the middle of firefighter/EMT training when God called him to Boyce. He missed all of yesterday, and pulled in today after most of us got back from lunch. He had no idea what to expect, yet the first thing that greeted him was a bunch of guys coming out in various forms of dress (I still had my clothes from church on) to help grab his stuff and move him in. I was able to talk to him later, and it was great to hear his story, and to reassure him that the student leaders were there to do everything possible to serve and encourage him. We live for that :) Yesterday was pretty tough, in more ways than one. We had a long day that taxed us physically, spiritually, and emotionally. The hardest time was probably when we found out about some tragic events that had happened to a fellow returning student just moments before we were to be introduced the new students and their parents as Howdy Group Leaders. We gathered to pray for our friend and her family, then filed into the front of Boyce Chapel. I don't think I'll ever forget those moments, comforting one another and trying to put on a brave face for students who were in a new and strange environment. Needless to say, it wasn't easy. Nelson is cool :) posted by Bolo | 8:24 PM 0 speakage 8.13.2004   A "fun" kind of tired Whew...from 9 this morning, until about an hour ago, which was 11 pm-ish...that was the duration of our student ambassador orientation and the leadership retreat today :) Tomorrow's schedule is shaping up to be agonizingly similar. But you know what? I love it. Why wouldn't I? I've been looking forward to ministering to fellow students and future ministers all summer, and now that the time is here, I can only smile wearily and thank the Lord that he's giving me the strength to enjoy it all :) Ok, time for bed. Er, maybe not yet...I'm hungry :) posted by Bolo | 12:20 AM 0 speakage 8.12.2004   Snaps Less than eight hours 'til I'm supposed to meet in the North and South Gallery for student ambassador training. What am I still doing awake? Scott got back today...the buzzcut's gone, replaced by a little bit of shag up top. *Sigh*...soon, all the madness of a new school year will begin, which signals the real end of summer...forget what the weather dudes say. Textbooks will be borrowed 'cause I ain't paying no stinkin' $70 for a single book, new students will be brought up to speed on all the old jokes (like how Dr. Draper is The Man That Not Even God Can Kill), and each new student who has even a remote connection to Hawai'i will tell me about it ("Oh, I had a second cousin on my mom's stepdad's side that married a guy who had a hairdresser that walked a dog for a college professor who once flew over Hawai'i from Los Angeles on the way to...oh, where was it?"). So yeah...school is almost here :) Oh, and I cleaned my room today. Like, CLEANED it. Clean enough to get Mon excited about it. That's REALLY clean. Snaps for John! (Legally Blonde 2 reference. Yes, I watched it. Shutup.) Humility is a harsh lesson, you know? I find this summer's been full of it, whether or not I like it. I was telling Leeman a while ago that I didn't want to come into the school year for the sake of distracting me from the other distractions; I still hold the same conviction. It comes down to the delights of my heart. Is the Lord truly the strength of my heart? Can I say with full conviction that His nearness is my good? Would I be able to joyfully agree with Augustine that I love God too little if I love anything together with Him, which I love not for His sake? Oh, how little I delight in the Lord! And yet, is not His grace sufficient for me? Does He not delight in taking those who are dead in their sins and making them righteous, making them holy, making them delighters in the living and eternal and sweetly condescending God? Absolutely! Such thoughts are not reason for arrogance. No...humility is a harsh lesson at times...yet, how sweet it is when we acquiesce to God's gracious act of humbling us :) Less than eight hours 'til student ambassador training. And you know what? I'm hungry. posted by Bolo | 12:17 AM 0 speakage 8.10.2004   Sweet Tea, anyone? It's good to see friends again. I just had dinner with Chriyus and Blind Brandon...those monkeys are back in town :) We had a little encounter with someone in a red Mustang that will forever be locked into our memory banks...sadly, it'll have to end there, 'cause Brandon practically swore us to secrecy. Talked to Mr. Jim Winn today, too...and Jessica...the school year is starting soon, and everybody's getting back. *Sigh*...it's a happy time...no papers, no studying, but lots of reunions. Hopefully, the happy times will continue. posted by Bolo | 8:57 PM 0 speakage 8.09.2004   News from Da Surf Crew Talked to Mr. Mikami last night for the first time in...oh...something like a month and a half. Has it been that long? Probably. He said that when I'd call and he wouldn't answer, Priscilla would ask him why he didn't just talk to me for a few minutes and then call back later. His response to her query? "You don't understand...I can't just talk to him for a few minutes...I have block off this HUGE chunk of time to talk to him." Aaaahhhh...it helps a guy's ego to know he's appreciated, you know? Our conversation last night varied a bunch...purity issues, girl issues, sin issues, dream issues, intimacy with and obedience to God issues, life issues...I know we had some moments that seemed pretty profound :) Too bad I can't seem to remember any of that stuff right now. *Shrug* On another long-lost-friend note, Brian emailed me from Japan and told me he got to hop in the water over there and do a little surfing. It wasn't anything great, but he said just to be able to say he did it was enough. *Sigh*...Boss is surfing the Land of the Rising Sun...the motherland! That is, my motherland, not his :) Speaking of surfing, on Saturday Andrew said he hadn't been surfing in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Fortunately for him, he was on his way to meet Brit at Diamond Head. Unfortunately for us, Diamond Head isn't exactly known for its great cell-phone reception; we got cut off. I look forward to hearing about the latest Wave Offering he offered up on my behalf :) posted by Bolo | 2:36 PM 0 speakage 8.06.2004   Martha, Martha, Martha! Old age stinks. I've got a kink on both sides of my neck, an irritatingly painful lower back (I think it's my vertebrae acting up), and another kink somewhere in between my shoulder blades. Oh, and for good measure, a heel bruise that made standing at the elevators at work not exactly the most funnest thing in the world. Hehe...I just typed "funnest"...isn't that HORRIBLE?!?!?! Old age...*sigh*... But other than that, life is great :) Mon and I compare notes every night on how our respective crafts are coming: Monica with her scrapbooks, I with my in-progress journal. I'm pretty happy with how the journal is coming out...it's much simpler than previous journals, and therefore much less cluttered seeming. I think it's anchored better, overall, but it's still pretty organic and free-flowing where necessary. My goodness, I sound like Martha Stewart or something...*shudder*. I think it's Mon's fault. She still watches Martha's show at noon every weekday. *Sigh*...the only thing that sucks more than old age? Domestication by Martha. Sucks the testosterone right out of you, ya know? posted by Bolo | 4:17 PM 0 speakage 8.04.2004   One more thing... Happy August! posted by Bolo | 10:58 PM 0 speakage   Like a Child So today, I met a real Special Agent who worked for the U.S. Government. No kidding. He came into the LG&E building, to scope out a meeting area for a Congressman who's coming on site tomorrow. I suppose this is one of those things I just sort of jot down as having done in my life: "Meet Real Live Special Agent for the United States Government." Cool. All strange happenings aside, I've finally gotten some sleep. I took a five hour nap yesterday after work, and another three hour one today. *Grin*. My left eyelid has stopped twitching! Definitely cool. I still have 63 hours of work this week (praise Jesus for overtime!), but I'm enjoying my time at work...the people there are great to work with, so it's always fun. On Monday, I took an informal survey, since one of my coworkers disagreed with me on the definition of "Department Store." She said a department store was any store you could by clothes from. When I corrected her on her erroneous assumption by informing her that I, as a rule of thumb, do not purchase clothing from department stores, but rather from stores such as Banana Republic, Express, Brooks Brothers, J Crew (sometimes), and the like, she responded by saying "well those are department stores!" Ugh! I'm sure each and every one of you will agree with me in saying that I was more than justified in conducted the aforementioned survey :) I'm also more than happy to report that 33 of those employed within the LG&E building agreed with me (and thus, were correct), while only 2.5 agreed with Karla, and 1 had a definition that wasn't even on the map. As you can see, worktime is extremely productive :) On an only slightly more serious note, Monica came back from Florida on Sunday. She had a great time with Dave, which is good. She said he's in his element...very much comfortable in the way he's being used by God there. Sweet! When Mon got into the house after church, she opened the refrigerator and freezer to see what I had eaten. She saw that I ate the two bags of cocktail shrimp, but left the turkey cold cuts. I told her I ate all the canned tuna and a ton of peanut butter and honey, as well as the grapes and a bunch of oatmeal. When she continued to complain about my not watering the plants, despite the fact that I had all the dishes put away, took out the trash and recycling, and generally kept the house in good shape, despite working a bumboocha amount of hours, I told her in a classic pidgin voice (Editor's note: for you Caucasian readers, you will probably have difficulty understanding these next few lines), "hoooo, no need even get married!!! No need one wife! I already get you! *mocking voice* "You eat all dis, you no eat dat, you clean dis, you no watah plants, you do dis, you no do dat!" */mocking voice* Maybe I should go up on da roof and sweep off one cornah fo' go sleep, 'cause I get one contentious sistah!" She started to laugh at our silliness, and all my supposed transgressions were forgiven :) But now, I come to the part where I truly get serious. School is about to start in a week, and the summer is inevitably and hastily winding down. It's the deep breath before the plunge. Only right now, it seems like I'm still learning how to breathe properly, if that makes sense. I think I've learned a lot this summer...and yet, my fears tell me that I've not learned a thing. Who do I listen to? The titles that have been bestowed upon me at school and and church tell me that others are not only trusting in my life, but they're investing in me, and that investment is ultimately an investment not only in myself, but in others, as well. That's scary. Am I worthy of such trust, such hopes? I don't know. Am I afraid of failing in that trust? Absolutely. The question is, will those fears stop me from even moving forward? I don't think so; yet, consider this: As I've looked at myself in the past week, I've seen the wall I've put up slowly crumble. It's a wall of pride, of fear, of shame. *Sigh*...will I trust the Lord with not only the good that I see within me, but also the bad? I must confess, it's a hard thing. I had a dream yesterday...a strange dream, one I hope I don't forget. I think this dream conveys a good picture of where my heart is at. In the dream was a little girl...perhaps Kason's age, perhaps a little older. In the dream, the only thing she was doing was praying. Her prayers mirrored many of my own prayers in word, but they far surpassed mine in their faith. She was praying as a child would, with absolute belief that Jesus would do what He promised to. As I lay there dreaming, I started to cry. I cried like I haven't cried in a long, long time. I thought to myself, "where have these tears been?" It's a hard thing to live life with the burdens we give ourselves. It's even harder to live life knowing that these burdens aren't as heavy as they often seem. Although the dream was just that, a dream, it's been a reminder of the tenderness of Christ. Not only does He engage with us tenderly, He also changes our hearts to engage with Him in tenderness. I'm also reminded of Hebrews 11:6...the faith that I go to Him with must be just that, faith. It can't be a contract, an "I will if You will," or a "I know You are, but what's in it for me?" sort of attitude. It must be faith, that faith must believe that He is who He says He is, and it must be absolute...like a child. Oh...and Jewel...stop slacking :) posted by Bolo | 10:12 PM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon