Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...
4.30.2009
Dolled Up
Since Warren and I only caught the tail end of Dr. M's radio show today, I couldn't tell if he had allowed his daughter to play with Barbie dolls when she was younger. Since not doing so seemed to be the overwhelmingly obvious conclusion, given the context of the show and its tone for the day, I figured Miss M's answer to my text would indicate what I had presumed.
Not so!
She, quite candidly, declared she had indeed played with such dolls when she was younger. Will wonders never cease...
posted by Bolo |
10:12 PM
0 speakage
4.29.2009
Chat: SWFWDA
The other day, the SWFWDA and I were having a conversation. At one point, this little exchange took place:
SWFWDA: "You do have food acquisition skills of legen -- wait for it -- dary proportions." Me: "My sisters said I had radar." SWFWDA: "You do, and you have a way of making food-related bets that you inevitably win. I don't remember why, but I do recall owing you a variety of food items now that we're on the topic." Me: "YES YOU DO!!!" SWFWDA: "I should have kept that to myself, clearly"
posted by Bolo |
10:43 PM
2 speakage
4.28.2009
He's Hot Stuff
Clint is willing to set his mouth aflame for a free meal. What he didn't mention until after his stunt was over was that his tongue is made of asbestos. Unfortunately for me, I was the one paying.
Thoughts
Mike Philips placed third in the WBC...that may not mean much to most of you, but I think it's an awesome story. I was serious when I posted that Twitter update about Matt the other day, and I'm still serious about it today: I really did think to myself, "Is Matt the most gifted preacher at IBC?" during his sermon. I said gifted; not mature, not effective. If someone works in the coffee industry, and that someone's main task is to taste and rate coffees through cupping, I can't imagine how frustrating being sick with a stuffy nose would be for that person. It used to be that my blog ID was 5194548; after six years, my little temporary disappearance has changed it forever. Carson's series on Hebrews is stellar stuff. That video of the Letoto family at Easter...oh goodness, has it ever started us talking! Roasting Ethiopia Idido Misty Valley just for espresso has taught me, after last night's roasting session, that such an endeavor is as awesome and rewarding as it is difficult. The weather tonight reminds me of evenings at home. I love my care group. 135.3, Lee Sill, 135.3. It's good to know that I still was able to lobby for some pie during my conversation with Katie. Two of those break-side throws to J.C. were incredibly pretty; too bad they weren't in league games. Yes yes yes, my sisters have my address now.
posted by Bolo |
11:57 PM
2 speakage
It's Its, People
Tamara just called me to let me know she was driving down the road and saw a slogan that read, "Life has it's moments." Ugh. Does no one edit anymore? Not often enough, and most definitely not often enough in Kentucky.
posted by Bolo |
8:38 PM
0 speakage
4.26.2009
Recorded
From a chat log with Ms. H. A. Pittman:
For the record, I shared a rather prodigious amount of freshly-baked, awesome snickerdoodles with Ms. B. Hayko...and even said more than five whole sentences to her.
posted by Bolo |
11:29 PM
0 speakage
Asinine Auction
This is just retarded, wrong, and as Kane said, irresponsible. There's no way that Target -- yes, that Target -- can take such beautiful coffee, roast it well, and sell it in such a manner in their retail stores that it does justice to the beans and the prices they'll charge their customers. The freshness of the coffee is a delicate thing, and a matter of days makes a huge difference in the flavor of quality coffee. Coffee on a shelf for two weeks? It should be marked down significantly, because the product has changed drastically. Think Target is going to do that? No way.
Please understand, I'd love to be wrong, but as someone that actually does enjoy this sort of thing, it's frustrating. I may sound like I'm whining here, and to a certain degree I'm writing this post out of frustration and disgust, but understand that a lot of people have their livelihoods centered around coffee and their ability to produce high-quality coffees consistently. For them, this has got to be infuriating: yet another case of The Big Boys coming in and taking as they please. Stupid...just stupid.
posted by Bolo |
1:03 PM
0 speakage
Conclusion
Yesterday, I told V-Neck that I had reached a conclusion: 90% of all t-shirts sold by legitimate coffee houses are printed on t-shirts manufactured by American Apparel. Trust me...I've looked ;)
posted by Bolo |
11:36 AM
0 speakage
Subtlety Optional
In a chat with Fairest yesterday, I told her the following: I wanna just grab him and shake him and yell, "YOU'RE A FREAKIN' CHILD OF GOD! SHUT UP AND BE THANKFUL THAT YOU BEHOLD THE GLORY OF GOD IN THE FACE OF CHRIST AND WILL NOT BE STRUCK DOWN AS YOU DESERVE BUT WILL WEEP WITH JOY AND TREMBLE WITH INTIMATE REVERENCE, YOU BIG DONKEY!!!"
Linked Out
For now, the link boxes on the right are going to be seriously jacked up. I've been meaning to do this for, oh, three years or so, and I've not. I think it's because I want it to be perfect from the get-go, and if it's not, I'd rather not start at all. Thus, my fear of yet another Firefox crash combined with the knowledge that I can't long stand such visible blogging disarray has prompted me to at least save it as a work in progress, rather than attempt to get it done in one fell swoop.
Displayed
The following is something I had written a while back, but simply had not published:
Last week, when talking to Scott, I told him I would hate to have my sin, all of my sin, displayed for all to see. Take a scroll and write them out or replay the video of my life; either way, there's no way that I would want such a long, seemingly endless display of horrors to be disclosed.
I've heard that same illustration used any number of times in sermons. The point it's supposed to convey is that our sins our hideous and terrible; usually this is followed up by the truth that God knows our sin and loves us still, or that we should not hide our sin, or that we all are sinful and equally deserving of God's wrath. While all true, I find that these truths, when made with that illustration, are lacking. How so? Well, simply put, they don't motivate my wayward heart to seek the Lord.
Sin weighs me down like nothing else can. It's a wretched weight to bear, it truly is. It doesn't just weigh me down, it crushes; it doesn't just bruise, it downright batters. At times, I become so disgusted with it, so hateful toward it, I begin to see clearly what Paul wrote about to the Corinthian church: "I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. For the sorrow that is according to the will of God reproduces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter."
I told Scott that I sometimes wish that my sin would be displayed. All of it. Full disclosure. It would be shameful and humiliating to put it mildly, but it would also be freeing: no feelings of guilt, no thoughts of, "Yes, I'm forgiven, but surely those sins are too horrible to forgive." Don't misunderstand me, as I'm not saying Christ isn't sufficient; I'm saying that I need help to battle unbelief. And yet, what is the cross if it isn't a display of the very sins I loathe most?
posted by Bolo |
7:47 AM
0 speakage
4.21.2009
I Have Normal Friends Somewhere
Just...
...not...
...here...
...I'm gonna get in trouble for this...
posted by Bolo |
11:51 PM
0 speakage
Super Floral
Kane said he needed a little more of that. He did. Dig it.
Social Networking Status
This is the Facebook status update that was entered sometime yesterday afternoon:
John Letoto thinks the ever-incorrigible James Lazarus Fullerton is one heck of a cute not-quite-three-years-old little guy, and that when James was posed with the question, "What are you going to get John Letoto for your birthday?" his answer of, "Umm...a teddy bear...probably!" was freakin' awesome. John will be happy to pick up his teddy bear by the end of the week.
Yes, that's written exactly as I intended it to be written. And yes, that's exactly what I asked him. And yes, that's exactly what his response was.
posted by Bolo |
10:30 PM
0 speakage
Ummm...
This probably gets filed under the I Have Weird Friends category. Yeah.
Thoughts: Godward
Question of the day: What thoughts, what truths, what actions will move me -- and others -- closer to the cross of Christ?
posted by Bolo |
2:31 PM
0 speakage
4.18.2009
Geekdom
I'm a coffee geek. No two ways about it. It's well past 2:30 in the morning and I'm up after finishing bagging up the last of the three batches I put through my roaster tonight. I'm tired, I'm mocking Hannah Gail Turi over Facebook chat, and I'm supposed to be up early enough to roll out of here to go with Jeesh to Sunergos at around 9 AM. And what am I doing? Reading another article on coffee at coffeegeek.com.
The descriptions of the shards of the grounds of the El Salvador coffee from Matalapa, a coffee that did very well in the 2008 Cup of Excellence competition, a coffee that's sitting in my own kitchen, caught my attention and made me smile. The very thought of sitting there at Ritual as they poured the just-off-the-boil water into the cups containing those wonderful grounds, communing with the unique, vivacious and fading aromas and with one another...well...yeah.
Random Chatter
"P as in prayer warrior... pseudonym... purgatory... purchase order... pneumonia... mnemonic..."
"Aahhh, good ol' Limanti...there are only so many weirdos in this world who do my bidding with such shameless joy...the rest do my bidding with shameful trepidation."
"I'll show you some budding sweaty man boobs if you don't watch out."
"Too much description...this is why you need a blog."
"That is a fascinating analysis of the contextual needs of the beings within this domain."
"Why oh why did I need to read that? I have yet another scar thanks to you."
posted by Bolo |
12:29 PM
0 speakage
Thoughts
I think I'm going to do a series of coffee house reviews. Ben Hedrick is the man. I should probably call my sisters...soon...very, very soon. Black Eyed Peas on the boom boom brain, yo. I do chai double-dirty. I wanna see Uncle Leonard sing more! I have no idea whose MacBook this is. Buck has the largest portable display I've ever seen. Moisan's reason for declining sushi last night: "I'm staring at the ocean." Two nights in a row...Rev and I had a little roll going. Speaking of Rev rolling, how 'bout that scratch, eh? Team Go isn't half bad, not at all. I love our pastors. I wonder if Michael Butterworth has discovered that this is back up?
posted by Bolo |
6:47 PM
2 speakage
4.14.2009
Late Latte
This was from a couple of months ago...Kenny poured in Chicago at Coffee Fest. I'm not certain if he submitted it in the competition or not, but I don't think he did.
Cup of the Morning
Oh. Gosh. Yes. This Guatemala Oriente is a little "young" in the sense that the roast hasn't been given enough time to sit and develop, but the flavor is definitely popping even at this stage. Wonderful. Reminds me of Christmas, it does.
posted by Bolo |
9:00 AM
1 speakage
4.13.2009
Glorification of Coffee
The first roast of the evening, the luscious Guatemala Oriente dry-processed bean, is resting in the aluminum baking pan I use to remove the last of the chaff from each batch. When I take a whiff, it smells like fruity brownies or jelly donuts. That's less than an hour out of the roaster!
God does not get enough glory for coffee, and I'm setting out to remedy that.
The second roast, the one that just finished less than fifteen minutes ago, is my beloved Ethiopia Idido Misty Valley. It, too, is dry-processed. Unlike the Guatemalan bean, however, this batch will be set aside for exclusive use as a single-origin espresso. Also unlike the Guatemalan bean, this roast didn't come anywhere near the second crack, which is, unfortunately, an unusual thing when it comes to espresso shots.
Looping
Hide Away in the Love of Jesus is currently looping on iTunes. For good reason, too.
Come weary saints, though tired and weak Hide away in the love of Jesus Your strength will return by His quiet streams Hide away in the love of Jesus
Come wand’ring souls, and find your home Hide away in the love of Jesus He offers the rest that you yearn to know Hide away in the love of Jesus
Hear Him calling your name See the depths of His love in the wounds of His grace Hide away
Come guilty ones, weighed down with sin Hide away in the love of Jesus The freedom you long for is found in Him Hide away in the love of Jesus
Hear Him calling your name See the depths of His love in the wounds of His grace Hide away
Come hopeless hearts, do not despair Hide away in the love of Jesus For ten thousand joys await you there Hide away in the love of Jesus
posted by Bolo |
10:33 PM
0 speakage
Quoting
"You're my own personal phone book, Toto."
Feeling Roasty
Guatemala El Injerto Estate to Full City. Ethiopia Idido Misty Valley to City+. Mexico Nayarit DP to Full City. Kenya AB Rukira Auction Lot #786 to Full City. Indonesia Flores Manggarai to City+. El Salvador Matalapa Estate Bourbon to Full City. Ethiopia Kemala "Korito Koran" to Full City+.
That's a lot of roasting for one evening...
posted by Bolo |
1:10 AM
0 speakage
Chat Log
The following is a chat log I had with Peter, in all its unedited, gross glory.
9:21 AM me: you know how I started running again? New: mhm me: kind of makes me feel out of shape... 9:22 AM and not "out of shape for me" out of shape New: why? me: "out of shape in general" out of shape even though I'm not I think it's because Spring has sprung New: are you looking for affirmation? me: and as such no, not at all New: =) 9:23 AM me: there's a tendency for a particular type to start coming out the one dressed in brand new running shoes sporting a heart rate monitor and wearing a synethic running shirt that's too big, yet clings to the torso because of the more-than-just-budding man boobs 9:24 AM New: too much description this is why you need a blog me: hahahahahahahahaha that is probably the best argument to bring it back of all the ones I've heard, it's the most logical 9:25 AM New: if you do bring it back you probably have to quote that your description and everything me: oh I will
posted by Bolo |
12:15 AM
0 speakage
4.01.2009
Bloggled Butterworth
A couple of weeks ago, Butterworth the Younger somehow managed to break his ankle. His timing on this was impeccable, as he is currently laid up in a cast and unable to do much of anything requiring mobility of a quick nature. I figured a little post in his honor was in order since I told him my blog was deleted and done. Oops. Not quite, I guess.
This picture was taken a couple of years ago on the morning of the infamous trip to the airport. Well, one of the infamous trips to the airport ;)
S.O. What?
I recently sent this email to the Sweet Maria's mailing list:
Has anyone tried the Ndaroini as a single-origin espresso? The other night, a friend and I pulled a few shots of this delightful little bean. It had been roasted just a couple of snaps into 2nd crack, just like Tom advises, and rested for a full seven days.
Wow! The crema was an explosion of citrus bittersweets and sours, with a touch of creaminess; the middle had a touch of chocolate and sweet, fruited notes; the bottom was a liquid Mystery Jolly Rancher of some sort, I swear it was! The shots were all pushing the high edge of the flavor envelope for espresso, but I don't think they ever went over it. Maybe peeked, maybe danced along the edge, but never over. Those shots were, simply put, a delightful rush.
After the second shot, I called up another friend, a barista that had recently competed in Millrock's latte art competition at Coffeefest in Chicago, and asked him, "If I told you that we're standing here sipping on a single-origin espresso that is one of the sweetest things I've ever put into my mouth, and that that SO is from Kenya, would you believe me?" He said, "No, I wouldn't. But because it's you, I do."
All that to say, if you've not tried this little wonder as espresso, give it a try.
In order to understand the craziness of pulling a shot of single-origin espresso from a Kenya bean, well, you have to understand that it's just not done...at least, not in a normal coffee world where the rules are followed.
posted by Bolo |
12:22 PM
0 speakage
I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've
got five nephews and two nieces.
Quotatious
"I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it."
-Ryan Szrama
"I'm trying to be regenerate."
-Ivy Warriner
"Pink is pink. Peach is not pink."
-Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband
"How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today."
-John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate
"I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People
like that don't deserve to win it."
-Michael Butterworth
"I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many
marriages I go through."
-Katie Mohler
"However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told
him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to
you.'"
-Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little
incident which we do not name
"He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth
wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety,
but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get
married for twelve more years?'"
-Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father
"So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka."
-Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming
"Ok, he walks loudly."
-Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs"
"Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas."
-Ryan Szrama
"I have a way with old women."
-Josh Reid
"Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady."
-Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey
"It wasn't sweet, it was creepy."
-Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't
given
"I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain."
-Katie Mohler
"Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped
worrying about updating the score list."
-Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team
"What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?"
-Lori Wanman
"Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is
your job in life."
-Jessica Cimato
"Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?"
-Peter Sieg
"Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests."
-Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months
of pastoring at IBC have been
"If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned
marooned Moon."
-Michael Jenkins
"Can we call you 'Special Dark'?"
-Stephen Mobley
"Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip."
-Me, on how to order water at Starbucks
"It's you to an unsanctified T."
-Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey
"It's like a workout, having a conversation with you."
-Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey
"I shot the French Press..."
-Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff
"Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!"
-Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend
"It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in
4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's
what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it
yet.'"
-Catherine Huffman
"It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since
you took Geometry."
-Peter Sieg, to me
"You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks
totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that
you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John
Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we
both blame your camera."
-Catherine Huffman
"You're going to die soon, anyway."
-Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday
"I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver."
-Stephen Mobley
"It's likely but unlikely."
-Ben Hedrick
"There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto."
-Jessica Vaughn
"The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'"
-Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh
"Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?"
-Ben Hedrick
"It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?"
-Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know
what car she drives?"
"High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!"
-Josh Reid
"Man, she's finer than a frog hair!"
-Josh Reid
"I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'"
-Heather Seagle
"Where's my phone?"
-Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone
"Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I
don't get kicked."
-Me
"Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or
whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd
probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a
close call!"
-Dana W
"I don't want to see this on your blog."
-Ryan Fullerton
"John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle,
here is his frown."
-Ben Hedrick
"Oh shutup, voicemail person!"
-Stephen Mobley
" 'P' as in 'purgatory.' "
-Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call
"You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry."
-Stephen Mobley
"Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than
say, Katie Mohler."
-Johanna Tollefson
"You just called me a chunker!"
-Christin Simpson
"We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in
Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's
food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.'
"
-Peter Sieg
"My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist."
-Christin Simpson
"How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' "
-Christin Simpson
"Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how
he peed in worship, it confused me."
-Katie Mohler
"Yes, I'm precious and all that."
-Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment
"Do you have a numerical number for that?"
-Stephen Mobley
"I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's
buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that."
-Peter Sieg
"That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it."
-Stephen Mobley
"Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other
non-contiguous U.S. states."
-Stephen Mobley
"In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time."
-Christin Simpson
"They never know whether to come out the front or the back."
-Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes
"I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'."
-Andy Lowe
"Could you translate that out of Letototian?"
-Lauren Farmer
"Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles
moments lately."
-Me
"I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking."
-Michael Butterworth
"She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't
big-boned, she was Hispanic."
-Ryan Szrama
"More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster."
-Allison Poplin
"Mmm, Chapstick!"
-Allison Poplin
"It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a
headstand in a ditch."
-Christin Simpson
"The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is
admitting I'm a stupid haole."
-Christine Robertson
"I said 'teached,' man!"
-Christin Simpson
"I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom."
-Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly
"Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!"
-Thomas Amos
"Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple
years older.' "
-Anonymous
"He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!"
-Me
"Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear."
-Dr. Mohler
"I've got fans all over."
-Lauren Farmer
"I'm having my own personal hot flash right now."
-Bobby House
"Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is
actually with a woman!"
-Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog
"Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the
Servant Towel award by taking me or something?"
-Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet
"I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all."
-Christin Simpson
"The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate."
-Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream
"Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!"
-Amanda Ledbetter
"I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier
to understand."
-Dr. Joslin, on women
"One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active
social life, or she's just fat."
-Richard B. Hardison
"You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly.
Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that
turns out."
-Jon "Jew" Borofsky
"Are you dressing Katie Mohler?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?"
-Andrew
"I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches."
-Michael Butterworth
"I really like the smell of gasoline."
-Katie Mohler
"You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out
and take the elevator."
-Bobby House
"But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you."
-Nick Crouse
"Gomez, you're Hispanic?"
-Matt Svoboda
"'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?"
-Lauren Farmer
"You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke."
-Moon Pie Godfrey
"It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!"
-Lauren Farmer
"I've had the passion, I just need the purity."
-Emily Dick
"I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right?
Letoto's going to be there!'"
-Warren Kesselring
"I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put
on lots of flannel."
-Ricky Hardison
"You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?"
-Sarah Cress
"So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones."
-Christin Simpson
"I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without
asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks."
-Emily O'Neal
"I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time."
-Taryn Walker
"You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to
bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College."
-Michael Butterworth
"Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white."
-Cole Harper
"I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'"
-Emily Dick
"I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have
boyish charm."
-Jeff Pearson
"If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart,
it's a bad idea."
-David Borreson
"Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!"
-Chriyus Davis
"When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to
myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' "
-Chriyus Davis
"What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here."
-Lauren Farmer
"I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?"
-Andrew, talking about his father's birthday.
"What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?"
-Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she
went to look up what he meant
"Stop flashing everyone!"
-Carla
"I didn't know I was going to see everything!"
-Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth
"Which would suck!"
-Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in
heaven...before his marriage
"Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?"
-Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes
"I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a
good tree to climb by Mullins."
-Michael Butterworth
"You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts."
-Scott O'Neal
"It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or
maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger."
-Andrew
"And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!"
-Emily Dick
"Is Scott the white-haired guy?"
-Brandon Stern
"The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I
really hope I don't fart."
-Kristy White
"Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin."
-Katy Cavaliere
"I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs."
-Andrew "Stretch" Holley
"And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that."
-Scott O'Neal
"I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart."
-Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo
"I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people,
why I wasn't married."
-Christine Robertson
"Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol'
woman with a 'fro."
-Chriyus Davis
"Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think
that's romantic."
-Lauren Farmer
"We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity."
-Lauren Farmer
"Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached
toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense,
you may have hit the skin on the head."
-Me, to Matt Teves
"Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!"
-Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning
"Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake
you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot."
-Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat
"Who's the brown one?"
-Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain
brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus
"A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say
or do is not a world I want to live in."
-Michael Butterworth
"Abby marches to the beat of her own flute."
-Scott O'Neal
"I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I
could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee."
-Jennifer Miller
"What's a 'good game'?"
-Katie Mohler
"Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I
used to give myself french manicures with it."
-R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper
"It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails."
-Trey Fuller
"How do you think that small?"
-Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting
"I like to curl up in the bathroom."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's
not a universal song, it's in a different language."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!"
-A.D.
"I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place."
-Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message
"Sounds like a bladder control problem."
-Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during
dorm meeting
"Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?"
-Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey
Cashell
"So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward."
-R. Lauren Duncan, about...something
"Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!"
-Boss
"When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but
when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a
different matter altogether."
-Scott O'Neal
"That's too much chocolate for you!"
-Bobby House III
"Dude, there's a lot of white people up here."
-Kawika, on being in Indiana
"This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp."
-Sandi, on the sermons at their church
"I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male."
-Heidi Marlene Johnson
"Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he
had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know,
that ninja look."
-Lisa, to me
"You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!"
-A certain manager at a certain store
"He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count.
You're right, he is the only guy we've got."
-A certain coworker at a certain store.
"She's the manliest girl I know."
-Christina Thompson
"Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy
than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're
better looking than most of the guys here."
-Nathan Fulllerton
"Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed
kids together."
-Scott O'Neal
"How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that
Uch is off the market."
-Goose
"It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!"
-Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate
"I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'"
-Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to
take over the airsoft world
"You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get
Government Service out of John."
-Goose
"Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months."
-Goose
"Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!"
-Boss
"How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to
SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes."
-Jeff Cavanaugh
"Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk."
-Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk
"I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke."
-Joel Gasparotto, to me
"No. But several kids."
-Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?"
"I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all
sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..."
-Me
"I think these are unthawed."
-Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken
"You mean frozen?"
-Matt Crawford, in response to Scott
"Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!"
-Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud
out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain
Hawaiian
"He's the closest thing to Black I got here!"
-Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian
was the most ethnically similar person at the camp
"Nice body!"
-Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they
collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball
"I could take you...to a movie."
-Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was
explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students
present
"It's my bladder!"
-Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang
"John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I."
-Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and
impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or
imagined) I have upon them
"At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will
Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding
stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to
watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly
assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that
into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'"
-Me
"Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm
asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books
off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT
asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what
I wrote up there."
-Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger
"Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day."
-Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania
"Did he sound winded?"
-Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night...
"Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!"
-Boss
"I don't do that, that would be too unmanly."
-Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails
"More of an acquired taste than kim chee."
-Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music
"That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed
with Shirley Temples."
-Christin Simpson
"Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are
odd' girl."
-Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her
blossoming reputation
"Hurry, before the smears come out!"
-Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall
"All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait"
-Andrew Strickland, while leading worship
"She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her."
-Lisa
"I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better
bed partner now."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!"
-One of the Brownies from Willow
"I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!"
-Same Brownie
"Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!"
-Drunk Brownie from Willow
"No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher."
-Gary
"It's probably providential."
-Chip Collins
"One more wave."
-Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air
"Well basically..."
-James McCray
"I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground."
-RAM, Jr.
"If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing
her away from all the decent guys."
-Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away
"Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome."
-Dr. Mohler
"Hey! How are you doing?"
-Rob Smythe
"I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand
on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in
the bathroom!"
-Boss
"So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?"
-Aaron Filippone
"The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me."
-Darren Thomas
"Hairy in the face and chest?"
-Me, in response to Darren
"Oh, cuss word!"
-Moon Pie
"If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute
long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize."
-Pablo Butterworth
"These *are* my dress socks. They're clean."
-Goose
"Before the throne of God above..."
-Jonathan Leeman...singing
"I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane."
-Michelle
"Piss on a biscuit!"
-Fritzy
"I saw Toto, and he's black!"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be
laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there."
-Jordan Cole
"Can she have a man?"
-Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie
"I am irresistible to men..."
-Poenie Tree
"Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!"
-AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite
"Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?"
-Tyler Ratliff
"She shook his butt before she shook his hand!"
-Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce
"Would you look at that BUTT?"
-Pablo Butterworth
"It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards."
-Pablo Butterworth
"He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us,
sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you
would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives
or anything.)"
-Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce
"Paul, I think we should mate."
-Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of
Psychiatrist
"You're classic, not metro."
-Elizabeth Foster
"I need ocean."
-Me
"Oh, I have some!"
-R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me
"Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two
completely different things."
-Dr. Draper
"The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!"
-Chris...something
"I hated you when I first met you."
-Scott O'Neal
"Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..."
-Pablo Butterworth
"Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going
to die teaching and I want to be there for it."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out."
-Michael Butterworth
"I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive."
-Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth
"Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How
did you become sexy?' "
-Pablo Butterworth
"Stop vacuuming my crack!"
-Chris Sellers
"That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any
taller..."
-Melissa Hermoso
"You smell like my mom!"
-Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild
"It's Allure for *men*, people!"
-Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild
"Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!"
-Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair
"We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down."
-Michael Butterworth
"I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials."
-Billy Reddick
"You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder."
-Kristina Pelhank, to me
"I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen,
and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it
breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen
floor.' "
-Pablo Butterworth
"You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into
trouble, and yours gets you out of it."
-Aaron Coffey, to me
"The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their
elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing."
-Michael Butterworth
"Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!"
-Sarah El-Masri
"I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone
there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop
together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play
XBox all night long, baby!"
-Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit
"Please stalk me at your earliest convienence."
-Sarah Cress
"There's a two year-old flirting with me!"
-Ashlea Davenport
"I used to have a neck, then something happened."
-Bobby House
"Can I buy three blacks from you?"
-Pablo Butterworth
"Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep."
-Chip Collins
"You're the ugly girl!"
-Candace Boyd
"No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody
does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!"
-Scott O'Neal and me
"I grew up with that but in Spanish."
-Liz Mejia
"One day the three of us will be married!"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a
bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And,
he was BIG!"
-Matty Teves
"Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo."
-Me, to Pablo Butterworth
"And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's
right...............the Holy Spirit."
-Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something
"That's a good length, that's pettable."
-R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head
"There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size."
-Kristy Miller
"Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!"
-Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready
for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just
before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball
"Mr. Herringbone understands."
-Katie Mohler
"Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?"
-Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by
Katie Mohler
"Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type
in, 'butt,' and you come up."
-Me, to Pablo Butterworth
"The chocolate chip in the cookie."
-Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our
family
"I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk."
-Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8
white guys
"I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!"
-Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check
gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere
"So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and
forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking
and it startled me."
-Sarah Cress
"Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"Jane!"
-Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan
"I went sniffing once."
-Katie Mohler
"Can you use that in a definition?"
-Sarah Cress
"Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's
shopping again."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"They had her fork here and I ate it."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"Every outfit you wear is a statement."
-Scott O'Neal
"Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?"
-Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at
Southeast Christian Church
"He likes to sit in my drawers."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate."
-James Losey, about me
"I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!"
-Heidi Marlene Johnson
"I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus."
-Me
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in
that order."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I eat soap for breakfast."
-Sarah Cress
"I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway."
-Rob Smythe
"The odds are good, but the goods are odd."
-Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects
"Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something."
-Janal Prybys
"More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock."
-Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish
"This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl
Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high."
-Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person
"Hold me like you used to."
-Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated
"This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because
pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably
retarded."
-Jessica Cimato
"And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash."
-Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood
"Oh, I love that movie!"
-Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson
"They have male stores?"
-Katie Mohler
"She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook."
-Michael Butterworth
"Yes, it's my purse."
-James Losey
"There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has
been inflicted with The Terror!"
-Kristina Pelhank
"You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk
away, but for some strange reason, I can't."
-Sarah Cress
"John gave me a good wedgie."
-Pablo Butterworth
"I won't say whoooole falsehoods..."
-Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok
"I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet."
-Michael Butterworth
"God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love."
-Michael Butterworth
"This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you."
-Rob Smythe
"Next year you'll be in the zoo."
-Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey
"I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up
undergrad chicks, too."
-Michael Butterworth
"I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those
blue nasty ones."
-R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman,
when speaking of it being blue and nasty
"Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?"
-R. Lauren Duncan
"May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much',
because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to
mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day."
-Jessica Cimato
"'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"I have some ligament in the car."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"I lost it from all the throwing up I did."
-R. Lauren Duncan
"He's a Filipino knockoff!"
-David Brandt, commenting on me
"No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!"
-Chris Sellers
"You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?"
-Sarah El-Masri, to me
"You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about
girls, you're never going to get married."
-Me, to Pablo Butterworth
"I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's
older than you."
-Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer
"She's not the kind of guy you'd go for."
-Me
"I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It
gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow."
-Jessica Cimato, to me
"From this angle, I can see everything!"
-Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt
"Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?"
-R. Lauren Duncan, to me
"If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many
pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer."
-Pablo Butterworth
"You are not going to put that on Facebook!"
-Pablo Butterworth
"I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts."
-Nick Crouse
"They're *macadamia* nuts!"
-Ryan Travis
"Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They
charge you nine dollars an hour!"
-Brian Buck
"Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?"
-Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage
Hall
"Are you ok? I just wet my pants."
-R. Lauren Duncan
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5:54 PM
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