Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

5.31.2008   Ted & Ned It's pretty crazy to think that a week ago, we were sitting together here in the 'Ville, enjoying one another's company once more. I praise the Lord for you, brother, and enjoy seeing Christ in you and Sandi. posted by Bolo | 8:16 PM 2 speakage 5.30.2008   Gorging Mmm... ...Red... ...River... ...Gorge... ... :) posted by Bolo | 7:40 AM 0 speakage 5.29.2008   Handle & Spout Apparently, Canadians can do a little singing and dancing, too. posted by Bolo | 9:51 PM 0 speakage 5.28.2008   Fifth Wheel After dinner at Carly Rae's. Yup, I'm the brown one. posted by Bolo | 8:59 PM 0 speakage 5.27.2008   Whoa Na is over, and worlds are about to collide. The Uchidas and the O'Neals will be having dinner with yours truly in just a few short moments. Sweet :) posted by Bolo | 2:01 AM 1 speakage 5.26.2008   Poultry Polka At New Attitude, our Community Groups make us do some interesting things... posted by Bolo | 7:58 AM 0 speakage   *Yawn* Is it just me, or do the hours between 1 AM and 7 AM seem to only have 50 minutes, instead of the standard 60? posted by Bolo | 1:03 AM 0 speakage 5.25.2008   Timestamp: 05.24.08 19:28 posted by Bolo | 12:48 AM 3 speakage 5.24.2008   B&W posted by Bolo | 9:33 AM 0 speakage 5.23.2008   Word Psalm 99 The LORD reigns, let the peoples tremble; He is enthroned above the cherubim, let the earth shake! The LORD is great in Zion, and He is exalted above all the peoples. Let them praise Your great and awesome name; holy is He. The strength of the King loves justice; You have established equity; You have executed justice and righteousness in Jacob. Exalt the LORD our God and worship at His footstool; holy is He. Moses and Aaron were among His priests, and Samuel was among those who called on His name; they called upon the LORD and He answered them. He spoke to them in the pillar of cloud; they kept His testimonies and the statute that He gave them. O LORD our God, You answered them; You were a forgiving God to them, and yet an avenger of their evil deeds. Exalt the LORD our God and worship at His holy hill, for holy is the LORD our God. posted by Bolo | 6:45 PM 0 speakage   Oh, Canada! "I just had a blond moment. The guy said, 'Washington, District of Columbia,' and I thought, 'Oh, no! Canada!' " -Peter Sieg posted by Bolo | 12:17 PM 0 speakage 5.22.2008   Straight to Voicemail Typical, I swear...so typical... ...I call 'Drew... ...he answers... ...we talk for five minutes... ...we get cut off... ...I think his phone ran out of battery power... ...hah! If I had a dime for every time that happened... posted by Bolo | 10:15 PM 0 speakage   Tuan = Lyle? To all whom it may concern: Lyle ate a piece of doggy beef jerky. No lie. He didn't know what it was when I handed it to him. So he...bit it...chewed it... ...I'm not sure if he swallowed it... ...I think I'm still laughing... posted by Bolo | 9:08 PM 0 speakage   Sightings posted by Bolo | 9:36 AM 0 speakage 5.21.2008   Thoughts Is Strawberry Chip ice cream just like Mint Chocolate Chip? Like, you know, is the strawberry just a vehicle for the chocolate? Rob Smythe may be in India, but he's in my room singing to me right now. In just a couple of days, Uch and Mrs. Uch will be here...heck yeah. As great as my frisbee joneses may be kicking in at the moment, I'm sure Saturday will take care of it. I'm amazed at how much God's Word stays in the heart and mind; I'm also at how little of it I apply compared to how much I've supposedly learned. How's the closet space in the upper left room? In all seriousness, I now have people stopping in their tracks to take pictures of me in my car as they walk on the street. Ok, maybe they're really taking pictures of my car...still, I'm in the picture, darnit. It's pretty hilarious and empowering when Petey, the guy who once turned his nose up at my coffee offerings at work, asks me, "Coffee? Please? Don't make me beg." I have a sneaky feeling I just missed a birthday again. Doh. posted by Bolo | 10:58 PM 0 speakage 5.20.2008   Visual posted by Bolo | 11:55 PM 0 speakage 5.19.2008   Moonlight Seranade I freely admit that this is void of any intellectual value and full of pointless use of technology. Be that as it may, however, those who know Jeesh might still find this humorous. Might. posted by Bolo | 7:14 PM 0 speakage   Movers and Shakers It's Spring in the 'Ville. Many aspects of Spring in this unusual city are wild and unpredictable: the weather, allergies, twitterpation, and the like. Be that as it may, there are a handful of tried-and-true traditions that Louisvillians have come to count on, and in some cases, know and love: Derby, Thunder, and Ashlea Davenport moving. Hah! I know, I know, I'm a funny guy. Please hold your applause until the end of this post. Ok, ok, go ahead and clap anyway. Oh, stop. No, you can keep going, I don't mind. Really. Well, enough of that you overzealous fans. Moving Ms. Davenport was a smashing success, particularly because nothing was smashed in the moving process. Nice, eh? Oh, and for the record, our care group absolutely rocks when it comes to moving. posted by Bolo | 1:17 AM 4 speakage 5.18.2008   Ultimately Speaking Strategy looks like this: I tell J.C. that Scott and Ray are captains and that Scott gets first pick. The fruit of that strategy looks like this: Scott and I connect on three out of our five scores. Heck yeah. posted by Bolo | 5:54 PM 0 speakage 5.17.2008   Grindages Since 8 PM tonight, I've had a sashimi platter, a couple of pieces of nigiri sushi, two spicy chicken burritos from Taco Bell, green tea gellato over a waffle, and a cup of coffee. Ginny Lou announced that she's never seen anyone eat as much as I do :) posted by Bolo | 10:36 PM 0 speakage 5.16.2008   Thoughts I don't think Peter's theory about Stephen sounding smart on the phone works: he sounds dumb on the phone, too. At least your uncle took his pill, right? I seriously had a dream about it before I knew it was happening...kind of freaky. I discovered the hard way that the big plastic button on my new shirt wasn't a big plastic button, but a big plastic sensor tag the guy at the register forgot to remove. So I noticed that the bridesmaids shoes didn't match; was I the only guy who noticed that? The one on the upper left is mine. Yeah, and worst part is that you like her, Farmer! Spring is officially here: Davenport is moving. A little more than a week, and they're here! posted by Bolo | 11:56 PM 0 speakage   Cup of the Morning With yours truly not roasting for the past couple of days, the whole bean supply was a little empty in the office. Thus, I felt compelled to stop by and get the morning cup from Jackson's. Unfortunately, I forgot cash. Very fortunately, they're small enough that they do the whole, "Don't worry, just come back and pay later, people do it all the time," deal. Sweet. The coffee, and the deal. posted by Bolo | 8:57 AM 0 speakage 5.15.2008   Sermon Excerpt "1 Timothy 3:6 says, 'The overseer must not be a recent convert.' That doesn't mean he's had time to prove how on-fire he is all the time, it means he's had a chance to fall a few times, to land with his face down in the puddle a few times. 'Must not be a recent convert.' Why? Because a recent convert may 'become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.' Brothers, you may be stumbling toward your ordination day, you may wish you were at a better and a different place in your life here on your ordination day, you may wish that today was a day of victory and not a day where you feel your failure. Your failure may be the very thing that prepares you for the humility you will need, you will need to press on in this ministry, because leadership means that it's not just you and Satan pointing out your failures anymore...it means there's a whole body who notices." -Ryan Fullerton posted by Bolo | 3:10 AM 0 speakage 5.14.2008   Linkage Wow. Amazing. Monchan would dig it. It's faster! A little left-brainedness for the right-brainer in you. Visually Wired, here and here. posted by Bolo | 9:55 PM 1 speakage 5.13.2008   The Worm...Really Ok, a few explanations are in order. First, this video, not the previous one, is the actual Worm footage. It's a little hard to see, but it's there if you look for it. Second, 'twas not I, but Mr. Lance Limanti, who was seen dancing Saturday night near the intersection of Bardstown Road and Cherokee Parkway. Third, Mr. Limanti did actually do this and Ms. Lisa Sipes was not dreaming. posted by Bolo | 9:37 AM 0 speakage 5.12.2008   The Worm The Sipester said she woke up on Sunday morning telling herself, "He really did that. He really did that." Yup...he did. posted by Bolo | 8:28 AM 1 speakage 5.11.2008   Motherly Meanderings Scott is fond of saying that he only has one friend like John Letoto...and that he only can have one friend like John Letoto. I think my mom is qualified to say much the same thing: she has just one son like her son John...and she only can have one son like her son John. Need examples? Read on... There was that one time I forgot my mom's birthday. Well, not completely. At the time, I was working in Pali Safeway's produce department, and I was scheduled to work until 10 that night. Shortly after 9, I realized that I was less than three hours away from complete and utter failure as a son with a mother's birthday to remember. What's a forgetful buffoon to do, you ask? I built her one of the biggest and most expensive fruit baskets ever to leave that produce department. I still have that card Mom sent me. "Miss you, love you, still waiting for you to call!!!" She included her home and cell numbers, just in case I forgot. I vaguely remember once cutting Mom's hair. I figured that since she was on the phone, she would appreciate it if I maximized her time so she wouldn't have to worry about getting it done later. Very thoughtful of me, right? Well, maybe not. I mean, I don't think I was much older than five or so. Still, those examples aren't really all that unique. I mean, any dufus would get a card like that from his mom, right? Right? Moving on. I suppose I'm like most sons that are proud of their mothers: thorougly convinced that she, more than any other woman on the planet, was uniquely equipped to put up with that little viper in a diaper that she gave birth to (my brother), then was blessed to have such a sweet, intelligent gift from God (that would be me). Just kidding. The point of all of this is to let you, my adoring public, know that I truly do adore my mother. Written proof of my regard for her can be found here. And yes, I called her already. Now if I can just remember when her birthday is, I'll be fine... posted by Bolo | 11:20 PM 1 speakage   Quotable "He’s your classic guinea pig cameraman, a time honored tradition among adventure documentaries where the motto is 'In event of emergency, press record.' " -Steve Howe, describing cameraman Scott Simper posted by Bolo | 4:42 PM 0 speakage 5.10.2008   Definitive Main Entry: en·cour·age·ment Pronunciation: \-ij-mənt, -rij-\ Function: noun Date: 1549 1 : the act of encouraging : the state of being encouraged 2 : something that encourages 3 : the state of being loved by those who love you with Jesus' love, not because of you, nor even in spite of you, but because of Jesus' love 4 : Andrew; Scott; Brian; Chriyus; Kevin; Dave; Gary; Ryan; Rob posted by Bolo | 11:49 PM 0 speakage 5.09.2008   Word 1 Peter 1:3 - 9 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls. Is it just me, or do the things written in God's word sometimes seem so far beyond what my "Christian experience" seem to indicate? Living hope...imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away...greatly rejoice...joy inexpressible and full of glory... posted by Bolo | 5:56 PM 1 speakage 5.08.2008   Scrabbled Two bingos in one game, and another two waiting in the wings. What's even better is that one of those will launch me into the lead from being down fifty points. Muahahahahaha! posted by Bolo | 10:48 PM 1 speakage   One For the Guys Earlier, Miss Rebekah Towns and I discussed the merits of a Leatherman multi-tool. Our discussion went as follows: Becky: "What is it about guys and their toys?" Me: "What do you mean?" Becky: "How much did that cost?" Me: "Eighty bucks." Becky: "Eighty!" Me: "Ok, would you get a manicure?" Becky: "Yeah!" Me: "And how much would that cost?" Becky: "Thirty bucks." Me: "And how long would that last?" Becky: "A few weeks." Me: "Hah! Twenty-five year warranty, baby!" posted by Bolo | 12:28 AM 0 speakage 5.07.2008   Home: 'Ohana Once upon a time, family dinners were small. There was one basic rule governing these affairs: Leonard and John ate last, unless it was one of our birthdays. Then, and only then, were we really allowed to eat before the girls -- but only whichever one of us was celebrating their birthday! I don't think this rule was there out of any real desire for gentlemanly conduct to be groomed into our characters -- not that our sisters didn't try, mind you. No, the real reason was simple: we were human garbage disposals, and we ate the rest of the food. Those days of simplicity are long gone. Family dinners are thousands-of-miles affairs now, the kinds of things that take a long time to plan and supercede everything else on the schedule. It used to be just the nine of us, back when Lisa and Mon and Mary all had braids, Leonard was short, John Boy had hair, and Steph and Malia weren't big enough to live with the five big kids in the one room. Did we really have five of us in there, wherever "there" was? Goodness. That was a long, long, long time ago. Back then, the older Aunties and Uncles on Mom's side seemed a lot taller -- their pants didn't go up so far past their belly-buttons, either -- and Dad and Mom would introduce us to them by lining us up and saying, "Dis numbah one, dis numbah two..." Aaahhh, those were the days! We still tell old stories over and over and over again, and the old jokes never really do get old. I mean, who can forget...my Twilight Zone/Jeopardy game...Leonard's repeated renditions of Home on the Range...Mon's repeat of Kindergarten...Mary's tooth in the racquetball court...Stephanie falling asleep "on time" during dinner...Dad sitting down in front of one of us and moving his shoulders...Lisa's infamous retreats from her battles with the cockroaches...Malia learning to swim and saying, "I swim!"...or the countless times Mom has said "clowset"? Dinners together are a much rarer occasion these days. They're much larger, too. Counting the five significant others, two nieces and six nephews, not to mention Lisa and Jeff's three foster kids, we're easily over twenty bodies stuffed into whatever house we're eating at. It's a chaotic mass of bodies, all eating and talking and laughing, with a more than occasional fit of yelling or crying thrown in there. My nephews will scurry by, and all I see is an unidentified head of black hair bobbing up and down in a toddleresque bobble. Kayla or Kyle will complain, "It's not my turn to do the dishes!" Makana will run away from her Uncle Johnny, exclaiming all the while, "Daddy! Mommy!" Yes, the chaos is almost overbearing to someone who craves quiet and solitude just as much as he craves the surf. You know what, though? I'll take it...we'll all take it. We'd rather be driving each other nuts when we're together than be sad when we're apart. And believe me, right now, we're pretty stinkin' sad. posted by Bolo | 11:58 PM 0 speakage 5.06.2008   Conversant Ben: "I thought of a new nickname for you: Lefingerfinger! You know, instead of Letoetoe...finger finger!" Me: "Shutup. Turn around and do your work." posted by Bolo | 4:12 PM 0 speakage 5.05.2008   Linkage I wonder if they have this one in Hawaiian Time? Yeah, and you thought I had a long list of quotes... One of these days, I'll read this to the Fullerton kids. Is it bad that I actually read stuff like this? And like it? posted by Bolo | 11:18 PM 0 speakage 5.04.2008   Thoughts That was a long, long, long sermon...but it didn't feel long. Yup, we'll definitely have to work on 'em, Mon. Alrighty, Mr. Youknow, I'm going to hold you to that. Pancakes...definitely in need of pancakes. I haven't seen much from behind the lens lately; I'm beginning to wonder why. Sulawesi, Kenya...what's next for tonight's roasting menu. "Maybe Tuesday." I don't care what they say, I'm still not convinced that those Limantis are really brothers. Yup, I am the 70's. The Grape Leaf? Excellent. Once upon a time, I succeeded in getting Simon to tell his mommy that they should call his younger brother Olive, which would be short for Oliver. This time around, I'm trying for something that pushes the envelope, even for me: getting Frank Jackson Hedrick's daddy not to smush me when I call his son Frank N. Stein Jackson Hedrick. That Skeletool looks really cool...try not to drool. My flick was terrible today. I miss Jim Winn...and I keep missing Jim Winn's phone calls. I think it's absolutely hilarious that my sister's daughter is just like her. posted by Bolo | 11:45 PM 0 speakage   Pouty Power D.A. Thorpe is hereby publicly served notice that I, J.S. Letoto, am officially pouting. I pout with my tongue firmly in my cheek and a most unserious prayer for the demise of his ear hair spouting from my pouting lips. I'm pouting in an ultimate fashion, in case you're not catching my flick, sir. One S.D. O'Neal would probably pout, too, save that he's a better man than I. So there. Hmph. posted by Bolo | 6:06 PM 1 speakage 5.03.2008   Word John 17:25, 26 "O righteous Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and these have known that You sent me; and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them." Hebrews 3:12, 13 Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Two passages like these meet me in my heart today. I read the words of Jesus' prayer recorded in John 17, and I'm struck by how plainly Jesus speaks of things so profound and impossible to fully understand. Jesus was shocking like that: He spoke truths plainly and simply, truths to confound the wise and heal the broken. I find that I often want to understand God more than believe Him...to be perfect rather than forgiven. Jesus speaks of understanding and knowing Him, but that understanding and knowledge is to lead us to believe Him...to be loved by Him. Pray with me that we'd all learn to be loved by Him. posted by Bolo | 2:10 PM 0 speakage   Monochromial posted by Bolo | 3:15 AM 0 speakage 5.02.2008   Transmission: Not So Secret Dee Ar: This evening, the Compensation drove me even more deeply into your debt once again. 'Tis a gift that keeps on giving, kind sir! posted by Bolo | 1:04 AM 3 speakage 5.01.2008   Kaka'ako Fun I can remember going to Kaka'ako to listen to the waves crash on the boulders below while the sun went down or the moon rose over the Ko'olau mountains. I think Makana was having fun there, too. posted by Bolo | 7:45 PM 1 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon