Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

9.30.2003   Presence...presents We were sitting outside of Carver Hall near midnight, and it was cold. Scott had just said something profound: no matter what, there's going to have to be a first time, but maybe it's just that *this* time will have to be the first. Today I was sitting in class, and I thought about why I'm doing what I'm doing, and what I really want. The questions I had asked Jeff have come back to bite me in the butt...that sometimes happens with my so-called wisdom :) Why am I doing this? What do I really want? Before Scott told me about this time possibly having to be the first, I had told him that I'd been feeling a little down. With each passing moment, the reality that I won't be going home for Christmas becomes more and more imminent. It wouldn't be so hard to take, but everyone else is going home. I've run from it, I've tried to ignore it, but it's becoming more and more apparent that I may be spending Christmas here. I'm glad Scott understood the pain...he just knew it might be necessary pain. The answer to that question of what I really want? It's hard to answer that, sometimes. A quick response will come from my head, but it's my actions that give the true answer. If I'm here during the Winter break, will I see my self as alone? We had a guest speaker share some attributes of a youth worker today in Dr. Adams' class. Her last point hit a little too close to...umm...home. She talked about looking to experience God every day, and doing so by constantly being in His presence. The questions I now have to ask myself are ones I can't answer right away. If I'm here for Christmas and not at home, will I really be alone? Scott helped me to see a gift I was ignoring...that guest speaker helped me to open it...but will I rejoice in this gift? What a silly human I am. Oh, and for Malia...happy birthday :) One more thing. The true beauty Autumn? I get to experience more of my wardrobe. And hey...this way, I'm "sharing" my clothes, right? :) I *do* love lambskin... posted by Bolo | 9:32 AM 0 speakage 9.29.2003   Joy Bleh. I've begun to wonder if the tension is beginning to take its toll on me. It's one of those things that can sneak up on you, especially when you're facing a whole bunch of needs, and all of them seem equally needy. When I was talking to Jeff last week, I asked him a simple question: why? Why are you doing the things you're doing? When I ask myself that question, the answers are there, but they're mechanical, stiff, lacking effervescence. I'm blind to the work inside, and drudgery feeds my pride. posted by Bolo | 9:34 AM 0 speakage 9.26.2003   Reason #103 why Boyce College rocks: Capture the Flag. It's Preview Weekend here on campus, so we had the ritualistic campus-wide CTF night. Much like last April, my team lost. Twice. Still, we all had a blast, and most of us looked like veritable freaks running around in black shirts, pants, and ski masks :) Hehe...that reminds me of when I was going through my Ninja stage when I was younger (ask one of my siblings). No wait, don't ask them. I like deceiving myself into thinking I'm not as big a dufus as I am ;) posted by Bolo | 11:44 AM 0 speakage 9.24.2003   Preach it For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. Nothing but Christ crucified... Dr. Akin spoke to us in Boyce Chapel last week; it's a sermon I pray I never forget. He spoke of the dangers of loving our system of theology more than we love Christ. There are a lot of Calvinists on campus, and a lot of us wear our Calvin Club badges proudly. Nothing but the cross... Last night, a bunch of us sat around and brainstormed. We pondered what the first thing would be that we'd do as pastor of a church. Preach? Get to know the congregation? Get to know the community? In the end, we were reminded of One thing, One duty that we *must* get right, because we wouldn't get anything else right if we didn't get the first One right: to know Christ, and Him crucified. Nothing but the cross, and the Son of God crucified upon it... How does one come to grips with the reason for leaving friends and family to go to a strange land thousands of miles away, to live there and seek for that which he does not know, and to do so wondering all the while if he shall ever find? How does one continue when his brother is a murderer on death row, and all that he believes just doesn't seem to be enough to get him through the night without having to fight back demons he can't see? What does one do when her brother has attempted suicide, and her sister is a drug addict and a thief who neglects her own daughter and steals from her own family? For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. posted by Bolo | 2:26 PM 0 speakage 9.19.2003   Black Read this just now; it's from an interview with Amy Grant, and she's recounting a conversation she had with Minnie Pearl. Here's the excerpt: We talked about a lot of things that I can't remember, but I left there and wrote down one thing that she had said. She asked me what was the most important color on the palette and I didn't know. And she said, 'Black,' which surprised me. She said, 'Without black there's no depth of color, but you add black to any other color on the palette and suddenly you can create depth. You can take a picture that looked flat and make it look three-dimensional.' She said, 'That's the way life is. It's the hard times, the heartache, the sorrow, the grief, and the struggle that creates depth of character.' I just thought that was beautiful. Interesting...I've never thought of black being quite so...well...beautiful. posted by Bolo | 12:17 PM 0 speakage 9.18.2003   Fast Kine... This is going to be one of those rare double postings...the second post for the day. So if you're reading this one, look below, too, 'cause there's another one... Last Friday night, we began to gather. The name was Focus. Its intent? To focus the lens of our hearts. It was to be Boyce College's first ever night of prayer and fasting, going from Midnight until 7 am, Saturday morning. We were supposed to be fasting from sleep, though most of us fasted from food as well. All told, there were over 60 of us who made the pilgrimage to sit before the Lord, to come into His holy presence and subject our hearts to His searching. Jim opened us up with about an hour of scripture reading and meditation, with the scriptures focusing on holiness, repentance, humility, mourning, weeping...for some of us, God came in and tore us open. Over the course of the night we would pray in groups, we'd worship the Lord in song, and we'd go outside and walk around campus to pray for our school and community. At the outset of the first prayer walk, we felt fresh and energized. By the time the second rolled around, we were tired and hungry, not to mention that I was freezing my little brown butt off. Scott and I went off by ourselves, and we quickly realized that our prayers would have to be short and hopefully not too stupid, 'cause we simply weren't very intelligent-sounding at 5 am :) God was gracious, though, and one thing we learned over the course of our hour-long prayer walk was that we could want to just get the whole thing over with so we could get to bed, but then we'd be missing the whole point of our fast from sleep. God put it on our hearts to finish well, to truly desire to want more of Him and His fullness. I think it safe to say that we did that :) The dawn came, and with it the end of our time. It wasn't as if we walked out of Boyce Chapel with some holy glow like Moses, but we did know that God had heard our prayers, and even as our eyes finally forced themselves shut, we knew that a spirit of unity borne only of our adoption in Christ had knit us closer to our Father and each other. posted by Bolo | 7:11 PM 0 speakage   Jenga As I spoke with several people today, one theme continually arose to the surface and exposed itself to scrutiny: tension. The more I ponder it, the more I find it to be tantalyzing. This tension I'm thinking of is one that, despite its abundance of obstacles, still bears forth the beautiful fruit of surrender. Such a tension comes from painstakingly adding bits and pieces to the plates of our lives, until it seems that one tiny, unforseen shift would suddenly send all the pieces crashing to the floor. It's almost as if God is playing Jenga with our lives, moving things to create an ever greater tension, with the inevitable crash but moments away. That's how life feels right now. A new job, an internship with the youth ministry at church, meetings, events, and that little thing called studying all contribute to this tension. Move one thing or add one thing, and they all may fall, breaking the precarious balance. Yet, early on in the semester, God reminded me of something vitally important, something vital to dealing with this tension: He's in control. It's absurdly simple, but so true. I can't control the things that He'll bring my way, but it is my responsibility to trust Him to provide along the path He puts me on. It's my responsibility to turn toward Him as I read His word and lift up prayers unto Him. It's my responsibility to realize that I'm frail and prone to flight, unable to handle the frights that come my way. It's my responsibility to surrender to His working in and through and around me, and to rejoice in Him as He does so. I'm learning that tension isn't such a bad thing. At least, it's not bad until we take it on ourselves to handle it. When we're trusting God along the way, however, it can be a sweet delight, much like the tension one feels when sliding down the face of a glassy wave - one wrong weight shift and you could hit reef, but if your board holds you're in for an amazing ride. The fruit of surrender is sweet indeed. posted by Bolo | 6:25 PM 0 speakage 9.15.2003   Weak My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Last Thursday night, we sat there, unable to come up with an answer. We sat there feeling tiny and pathetic, almost foolish to even try. Yet, try as we might, every answer we came up with fell short of the mark, for we were pondering how to be like the Puritans, those great examples of faith that surpass anything that we as bible college students will likely ever muster. J.I. Packer's words taught us that night, and he shared with us how the Puritans could be compared to the great Redwood trees of California: massive, enduring, and incomparable. After reading about these giants of the faith and seeing the high standard to which they strove with every ounce of their being, not one of us felt worthy of aspiring to the same. I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. But then Jonathan brought us out of our stupor. He reminded us that power is perfected in weakness, and that though he knew that it would be all but impossible to be as the Puritans were, he could be one thing that they were: weak. That sent the light flooding back into our downcast hearts. Weak...that, we knew we could be. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Christ's strength is mine to have. That's an astounding thought. Yet, in order to claim that strength, I must be weak...humble...broken. Just as He was. I like to have things in control, to tell myself that I'm self-sufficient and without need. I like to wrest control of my life back from God, and tell Him that I don't need Him. That is why my life is lacking power, lacking depth. Oh, to be weak again... posted by Bolo | 6:08 PM 0 speakage 9.11.2003   Remember? I never really understood what people meant when they said that everyone always remembers where they were when JFK was shot. And although I remember it, I think I was too young to really grasp the significance of the situation when the Challenger exploded. Two years ago, however, I understood the significance. It's been two years, and I can't forget what it was like, trying to unglue my eyelids at foursomething in the wee hours of the morning just to see the smoke billowing from those Twin Towers. Rob had called to tell me to turn on my TV. I said we didn't have cable; he said it didn't matter, just turn it on and I'd see. Unfortunately, he was right. I heard Goose come out of his room to take a leak, and I told him to come and see what had happened. He looks even more Japanese when he's just woken up, by the way :) I watched, glued to the TV set, unable to turn it off, unable to fall asleep, yet wishing I'd wake up and find I'd dreamt it all. Of course, I didn't have to go into work that day. I met up with Lisa and Leo (and I forget who else) for lunch, then I went surfing. The next day, getting into the office was harsh. By the time I got onto base, the day was a wash anyway, so we just left after a couple of hours of catching the latest web footage and whatnot. It was a strange environment; nobody knew what to do, and nobody knew how we should be feeling. It's strange like that, working for the military all the way out in Hawai'i. Sometimes, you get a mix of both worlds that comes up weird. September 11 provided a little bit of that, but to an extreme degree. Dr. Mohler shared an interesting term today in chapel. He said many Americans are "September 10 Americans." The term is pretty much self-explanatory. It's the head-in-the-sand outlook on things that ignores the pain, even at the cost of ignoring the truth. I often find myself guilty of that, and I wonder to what degree I'll be guilty of that in the future. Still, that early morning from two years ago is firmly imprinted upon my mind. It's a gripping reminder that life is serious, life is precious, and life is fleeting and frail. The question is, how will I respond to that reminder? posted by Bolo | 6:29 PM 0 speakage 9.09.2003   solemn Reason #14 why Boyce College rocks: Dorm Meetings. I know, the name sounds boring, but it's actually a time of worship and prayer, plus a few anouncements sprinkled in for good measure :) Last night, it seemed like God decided to impress upon my heart the need for clean hands and a pure heart. *Sigh*...how short I fall of His standard. Yet, as I sat there last night, utterly helpless to find a reason why God should reach down and hold me, still I felt Him beckoning, still I felt Him reaching. At times like that, when I find myself ever so unworthy to reach up toward Him, He'll often reach down to hold me once more, pulling me down to the depths of His humility and the heights of His majesty. And you know what? There's still sooooo much *more* of Him that I'll experience for eternity! But oh, how foolish to not yearn for Him even now! Yep...God shows up at Dorm Meetings :) posted by Bolo | 9:34 AM 0 speakage 9.07.2003   Root One of the thoughts that's been prevalent in my head as of late is one that is hard to comes to terms with, at least in practice: being rooted in the Lord. John 15:5 reads, "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." When I think of that, I can't help but feel lacking in that, as it's been difficult to find that balance this semester. Studying for four classes is definitely enjoyable, but it still takes a certain kind of discipline that I haven't had to call upon for a long while. Hehe...in all honesty, I've probably *never* called upon it, at least for a whole semester :) Add to that the new ministry duties I get to participate in with the youth group at church, and things begin to get interesting. I do have to work a little, but not too much, and working at the country club is far from difficult ;) No, what makes this new season difficult to adjust to isn't the weight of the load, it's how I'm handling that load, and what's driving me to go on. I suppose it's much like taking a long hike with some camping equipment. If everything is distributed properly, my energy is put to use with much more efficiency; if not, I'll feel like I'm carrying twenty grocery bags up the stairs at our old Alewa Heights house. If I'm enjoying the environment while I hike, I'm encouraged to continue on, even though my energy may be flagging. But perhaps most importantly, if I am sure of my purpose, then I will not be discouraged by the obstacles in my way, and will be sure of the reason for my hope. I can remember that whenever we hiked Olomana, the view from the top was always well worth the scrapes and sidepains. It's like that with God, I'm thinking. Only right now, I easily forget my purpose. Sure, the scenery may be great, but why go on? If I'm not looking toward what God wants me to look toward, where am I going to end up? Sometimes it's easy to forget why I have to type out those questions and answers for Dr. DeKavlon, or why I have to read all that theological stuff. I suppose if I'm not abiding in Christ, my purpose becomes mundane very quickly. I suppose I'm learning how being rooted in the Lord extends even to my homework ;) posted by Bolo | 6:36 PM 0 speakage 9.04.2003   confession... I was reminded today of the power of confession. Something so simple, so powerful, yet so difficult because I'm so blind to my own sin, and so stubborn when it comes to dealing with it. In our Youth Ministry class this morning, Dr. Adams led us through a time of prayer, where we asked God to show us sins we've been hiding. It's one of those prayers that I often think I don't need; it is then that I usually need it most. posted by Bolo | 9:32 AM 0 speakage 9.02.2003   school time...blues? Never was there a time where I remember being *this* excited about school. Wait. Scratch that. There was *never* a time where I was excited about school. Period. Sure, there was the back to school excitement...seeing friends I hadn't seen all summer, the breathless anticipation of seeing which teacher I had, and seeing just how much I'd be able to get away with in each class. That was silly excitement, though, prone to die off quickly and without much pomp or fanfare, replaced by the promise of each new holiday on the calendar. So in a very real sense, that excitement just doesn't cut it. Until now. This excitement runs deep. Ironic as it sounds, this excitement is deep for a simple reason: it's rooted in joy, God's deep and overflowing joy. I think I realized that just now, as I type this. The joy of being in school isn't simply because I'm in school, but because I'm exactly where God wants me, learning and growing in a fashion I'll never be able to reproduce. Sure, there'll be tons of learning and growing down the road, but right now, it's coming in a pure form, and there's no lack. How sweet it is :) A few quick shouts to some folks who deserved it yesterday and today: Andrew...older and wiser...Scott...younger but older looking...and Britton, for hookin' up the Louisville Crew with some sweet, sweet, sweet video of OneDay03. posted by Bolo | 9:53 AM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon