Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Cheat Sheet

Guys are stupid. I'm a guy. Therefore, I'm stupid. Part of our stupidity comes from the fact that we foolishly and repetitiously commit the same verbal errors over and over and over again. Some of these errors come out of sheer naïveté, while others stem from the fact that our stupidity and sensitivity to all things feminine, particularly feminine emotion, are mutually exclusive.

The following, therefore, is a cheat sheet for guys everywhere. These statements should not be said, nor, for that matter, should they even be thought. If they are thought, try, try, try to squelch them as soon as they pop up. If they refuse to be squelched, bite your tongue. Hard. If the taste of blood in your mouth does not awaken some sense of sensitivity and sensibility and propriety toward the fairer sex within your conscience, do what all men have done since the days of our fallen father, Adam: run from the situation.

10. "You have very handsome features."
9. "Hey, don't worry, you look great for your size."
8. "You're pretty stout."
7. "No, that doesn't look too bad on you."
6. "Don't worry, you've still got a great personality!"
5. "Huh? Her? No, I wasn't checking her out, I just thought I knew her from somewhere."
4. "No, there's nothing wrong with you, it's me."
3. "He asked you out? No way!"
2. "I like you, but..."
1. "Dude, you're a beast!"

posted by Bolo | 10:56 AM
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