Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


9.30.2003  

Presence...presents

We were sitting outside of Carver Hall near midnight, and it was cold. Scott had just said something profound: no matter what, there's going to have to be a first time, but maybe it's just that *this* time will have to be the first.



Today I was sitting in class, and I thought about why I'm doing what I'm doing, and what I really want. The questions I had asked Jeff have come back to bite me in the butt...that sometimes happens with my so-called wisdom :) Why am I doing this? What do I really want?



Before Scott told me about this time possibly having to be the first, I had told him that I'd been feeling a little down. With each passing moment, the reality that I won't be going home for Christmas becomes more and more imminent. It wouldn't be so hard to take, but everyone else is going home. I've run from it, I've tried to ignore it, but it's becoming more and more apparent that I may be spending Christmas here. I'm glad Scott understood the pain...he just knew it might be necessary pain.



The answer to that question of what I really want? It's hard to answer that, sometimes. A quick response will come from my head, but it's my actions that give the true answer. If I'm here during the Winter break, will I see my self as alone? We had a guest speaker share some attributes of a youth worker today in Dr. Adams' class. Her last point hit a little too close to...umm...home. She talked about looking to experience God every day, and doing so by constantly being in His presence.



The questions I now have to ask myself are ones I can't answer right away. If I'm here for Christmas and not at home, will I really be alone? Scott helped me to see a gift I was ignoring...that guest speaker helped me to open it...but will I rejoice in this gift? What a silly human I am.



Oh, and for Malia...happy birthday :)



One more thing. The true beauty Autumn? I get to experience more of my wardrobe. And hey...this way, I'm "sharing" my clothes, right? :) I *do* love lambskin...

posted by Bolo | 9:32 AM
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