Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


8.04.2004  

Like a Child

So today, I met a real Special Agent who worked for the U.S. Government. No kidding. He came into the LG&E building, to scope out a meeting area for a Congressman who's coming on site tomorrow. I suppose this is one of those things I just sort of jot down as having done in my life: "Meet Real Live Special Agent for the United States Government." Cool.



All strange happenings aside, I've finally gotten some sleep. I took a five hour nap yesterday after work, and another three hour one today. *Grin*. My left eyelid has stopped twitching! Definitely cool. I still have 63 hours of work this week (praise Jesus for overtime!), but I'm enjoying my time at work...the people there are great to work with, so it's always fun. On Monday, I took an informal survey, since one of my coworkers disagreed with me on the definition of "Department Store." She said a department store was any store you could by clothes from. When I corrected her on her erroneous assumption by informing her that I, as a rule of thumb, do not purchase clothing from department stores, but rather from stores such as Banana Republic, Express, Brooks Brothers, J Crew (sometimes), and the like, she responded by saying "well those are department stores!" Ugh! I'm sure each and every one of you will agree with me in saying that I was more than justified in conducted the aforementioned survey :) I'm also more than happy to report that 33 of those employed within the LG&E building agreed with me (and thus, were correct), while only 2.5 agreed with Karla, and 1 had a definition that wasn't even on the map. As you can see, worktime is extremely productive :)



On an only slightly more serious note, Monica came back from Florida on Sunday. She had a great time with Dave, which is good. She said he's in his element...very much comfortable in the way he's being used by God there. Sweet! When Mon got into the house after church, she opened the refrigerator and freezer to see what I had eaten. She saw that I ate the two bags of cocktail shrimp, but left the turkey cold cuts. I told her I ate all the canned tuna and a ton of peanut butter and honey, as well as the grapes and a bunch of oatmeal. When she continued to complain about my not watering the plants, despite the fact that I had all the dishes put away, took out the trash and recycling, and generally kept the house in good shape, despite working a bumboocha amount of hours, I told her in a classic pidgin voice (Editor's note: for you Caucasian readers, you will probably have difficulty understanding these next few lines), "hoooo, no need even get married!!! No need one wife! I already get you! *mocking voice* "You eat all dis, you no eat dat, you clean dis, you no watah plants, you do dis, you no do dat!" */mocking voice* Maybe I should go up on da roof and sweep off one cornah fo' go sleep, 'cause I get one contentious sistah!" She started to laugh at our silliness, and all my supposed transgressions were forgiven :)



But now, I come to the part where I truly get serious. School is about to start in a week, and the summer is inevitably and hastily winding down. It's the deep breath before the plunge. Only right now, it seems like I'm still learning how to breathe properly, if that makes sense. I think I've learned a lot this summer...and yet, my fears tell me that I've not learned a thing. Who do I listen to? The titles that have been bestowed upon me at school and and church tell me that others are not only trusting in my life, but they're investing in me, and that investment is ultimately an investment not only in myself, but in others, as well. That's scary. Am I worthy of such trust, such hopes? I don't know. Am I afraid of failing in that trust? Absolutely. The question is, will those fears stop me from even moving forward? I don't think so; yet, consider this: As I've looked at myself in the past week, I've seen the wall I've put up slowly crumble. It's a wall of pride, of fear, of shame. *Sigh*...will I trust the Lord with not only the good that I see within me, but also the bad? I must confess, it's a hard thing.



I had a dream yesterday...a strange dream, one I hope I don't forget. I think this dream conveys a good picture of where my heart is at. In the dream was a little girl...perhaps Kason's age, perhaps a little older. In the dream, the only thing she was doing was praying. Her prayers mirrored many of my own prayers in word, but they far surpassed mine in their faith. She was praying as a child would, with absolute belief that Jesus would do what He promised to. As I lay there dreaming, I started to cry. I cried like I haven't cried in a long, long time. I thought to myself, "where have these tears been?"



It's a hard thing to live life with the burdens we give ourselves. It's even harder to live life knowing that these burdens aren't as heavy as they often seem. Although the dream was just that, a dream, it's been a reminder of the tenderness of Christ. Not only does He engage with us tenderly, He also changes our hearts to engage with Him in tenderness. I'm also reminded of Hebrews 11:6...the faith that I go to Him with must be just that, faith. It can't be a contract, an "I will if You will," or a "I know You are, but what's in it for me?" sort of attitude. It must be faith, that faith must believe that He is who He says He is, and it must be absolute...like a child.



Oh...and Jewel...stop slacking :)

posted by Bolo | 10:12 PM
0 speakage
Free Hit
Counters
Dell Coupons
Daily
Read
Listen
Visualize
Blogging Buddies
Old School
Me
Bug Me
Yore
Factuality
Quotatious