Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


What Was Written

A while ago, I wrote this in my journal, then later posted it here:

Even now, as I sit and try to ponder anew Your gospel, I find affection for You to be lacking. You've been ever so faithful, and evermore shall be so. Yet, what of myself? Do I turn to You for grace? Do I long to sit at the spring of living water and drink deeply? Paul writes in Ephesians of the riches of Your grace; later, he writes of the riches of Your glory; prior to these, he writes of us, the saints, being Christ's inheritance, and the glory of that inheritance; throughout it all, we are made His inheritance that we might praise the glory of Your grace. We have no means, no right by which we might praise You, O Holy One of Israel. What right does man have to praise You? All we ought to expect, as sinners offending our Maker with our very existence, is naught but wrath, even were we to kneel and proclaim, "Lord!" for such a proclamation would be filled with loathing, hatred, and even then, disobedience. Sinners cannot but see You and hate! For You declare sin to be sin, shining light upon that which sinners would keep hidden in darkness, showing and exposing it as it truly is, and not as we would have it appear. This, then, is the glory of Your grace, that we would see our sin truly, and loathe it rather than You, and be shown and led to the cross, there to be saved by the blood of the unblemished Lamb of God, there to be made one with Him and He with us, there to be saved from Your wrath and reconciled with You, the Father who longs to wipe away every tear from our eyes with the same hand that set the stars in the place, there to praise for the very first the praise unto Him that we would praise forevermore. Is this gracious? Indeed, for it was given without merit on our part, for we were still sinners, still enemies, and it was given at the greatest of cost, the precious blood of the Son of God. Is this glorious? Yes, for it was done by a sovereign, free, and infinite God, One whose purpose has never wavered, One whose delight in His glory has never faltered, One who took upon Himself the wrath for which a sinner such as I was destined. By removing us from the covenantal requirements, He places upon Himself the Law, both the responsibility of keeping and the price of failing. Yet, in doing so, He freely grants to us the reward for keeping the Law, and adds an even greater grace: Himself. Paul writes again and again, "in Christ." Would we, by keeping to perfection the Law, gaze upon Him with praise and adoration upon our lips? Would we know the grace of God as gloriously as we do? Would we see it as glorious? In Christ, we are made sons and daughters, the bride of Christ, the temple of the Holy Spirit filled with glory, the body of Christ. Yes, this is glorious; yes, this is praiseworthy.

Part of me recognizes the writing as undoubtedly mine, but the other part of me recognizes it as something I wouldn't necessarily write just now. How so? It's simple and somewhat sad, really. I know my writing; it's something I enjoy, and something I take great interest in. Therefore, I can easily recognize my moods when I write: pensiveness, joy, sorrow, anger, guilt...they're all there, sometimes obvious, often hidden or couched in terms that most of my readers won't pick up on.

The sadness I feel is that I know what my heart felt as I wrote that: hope. Unbridled, shameless, humble hope. Such hope is hard to come by when life happens and drudgery becomes pride, when God's word says, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God," and your heart responds by saying, "Oh, how impure I feel...will I ever see God again?" I know the tone of my words, and it positively shimmers with the tone of whom I long for: Jesus. When life happens, when sanctification seems hard to come by, when even the well of tears seems to have become a desert that doesn't end, such words can easily seem far off and untrue.

It's a good thing I can go back and read such's then that I am reminded of truth, that I find myself desiring and hoping in Christ once more.

posted by Bolo | 1:10 PM
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