Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

7.30.2003   Faith... When I was talking to Kev last weekend, our conversation was spent talking about how stupid we are. The stupidity we spoke of was not of the intellectual sort, but rather the type of stupidity that continually causes us tremendous amounts of grief and leaves us saying, "Hoo cuz, das dumb!" (Caucasian translation: "Alas! I find myself in a horrid situation of mine own design!") Now, I won't speak for Kev, but I know I'm a pretty dumb guy sometimes. I'm sure some of you would confirm that for me, if given half a chance ;) Thinking about my utter foolishness brought to mind the countless ways God has made known His faithfulness to me, especially when looking back over the past several years. More than once, I've fallen flat on my face and not wanted to get up. At times, it seemed my every naked flaw was exposed to the masses. At other times, it seemed nobody cared to see that I'd fallen, and was hurting. Sometimes, I just wanted to run and hide, to clothe myself in whatever security I could find. Sometimes, I wished I could share my pain with someone...anyone. Often, during those times of paralyzing failure, God would whisper, "Keep going...don't stop!" Would I listen? Sometimes. Sometimes not. What I'm slowly beginning to realize now is that even though I would sometimes stop, God never did. He was and is faithful, even though I am not. I suppose knowing that makes it easier to keep going, even though I'd like to stop. posted by Bolo | 4:47 PM 0 speakage 7.29.2003   Retail I think...I *think*...the OneDay03 DVD, Sacred Revolution, is going to be released the same day as the David Crowder Band's new album, September 15. The music album will be released on August 19, just a few weeks away :) I saw the DVD information on some dude's blog, which came up on a search on Google. *Shrug*...we'll see... posted by Bolo | 2:02 PM 0 speakage 7.28.2003   Whew... Random: Today I watched three movies at work, 'cause we were pretty much rained out in the morning. Big, with Tom Hanks, Minority Report, and The Three Musketeers with Chris O'donnell, Kiefer Sutherland, and Charlie Sheen. Not bad for one day :) Yesterday I watched a bit of A Knight's Tale...one of my favorites. Paul Bettany as Chaucer...brilliant! Been thinking a lot about youth ministry...a *lot*. I told my brother yesterday that I've been itching for it. I say if it itches, scratch it. I don't quite understand why this particular "ministry" would get to me like this, though I've long since decided that people who do youth ministry are insane, and they're either born to do it or not. I'm definitely a product of insane, youth-ministry types who don't acknowledge their own limits, only God's. When I think about the people who understand me well, most of them are people who loved me even when I didn't return their love. Perhaps, in their own wisdom, they knew that such unrequited love would one day bear fruit, and that the eventual returns would far outweigh the trials upon their patience; perhaps they didn't know. In any event, my far older (and wiser) friends have given me many, many reasons to be patient with those kids who don't yet realize how much they are loved...or maybe they do realize they're loved, but just can't accept it. I think upon that, and a new layer of understanding descends: God loves us in that way, too. Thanks, God... posted by Bolo | 4:18 PM 0 speakage 7.26.2003   not much It seems there's not a whole lot to write today, but not for lacking of cranial activity. Been thinking about how I'm going to pay for school...I'm still waiting on KSBE Financial Aid to get back to me, but we'll see. If I don't get anything from them, it'll be one tiiiight semester, to say the least. Yeesh. The Giants keep winning...woohoo! posted by Bolo | 12:02 PM 0 speakage 7.23.2003   light...again Been thinking about that post from earlier today, and wanted to add a few thoughts to it. As the light vs. mirror ponderings played itself out in my pate, I remembered some other explanations as to how God shines through us, with the operative term this time around being "through". With the mirror, we can only reflect God; ideally, I would think that there would be less of us, and more of Him...therefore, having a fully perfect image would be the idea. After all, is that not what God the Son is, the fully perfect image of God the father? And like I said in the previous post: being that we're tiny, our reflection of God would be tiny...it would be finite. But then I began thinking about how God not only shines upon us, and into us, but *through* us. Experiencing God is not a passive thing, where we become stoic vessels of light; quite the contrary! As He shines upon us, He casts away the darkness, and we are drawn to Him. As He shines into us, He changes us, and casts out the darkness we hide. As He shines through us, others are drawn to Him, and so He shines forth through them as well, blessing others in turn. I remember sitting on the wall at Kewalo's once, sick, both literally and figuratively, because I could not surf that day. I watched the people going out, jumping into the water, venturing off into the salty water. It was sometime in the afternoon, because I looked above the horizon, and saw the sun pierce through the clouds. Although I'd seen a similar sight many times, I took more time to enjoy what I'd often seen from within the water. I sat there, and for some reason, I seemed to see more that day than I had before. The interaction that took place between sunlight and cloud rendered an incredible change upon both the individual shafts of sunlight and every bit of cloud, down to the tiniest tendril. Each took on a nature entirely different than had my eyes beheld it without such a glorious interaction. I sat there for some time, watching the changes in color and intensity as the sun went down and the clouds were broken and reformed by the tradewinds. That day, I thought about how much like the sunlight God is when He shines through us, shining through our flaws as sunlight does the clouds, intermingling with us and making us more beautiful than we would ever be on our own. He, in turn, becomes more visible, and we finally begin to see and understand how glorious He is. posted by Bolo | 7:41 PM 0 speakage   This little light of mine... "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine..." In my state of semi-wakefulness this morning, that song came to mind. Actually, that one line came to mind...I don't really know any of the others. I thought about letting my "little light" shine. What I'm pondering is this: are we really little lights, or mirrors? Christmas tree lights...those are little lights. When I think about letting my little light shine, the endless spaghetti strands of Christmas lights pops into mind. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, is that what we become like? One little Christmas light, shining all the light that we can generate from our bit of glass-encased filament. Or, are we like mirrors? A mirror, left to its own, will not generate a single bit of light. Now, you may argue that a little Christmas light doesn't generate light, either...it needs to be plugged in, and it must be turned on. But this is MY analogy dangit, so I'll take it where I want to...ssssshhhh! Where was I? Oh yes...the mirror. If our souls are like mirrors, then we are dirty, smudge-ridden and covered with gunk. We must be cleaned, first by removing the big chunks, then being wiped and polished. Only after the grime is removed can we shine as we are created to - but even that light comes from God. We only reflect that which He shines, and thus, we can shine as brightly as He does, yet being small, tiny mirrors, we don't shine as largely as He does. Of course, we're prone to getting dirty again...that would mean that we'd need more cleaning, so as to shine once more. I think I like that better than a little Christmas light. Christmas lights are fun as heck to put up, though :) I read this on CNNSI.com today, concerning the San Francisco Giants: "They're 16-5 in one-run games, 5-1 in extra innings and 13-3 in games decided in the last at-bat. Of course, at 61-37 overall, they're not too shaky in the rest of them, either." Actually, they're now 63-37, and on a six-game win streak...go Giants! posted by Bolo | 3:13 PM 0 speakage 7.22.2003   Wonder... Whisper a tiny thought in me Let it grow, let it be Unto You, the glory You see 'Cause I'm blind to the work inside And drudgery feeds my pride 'Til my heart and Your grace collide I now do wonder where is Thy hand Is it clenched in anger, upon my soul to land? Nay, but still I pray, open my eyes to see Your nail-pierced hand, upon which I stand I wrote those lines a while back...a couple years back, if my memory hasn't failed me entirely. You know, it's a strange thing to look at those lines...sometimes, I look at them and smile, because my heart is bursting with agreement. At other times, as I do now, my eyes slowly, grudgingly, make their way through the verses. I wish I didn't have to read them in such a state; I wish that my heart did not know the frustration that it does now. God, is Your grace truly so...amazing? Right now, it seems more confusing than anything. I wonder if I truly am upheld by Your hand; even if I am upheld by Your hand, am I rejoicing in the fact that I'm there? I wonder who is the angry one...You, or me? I wonder if I am less patient with myself than You are. I wonder if I'm confused because I want for me to be the perfect one, not You. I wonder...what You think of me...or more importantly...what You think of You... posted by Bolo | 2:49 PM 0 speakage 7.18.2003   feasting Thought for the day: Worship is God giving props to Himself...through us. I was talking with someone last night, and that came up. I'd first heard that at OneDay, and it's stuck with me ever since. One of the thoughts that spurred on was the notion that I often think of worship as beginning with me. How do I explain it? I guess I think of it kind of like this...when I wake up in the morning, there's always a vague, automatic reminder going off in my brain that I've got to acknowledge God and spend some time with Him. There's a problem with that; if I'm not careful, I'll see it as something that *I* am doing, that *my* time is being invested, or that *my* spirit is being grown, without seeing that *He* is calling me and enabling me to come to Him, *He* owns my life, and thus, it is *His* time, and *He* is the one who has justified me and is sanctifying and growing my spirit. Now, I don't know about you, but I find that I have to constantly ask God to flip my view of life with Him upside-down, because I always put myself at the beginning of worshiping Him. When I heard that at OneDay, I couldn't stop from hearing that phrase echo over and over in my head. "Worship is God giving props to Himself"...it's still a very humbling thought. It takes me and pushes me off to the side, away from the center. Yet, when I think about God's grace, I realize that God's glorfication of Himself through me means that He takes me from the pits of despair and pulls me close to Him...closer than I have any right to be. When God is the one who is moving, stirring me to worship, to feast, to enjoy Him, it is because He is doing so of His own delight, and there is nothing that I can do to deserve such grace. It is then that I realize that I am at His mercy. posted by Bolo | 4:09 PM 0 speakage 7.16.2003   Sibling Dynamics Wrote the following today in an email to a pastor I know, concerning my older siblings. I think it reflects well on the *cough* wisdom *cough* that God has blessed me with ;) Being the younger brother isn't any fun...you wait your whole life to become the older brother so that you won't have all their turds flying down at you from above, then you find that when they respect and trust you enough to be the "wise old sage", all that means is that instead of flying it at you, they hand you their turds on a silver platter. Hmmm...kinda like pastoring, huh? :) posted by Bolo | 8:30 PM 0 speakage 7.15.2003   Randomness Random: Is it just me, or is it slightly odd to see a guy behind the wheel of a company car belonging to Today's Woman magazine? There's a helpless sort of feeling when people you care about are facing decisions, but are truly torn as to what to do, and no decision is really the right one, until God makes it clear that it is so. *Sigh*...lately I've felt that helplessness very keenly, both for others and for myself. Someone wrote me recently and said that I seem to be confident in God's perfection, despite all of life's turbulent ways. It's sort of ironic; I know that God is perfect, yes, but how does that relate to me? Am I going to be smitten down? Does He still care? I guess it's because my own concept of perfection is just that: my own. In my own mind, perfect beings are far off and removed from me, unable or unwilling to touch my dirty life. It's hard for me to wake up in the morning and believe that God is who He says He is. It's hard for me to hear Him, to hear that He's there, holy and just, and loves me still, despite my constant failure. Oswald Chambers said that God wants us to unlearn something in our trials. That's a good thing, because the more I learn to live with myself and unravel what I think about God and His creation, the more I learn that I'm a big fat liar :) posted by Bolo | 2:16 PM 0 speakage 7.11.2003   tidbits I was reading through the first section of Philippians yesterday, and stopped a little at verse six. Paul says, "for I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." We've heard this one preached to us...sung the song...even rejoiced at the truth that's presented there. But why? Why would Paul have reason to be so darn confident in God working through us? To what purpose would God allow us to struggle through this world, and yet let us experience His goodness through our sanctification? I guess I'm asking this because I myself am not sure of the answer. I find that in my journey, I'm constantly looking to see if I've "arrived" yet. I find that I'm always looking to see if a certain level of holiness is being fleshed out. The problem is, I'm beginning to wonder if that's what God wants. Don't get me wrong here; I do realize that God does call us to be holy. What my noggin is pondering is if I'm putting *my* personal holiness before *God's* holiness. Catch my drift? Hidden within verse six is the implication that we'll never reach that certain level of perfection, right alongside the promise that God will continue to work us toward that level. Humbling? Yeah, it sure is. This morning I read through a bit of one of my old journals. After getting over my lack of discipline in journaling, I realized something - that verse six really is true. No matter how much I've stumbled, He's never failed to pick me up. No matter how much I yearned to be rid of my old self, there's always more of me to be rid of. Despite all this, He's still the same God...beautiful, holy, glorious...who makes a way for us to adore Him. posted by Bolo | 2:19 PM 0 speakage 7.09.2003   out of the blue You know, it's cool when God lets you know that even through your utter stupidity, He still shines through you and makes Himself look beautiful. I was reminded yesterday of that truth...and was blessed tremendously. Despite all the struggles of the past few years, God's still been faithful, and I can't really change that. I'd like to write more on this, but right now my stomach is doing this horrible, pulsating thing where it's constantly reminding my brain that it needs food. *Shrug*...it's not a good thing to ignore, I say :) More later... posted by Bolo | 7:55 PM 0 speakage 7.07.2003   tough days This is one of those entries that finds me writing more from the gut than from the head. It's a tough one to write; there's horrendous guilt and despondence that wraps around me, and I find that when I'm in such a state, I would rather go to sleep and escape the pain than listen to the truth. So, why write anything at all? Why not simply wait for another day to write, another day where my heart sings with the praises of God? It's simple, really. I've had enough of the running; I've had enough of trying to lie to myself, enough of numbly walking through the day, enough of pasting on a fake smile for the sake of hiding. I know what I've done, and so does God. Has He gone away? No. Is it easy to face Him? No. Is He any less glorious than before? No. Does He love me any less today than yesterday? No. But darnit, it sure does seem that way, doesn't it? Hmmm...you know, God loves to teach me about Him through the friendships He's blessed me with. I was telling a friend last week that if they really trusted someone, then they'd have to learn to trust that someone to handle the "hard stuff," the things that aren't easy to say because we're afraid of what the other person will think. It's funny how advice comes back to haunt you. Today I find that I must constantly go to God, to trust Him again and again, but I'm still afraid of what He thinks. Silly, isn't it? Yeah, this human flesh can be mighty foolish. I've got this habit of telling God how good I am, when all He wants to do is tell me how good He is. If I'd listen, do you think I'd be in this much despair? Nope, I don't, either...I'd be too awed to feel awful. posted by Bolo | 4:11 PM 0 speakage 7.04.2003   shepherds adore An interesting experience unfolded before me last night. I'd gone to Barnes & Noble to do some reading, but I ended up talking on the phone for a few hours. Hmmm...seems like a recurring theme lately. The conversations I had with both Andrew and Brian have me thinking about a lot of things...trust in friendship, the way that God works in our lives, and the path that God has the three of us on. Talking with Andrew, in particular, has rocked me hard, but in a great way. One thought that's sprung from talking with him is the notion that God allows us to come and adore Him. The song "O Come Let Us Adore Him" sounded like a clarion call within me last night and this morning, and now I ponder just how it is that God beckons us to come and adore. Imagine being one of those shepherds to whom the angel proclaimed Jesus' birth. Sitting outside Jerusalem, the starry sky and smelly sheep for company, suddenly you are being told that the Messiah is come, and you are invited to come and worship...to adore Him. It's amazing that Jesus would come at all; but to know that from the beginning, He was inviting us to come and know Him...wow. So this morning, I wrote the following...maybe it's done, maybe it's not...we'll see. Adore Oh come, let us adore You We, wretched and writhing Unworthy and unwilling But boldly brought near By blood Priceless, in propitiation In grace In mercy In love Wholly Man, Wholly God Holy Man, Holy God My soul's sweetest satisfaction Unyielding, unending, unfathomable Oh come, let us adore You! posted by Bolo | 5:33 PM 0 speakage 7.01.2003   Hmmm...the archives have pretty much disappeared...strange. Anyway, this post is just a test, in hopes this'll make them come back. *Shrug* Gah...tried for a few days, but I think Blogger is having some technical issues...there's a new version of it out, and it's acting strangely. posted by Bolo | 2:58 PM 0 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon