Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

7.31.2008   Facebook Friendliness My latest Facebook status says, "John could be in love with Esmeralda Gesha." This was the chat I received from Ms. Catherine Huffman in response to that status: "I want you to know that I actually looked at your friends list to make sure Esmeralda Gesha was not an actual, albeit unfortunately-named, person. If she HAD been, I was going to assume you had crossed the line into full-on twitterpation and skidded past into Tom Cruise-like declarations of undying love (i.e., mental illness). Mercifully, no such friend existed, and I was spared the trouble of filling out the involuntary hospitalization forms for the second time today." I, the ever-amused friend that I am, laughed uproariously at her concern. She, knowing me fairly well, was hot on the trail: "Is this a coffee bean or something?" What, does no one believe I actually know someone named Esmeralda Gesha? Pfft. posted by Bolo | 8:59 PM 4 speakage   Foreign Policy Peter: "Washington is like the Canada of the United States." Me: "I thought Canada was the Canada of the United States." posted by Bolo | 3:04 PM 0 speakage   Cup of the Morning Deep-fried fish. That's what my Yemen Mokha Sharasi tastes like...ugh! Wait, that's not right...it tastes of stale deep-fried fish. Yeah...talk about nasty. Good thing it's the second cup, not the first... posted by Bolo | 9:49 AM 0 speakage   No More Tonight, I felt very keenly the need to take another look at Cowper's old hymn. What it really comes down to is the joyful hope that one day we truly will be without sin; hope with me. posted by Bolo | 12:35 AM 0 speakage 7.30.2008   Sunny Side I'm cheating. My eye has been absent from behind the lens as of late, so I'm taking a look back through the archives of the past few years to post a few shots. At the same time, I think I'm looking for inspiration, too; I've not sat and looked and seen for quite some time, you know? posted by Bolo | 9:43 PM 1 speakage   QotD "I had to make sure I said, 'customer service agent,' so it didn't sound like, 'customer service Asian.' " -Stephen Mobley posted by Bolo | 12:24 PM 0 speakage   Linkage I remember that game against Penn State very clearly. It was the second Saturday in November, and I could only listen to the game on radio while helping Dad at Ho'olaule'a. I was going crazy under the tarps when Mirer hit Bettis with the TD, but I think I may have nearly blanked out when Brooks caught it to put 'em ahead. *Sigh*... For the Surf Crew: Perfection. In light of my recent post, I'll definitely need to take a long, slow listen to this. posted by Bolo | 12:22 AM 0 speakage 7.29.2008   Conversant Cabreros As Boss and I chatted tonight, one phrase hovered near the edge of my thoughts: The fight for faith is a fight for joy. We've had many conversations over the years, Brian and I have. If we eliminate the ones that consist of us figuring out when and where we're going to surf or eat, we're still left with what would, for many friends, equate to a lifetime's worth of heart-to-hearts. Tonight, in the aftermath of a conversation that seemed like so many others, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Lord, why is it so easy to want you, but so hard to always want you?" If there's one thing I've learned about Boss over the years, it's that he won't give up. He gets battered, he gets bruised, even feisty and frustrating to love for those who don't understand him, but at the end of it all, it's pretty clear he still wants one thing: Jesus, and Him crucified. Brian desires to see Jesus, to know that He loves him, and to rest in that truth. Brian longs to be freed from his sin, to be freed from the aches and troubles of this world, yet if not that, then to live in this world, with its aches and troubles, struggling against and repenting from his sin through the grace that is sufficient for him. Brian hates the sin that necessitates a savior, yet loves grace that grants a loving, perfect Savior. In all my years of knowing him, I've never known Brian to deny he wanted and wanted to love Jesus...that, more than anything else, is how I know Jesus joyfully loves him. posted by Bolo | 12:35 AM 0 speakage 7.28.2008   Color Commentary I'm getting play-by-play of the closeout action at Kewalo's from Boss. Talk about sickly sweet! posted by Bolo | 9:26 PM 0 speakage   Thoughts I want to change my name on Facebook to Your Mom just so I can have the feed say stuff like, "Jessica Cimato wrote on Your Mom's wall..." I'm watching that video over and over and over just to hear Bouch say over and over and over, "You got beat by a woman! Do it to him, Loomis, do him dirty! Where you at, Gallagher?" When Peter hears, "District of Columbia," and thinks to himself, "We don't ship outside of the U.S.," you know he's definitely got to be from Idaho. She of the Blue Grey and Hazel is absolutely correct about her husband. When Frances informed me that she tried to hook me up with someone, I told her that her daughter tried the same thing some years ago...but at least she, unlike my niece, didn't do so with me right there. That VT guy will be happy to learn that some of the men of IBC played some croquette at Waterfront last night. I'm hungry. Barbara said the Weather Channel said it wasn't going to rain; Ben said the radar looked clear; John said the clouds looked pretty darned indicative of rain; Daniel's soaked articles of clothing declared John the weather-prediction winner for the morning. Mrs. O, I suppose 11 doesn't...I'm glad you agree. posted by Bolo | 6:46 PM 0 speakage   Illiteracy Tonight, my roommate said to me, "I can't read you." Hah. Join the ranks of my minions! posted by Bolo | 12:52 AM 2 speakage 7.27.2008   MegaDoLishUs: Oh, Snap! The best part about this sequence, other than the fact that Doris freakin' rocks our collective face off, is hearing Bouch talk smack on our behalf. Ok, ok, Big Stick won out, but still, we loved playing 'em, and I'm sure we'd all do it again in a heartbeat. posted by Bolo | 5:57 PM 0 speakage 7.26.2008   2nd LUFA's Summer League has come to an end, and MegaDoLishUs fell just a teeny bit short in the championship game. We're all a little bummed, no doubt, but as I told Loomis, I think we'll all look back and remember that we had a freakin' blast this season rather than the series of uncharacteristic drops we had right at the end. A big congratulations goes out to Big Stick...what a game! posted by Bolo | 5:27 PM 0 speakage   Prince, Not Pauper I wrote this over two and a half years ago now. It provokes much thought within me that it seems like it could have been written just two and a half hours ago, too. posted by Bolo | 1:07 AM 0 speakage 7.25.2008   Cup of the Morning Mmmm...it was the dry-process Koratie. But you know what? I'm now drooling over the wet-process Koratie. Oh boy oh boy oh boyohboyohboyohboy! posted by Bolo | 11:35 AM 0 speakage 7.24.2008   Lesson Hard to Learn If there's one thing I've learned from the past several weeks, it's this: sanctification is exactly what we all want, but not in the way we need it. posted by Bolo | 11:39 AM 0 speakage 7.23.2008   SaEMtOaCMGATLFaFD Em was giving me grief for not posting pictures of the official Scott and Em Move to Ohio and Cause Much Grief Amongst Their Louisvillian Friends and Family Day. Well, Mrs. O'Neal, here they are, in all of their sad and painful glory. posted by Bolo | 8:50 PM 0 speakage 7.22.2008   Eau de Ricky posted by Bolo | 10:52 PM 0 speakage   Linkage This, for those of you who haven't quite figured it out yet, is the object of my earthly desire, the beauty which occupies my fondest dreams, the love which has caused my heart to flutter; see her in action here. I freely admit it: I'm jealous. Something like this would have been extremely useful before I started roasting. Warning: This last series of links has some rather foul language. Still, I'm posting it because I've found the whole issue to be thought-provoking, although not necessarily and inherently intelligent, and because it covers an industry that is rather near and dear to my heart and taste buds. Last but not least as far as discussion and inflammation is concerned, we have this little diatribe. Of course, such a rant was not without a snarky retort and somewhat less snarky retort. posted by Bolo | 10:17 PM 0 speakage   Only We Know the Feeling This one's for the Surf Crew. You know who you are. "Surfers have a built-in coping mechanism as far as adventure's concerned. Others may buckle at the first sign of trouble, but our wanderlust is goal-oriented, and we're willing to put up with a fair degree of hardship." -SURFER Magazine, Volume 49, Issue 8 posted by Bolo | 9:11 PM 0 speakage 7.21.2008   The Effect Thanks to Mr. Andrew Uchida, I am now an effect. Hah! Have you experienced the John Effect? posted by Bolo | 9:29 PM 1 speakage 7.20.2008   Absurdities There's a certain absurdity to my life. I, after all, am a rather absurd individual. In fact, I've no doubt that some of my closest friends would respond with soberly amused nods at that assertion. 'Drew would probably smile, tilt his head to the side just a bit, look upward, purse his lips, raise his eyebrows, then laugh as a particular memory surfaces. Scott is likely to give any number of reasons why that statement is true, starting with an introductory line like, "See, the thing you have to understand about John Letoto is..." I suppose my point is that I'm somewhat of a...strange individual. That said, perhaps what is strangest of all to those who do not know me well is that I'm in Kentucky. Let me explain. If I'm here, that means that I'm not at home in Hawai'i. It sounds simple enough, but to those who consider my homeland to be a place of wonder and infinite beauty, leaving there is one of the most absurd things I could do. Living in the middle of this continent, thousands of miles away from the open ocean I love and adore, does not seem to be the act of a sane person. After all, leaving such beauty is pretty darn absurd, isn't it? I've been thinking a lot about sin this past week. At its root, sin is turning away from the infinite beauty of God, belittling it, and not enjoying it as it can and ought to be enjoyed. Sin, in a very serious and sad way, is absolutely and unconditionally absurd. The beauty found here on earth is a revelation of the beauty found in God, but it's still merely that: a revelation. It is not, in truth, the beautiful God Himself. When strangers find out where I'm from, they often remark, "How could you leave a place like that to come to a place like this?" Absurdly enough, I often ask myself a similar question when faced with the reality of my sinfulness. posted by Bolo | 6:33 PM 0 speakage 7.19.2008   Pipin' Hot posted by Bolo | 11:55 PM 0 speakage 7.18.2008   Mini Me? I'm shamelessly borrowing this pic, which I think came from Mary's camera. There's no doubt the little guy looks pretty darn cute, eh? posted by Bolo | 7:14 PM 1 speakage 7.17.2008   Thoughts Stephen is no longer allowed to connect his eyebrows with my Koosh ball. I seriously doubt that I've tasted anything better come from the brown mug than that Koratie. I'm glad my niece knows the difference between people and people's hands. I don't think the red dots I put on Ben's scalp are going to be the cool look at IBC. What gets imitated more: Ryan Fullerton's preaching, or the gestures and body movements Ryan Fullerton makes while he preaches? Yes, my hair is still long. The fact that I'm pretty certain I haven't missed anyone's birthday recently only heightens the degree to which I'll freak out when I realize that I have missed a birthday. I'm not sure what I think about more: coffee or frisbee. My favorite Ryan Fullerton mannerism? The up-and-down head nod and side-to-side head shake that morphs into a head...circle? Noke? Shod? Whatever. posted by Bolo | 11:56 PM 0 speakage 7.16.2008   Injured Reserve Dang...if 28 feels this bad...I'm scared of 30. posted by Bolo | 11:59 PM 0 speakage   Cup of the Morning Koratie: Oh. My. Goodness. This is delicious! Tom is right when he says, "It's like an amazing fruit cocktail, a cup of nectar!" posted by Bolo | 9:06 AM 0 speakage 7.15.2008   Linkage This reminds me of the time that Greg Poole, umping behind the plate, got hit in the UH game. Sliiiiiightly different intentions, though, don't ya think? I remember some of these! More Reilly...well worth it, though. Looks like the Domers have found their man. posted by Bolo | 11:48 PM 0 speakage 7.14.2008   Thoughts There was a fly in my coffee today. I like what Scott Schuman said about outfits: "If something's super-dramatic, you can hide behind it. With classic pieces, you have to put some of yourself in it." September 6, San Diego State, in South Bend. The left hammy feels terrible. Speaking of Hammy, but not that hammy, I owe that crazy fool a disc. Koratie tomorrow! I found out that fly was in my coffee when sipping. When one of your coworkers is going to sell you a car, the amusement factor of the situation skyrockets when said coworker's mother, whom you've never met or spoken to, emails you to do a little cajoling on her offspring's behalf. Speaking of coworkers, putting someone on hold or leaving them voicemail are wonderful features of telephone technology, but it seems that Mr. Hedrick forgot that is not customary to use those features at the same time. No, I didn't see the fly as I sipped my coffee, I...felt it. Even with the head start, Szrama still finished lunch after we did. Dee Ar, you will be glad to know that your elder son still manages to attract the eyes of the ladies as he stands along Bardstown Road on a Sunday evening. Kewalo's would be nice. I get more air time on the Cavies' blog than the O'Neals' blog...how interesting. posted by Bolo | 11:12 PM 0 speakage 7.13.2008   '09? Moon... Lyle... Ricky... One more time? posted by Bolo | 10:56 PM 1 speakage 7.12.2008   Thoughts Bratwurst is amazing. The flick is coming along nicely, thank you. Frank Sinatra is great coffee roasting music...so is Miles Davis. I'm kind of sad that Goodkind's series has finally come to an end, you know? Soooo, July 11 isn't really my birthday, just in case you thought it was. Can't wait for that Koratie, I really can't. I dig the new digs on 526. Come to think of it, Sinatra and Davis make great tunes to get outfitted to, too. I mean, silk just seems to knot better when Ol' Blue Eyes is crooning, you know? Next Tuesday, next semester...same thing, right, Mon? Even though Gronotte and I just stayed 'til intermission, I still feel like I got my culture in for the week after some Free Will at Shakespeare in the Park at Central Park. Seriously, was there any doubt that Young's was going to be stellar? posted by Bolo | 10:52 PM 2 speakage 7.11.2008   Word Psalm 27:4 One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD and to meditate in His temple. Matthew 5:8 "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." posted by Bolo | 8:22 AM 0 speakage 7.10.2008   QotD "I'm gonna come over there and...beat you up in English!" -Mike Doyle posted by Bolo | 4:35 PM 0 speakage   Sustenance Morning Coffee: Tanzania peaberry, Hassambo Macro-Lot. Breakfast: bratwurst. First Lunch: chicken and potatoes. Second Lunch: gyro. Feel free to add to this list ;) posted by Bolo | 1:15 PM 0 speakage 7.09.2008   Word Jeremiah 33:14 - 22 " 'Behold, days are coming,' declares the LORD, 'when I will fulfill the good word which I have spoken concerning the house of Israel and the house of Judah. In those days and at that time I will cause a righteous Branch of David to spring forth; and He shall execute justice and righteousness on the earth. In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will dwell in safety; and this is the name by which she will be called: the LORD is our righteousness.' For thus says the LORD, 'David shall never lack a man to sit on the throne of the house of Israel; and the Levitical priest shall never lack a man before Me to offer burnt offerings, to burn grain offerings and to prepare sacrifices continually.' " The word of the LORD came to Jeremiah, saying, "Thus says the LORD, 'If you can break My covenant for the day and My covenant for the night, so that day and night will not be at their appointed time, then My covenant may also be broken with David My servant so that he will not have a son to reign on his throne, and with the Levitical priests, My ministers. As the host of heaven cannot be counted and the sand of the sea cannot be measured, so I will multiply the descendants of David My servant and the Levites who minister to Me.' " posted by Bolo | 8:39 AM 0 speakage 7.08.2008   Linkage Mmmm...yum! I told Jay that I considered that twenty-pound bag for a very, very, very brief...five minutes. I should print this out and take it with me on Sundays down to Waterfront. Whoa. posted by Bolo | 10:21 PM 0 speakage 7.07.2008   Rugrats Aaahhh, the little tikes. I just finished talking to my mom...yes, I called her...no, I didn't miss one of her calls earlier in the day. Anyway. Talking to my family always makes me miss home, especially the little ones. They grow up so stinkin' fast, it's almost unfair. Even though April was just a little while ago, I know that the young ones already look significantly different. *Sigh*...that's just the way it goes, right? posted by Bolo | 8:42 PM 0 speakage 7.06.2008   526 #2 Apartment #2 on 526 East Oak is beginning to look like...don't laugh...a home. Ok, kind of. Jonathan and I still have a bunch of stuff lying around our living room, stuff that still needs to be unpacked and put away. Ok, it's mostly my stuff, but that's beside the point. We're sitting here at the moment listing to sermons. Dirty dishes are in the sink, boxes are still packed, and, more important than the other two, my suits have not yet been hung up. Hush. Those things, important as they are, are not nearly as vital as being filled by Jesus. This residence will simply not be a home unless it's one that honors the LORD. In that sense, making this place a home is much, much, much harder than merely getting the linens clean and the pictures up on the wall; in fact, it's virtually impossible. posted by Bolo | 11:13 PM 1 speakage 7.05.2008   Word Isaiah 44:21 - 23 "Remember these things, O Jacob, and Israel, for you are My servant; I have formed you, you are My servant, O Israel, you will not be forgotten by Me. I have wiped out your transgressions like a thick cloud and your sins like a heavy mist. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you." Shout for joy, O heavens, for the LORD has done it! Shout joyfully, you lower parts of the earth; break forth into a shout of joy, you mountains, O forest, and every tree in it; for the LORD has redeemed Jacob and in Israel He shows forth His glory. posted by Bolo | 11:36 PM 0 speakage 7.04.2008   The Danger of Carelessness This is what can happen John when you leave your self logged into your blog at someone else's house :) posted by Bolo | 2:02 PM 4 speakage   Thoughts Peach Cobbler ice cream...need some...soon. Breakfast was lunch today. Or was lunch breakfast? Not sure which. Phantom was amazing; it's a good thing I've got Confessor. "Your mom" jokes aren't too funny in the Szrama household today. I told my new roommate that no matter what, I'm the man in the relationship. J.C. just asked me if I was just typing or actually doing something. My flick hasn't been working too well this week, and that's most definitely not a good thing...I'll have to work on that. Believe it or not, my camera's not with me at the moment...quite sad. posted by Bolo | 1:49 PM 0 speakage 7.03.2008   Breaking the Fast Ben & Jerry's Peach Cobbler ice cream...mmmm...what could be finer on a July 3rd morning, eh? posted by Bolo | 9:17 AM 0 speakage 7.02.2008   QotD "Girls take so long to get ready...I just have to wash my hair. Brush? What's that? I'm a dude, not Lucas Knisely." -Ryan Szrama posted by Bolo | 12:57 PM 2 speakage 7.01.2008   Moving...Moving... It's almost 1 AM, and I'm nearly done with the whole process. *Whew*...talk about the end of an era. JVizzle said something to the effect of, "It just won't be the same without the these on your door." She was referring to the surfer emblem and Leeman nameplate. I suppose that in a way, it's somewhat fitting. I mean, Leeman's been gone for a while now, and Scott and Em just left, too. Yes, the school will be just fine without me. Let's be honest, it's already been doing that for a while now ;) posted by Bolo | 12:52 AM 2 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon