Smeagol is Free! A hermitudinal view of...stuff...

4.30.2008   Linkage No matter what they say, bald is still beautiful. Out of stock?!?!?!?! Aaaahhh, the Rocket! That's a pretty good sight of Telperion and Laurelin, don't you think? posted by Bolo | 11:55 PM 1 speakage 4.29.2008   Home: Being Broken This time, I had a hard time going home. Usually, it's the other way around; usually, I find myself itching and squirming, vainly trying to suppress my inner child from asking, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Somehow, I had spawned another inner brat that kept whining, "But why do I have to leave? Can't I stay?" Yes, I jest. Be aware, though, that I do so in a most serious manner. I was afraid of going home. In many ways, it's no longer the home I once left behind. In many ways, I'm no longer the same John Letoto that left home behind. Still, change itself was not what scared me; no, it was the type of change that left me feeling inadequate and clingy. In the somewhat-controversial movie Juno, the title character finds herself asking deep, soul-shaking questions about love and faithfulness. In essence, she wanted to know if love was worth the loving, or if love would only end up shattered and broken. In the years since I've left home, I've watched many of those I know and love as they've felt the foundations of their faith cracking beneath them. I've listened to their voices, heard the tears in their words, and wondered to myself what in the world I was doing so far away...or what I would do if I sat close by...or if there was even anything I could do. I've sat by with silent frowns as friends gave up the dreams they once grinned about, the joys they once sacrificed everything for. Stephen R. Donaldson writes about Thomas Covenant, his fictitious, unbelieving protagonist: "There's only one way to hurt a man who's lost everything. Give him back something broken." I've not come close to losing everything, but I will unashamedly say that I feel a huge hole inside of me when I think about home. No, not the fact that I'm not there; that's not a sacrifice. The void I feel aching inside is filled with the faces of people I think of late at night, people I love, people who've seen their hopes falter and fade. Do they know Christ? Do they know what it is to desire Him above all else? Some don't, and some do. When I left home, I felt like I was the one being broken; since leaving, I've seen those at home being broken, torn in two, and it's rare that they've been put back together. It hurts to go home and see so many broken lives, it really does. A lot of those I've spoken to here find out I'm from Hawai'i and say something like, "Boy, going there to do ministry really must be suffering for Jesus!" They say that with a sarcastic grin on their face. I want to wipe that grin off with my fist. To many, the idea of ministering to a prostitute in Hawai'i must be better than doing so in Kentucky. They don't realize that that prostitute is a girl that used to work with me in the grocery store. They think of ministering to families of suicide victims in paradise and think it must be better than anywhere else. I think of those families and remember that I went to high school with some of the kids. It's a gross generalization, of course, but the point remains: Going home just isn't easy anymore. posted by Bolo | 11:56 PM 0 speakage 4.28.2008   Bright Kid posted by Bolo | 11:01 PM 0 speakage 4.27.2008   Sustenance Acquisition A bag of oatmeal cookies; three-quarters of a cherry turnover; whatever was left in Amber's styrofoam box of food. That was what one trip over to Mullins brought me. Quite nice, if I do say so myself. posted by Bolo | 10:36 PM 0 speakage 4.26.2008   Ultimate Oldness Today's games were a nice and glorious reminder that I'm not quite so young as I used to be. No big deal, mind you, as the games were played in deliriously delightful weather :) posted by Bolo | 6:21 PM 0 speakage 4.25.2008   Uncleisms I just talked with these two on the phone. They love me :) posted by Bolo | 8:01 PM 1 speakage 4.24.2008   @Coco's posted by Bolo | 11:14 PM 0 speakage   Funky First It's nearly May, and I just played a game of frisbee on the J-Bowl for the first time this year. Wow. posted by Bolo | 8:31 PM 1 speakage 4.23.2008   Thoughts May will be one heck of a month. I have a better chance of stopping a gushing fire hydrant with my mouth than wrapping my head around God's glory...but that doesn't mean I won't try. Fullerton gave me a book; sweet! The fire hydrant, that is. Protein tastes better in beef or chicken than it does in larvae. McClurg would say he's lost his high range, then go and pull a Brainard on us. One month, O'Neal, one month! Coffey's 2003/2004 album is a definite must-see. Seeing that I missed him while he was here, I think I have even more incentive to fly out to PA to meet the infamous C.B. in person. Not that those other two aren't incentive enough, already. Believe it or not, I've been to Sunergos just once in the past month. That Pablo kid is growing up. That cow may be healed soon...sweet. posted by Bolo | 10:44 PM 2 speakage 4.22.2008   Azuki Beans? First night in town and already there's trouble with translation. posted by Bolo | 10:57 PM 0 speakage 4.21.2008   Needing Pancakes For the record, today has definitely ended up feeling like a 40 Acres kind of day. posted by Bolo | 11:41 PM 4 speakage   Home: 'Aina I've been back from home for over a week now. One would think that a week is sufficient time to swallow and digest everything from the trip, but my soul seems to churn through things much more slowly than I'd like at times. That doesn't necessarily make reflection hard, it just makes it a much more deliberate process. That said, I think I'm going to do this in small portions, and in no particular order. There are aspects of the trip that I'll reflect upon freely and publicly; other aspects will be deliberated quietly and privately, and at most will be merely alluded to here. That said, I'll make my first bit of reflection an easy one. Most people think of Hawai'i in vague, general terms. There's very little specifity to their thoughts, mostly because they've never actually experienced specific aspects of Hawai'i for themselves. Moon Pie had it right when he would continually point out that the pictures just didn't do the experience justice: there was always so much more to it than what the lens captured! I'm not married. Never been married, not anywhere close to being married. No, this is not a lead-in to a pathetic plea for a date, but a lead-in to what will hopefully be a clear illustration. You see, for many married couples, if they were to be separated for any length of time, they'd likely experience a lot of pain. Being that I've never been married, it's really difficult for me to understand this sort of separation experientially. Sure, I've been separated from family and friends for years now, but such a separation is much different, I'm sure. Married couples can think of specific ways their spouse will look at them, speak to them, and generally act toward them. I? Well, I can shrug my shoulders and observe, "Well, it must be nice being able to count on eating an extra half a plate of food when you go out." Being from Hawai'i -- and loving it tremendously -- has given me specific memories I can smile at when I think of my home. My friends from here, for the most part, have no idea what I'm talking about when I tell them that food there is just better. Nor, for that matter, can they relate to me when I tell them that I'd often watch a glorious sunset -- while surfing. They ask me questions about how far the beach is from where I lived, which immediately tells me that they never lived on an island, as no one who lived on an island ever asks that sort of question. You see, there's an intimate relationship I have with my home, one that transcends anything any visitor could ever gain. Thus, being at home for a short time makes leaving even harder. I didn't sweat my way up Olomana, nor did I sit in the lineup at Kewalo's day after day after day as I used to. There was no chance to sit and hear the waves at Point Panic crash beneath me as the moon rose up over the Ko'olau mountain range behind me. A paddle out between the Mokuloa islands did not come to fruition, and would have loved to have lingered longer at Hale'iwa, Sandy's, Blowhole, 'Aiea, Nu'uanu, Pipeline, and Kewalo's. Yet, somehow, those few short moments were enough...and are enough. Enough for what, you ask? Enough for me to close my eyes and taste the salty ocean, hear the crashing of the waves, smell the flowers near the shore, feel the lull and pull of the currents, and know that home is still just where I left it. And...I smile. posted by Bolo | 11:15 PM 1 speakage 4.20.2008   Zzz This was sooooo not nice. Whoever took this video should feel really, really, really guilty. Should feel guilty...not the same as actually feeling guilty. posted by Bolo | 11:42 PM 2 speakage   Word Psalm 103 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits; who pardons all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases; who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle. The LORD performs righteous judgments for all who are oppressed. He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the sons of Israel. The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust. As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more, and its place acknowleges it no longer. But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to those who keep His covenant and remember His precepts to do them. The LORD has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all. Bless the LORD, you His angels, mighty in strength, who perform His word, obeying the voice of His word! Bless the LORD, all you His hosts, you who serve Him, doing His will. Bless the LORD, all you works of His, in all places of His dominion; bless the LORD, O my soul! This psalm has been a steady read for the past week; each reading has become more and more rich, more and more profound. David seems to see and savor with depth and sage wisdom, clearly able to extol the holy name of the LORD and humbly declare the frailty of man. He seems to taste and see that the LORD is indeed good, and is sharing here what is overflowing from his heart. Yes, David here seems to be content with the goodness of God, and is giving us an example of what we should all sound like in such contentment. Or is he? This might also be the words of one who is commanding his soul to worship, a soul that is in dire straits and in need of a rock to stand upon. His words are words of truth, words that the blinded and stumbling man can speak to himself and to others in the midst of worldly pain. Yea, these words might also be the words of one who, having once tasted of the goodness of God, is now once more longing with fervor, knowning that nothing else on earth will satisfy, that nothing else is worthy of such praise. posted by Bolo | 8:35 AM 0 speakage 4.19.2008   Push, Push My nephews are the helpful sort, aren't they? posted by Bolo | 1:12 PM 0 speakage   Koen He can wake me up any morning he wants to. posted by Bolo | 12:53 AM 2 speakage 4.18.2008   Parting, Meeting In the past two weeks I've given many hugs and received many hugs in return. I've held my nieces, zerberted my nephews. My dad and my mom, my sisters and my brother and their significant others, as well as countless friends, both old and new, have been objects of my contemplation at one point or another. Through it all, I've come to realize yet again that I've been blessed with a lot of people who love me. Many of those who know me best love me for reasons I can't fathom, and quite frankly, it sometimes hurts to contemplate that kind of love. I saw the pain in his eyes after I hugged him; it mirrored what I knew to be in my own. We were parting for but a little while, but I knew what my parting meant to him. She seemed to hold on tight, then tighter so as to hide her tears in my shoulder. It shouldn't have shocked me, but it did. I suppose I hadn't realized just how much she looked to me to ease her pain. At the first, his eyes conveyed bewilderment, distrust. By the end, his smile was like a balm to my soul, encouraging me to remember why I labor. He loves me so much, yet I know he doesn't know how to convey that. Oh, if he'd only understand how much I love him; he doesn't have to earn it, and I wouldn't want him to try! I've become used to leaving my family and my friends. I didn't say it was easy, just that I've become used to it. The hugs become more fervent, the words become more heartfelt. It's good that it hurts; if it didn't, the staying probably wasn't worth it in the first place. He's changed since we last saw one another. Yet, that doesn't matter; it's like we never left in the first place. The confusion she carries is not something I envy. I wish I could be humble enough to tell her what she wants to hear...what she needs to hear. Saying hard words is never easy, especially when the outcome is uncertain. I'm glad he said them, though, because if he hadn't, they would've been his to bear longer. Quite frankly, that is not something I'd want him to bear alone. It's always been my joy to labor on his behalf, and I daresay it's been his joy to labor on my behalf. The reason becomes clearer when those labors become harder, when we begin to realize that the joys of the world after are far better. We meet to part, but part to meet When earthly labors are complete, To join in yet more blest employ, In an eternal world of joy. -Basil Manly, Jr., from Soldiers of Christ in Truth Arrayed posted by Bolo | 1:14 AM 0 speakage 4.17.2008   Driving Dementia Who says driving in traffic is boring? posted by Bolo | 11:07 PM 0 speakage   Wakey Wakey *Yawn*. Ok. I admit it. Spring is beautiful in Kentucky. But not as beautiful as in Hawai'i... :) posted by Bolo | 8:04 AM 0 speakage 4.16.2008   Thoughts: Homeage Lylie totally ran that red, but he had a good reason to be distracted. Even the rain managed to bid us a "good riddance!" Flights home are always long, no matter how short they are...but they're never short. Just a few moments in Hawai'i, and already Ricky proclaims his primary objective. "Which one is Uncle John?" First meal: Alicia's wasabi masago poke, which Ricky and Moon ate up. "Are you saying I'm a beautiful monkey?" What are azuki beans? Lyle? If you're gonna go, at least you go with a view, right, Boss? Boots & Kimo's verdict: even better than expected. Like Makana says, "Uncle Ricky fall in the water!" What did Moon Pie learn? In Hawai'i, you'll get a party in your mouth, cultural lessons on the TV screen, and a new card game you'll have to pay attention to all at once. Is it just me, or did we all lose count of how many times Alton started a sentence with, "Oh, but if you're from the Mainland..." Really, none of us minded the fact that a Beggin' Strip was eaten by a non-canine creature. Lava can be a little hot, don't you think? I think it's safe to say that that school up on the hill has a decent view, among other things. Young's was an overwhelming choice for a do-over. Melton's tan is like a full-body connect-the-dots henna tattoo...except for the red parts. "Just keep going, guys." Hiking in nearly total darkness isn't as bad as I thought it would be. "I don't remember a creek bed." What exactly can he kiss, Ricky? Yes, it's like this every day...gorgeous. Kev, you would make the coolest homeless guy I know. Since Malia's two boys bear more than a passing resemblance to each other, I asked Garrett, "Isn't it illegal to have the same kid twice?" So much for the sunrise. Cindy who? How can you not be moved by the Arizona Memorial? Lunch with Alton = amazing. Yes, I played middle blocker. No, I'm not joking. C'mon, Moon, we thought God is in Control was one of your favorites! Journey songs were not meant to be sung in rounds; Journey songs should not be sung in rounds, especially on accident. When in doubt, get both the loco-moco and the blueberry crepes, right, Gary? Paddling out at Kewalo's with Boss was strangely lonely without 'Drew. Twenty-two humans ranging in age from 77 years to 4 months old do not make for the greatest of picture-taking circumstances, but I think we did just fine. An even application of sunscreen is key, Lyle! See Steak Sauce? Check! Yes, Mr. Mikami, it's just hypothetical. I think. Yup, we counted at least twenty people lined up just before midnight at Miki's. Hey, I worked in the medical field once upon a time, really I did! Nothing made that tour sound so good as that sound coming from the "entertainment". Hawaiian food = 'ono! The reminder about the need for unity in the body was a reminder I needed...and still need. Gina's does not disappoint! Seriously, I was grabbing the sticker, Boss! Karen took out her whole family; I knew she had it in her. Dang, that house on Haku Street was packed. Talk about old faces: Ganigans, Kwongs, Saigusas...made me feel 20 again. Well, almost. Leaving stinks. So, I probably left half a suitcase behind...oops. Like I've said before, HNL is the best and worst place in the world, but Sunday night, it was the worst. Good thing we were just two gates down! The whining started in SFO, but cold blasts in ORD weren't helping us, either. Pat Sczebel...no way! Seriously, three for three, it had to be us. Yeah, we're back...sort of. posted by Bolo | 4:38 PM 4 speakage 4.15.2008   Home: Imaged posted by Bolo | 11:58 PM 2 speakage   Hello! Koen supposedly looks like his Uncle Johnny. He's undoubtedly more socially advanced, as he actually knows what it means to answer his phone ;) posted by Bolo | 1:09 PM 0 speakage   For You, 'Drew Look who it is, none other than Pat Sczebel himself! He very nearly grabbed me as I boarded the plane in Chicago...what a guy! Of course, the first thing out of his mouth wasn't, "John, how are you doing?" Nor was it, "Hey, it's good to see you!" For that matter, it wasn't as though I was asking and saying those things, either. No, the first thing he asked was, "Is Andrew coming?" Like I said...what a guy! posted by Bolo | 1:29 AM 1 speakage 4.14.2008   Go! Irish! posted by Bolo | 10:49 PM 0 speakage   40280 Back again... posted by Bolo | 5:05 PM 0 speakage 4.13.2008   Bed Heads Eh, Mikams, since your blog is now kinda officially dead, can I have your bed when you get tired of it, too? Just a thought. :) posted by Bolo | 8:26 AM 0 speakage   'Ohana This should be almost all of us. I think. These days, it's getting harder and harder to just rattle off who belongs in our family pictures -- the fact that we've averaged one per decade during my lifetime doesn't necessarily help. At least this time, my face hadn't kissed the reef during my latest surf session... posted by Bolo | 7:54 AM 0 speakage 4.12.2008   Uch Rips! Check out the last picture. 'Drew was with us yesterday! posted by Bolo | 2:34 PM 2 speakage   Kewalo's For you, 'Drew... posted by Bolo | 1:30 PM 0 speakage 4.11.2008   Mauka, Makai posted by Bolo | 4:22 PM 2 speakage Dell Coupons		Daily Coffee Sweet Maria's James Hoffmann Theologous Desiring God Ministries Monergism Discerning Reader Albert Mohler, Jr. Russell Moore 9 Marks Play Jock Think Laugh Foxtrot User Friendly Learn National Geographic Geek out. Again.   Read Paint Prayer Pleasures Commune Galactic Wabbit Great Listen Jack Finished Discover Tones of Fleck Step In the Arms Smashing Thinking Visualize Facebook Albums (Updated 3/21/2007) Blogging Buddies Homeage Gary Uch Boss Kev Goose Mark Rich Sanchez Mon & Dave Leo Barb Brit The 'Villeage O'Neals Jim Hilliard Pablo Butterworth the Younger Nikki Lefty Ashlea Parris Cavies Calvinaugh Weenie & Elizabeth Owen T4G Tim Bob Josh Christman Szrama Ryherd Brandt Hutch FYI FYI TV CMac Maiden Dana Dubya Old School Memories Faith... Wonder... Empty Snaps Manna The Misses Character Me Me Bug Me smeagolisfree@gmail.com AIM: MrToto2U Facebook Yore 03.2003 / 04.2003 / 05.2003 / 06.2003 / 07.2003 / 08.2003 / 09.2003 / 10.2003 / 11.2003 / 12.2003 / 01.2004 / 02.2004 / 03.2004 / 04.2004 / 05.2004 / 06.2004 / 07.2004 / 08.2004 / 09.2004 / 10.2004 / 11.2004 / 12.2004 / 01.2005 / 02.2005 / 03.2005 / 04.2005 / 05.2005 / 06.2005 / 07.2005 / 08.2005 / 09.2005 / 10.2005 / 11.2005 / 12.2005 / 01.2006 / 02.2006 / 03.2006 / 04.2006 / 05.2006 / 06.2006 / 07.2006 / 08.2006 / 09.2006 / 10.2006 / 11.2006 / 12.2006 / 01.2007 / 02.2007 / 03.2007 / 04.2007 / 05.2007 / 06.2007 / 07.2007 / 08.2007 / 09.2007 / 10.2007 / 11.2007 / 12.2007 / 01.2008 / 02.2008 / 03.2008 / 04.2008 / 05.2008 / 06.2008 / 07.2008 / 08.2008 / 09.2008 / 10.2008 / 11.2008 / 12.2008 / 01.2009 / 02.2009 / 03.2009 / 04.2009 / 05.2009 / 06.2009 / 07.2009 / 08.2009 / 09.2009 / Factuality I've got a brother and five sisters. The irony in that? I've got five nephews and two nieces. Quotatious "I don't know what that means, but because I'm a Mac owner, I do it." -Ryan Szrama "I'm trying to be regenerate." -Ivy Warriner "Pink is pink. Peach is not pink." -Janet McClurg, in response to her color-changing husband "How many dumps did I have to take today? I took a lot of dumps today." -John Michael LaRue, talking about ultimate "I hired a campaign manager to win the Servant Towel award. People like that don't deserve to win it." -Michael Butterworth "I don't think I could quite drop the "Mohler" no matter how many marriages I go through." -Katie Mohler "However, in hindsight, I think it might have been better to have told him in front of John MacArthur, so that dad would just say, 'Grace to you.'" -Katie Mohler, on the spillage of the beanage concerning a little incident which we do not name "He told me, 'Look, we won't be remembering this at your thirtieth wedding anniversary. And yes, I'll be around then. I'll be ninety, but I'll be around.' And I said, 'Are you telling me I won't get married for twelve more years?'" -Katie Mohler, on conversing with her father "So basically, his name is Big Joe Danka." -Aaron Ruszkiewicz, on little Magnus' naming "Ok, he walks loudly." -Katie Mohler, on how exactly her father "runs" "Of course I start to breathe after somebody passed gas." -Ryan Szrama "I have a way with old women." -Josh Reid "Jeesh just told a story about being hit on by an old lady." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It wasn't sweet, it was creepy." -Michael McCollum, on why the Sunergos Sweet 'Stache Discount wasn't given "I'm like a fountain of wit...or the fertilizer of said fountain." -Katie Mohler "Holy crap...we lost 99 - 48 in the season opener? I see they stopped worrying about updating the score list." -Ryan Szrama, commenting on his alma mater's basketball team "What can go wrong on Appreciate a Dragon Day?" -Lori Wanman "Do you enjoy making people feel retarded? You behave like that is your job in life." -Jessica Cimato "Stephen sounds so smart when he's on the phone; what happens when he hangs up?" -Peter Sieg "Well, I've got a lot of Facebook friend requests." -Andy McClurg, responding to an inquiry on how his first three months of pastoring at IBC have been "If you were mooned while you were marooned, you would be a mooned marooned Moon." -Michael Jenkins "Can we call you 'Special Dark'?" -Stephen Mobley "Extra-skinny h2o, half-steam half-ice, no whip." -Me, on how to order water at Starbucks "It's you to an unsanctified T." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "It's like a workout, having a conversation with you." -Adam "Moon Pie" Godfrey "I shot the French Press..." -Ben Hedrick, sung to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff "Hey, thrower thrower thrower...hey, thrower thrower thrower...huck thrower, huck! Huck thrower huck!" -Off White "Well, you're her boss, and she's your...your...your whatever!" -Anonymous, talking to a guy about his girlfriend "It's hard to fill a gas tank on the shoulder of the interstate in 4-inch heels while someone is mocking you with a camera, but that's what happens when you don't think the gas gauge 'really means it yet.'" -Catherine Huffman "It's been a while since I took Geometry. It's been even longer since you took Geometry." -Peter Sieg, to me "You know what else is strange? Looking at a total stranger who looks totally familiar, then comparing life stories only to realize that you are the only common link. It was six degrees of John Letoto, and it was hilariously awkward. I think it's fair to say we both blame your camera." -Catherine Huffman "You're going to die soon, anyway." -Rob Smythe, to Dr. Betts on Dr. Betts' birthday "I'll be away from my desk, invoking a John Maneuver." -Stephen Mobley "It's likely but unlikely." -Ben Hedrick "There are limits on what I will forge for you, Mr. Letoto." -Jessica Vaughn "The three worst words in the English language: 'As a brother.'" -Pablo Butterworth, discussing...well...duh "Well, it's not 'earlier' now, is it?" -Ben Hedrick "It's her boyfriend's car, actually. I'm a creep, aren't I?" -Anonymous male visiting from Hendersonville, when asked, "You know what car she drives?" "High-fructose corn syrup, here I come!" -Josh Reid "Man, she's finer than a frog hair!" -Josh Reid "I forgot 'go' starts with a 'g.'" -Heather Seagle "Where's my phone?" -Christin Simpson, while talking to me...on her phone "Aaahhh, the wisdom five sisters impart...I still get my kicks, but I don't get kicked." -Me "Yup. I get all dressed up to go to the grocery store or City Hall or whatever. It's kinda funny. If I'd done that during seminary I'd probably be married to a preacher-boy right now. Whew! That was a close call!" -Dana W "I don't want to see this on your blog." -Ryan Fullerton "John's a little coffee press, strong and brown. Here is his handle, here is his frown." -Ben Hedrick "Oh shutup, voicemail person!" -Stephen Mobley " 'P' as in 'purgatory.' " -Stephen Mobley, while on a sales call "You didn't make her cry, she chose to cry." -Stephen Mobley "Being older and still single makes you more single...more single than say, Katie Mohler." -Johanna Tollefson "You just called me a chunker!" -Christin Simpson "We're talking about logic and about the law of non-contradiction in Worldviews, and I'm pretty sure there's a law that says, 'If there's food being given away, and Letoto is present, then Letoto is eating.' " -Peter Sieg "My hips don't move; I'm a Baptist." -Christin Simpson "How do you end a call like that? 'Your cow's dead, call the paddywagon.' " -Christin Simpson "Yeah, the pee phrase kept coming out of order...something about how he peed in worship, it confused me." -Katie Mohler "Yes, I'm precious and all that." -Katie Mohler, on paternal emotions mixing with her college enrollment "Do you have a numerical number for that?" -Stephen Mobley "I like how we just had an extended conversation about Ryan's buttocks. Actually, I don't really like that." -Peter Sieg "That's Hawaiian Harassment, and I don't have to stand for it." -Stephen Mobley "Shipping will be extra to Hawai'i, Alaska, or any of the other non-contiguous U.S. states." -Stephen Mobley "In some northern countries, they can use their watches to tell the time." -Christin Simpson "They never know whether to come out the front or the back." -Jackson B. Riddle, on zits forming in his earlobes "I think Letoto needs to start calling Ben, 'Sugar'." -Andy Lowe "Could you translate that out of Letototian?" -Lauren Farmer "Tell me if Taryn's had any reading-books-about-boys-with-muscles moments lately." -Me "I will be back Tuesday, I'm looking forward to my spanking." -Michael Butterworth "She was bigger, so she was able to do stuff. No, she wasn't big-boned, she was Hispanic." -Ryan Szrama "More liquid in your system makes the boogers come out faster." -Allison Poplin "Mmm, Chapstick!" -Allison Poplin "It's like my car was trying to do a yoga pose...my car was doing a headstand in a ditch." -Christin Simpson "The first step is admitting you have a problem; the first step is admitting I'm a stupid haole." -Christine Robertson "I said 'teached,' man!" -Christin Simpson "I'm wondering how lucrative my five-star hotel will be on Mount Doom." -Pablo Butterworth, at the beginning of a game of LotR Monopoly "Oh! I didn't know you could get boils there!" -Thomas Amos "Actually, what I was thinking was, 'I wish Tina Crouse was a couple years older.' " -Anonymous "He's already got a girl. It ain't like she can't see he's fat!" -Me "Yes, Christopher, God will even raise you from the dung of a polar bear." -Dr. Mohler "I've got fans all over." -Lauren Farmer "I'm having my own personal hot flash right now." -Bobby House "Toto - The Kermit analogy fails because in this picture Kermit is actually with a woman!" -Dave Theobald, on why I couldn't be Kermit the Frog "Taryn Walker, Sarah Alliett, and one more big one I can't think of." -Pablo Butterworth "I mean are people thinking it'll up their chances of winning the Servant Towel award by taking me or something?" -Lauren Farmer, on the Spring Banquet "I'm not a liar...I just bend the truth without realizing it, that's all." -Christin Simpson "The mint is just a vehicle for the chocolate." -Emily O'Neal, on mint chocolate-chip ice cream "Oh, my arm pits are sweaty! They're sticky, and I don't like it at all!" -Amanda Ledbetter "I've been married for five years, and I think the gospel's way easier to understand." -Dr. Joslin, on women "One girl, six locations. That means she's either got a really active social life, or she's just fat." -Richard B. Hardison "You know what the worst game to play with my family is? Monopoly. Try getting a whole bunch of Jewish people together and see how that turns out." -Jon "Jew" Borofsky "Are you dressing Katie Mohler?" -R. Lauren Duncan "They asked you if you needed a nudge after they jostled you?" -Andrew "I get my vocabulary words from the President's speeches." -Michael Butterworth "I really like the smell of gasoline." -Katie Mohler "You know what I can't understand? People who come here to work out and take the elevator." -Bobby House "But if there was no Jesus, we would worship you." -Nick Crouse "Gomez, you're Hispanic?" -Matt Svoboda "'Shocking the glutes?' Did I just say something about his butt?" -Lauren Farmer "You know the party's gone south when you start singing Twila Paris on Karaoke." -Moon Pie Godfrey "It smells like armpit, it tastes like armpit, it is so gross!" -Lauren Farmer "I've had the passion, I just need the purity." -Emily Dick "I'm going to get ready and ask my wife, 'Do I look all right? Letoto's going to be there!'" -Warren Kesselring "I wake up each morning and think, 'What would Letoto wear?' and I put on lots of flannel." -Ricky Hardison "You're a collector's item. Why would they want to get rid of you?" -Sarah Cress "So for me, once they're out of the minor stage I can go for the young ones." -Christin Simpson "I pulled an SBTS and used a bunch of your pictures without asking...only it was on our blog, not a magazine. Thanks." -Emily O'Neal "I just wish I would have peed, I wish I would have, just that one time." -Taryn Walker "You and Rev on recruiting trips? I like that tactic; it's going to bring pretty, single girls to Boyce College." -Michael Butterworth "Little-known fact: clean boogers are actually white." -Cole Harper "I keep forgetting your hand is there. I'm like, 'Hello!'" -Emily Dick "I have boyish charm. Just 'cause I'm hairy doesn't mean I don't have boyish charm." -Jeff Pearson "If anyone ever thinks about buying a leather jacket from Wal-Mart, it's a bad idea." -David Borreson "Oh no. I just remembered I didn't flush their toilet this morning!" -Chriyus Davis "When she was pushing, and I saw the head coming out, I thought to myself, 'It'll be a miracle if she ever walks again.' " -Chriyus Davis "What's your type, Hawaiian? 'Cause it could be a while around here." -Lauren Farmer "I was trying to remember: did I forget, or did I never know?" -Andrew, talking about his father's birthday. "What do you mean we're going to be a big bump on the skin?" -Naomi, after Gary told her she was going to grow up warped, and she went to look up what he meant "Stop flashing everyone!" -Carla "I didn't know I was going to see everything!" -Carla, on being in the birthing room during a birth "Which would suck!" -Aaron Montgomery, in reply to my comment about his being in heaven...before his marriage "Have you heard about that new detergent for blacks?" -Alison Ostrander, meaning black clothes "I just realized how incredibly bad it looked that I knew there was a good tree to climb by Mullins." -Michael Butterworth "You know what I want to see you pull off? A jacket with boardshorts." -Scott O'Neal "It seemed like it was something that wasn't widely understood. Or maybe that was just because I was talking to Sean Malinger." -Andrew "And I didn't get stuck out the window, I was trying to see the stars!" -Emily Dick "Is Scott the white-haired guy?" -Brandon Stern "The only thing that's running through my head right now is that I really hope I don't fart." -Kristy White "Ok, I found my date. I call that mannequin." -Katy Cavaliere "I have those socks! But they don't go that high up on my legs." -Andrew "Stretch" Holley "And I wasn't eating ice cream, either. Don't tell her that." -Scott O'Neal "I would love to play with Rob Smythe because I would feel so smart." -Emily O'Neal, on playing Taboo "I had someone ask me, in class, in front of a whole bunch of people, why I wasn't married." -Christine Robertson "Let me rephrase that: A woman with a big ol' 'fro, not a big ol' woman with a 'fro." -Chriyus Davis "Let's talk about you sweating in the shape of a heart. I think that's romantic." -Lauren Farmer "We're sharing lunch now, and this is after your sweaty romantic activity." -Lauren Farmer "Huh...wow...well, it does bring to mind that sermon Dr. York preached toward the beginning of the semester, and in a not-so-abstract sense, you may have hit the skin on the head." -Me, to Matt Teves "Mmmmmmmmm, good morning, David Beckham!" -Kat Foxworth, to a picture on a wall in her hall...every morning "Who needs coffee in the morning when you've got David Beckham to wake you up, right? Just like coffee, he's strong and hot." -Me...to a flustered but nodding Kat "Who's the brown one?" -Emily O'Neal, when looking at a picture and forgetting a certain brown friend was at her family's house in Columbus "A world where John Letoto is embarrassed and doesn't know what to say or do is not a world I want to live in." -Michael Butterworth "Abby marches to the beat of her own flute." -Scott O'Neal "I love ultimate frisbee, it's my favorite of all the games. If I could, I would marry it, and I would be Mrs. Jennifer Frisbee." -Jennifer Miller "What's a 'good game'?" -Katie Mohler "Do you know what I used to do with this stuff when I was little? I used to give myself french manicures with it." -R. Lauren Duncan, while holding up a bottle of Liquid Paper "It's a good thing my kids aren't gonna have tails." -Trey Fuller "How do you think that small?" -Karis Land, when she saw my handwriting "I like to curl up in the bathroom." -Pablo Butterworth "I love the alphabet song, it's a universal song. Well, I guess it's not a universal song, it's in a different language." -R. Lauren Duncan "We're not dumb, we're secretaries at Boyce College!" -A.D. "I'm full and I'm dripping out all over the place." -Dr. Ewart, during a dorm meeting message "Sounds like a bladder control problem." -Heidi Marlene Johnson, in response to Dr. Ewart's statement during dorm meeting "Do girls just walk up to you and give you food?" -Sharon Rivers, while I was munching on some monkey bread from Casey Cashell "So he slept with me. It was kind of awkward." -R. Lauren Duncan, about...something "Dude! When we were talking, she wasn't looking...she was gazing!" -Boss "When it's just people being married, you can kind of dismiss it, but when there are babies growing inside of people...well that's just a different matter altogether." -Scott O'Neal "That's too much chocolate for you!" -Bobby House III "Dude, there's a lot of white people up here." -Kawika, on being in Indiana "This is great, I don't fall asleep here! There's just so much to grasp." -Sandi, on the sermons at their church "I miss you. Especially when I see a badly-dressed male." -Heidi Marlene Johnson "Actually, Kason may be following in your footsteps. Last night he had a thing tied around his head and went to sleep with it. You know, that ninja look." -Lisa, to me "You can't get hurt tonight, you're the only muscle we've got!" -A certain manager at a certain store "He's not the only guy, we have Alex. No, wait, Alex doesn't count. You're right, he is the only guy we've got." -A certain coworker at a certain store. "She's the manliest girl I know." -Christina Thompson "Now this is no knock on Ryan, but you're a much better looking guy than he is, and if he can get a girl, so can you. In fact, you're better looking than most of the guys here." -Nathan Fulllerton "Hey, she's a minority, you can marry her...you can make slanty-eyed kids together." -Scott O'Neal "How's the Letoto fan club going? You must have more fans now that Uch is off the market." -Goose "It was the hottest thing I've ever touched...it was as hot as the sun!" -Robbie Byrd, explaining why he dropped a plate "I just told Goose...the code word for 'gameover'...'Monopoly Man!'" -Me, to Leonard, during a conversation about their new endeavor to take over the airsoft world "You can take the John out of Government Service, but you can't get Government Service out of John." -Goose "Michelle and I have decided to renew your friendship for the next 12 months." -Goose "Use the phlegm, John, use the phlegm!" -Boss "How do I join the 'Poked by John Letoto' club? I don't even go to SBTS, and I'm plagued by the Totopokes." -Jeff Cavanaugh "Yeah. But you're a sophisticated jerk." -Kev, in response to my telling him that I'm a jerk "I thought about you the other day when I was organizing my shoes. No joke." -Joel Gasparotto, to me "No. But several kids." -Anonymous, in response to the question, "Does...have a love interest?" "I'm glad it's been a year since I stepped into your life and all sorts of craziness ensued. Wait. That didn't sound right..." -Me "I think these are unthawed." -Scott Bidwell, commenting on the uncooked chicken "You mean frozen?" -Matt Crawford, in response to Scott "Is Bert holding up his underwear?!?!?!" -Brent Gambrell, when Bert had washed off in the lake to get the mud out of his...underthings...since the mud was placed there by a certain Hawaiian "He's the closest thing to Black I got here!" -Trent Davis, a Cedarmore camper, commenting on how a certain Hawaiian was the most ethnically similar person at the camp "Nice body!" -Whitney McClain, to an anonymous Cedarmore male camper, after they collided at the volleyball net while going for the ball "I could take you...to a movie." -Another anonymous Cedarmore male camper, to Whitney, after she was explaining her mad basketball skills to the group of students present "It's my bladder!" -Jearf Johnson, when looking at his phone as it rang "John Letoto, you've got more politics than Episode I." -Pablo Butterworth, when discussing with me the possible (and impossible) relationships on campus, and the influence (real or imagined) I have upon them "At the wedding reception, I heard Stephen Curtis Chapman's I Will Be Here being played over the speakers. Typical christian wedding stuff, really. Then I heard the line that goes, 'I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty.' With my warped sense of humor firmly assessing its place in the world, my mind immediately translated that into, 'I will be here, to watch your growing booty...'" -Me "Ok, I think I'm going to go for a walk now. Are you at work? I'm asking you to take a walk with me...I thought I might drop your books off. I was making sure someone would be there if I did. I'm NOT, NOT asking you to take a walk with me. Oh my goodness! I just read what I wrote up there." -Sarah Cress, from a chat log with me over Instant Messenger "Here's what I think. If I'm a man, and my wife's a doctor, I golf every day." -Chriyus Davis, on how Andrew should spend his time in Pennsylvania "Did he sound winded?" -Will, after I got off the phone with Andrew...on a certain night... "Dude, I get paid to dig my nose!" -Boss "I don't do that, that would be too unmanly." -Anonymous Male, said while filing his nails "More of an acquired taste than kim chee." -Will, commenting on his appreciation for Hawaiian music "That's right...I think I should celebrate the day by getting slammed with Shirley Temples." -Christin Simpson "Thanks to you, I'm now known as 'the odds are good but the goods are odd' girl." -Christine Robertson, expressing her gratitude toward me for her blossoming reputation "Hurry, before the smears come out!" -Kason, commenting on his need to get to a bathroom stall "All right everybody, feel flee to crap your hands....wait" -Andrew Strickland, while leading worship "She's perfect! She's just like me; there's nothing wrong with her." -Lisa "I don't think he'll be spending any nights with you. He has a better bed partner now." -R. Lauren Duncan "I stole de baby from de stupid Daikini!" -One of the Brownies from Willow "I stole de baby from you while you were taking a pee-pee!" -Same Brownie "Oooohhh...your eyes...your whiskers...I want to kiss you!" -Drunk Brownie from Willow "No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher." -Gary "It's probably providential." -Chip Collins "One more wave." -Andrew, said while three fingers are held in the air "Well basically..." -James McCray "I wanted to burn the whole thing to the ground." -RAM, Jr. "If she's Princess Leia, you're the rogue scoundrel Han Solo stealing her away from all the decent guys." -Pablo Butterworth, said to me a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away "Young men, wholesome and gay. No, just wholesome." -Dr. Mohler "Hey! How are you doing?" -Rob Smythe "I have two local haole guy roommates who are super tall. I can stand on the bed and they are still taller than me. But at least I fit in the bathroom!" -Boss "So for the girls, there are only the big singles left?" -Aaron Filippone "The girls I'm most attracted to are always a lot like me." -Darren Thomas "Hairy in the face and chest?" -Me, in response to Darren "Oh, cuss word!" -Moon Pie "If you don't realize that Paul Butterworth is singing an 8 minute long karaoke, there's a lot of things you aren't going to realize." -Pablo Butterworth "These *are* my dress socks. They're clean." -Goose "Before the throne of God above..." -Jonathan Leeman...singing "I hope you sit next to a big, fat person on the airplane." -Michelle "Piss on a biscuit!" -Fritzy "I saw Toto, and he's black!" -R. Lauren Duncan "You know one day you're actually going to kill me, and I'll be laughing in heaven as they throw your butt in jail." -Pablo Butterworth "I couldn't have stood out more if I was riding a brontosaurus through there." -Jordan Cole "Can she have a man?" -Me, said to waitress, gesturing toward Poenie "I am irresistible to men..." -Poenie Tree "Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite! Rat has a goosebite!" -AJ, after Goose got a haircut with a nasty ratbite "Are you pouring some kind of cleaner on the floor where he farted?" -Tyler Ratliff "She shook his butt before she shook his hand!" -Me, on a certain young lady here at Boyce "Would you look at that BUTT?" -Pablo Butterworth "It hurt. I begged him to stop. I cried afterwards." -Pablo Butterworth "He speaks and it is as if a writer or poet is speaking to us, sentence fragments and all. He could totally destroy your life and you would love him for doing it. (Not that he goes around destroying lives or anything.)" -Mike Hilliard, speaking about the Token Hawaiian at Boyce "Paul, I think we should mate." -Katy Barnes, to a not so anoymous Boyce male during a game of Psychiatrist "You're classic, not metro." -Elizabeth Foster "I need ocean." -Me "Oh, I have some!" -R. Lauren Duncan, in response to me "Me not saying something and you not writing it down are two completely different things." -Dr. Draper "The entire night I just wanted to jump on those lips!" -Chris...something "I hated you when I first met you." -Scott O'Neal "Barring a lighting strike at the lottery we call, 'New Student Orientation'..." -Pablo Butterworth "Do you know why I'm taking his class? One of these days he's going to die teaching and I want to be there for it." -Pablo Butterworth "I have a man-crush on Tom Cruise." -Pablo Butterworth "I feel like the loose Jenga block that is easy to pull out." -Michael Butterworth "I was childish, foolish even. She makes me feel alive." -Allison Poplin, posing as Michael Butterworth "Hey John. How are you sexy? As in, 'How are you, sexy?' Not, 'How did you become sexy?' " -Pablo Butterworth "Stop vacuuming my crack!" -Chris Sellers "That's a hot outfit...Letoto, if you were any taller..." -Melissa Hermoso "You smell like my mom!" -Fritzy, to Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "It's Allure for *men*, people!" -Banana Republic's favorite Red-Headed Stepchild "Oh Uncle Johnny, I didn't know you could look so handsome!" -Kayla, when looking at my Kindergarten picture...when I had hair "We don't want a lot of Scripture to bog us down." -Michael Butterworth "I would've introduced the front of my boot to his Specials." -Billy Reddick "You remind me of my friend Deanna; she's a female bodybuilder." -Kristina Pelhank, to me "I was taking down the donkey from the Nativity scene in our kitchen, and I thought to myself, 'If I drop the donkey on the floor and it breaks, then I can tell people that I broke my ass on the kitchen floor.' " -Pablo Butterworth "You see, the difference between me and you is my mouth gets me into trouble, and yours gets you out of it." -Aaron Coffey, to me "The Geisha sleep in certain positions so as not to disturb their elaborate hairdos, and that's what I was just doing." -Michael Butterworth "Excuse me, I do NOT have that much cellulite!" -Sarah El-Masri "I don't want to be tied down and have my time consumed by someone there to say, 'I love you,' to and having to hold hands and shop together and eat with and no one to hold and cuddle with. I can play XBox all night long, baby!" -Pablo Butterworth, said with biting sarcastic wit "Please stalk me at your earliest convienence." -Sarah Cress "There's a two year-old flirting with me!" -Ashlea Davenport "I used to have a neck, then something happened." -Bobby House "Can I buy three blacks from you?" -Pablo Butterworth "Finally, I got up and read my bible; I figured that would put me to sleep." -Chip Collins "You're the ugly girl!" -Candace Boyd "No, I don't have a jackhammer or an 18-wheeler, but I bet John Moody does...or at least, John Moody knows someone who does!" -Scott O'Neal and me "I grew up with that but in Spanish." -Liz Mejia "One day the three of us will be married!" -R. Lauren Duncan "We're Portuguese, so we're kinda hairy. But this guy was like a bear! I had to check the filters after he got out of the pool! And, he was BIG!" -Matty Teves "Noses and ears never stop growing; you're in for a treat, Pablo." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "And who brought Taryn Walker to Boyce College? That's right...............the Holy Spirit." -Pablo Butterworth, implying..................something "That's a good length, that's pettable." -R. Lauren Duncan, while petting my head "There's small, there's large, and there's John Letoto Size." -Kristy Miller "Uncle Johnny I love you! I'm licking your eyeball!" -Kason, just after my sister told him that it was time to get ready for bed and that he had to tell his Uncle Johnny "goodnight," but just before he licked the phone so as to pretend to lick my eyeball "Mr. Herringbone understands." -Katie Mohler "Corn?!?!?!?! When did I eat corn?" -Anonymous man in public bathroom, heard by Dr. Rainer, re-told by Katie Mohler "Whenever I want to find you on Facebook, I just do a search and type in, 'butt,' and you come up." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "The chocolate chip in the cookie." -Leonard, in reference to my tan in comparison with the rest of our family "I told Kris I felt like a banana in a bowl of milk." -Leonard, in reference to playing poker in Las Vegas at a table with 8 white guys "I promise, I really did check him out before I started dating him!" -Jewel Graham, on a supposed background spirituality check gone...uhhh...obviously nowhere "So I was typing to you and there was dead silence on the phone and forgot I was on the phone with my mom and she randomly started talking and it startled me." -Sarah Cress "Who's the one whose name begins with a 'J' and ends with an 'N'?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Jane!" -Katie Mohler, in response to R. Lauren Duncan "I went sniffing once." -Katie Mohler "Can you use that in a definition?" -Sarah Cress "Go shopping with him and you'll never be satisfied with another man's shopping again." -R. Lauren Duncan "They had her fork here and I ate it." -R. Lauren Duncan "What's a thesaurus? Is it like a dinosaur?" -R. Lauren Duncan "Every outfit you wear is a statement." -Scott O'Neal "Do you guys have a money-changer in the temple?" -Pablo Butterworth, inquiring as to the whereabouts of an ATM at Southeast Christian Church "He likes to sit in my drawers." -R. Lauren Duncan "It's like the military here, I have to say, 'Yes, sir!' to my roommate." -James Losey, about me "I can't believe you said 'makeout' in front of my mom!" -Heidi Marlene Johnson "I live for embarrassing my friends; that, and Jesus." -Me "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and fill up this water bottle. Not in that order." -Pablo Butterworth "I eat soap for breakfast." -Sarah Cress "I like your hair. It's all going to burn in the end, anyway." -Rob Smythe "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." -Christine Robertson, on Southern Seminary's relational prospects "Puritan Paperbacks? Sounds like a football team or something." -Janal Prybys "More than enough Torneros to go around; that's a good thing." -Pablo Butterworth "I'm a Samaritan; shun me! Just meet me at the well at 3 o'clock." -Dan Mack, who is half-Jewish "This is the first time she's been publicly traded on the Girl Exchange, and her stock has gone sky-high." -Pablo Butterworth, talking about a certain Boyce College...person "Hold me like you used to." -Pablo Butterworth...Boyce male who's never dated "This isn't fair--Prybys only got on your wall of quotes because pretty much anything that proceeds from her mouth is notably retarded." -Jessica Cimato "And afterwards, we're going to play Balderdash." -Brooke Anderson, to Bobby Wood "Oh, I love that movie!" -Bobby Wood, in response to Brooke Anderson "They have male stores?" -Katie Mohler "She looks like...uhhh...some sort of stuffed animal." -R. Lauren Duncan "You're just upset because you can't put that on Facebook." -Michael Butterworth "Yes, it's my purse." -James Losey "There's a stomach virus going around, and every girl on my hall has been inflicted with The Terror!" -Kristina Pelhank "You're like a reality t.v. show...I want to turn the channel and walk away, but for some strange reason, I can't." -Sarah Cress "John gave me a good wedgie." -Pablo Butterworth "I won't say whoooole falsehoods..." -Scott O'Neal, implying that partial falsehoods are ok "I own too many nice ties not to go to the Spring Banquet." -Michael Butterworth "God blessed me with great hair; I'm counting on that to bring me true love." -Michael Butterworth "This song was written for my future wife...which is none of you." -Rob Smythe "Next year you'll be in the zoo." -Josh Mimbs, to Aaron Coffey "I hope I don't get married 'til I'm in grad school so I can pick up undergrad chicks, too." -Michael Butterworth "I have a new vein on my leg. I feel like an old woman...one of those blue nasty ones." -R. Lauren Duncan, who was referring to the vein, not to an old woman, when speaking of it being blue and nasty "Are you even there listening to my pitiful pleas?" -R. Lauren Duncan "May it not be said of me, 'Methinks she doth protest too much', because really I'm just raising a voice for all of us you choose to mercilessly poke numerous times throughout the day." -Jessica Cimato "'Cause all my good-looking genes can't override someone who's ugly." -R. Lauren Duncan "I have some ligament in the car." -R. Lauren Duncan "I lost it from all the throwing up I did." -R. Lauren Duncan "He's a Filipino knockoff!" -David Brandt, commenting on me "No, I'm just occasionally superficial...but not vain!" -Chris Sellers "You're a rent-a-cop? Can I rent you?" -Sarah El-Masri, to me "You know, if you keep breathing like that when I talk to you about girls, you're never going to get married." -Me, to Pablo Butterworth "I don't sleep with him any more...John, he's older than me, he's older than you." -Pablo Butterworth, in reference to his Zoomer "She's not the kind of guy you'd go for." -Me "I can't explain the honor of having two quotes on your profile. It gives one the sense that they are going to be somebody. Wow." -Jessica Cimato, to me "From this angle, I can see everything!" -Michael Butterworth, commenting on my shirt "Can I suck some of your blood so that I can be a pirate?" -R. Lauren Duncan, to me "If I was bored and had a lot of spare time, I would count how many pictures of Lauren Duncan I had on my computer." -Pablo Butterworth "You are not going to put that on Facebook!" -Pablo Butterworth "I don't feel comfortable with you saying that and wearing those shorts." -Nick Crouse "They're *macadamia* nuts!" -Ryan Travis "Hey, Lance was telling me about this job at the hospital. They charge you nine dollars an hour!" -Brian Buck "Do you think they slimmed your dad down for that picture?" -Ryan Szrama to Katie Mohler, in reference to the portrait in Heritage Hall "Are you ok? I just wet my pants." -R. Lauren Duncan "I just want to marry a pastor." -Blind Brandon