Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Not Mine

It's been over six and a half years since I moved here from home. I can tell I've been here for a while now in that when I try to think of the specific period of when things happened within that time frame, say, a given month or even a year, I often draw blanks.

That definitely wasn't the case before.

I used to hate living here. Well, hate is a strong word; perhaps it's more accurate to say that I constantly ached. Yes, that's better. I had left almost all of my family and friends and everything I'd ever known. My life, for all intents and purposes, was decidedly not my own.

This morning, I'm going to go to Quills and hang out there with Jeesh. I know all of the baristas, and often serve them coffee in their own coffee shop. The same is true of when I go to Sunergos. Last weekend, Scott and Em came into town from Ohio for a visit, and this weekend, Moon drove down from Illinois. All of them fall into the "old friends" category. When we were out on the town last night, I saw more than a few random people I know in places we hadn't expected to see one another.

The point? I no longer come anywhere close to hating it here...not even an ache, really. When I think about it, I realize that my life feels like it's mine.

I wish it didn't, because it's not.

Jesus talked about losing our lives for His sake. Four or five years ago, that was a shocking reality. I'd wake up and think of home, of Kewalo's, of 'Drew and Boss and Kev and Kayla and her little brothers and wonder when I would get to see them next. I'd smile sadly -- if I smiled at all -- when asked if I wanted to end up at home after I was done here. Don't misunderstand me: I wasn't in the midst of a pity party. If anything, I think I just understood that while my life was never mine to begin with, I am freely given Christ's life in return.

I wish I would remember that now.

posted by Bolo | 8:23 AM
0 speakage
Free Hit
Dell Coupons
Blogging Buddies
Old School
Bug Me