Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...



I felt a little mad at myself yesterday. A little guilty, too. I felt like I had been forgetting way too easily, like I had let them down in some way. It's strange how easily life can go on and once again become the same old song and dance in a matter of days and weeks.

I was getting ready to head out the door, tossing on a suit coat and scarf to brace against the cold. For some reason, just then, I thought about ducks. And then I thought about songs about ducks. And then I thought about how Koen loved be sung to sleep by his daddy's singing the song about ducks. I stopped thinking, just then, and felt a strange, familiar ache inside.

The two little ones smile so easily still. I don't know if I'll ever forget that sight of Kavin holding his daddy's picture, waving at it and saying, "Hi daddy! Hi daddy! Hi daddy!" I think of the older ones and frown; they seem to have about them this hollow pain, a sort of emptiness that keeps filling with reminders of what was and what won't ever be.

I know I can't solve anything; don't want to, really. By the same token, I don't want to forget, even though I felt like I already did. I suppose that's why I felt a little mad at myself, even a little guilty. *Sigh*...I still have no category for this...

posted by Bolo | 9:45 AM
0 speakage
Free Hit
Dell Coupons
Blogging Buddies
Old School
Bug Me