Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...



Friendships are such bewildering things. I find myself thinking about them a lot these days. A lot. Sometimes, I think I know a person so well that they feel like an extension of me, a part of me that I didn't realize was missing until I found it. At other times, times that are surreal and unnerving, I suspect my friends of knowing me better than I know myself, not just telling me what type of mood I'm in, but precisely how they know I'm in that mood. Scary? Yes. Comforting? Strangely, yes. I innately put up walls that I think nobody will breach, walls that keep the Grumpy Old Man hidden all alone. When I look up and see a friendly face, it lets me know that they won't run and hide from my failures and weaknesses, which are many.

There have been times in life when I felt like I'd lost a friend; those were the times where I felt like I'd lost life itself. I've seen eyes turned toward me in hurt and sorrow, eyes that said, "You betrayed me." At other moments, moments of humiliation and sin revealed, I've looked up to see eyes waiting to forgive me, eyes of a friend. I cringe at the memories that tell me I'd broken my promise, and for reasons I still try to forget. I remember seeing friends leave, hating the gloom that would overshadow the joy of being reunited once more, knowing that it was only a matter of time until we'd have to part yet again.

The best friendships, it seems, are always filled with the richest memories. Peals of laughter erupting with the tiniest word or look, tears of pain that fall unashamed, hugs that mean more than any word or phrase ever could, late evenings that turn into early mornings: these are the marks of friendship. I'm amazed at the number of individuals I think about that could qualify, yet still more, at the quality of the hearts behind those faces that come to mind. Am I worthy of them? Absolutely not. Would I give them up? Never.

*Sigh*...yeah...been thinking a lot about friendship lately.

posted by Bolo | 6:42 PM
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