Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Wanting To

When I was reading my bible this morning, I did so with the firm conviction that because I did not want to be reading it, I needed to be reading it all the more. Does that make sense? Let me rewind.

I'd just gotten off of a long work shift of 16 hours. Some 16 hour shifts go by more quickly than others, but I felt pretty dead at the end of this one. So what did I do? Go to my room and sleep, right? Nope. I drive to Chriyus' apartment so we can talk over breakfast and coffee. The problem with that? He wasn't quite up yet. That wasn't a big deal to me, since I figured I'd just go back to my car and wait for him to roll his skinny butt out of bed. Being that we were meeting to talk about Jesus, I figured further that it might be good to read some Scripture. I thought about it for a split second, and decided very quickly that I just wasn't in the mood to be reading anything spiritually challenging.

Hmmm. Not good.

What was amazing about that moment was that God taught me a little lesson in the midst of my petulance. As I sat there in my car, nary a soul in sight, I realized that one of the most important reasons I needed to be reading Scripture just then was because I didn't want to. That's not to say that I need to rush off and read Scripture every time I don't think I need to; that's not what I'm saying. What I mean is that at that moment, my heart was feeling proud and very self-sufficient. I didn't feel the need for the LORD, nor did I really think I needed to be humbled by reading the truths about His glorious Son, and the grace He lavished upon me at the cross. The problem with that assessment is that I always need to be humbled by the truths about Christ, and I always need to be reminded about the grace He lavished upon me at the cross. The point? It's a heart issue.

About half an hour later, I told Chriyus that I'd been reading my bible. "You know why I was reading it?" I asked my Alabaman buddy. "Because I didn't want to."

posted by Bolo | 3:40 AM
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