Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...



Semester six is nearly in the books. I should be staring down my Senior year by now. Theoretically, at least. But as we all know, theory doesn't live your life out for you.

A lot has happened over the course of the semester. It's been a unique one, no doubt, yet I find myself strangely more energized now than I had been at the beginning. Not necessarily in the sense that I'm looking forward to the break, either. I was telling someone (forget whom) that going home in January sent me into a sort of tailspin that I hadn't really gotten over, at least until I'd gone home in October. Why's that? I feel as though being home recently has helped to put into perspective a lot of the things I'd been pondering for the majority of the year. I'd questioned why I was here. I still do, and that's no secret. If anything, trusting the LORD despite a lack of clarity regarding my future is something that's a sober reality of the life we live in this world. I think it's best to say that the LORD granted me a breathtaking view of who He is, one that I'd closed my eyes to for quite some time. That, more than anything, helped to revive a cold heart and refresh a parched soul

Life goes on, but it's not easy. As Jon Field put it last night, it's been a sad week. I told him that if this had happened even several months ago, I don't know if I would be able to handle it the way I have. He agreed that God's grown me; he also agreed that I used to pout a whole lot more :)

But it's not me that feels the deepest pain. If anything, I told Jon that I feel somewhat guilty at times for feeling so removed from it all. I laugh, I study, I read, and life goes on for me here. Yet I know that there's a house that stands colder, emptier, and much much lonelier than ever before. People may occupy it, but the echoes only magnify the silence. I wish I were there to help, but I'm not. What could I do, anyway? Nothing.

Today Scott was in my room. When I told Smythe that, he said, "Isn't he married? What's he doing in your room?" I laughed and said that some things don't change. Scott still needed a spot to study for his final. After all, there's no way he could whine out loud in the library about being clueless for Dr. Nettles' final :)

Yeah, life goes on. Soon the school will be a cold and desolate place as students file home for the holiday break. Still, I doubt it'll be so cold as desolate as a tiny house far from here. *Sigh*...

posted by Bolo | 4:44 PM
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