Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...



Sometimes, I tell myself I'm not as sinful as those other sinners. When teaching others, I'll say something like, "we really need to root out the sins that we hide in our hearts." What I really mean is, "you guys are horrible and have no idea how bad you are, and you need to root out the obvious sins that I see in you that you're still trying to hide." The problem with that? The whole time, I'm ignoring the sins that I'm clinging to myself.

Yesterday was painful. I had to come face to face with my sins...again. I had to confess the sins I'd been hiding in my heart...again. I had to swim around in the ocean of blind pain my sins, both subtle and wanton, create...again. I told Darren that it really hurts to gaze down into the wretched depths of my heinous actions and realize that it really is only God's grace that lifts me up above that horrid void my soul so dearly yearns for. Yet, what else is left to me? If I close my eyes, my wretched actions are still a reality. If I try to hide, they're still there, haunting me. If I turn away from the Lord and do not kneel down in broken supplication, who else can save me?

Last night, I told Scott and Chriyus that I'm dumb. I keep asking the Lord to humble me, over and over and over again. Man...I tell you...that prayer request is never answered with an, "all in good time, John, just be patient!" Uh-uh. Negatory. No way José. The Lord always seems to answer that one quickly and firmly. I know it's 'cause I keep asking, but even more so, it's 'cause I need it. Badly. *Sigh*...the thing is, you'd think I'd learn humility a little more quickly. It seems like I can pick up on other things with enough skill to keep 'em around, so why not humility? Ugh...nasty lesson, this humility thing is. But you know what? I know the Lord loves me because of it. He's faithful, patient, and overwhelmingly gracious. When I read His Word, I see this to be true. Hebrews 12...Romans 8...Psalm 51...Isaiah 53...1 Peter's all over Scripture, it really is. Through the lessons on humility, the Lord lifts my head to gaze upon Him and Him alone, fixing it completely upon the cross and the hope that the cross brings.

posted by Bolo | 11:36 AM
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