Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


That's Life

An online Church History quiz, an in-class Theology III quiz, a Church History midterm, Missions papers, some Math homework, a Math project, a presentation on that project, and a bunch of reading. That'll be what my life is about for the next 45 hours or so.

Or will it?

It's been all too easy to lose focus as of late. I remember when I first came here, it sometimes seemed like I'd cry every morning I woke up. I had no idea why God had brought me to such a strange place, with all its idiosyncrasies, cultural depravities, and meteorological dysfunctionalities. I lived with a strange tension in my heart: I hated being here, yet rejoiced in knowing that I was exactly where the Lord wanted me. It was a tough season of life, but it was one that grew me in ways I still do not fully realize.

Perhaps one day, I'll say the same of this season. In some ways, however, this one seems harder to deal with. The distractions I face in the daily struggle to remain focused are far more subtle than they used to be. I've come to feel comfortable here, and comfort can be both good bad. Good, because it means that I've adjusted, and I don't doubt that I can survive in a place that I affectionately dubbed, "Nowhere." Bad, because to feel comfortable means that my heart can become numbed and insensitive to the ways that I must remain desperate for the Lord and broken before Him. *Sigh* of late, I've felt the bad side of things. I think I've survived worst of it for this semester, but I hate to think of how insensitive I can become to the ways that God has blessed me in my time here. Yeah, it's a horrible thought.

I've just begun to read through Judges, and what reaches out and grabs me is how unfaithful Israel was toward the Lord. Their history is scandalous, shameful, and quite frankly, disgusting. Yet, is my story any better? Every time I become comfortable, every time I decide to cease vigilant prayer to give my aching knees a rest, every time I forget what I'm not supposed to forget, I find that my life has once again mirrored the unfaithfulness shown to the Lord by His chosen nation. *Sigh*'d think I'd learn.

You know...I've got a decent load of academia to tackle over the next couple of days. It'll be easy to lose focus on why I'm doing it, too. I can see how I'd not want to study for my Church History II exam, or shrug off doing my Math homework (believe me...that one would be VERY easily shrugged off). But you know what? I'd be forgetting why I'm doing it. I'd be forgetting that I'm exactly where God wants me to be, and that studying diligently is exactly what the Lord wants me to be doing, no matter how mundane it may seem. I'd be forgetting what my life is really all about.

posted by Bolo | 11:46 PM
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