Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...



A few years back, life seemed so simple. An excellent job in an excellent career field, a church that I had grown up in and had come to love, a family that I loved and could depend upon, friends that have proven to be one of the biggest blessings of my life time and time again, and a lifestyle that was idyllically perfect; all of these were part of what made me tick.

Fast forward several years. Leaving was hard, and so was arriving, but it turned out that the sometimes daily bouts of crying and hurting helped me to trulysee, to truly listen. The first summer wasn't so bad, and learning to trust people all over again has yielded blessings beyond measure. The first Thanksgiving away from home came and went (I'm already on number two), and Boss let me listen to the Pacific Ocean on Thanksgiving Day. What a reason to give thanks! Christmas away from home was tough, but I made it through that, too. Then came January, and the roots of my theory on Andrew's sickness (seeing me in January = a very sick Andrew) took hold. Still, it was a glorious time, wasn't it? The Spring Semester was great, as was the Summer. Then the new school year hit, and with it added responsibility. It started out in grand fashion; everything was new, and joy was the fuel that powered my engines. August was great, September was crazy, October was somewhat confusing, and then...November.

*Sigh*. Life has been a whirlwind. At times, I've wanted the wind to just stop; at others, I've been afraid that the wind would be taken out of my sails entirely. Going home this past January was better than I could have hoped for; of course, that just meant that coming back was more painful than I had dreaded. It was the first time I'd ever really questioned whether or not I needed to be here; yeah, I was confused.

Thinking back over these past several years, I never would have said that God would have brought me here, nor that He would have taken me on this rather roundabout and less than smooth pathway to get here. This wasn't the life I wanted, this wasn't the path I would have chosen. Here's the kicker, though: it's far better than I could have ever imagined. When I look at my phone bill, I think of all the hours that show I was talking to Brian and Kevin and Andrew, as well as all the times I called Goose's phone just to leave some random voicemail...ten times in a row :) I think of the very first time I met Rob Smythe; at least he said he liked me when we met ;) When anyone mentions Indianapolis...yeah...oh boy.

God doesn't give us what we always want; learning that has been a costly lesson. I sometimes wish the learning would be easier, or faster, less painful, or less confusing. I have the feeling, though, that the lessons wouldn't stick nearly so well if they weren't so dearly bought. And you know what? I'm glad for such pricey lessons; they remind me that God loves me too much to let me stay the same :)

posted by Bolo | 11:17 PM
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