Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Decisions, Decisions

It's last night, somewhere past 8:30. I'm standing in my room, trying to decide what I'm going to wear. I make a phone call to Darren Thomas, because it is he who will help me decide.

Wait a second. I know what you're thinking. Many of you SBTS/Boyce folks had a thought flitter through your cerebral cortexes that went something like, "Toto calls someone else to help him decide what to wear?!?!?!?!" Fear not, gentle Jesus Lovers; your world is not falling apart at the tectonic plates, nor are pigs flying, for John Letoto is not relying on someone else for fashion advice :) The reason I made that call was this: Darren and I had been meaning to get together for over a month now, yet had not been able to do so. I'd just gotten home from our youth service at church, and needed to know if I was going to change into something that I could chill comfortably in at Java with Darren, or if I was going to change into something I could fall asleep in. The verdict? Jeans with a black turtleneck and pinstripe blazer.

And no, despite what Todd Thomas says, that doesn't mean that I was dressing to go to sleep!

Talking to Darren is always nice. The Old Single Guy's Club at Boyce is a small and exclusive one, yet Darren and I both find ourselves rather steadfastly hanging on to our membership cards. Well, kind of...but that's another blog post altogether ;) I think it's safe to say that we find each conversation more and more comfortable, in spite of their sporadic nature, and that is due to mutual discovery that we are very much alike. Yeah, scary, ain't it?

The nature of being considered a leader was discussed. The influence we have upon the lives of others is, quite frankly, often unrealized. I can't really help being who I am and having my personality; therefore, I can't really help it if people will look to me to lead at times. But you know what? I don't want to be a leader. It's not in my nature. I'm not the ambitious or success-driven least, not in the way that the World will perceive ambition and success. But what I know I am is this: I am one who is constantly haunted by my failures, yet am all the more overwhelmed by the way Christ takes those failures and nails them to the cross. I am one who would rather someone else not look at my life for an example of what to do, yet if someone else does so, would hope in the grace of God to find the strength and wisdom to proclaim Christ to that someone. I am, as I told Darren, the one who enjoys being the Right Hand Man, the Hired Gun, the Oddjob; after all, that dude gets to carry all the cool weapons and do all the cool stuff (think Legolas in the movies...yeah...he got to have all the fun). The one who's really in charge, however, has to shoulder all the burdens and make all the decisions. He never gets to have any fun.

Despite that, my life is not my own. The last time I read my bible (half an hour ago, I think), God didn't change that truth. I still belong to Him, and He still has prepared for me all the good works I will engage in. What do those works look like? I've no idea. Does that matter? Not in the least. My job is to obey Him right here, right now. If that means I step to the front and lead the crowd, so be it. If that means I'm the guy behind the scenes who helps The President get things done, so be it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I shall go and get dressed. No phone calls required ;)

posted by Bolo | 2:27 PM
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