Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Am I?

"I'm good." That's my trendy reply to the question, "how ya doin'?" As I've considered the state of my heart as of late, I've come to realize that the statement, "I'm good," isn't entirely true. If anything, it's an incomplete answer at best, or at worst, an outright lie. Some people hear more than just those two words, but many don't. And you know what? That's not right. They're entitled to more than a reflex answer; they deserve a reflective one, an honest one.

There's a problem with that, though. The problem lies in me, not anyone else. You see, I often have a hard time unravelling all the tangles that I think myself into. (Yes, I'm confessing that I sometimes think too much...sometimes!) Because of that, I feel that the words, "I'm good," simply don't convey the complexity of what I'm really feeling and facing. To be perfectly honest, I don't even know how I'm feeling sometimes, and I need someone to let me talk my way through whatever's happening inside of me.

That brings me to another problem. Sometimes, I don't want to share what I'm going through. Do you know why? It's not because I don't have time, or because I don't trust people; quite frankly, it's because I'm too proud to stare my failures in the face and admit that I'm struggling. (Well, sometimes I don't trust people, but that's a different issue entirely.) I think it's only when I can admit to someone else what it is I'm struggling with that I can truly say I can admit my struggles to myself and to the Lord. *Sigh*...but that's so much harder than it should be!

My conclusion on this foolish tendency is to be...*gulp*...vulnerable. Whoa. What a novel concept! Doing so will break down my walls of pride, cause me to love my brothers and sisters as I ought to, and open my heart to hear the refreshing and transforming Word of the Lord. I remember that story that Richard Foster wrote in the introduction to his excellent bok, The Celebration of Discipline. If you've never read it, you should. If you've read it but don't recall the story, shame on you. If you've read it and know what I'm talking about, smile along with me as I remember the story and its humbling truth.

posted by Bolo | 5:32 PM
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