Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


11.19.2004  

Thought to think on

I was hit with a thought the other day. Two days ago, to be precise. And, as is God's wont, He hit me with its application yesterday. Truth be told, I'm still being hit with it.



I hadn't spoken with Jared in a long while. It wasn't as if I hadn't seen him or was avoiding him. No, nothing so silly as that. It's just a matter of being busy, not having our schedules match up, and a continual promise to get together "at some point." Some Point was two days ago. We were sitting down in Founder's after having run into each other near the mail room, and he started talking about sin. The jist of his point was that as humans, we tend to be sorrowful over our sin because of how horrible it makes us feel rather than how it offends the Lord.



Ouch.



Jared and I had spoken about that aspect of sin before, and at length, but I hadn't thought about sin in those terms in a really, really long time. *Sigh*...it's so very humbling to think on that. The Lord's still working on me in regards to that; how much do I grieve over my sin? And for what reasons do I grieve? Am I horrified by sin because of the depth to which I have offended the Lord, or because of the depth of pain I feel in my own heart? Am I relating to sin according to how I see it, or how the Lord sees it? Even now, with my heart numb toward my own sinfulness, I find it despicable to see how I would answer those questions. I know I am shallow, I know I am blind.



Yet, it does not end there, does it? There is hope. The mere fact that I am in the least bit sorrowful over my sin is a sign of God's grace. The cross is beautiful, and it is there to heal, to proclaim the Lord's victory over sin...my sin. Though I do not understand or hate my sin as I ought to, though I do not see and rejoice in and revere the Lord as I ought to, the cross still stands as that which reconciles my sinful self with the Holy One of Israel. I must rest in that, because I cannot rest in myself.

posted by Bolo | 10:48 AM
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