Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


11.06.2004  

Missing a friend

Do you know what I miss? I miss the crust you didn't like to eat, and the playful anger I evoked when I'd tease you about it. I miss telling you your memory wasn't as good as mine, and having you get frustrated when you lost our little spelling bees. I wish I could lose one to you right now. I miss the way you laughed; your laugh was almost as loud as mine. I miss having you tell me not to laugh at you, even when I wasn't. I miss having you tell me I needed to go study, and then scold me for not getting enough sleep. I miss being nervous when we'd chat online, and not being able to type. I miss losing my "edge" because of you...it's still gone, by the way. I miss the people-watching we'd do together, laughing at some of the fashion casualties on exhibit. I miss sitting next to you, wishing you could put your head on my shoulder. I miss wondering if it'd be ok to call you while I was at work...now I don't have to wonder at all, 'cause it's not ok. I miss the way you'd answer the phone, and I miss coming up with different ways to mess with you when you'd answer. I miss the way I wouldn't have to say it was me...we could just say, "hey." You know what? I could feel your smile every time you said that. I miss wearing purple just 'cause you liked purple...and I do look good in it :) I miss having you punch me for teasing you, or having you throw that medicine ball at me for telling you to stop whining like a girl :) I miss calling you "Cracker" or "Slacker"...or saying "bad juju" and freaking you out. Ironic, isn't it, how one of my sayings ended up being your nickname? I miss the long drive to see you, the 130 or so miles I was always traveling in my heart. I miss knowing exactly what you were thinking, exactly what you were feeling. I miss telling you, "I'm sorry." I am sorry for all this, I really am...so very sorry...I broke my promise, didn't I? I miss my friend...oh, how I miss my friend...only now, you're not even a friend.



Through my heart-wrenching tears, I thanked Jim this morning. He had introduced us, and he gave me a friend for a while. I told him there are so many things I wish I'd said, even though I couldn't really have said them. I think you knew a little of it, at least. But now, I won't ever tell you. You know what else I won't ever do? I'll never give you a hug...and I wish I could, 'cause I never did give you one. *Sigh*...oh how deeply I do miss you...we were never really more than friends...but now, you're not even a friend.

posted by Bolo | 10:37 AM
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