Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


The sound of a Sigh

There's a lot on my mind today. In fact, there's been a lot on my mind now for a lot of days. Unfortunately, I'm not really at liberty to elaborate upon exactly what I've been thinking; it's just that a handful of these issues are rather sensitive. In writing my thoughts out earlier this afternoon, I tried to encapsulate my feelings and emotions into a few words or phrases. You know what? I failed miserably.

Just a few words wouldn't cut it. Confused, uncertain, hopeful, silly, distracted, joyful, focused, unfocused, nervous, disciplined, trusting, despairing, tired, jittery...the list goes on.

So I called Kev. Perhaps I would've called someone else, but calling him wouldn't count against my minutes, so Kev it was. When I told him what I was thinking, it struck me what's bothering me the most: I don't have control of the situation. It's not so much that I'm out of control, because that sounds as if I'm careening wildly about; no, it's that I don't have a firm grasp upon the situations I find myself in, and it bothers me to no end. I'm usually rather calm and collected, able to slow down my thought process to the point where I can think rationally through something. But my emotions and feelings are letting me do that. Gah! I told Kev I feel like a nervous Freshman in high school all over again, zits and horrible manners and all. I get the butterflies in the pit of my stomach for no rational reason, and I find myself thinking and desparing and hoping all at once. *Sigh*...what's a normally calm person to do?

Kevin laughed at me for most of our conversation. Maybe, just maybe, you're reading this and doing the same. Either that, or you're thoroughly confused. That's fine, 'cause at least you're in the same boat as me :)

Temporarily on to other matters...

I got into the Louisville area at about 3:30 this morning after having driven for five hours from Canton, Ohio. I'd been up in Mansfield on Wednesday morning for a college fair, and then went up to Canton that afternoon. After stayed in a hotel for the evening, I hung out at Starbucks and Borders yesterday afternoon before hitting the fair in Canton yesterday evening. When the fair was over, I ate dinner then got going on the road. The drive was long but good. Unfortunately, I only got four hours of sleep before getting a phone call from Katie in Admissions telling me that I needed to get the travel kit back to school by 11 am. *Sigh*...

All that to say, I'm tiiiiiiiired.

Right now I'm talking to Rob Smythe...Rob Smythe from Libertyville, Illinois. We're talking about girls...girls with light brown hair. It's rather...interesting.

Perhaps I'll write more later.

posted by Bolo | 10:57 PM
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