Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Drinking Bitter Dregs

Fortunately for us, we have ethnic bloodlines that hide our ages well. Unfortunately for us, that doesn't grant us a reprieve from the inevitable changes of life's seasons.

Brian and I discussed this inevitability the other night. Andrew's now married and preparing to live on the east coast (and we're not talking Waimanalo) for three years. Brian's signed up for a second year in Japan, a country that, despite its claim to be "the land of the rising sun," is covered in oppressive clouds of spiritual darkness. And I? Well...let's just say that I may outlast Mr. and Mrs. Uchida in dealing with Daylight Savings Time.

But what of it? Such talk seems to occur far more often these days, particularly when it concerns the three of us. The predominantly random nature of our lives together is now gone and done away with. For the immediate future, at least, there won't be any "dawn patrols" that take place well after dawn (despite our best intentions), runs to Gina's for the Brian Special (if you don't know it, you're not one of The Crew), or even the simple but spontaneous late night/early morning conversations in front of the Uchida house (where we'd sometimes plan our well-intentioned but ill-timed and named dawn patrols).

Man, I miss those days already.

It seems they were filled with a certain sort of innocence. No, not the innocence that declares us free of blame, that's not what I mean. It's the innocence that children often have, unbeknownst to them: they live and play with a carefree sense of time, as though life were one long recess where the bell never rings. We were like that, once. Sure, we knew it would have to end at some point. But the end was always something that was a future event, just over the horizon that never seemed to get any closer. The funny thing is, the end isn't here; it's already passed us by.

Brian and I talked about the possibility of the three of us, down the road at some point, living in the same place once more. We even dared to dream about living at home together. I say "dream" because that's all it is at this point, a mere dream. We can plan all we want, but unless the LORD decrees it, it's just not going to happen. Our conversations about it take place in hushed, almost reverential tones, as if by speaking too eagerly of it we might awaken this secret hope to flight.


It's probably a good thing that thinking about such things stirs up the bitter dregs in an otherwise sweet cup of friendship. I mean, how can I complain? I hope I don't sound as though I am. What do I have that I have not been given? If anything, when I really stop and think about all of this, I realize that our friendship has been blessed. We don't deserve one another; I think it's safe to say we'd all agree on that point. Perhaps this is God's way of teaching us yet another way to really trust Him with such an amazing gift. Hmmm...yes...perhaps.

posted by Bolo | 2:12 PM
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