Smeagol is Free!
A hermitudinal view of...stuff...


Spring Banquet

I decided that the flyers for Boyce College's Spring Banquet should include statements like this:

"Gentlemen, down payments on wedding rings are not sold in conjunction with Spring Banquet tickets. In other words, asking a girl to the Banquet does not constitute a marriage proposal, betrothal, dating, courting, or any other concept Joshua Harris may have turned into a book."

"Ladies, please do not laugh, run away, or scream when a young man from Boyce College approaches you with a nervous twitch and begins to speak with a stutter; he is probably just going to ask you to go to the Spring Banquet with him."

"Gentlemen, please do not use the excuse, 'But I just want to make sure that she's asked to go to the Banquet so she doesn't have to go alone,' when saying you're thinking about asking so-and-so to the Banquet. Don't worry; just like you, many other young men have already thought about asking her. But unlike you, another young man has probably already asked her."

"Ladies, please be patient with the young men of Boyce College. They are often young, silly, and tend to make the Banquet bigger than it is intended to be."

"Gentlemen, she's a girl. Girls have emotions. Girl emotions are different than guy emotions. A large portion of girl emotions includes the fact that girls like to look pretty at events such as the Spring Banquet. Looking pretty takes time. Even if you don't think so, what you think doesn't matter; looking pretty takes time, and that's final. Therefore, ask her well in advance, and don't be a wuss about it."

"Ladies, boys are stinky. You know this. Be assured that, come Banquet time, they will miraculously be clean, wrinkle-free, and on their best behavior."

posted by Bolo | 1:56 AM
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